All my life I've been 'different', so it should come as no surprise that I turned out this way. I never went to high school, I've been homeless multiple times, and I've been institutionalized more times than I can count. If you're the kind of person to just tell me to kill myself because I'm a pathetic faggot or whatever, that still doesn't explain anything.I've been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and PTSD, among other things, and those most likely explain the general mechanisms of some of this, but not the details. I still don't know WHY. It's the content that's unusual, specific, and counterintuitive. I can't exactly explain the full picture without getting banned, but a lot of it seems like some strong, deep-seated aversion to things that are just considered "normal" for 99% of men, and I'm not sure why."Therapy" is such surface-level goyslop that it usually just leaves me feeling even more confused, frustrated, and enraged. The only other solutions I can think of are psychedelics or religion. I don't think there's any way to magically find some overarching explanation for any of this because none of it really makes any sense in the first place.
Bumping for similar situation and for jojo.
>>34585655Try traveling. Maybe you`re just in the wrong place.
>>34585655Okay, so:>You feel very different to other people, generally>You have ADHD, OCD, PTSD, and some undefined other things.>You are repelled by things other people would consider normal.>You never went to high school.>This is bad enough that you have been homeless and institutionalized many times.My gut tells me this points to one big underlying inciting incident, but what exactly, I can't say. There's simply not enough background information here for me to give an accurate response:You could have de-realization caused by early childhood trauma.You could be poorly-socialized, owing to the fact that you never went to high school. You could have been raised in an odd environment, and simply absorbed the idiosyncratic beliefs and mannerisms of your parents.You could have antisocial tendencies caused by intense bullyingYou could have a chemical imbalance.You could have super severe OCD, and your compulsions cause you to behave in odd ways.I'd need to know more to not just take shots in the dark.There's one thing you said that seems particularly important:>some strong, deep-seated aversion to things that are just considered "normal" for 99% of men, and I'm not sure why.I find this very interesting. Deep-seated aversions like this require some sort of inciting incident to form. You say you don't know why you have these aversions, though, which would suggest you've forgotten whatever caused it to form. How could you forget something so important? Sounds like memory repression to me. It would help a lot if you could elaborate on what it is you're repelled by/avoid, because reverse-engineering the cause of it could explain a lot of your mental state. If you don't want to get into specifics, just the category of thing would help a ton. Socialization? Work? Sex? Travel? Also, when you say men, do you mean humans, or male men?I am very interested in solving this and await your response.
>>34586474>You could have de-realization caused by early childhood trauma.>You could be poorly-socialized, owing to the fact that you never went to high school.>You could have been raised in an odd environment, and simply absorbed the idiosyncratic beliefs and mannerisms of your parents.>You could have antisocial tendencies caused by intense bullying>You could have a chemical imbalance.>You could have super severe OCD, and your compulsions cause you to behave in odd ways.A combination of all of these on some level.>I find this very interesting. Deep-seated aversions like this require some sort of inciting incident to form. You say you don't know why you have these aversions, though, which would suggest you've forgotten whatever caused it to form. How could you forget something so important? Sounds like memory repression to me.This is the main part that I don't understand myself. Why doesn't there seem to be an obvious root cause that would suddenly explain all of this?>It would help a lot if you could elaborate on what it is you're repelled by/avoid, because reverse-engineering the cause of it could explain a lot of your mental state. If you don't want to get into specifics, just the category of thing would help a ton. Socialization? Work? Sex? Travel? Also, when you say men, do you mean humans, or male men?The third one, it's uncomfortable to even type that word. Why do I feel so compelled to "protect" my entire being from something men spend their entire lives chasing? I'm not asexual, or LGBT, and I was never even abused in that specific way. 'I can't exactly explain the full picture without getting banned', but even then that's something compartmentalized that I'm largely detached from. It's everything else surrounding it that feels like adding insult to injury.
>>34586861>Why doesn't there seem to be an obvious root cause that would suddenly explain all of this?Are you certain there isn't? You seem to be quick to dismiss the very bad thing that happened as the root cause. Why?>'I can't exactly explain the full picture without getting banned', but even then that's something compartmentalized that I'm largely detached from. It's everything else surrounding it that feels like adding insult to injury.There are two things that can be inferred about this experience:1. You bring it up when talking about the deep discomfort sexual things make you feel, so it was sexual in nature.2. Your repulsion towards sex is *very* strong, so it must have happened earlier in life (less sure of this one).This would suggest you had a negative experience, sexual in nature, early in your life. If this is a correct read, It can almost certainly explain your psyche, even if you've gotten over it. There's a misconception that you overcome the harm caused by a traumatic experience by coming to terms with it, but that's not really true. If you were very stressed after the event, then even if you've now come to terms with it, your disorders could still be downstream of that stress. >The third one, it's uncomfortable to even type that word. Why do I feel so compelled to "protect" my entire being from something men spend their entire lives chasing? I'm not asexual, or LGBT and I was never even abused in that specific way.I don't think you were molested or something, but you also don't have to be to develop a repulsion to sex. If you felt fear, shame or guilt after the very bad thing you're hinting at, just the association of those feelings with something sexual in nature is enough for your mind to develop a strong negative association with sex. Whether you were a victim, perpetrator, or witness, has no bearing on it - all that needs to happen is the association of a sexual experience with negative emotions.
