I've been cconsidering suicide, I have a plan and date set up. I've been thinking about this for awhile now and I realized, yes, I could justify it. Here's a list of reasons of why and why not.Why I should kill myself:>27 year old NEET.>uncanny valley autism>can barely hold down a job, can barely handle stressful enviroments. I can't even be a fucking janitor because my retarded ass decided to have a panic attack.>had dreams of becoming a filmmaker or working in some kind of creative field, those dreams are dead because the economy is failing and i'm too autistic to handle the stress of the industry>started cutting myself again even though I haven't done it since I was a teenager>Horrifying, crippling OCD. I obsess over incredibly bizarre things most OCD-sufferers might struggle to relate to. I spent years of my life worrying if I had free will, if life had meaning, if I lived in a simulation, etc. So much of my youth was already stolen from me because my stupid brain can't stop questioning everything>OCD now tries to ruin arts and entertainment for me, the one last thing that's brought me joy, by asking me stupid questions like "are you really enjoying this?" and then I start fretting about going emotionally numb>I've gone emotionally numb. Very few things makes me happy anymore.>disgusted with my appearance, despite my devotion to the gym>cannot find girlfriend. I've had a few romantic encounters but they all ended before anything serious could start. Too autistic to flirt.>slowly witnessing the collapse of western civilization and i don't want to live to see it>tried medication, made things even worse>therapy's only helped a little bit>prayer's only helped a little bit1/2
2/2>there's this barrier between me and everyone else that will never be crossed, I fear I'll never be close to anyone, never truly understood, always different.>every time I think maybe I'll make a turnaround my heart is crushed by circumstanceWhy I shouldn't kill myself:>I might go to hell (Bible is murky on this one but it still scares me)>My friends and family will be sad>orange juice. I like drinking orange juice.Should I just go for it? I'm doing what I can to improve my life right now but I'm quite hopeless. The suffering of my existence doesn't seem to justify itself.
>>34582824Don't know if you're being serious or if you're being sarcastic. Anyway all I would say is your life your choice personally don't want anyone to die but It's still your choice.
>>34582851I'm being serious, sometimes I just write with a sarcastic edge.Maybe I didn't explain my issues well enough.
>>34582855Your Life, Your Choice. Personally don't want you to die.
>>34582824>>34582826hey man so i don't know you so i don't want to make your life seem any less shitty than it is because it very well could have so much suffering, but all i do want to say is that i relate to it somewhat. i'm not depressed but i do have autism and there are aspects of my life that just get very hard. i found that i spent much of my childhood learning how to make friends so while i'm very skilled socially i am not at all successful romantically. i struggle getting dates, flirting, or picking up signals and it sucks. like you i get fixated on the state of the world and my neurotic self just takes it for the worst--lately i've gotten into the great reset and do feel that the world is getting shittier and shittier. people are being rendered dumber, weaker, easier to control, and that's sad and it's upsetting. BUT, in terms of suicide, all i can say is you never know the level of pain it causes to others. i know that you suffer plenty and i don't want to make it seem like it's bearable, but really you don't know the level of pain you cause to others. there are people in my life who have had friends that killed themselves, and it affected them in ways i can't explain. what's crazy is the friends that committed suicide weren't even close to the people in life, but their absence affected them that deeply. so you truly don't know what joy you bring to others' lives and how meaningful you are, really you don't. i'm not just talking about family and friends, i'm talking about some acquaintance you barely think of.as for suggestions on how to keep trucking, just try to find what makes you happy. maybe find a job that is low-stress and part-time so you can have time to make meaningful connections and follow your passions. also, just try and be kind to those around you (i'm sure you are, but still). seriously, kindness is infectious since being nice to others induces kindness to yourself, and you never know what kind of impact you have. 1/2
>>345832502/2i don't know what else to say but i'll give you a story about kindness. so a very close friend of mine has clearly been depressed as long as i've met him, and i never quite knew why. and this past winter he was clearly spiraling, and he eventually confided to me that he had been raped and that was the source of all his trauma. and all i could really do was hug him, tell him how sorry i was to hear that, and to tell him how much he meant to me. the spiral continued due to some outside circumstances a couple weeks after, and he finally decided to seek serious help. the call he gave me before heading to rehab was that, after the conversation, he was seriously considering suicide and came close to doing it, but just my being there saved him from doing it and convinced him to keep on living.i don't want to score brownie points for some mr rogers deed, but i don't know, if he did kill himself i would be crushed in ways i can't fathom, and the fact i helped him go on proved a worth to him and myself that is just too powerful. I know things are bad for you OP and i don't want to sound dismissive, but even mentioning that you have family and friends who'll be sad shows you have lots to live for. best of luck to you man
>>34583262Hey, thanks for your comment. It's nice to read something well thought out and compassionate on this site.Not-so-fun fact, I did lose a friend to suicide. She was a rather quirky, funny girl but towards the end of her days it was very clear she was troubled. She's probably the funniest woman I knew. I remember when my dad told me the news I really thought it was a prank she pulled. My sister discovered her body.Watching the impact on my friends was strange. It obviously caused a lot of pain. Her boyfriend was about to propose to her, he even had a ring. He couldn't bring himself to deliver a eulogy so he had to get a friend to do it. Her brother is probably the chillest, most non-serious guy on Earth, and when he got the news he basically just stopped talking for several days. I remember approaching her body at the wake, dressed beautifully but grey and lifeless, it was so unsettling.My last interaction with her was rather awkward. She was leaving on a trip with my sister, I said hi to her and she seemed distracted and annoyed.I thought about her suicide a lot, it's not something I can really blame her for. She was in her own mental prison, I understand why she did what she did, it feels wrong to demand that she would continue to suffer for everyone else's benefit. At the same time, I can't deny the pain she caused. Her asbense is still felt at parties, like there's this little void that can't be filled, despite her brother's efforts to keep everyone together.Your story with your friend is quite powerful, I'm glad it had a happier ending. I'm still "deciding" on what to do, I'll be seeing a therapist today. I'll keep what you said in mind.
>>34582826>Bible is murky on this oneChristianity in general is crystal clear about this: suicide is the absolute worst sin there is. If you spent every second of every day of your life doing good and then killed yourself, you would automatically end up enduring the worst horrors that Hell has to offer for the rest of eternity.
>>34582824Watch this, OP. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=69Z_5PF4O1AIt's about a guy that survived a suicide attempt.
>>34584810Unironically kys. Bible is fantasyslop. If God wants to punish someone for ending their suffering, then that’s a God who should not be worshipped.
>>34586245it's always this same guy, getting tired of him at this point
