Something surprising happened today. I met a girl a few months ago that was eerily similar to me in many ways. She loved to have fun. She laughed at stupid shit like fart jokes and racist memes. She loves the color black and listens to rock music. She hates cleaning and her car is full of trash. She loves to make her own dresses and would show them off to me. She wasn't religious and couldn't understand Christians but was more thoughtful than most of them. I thought pursuing this girl would've been the easiest thing in the word until she mentioned she didn't want to have kids. Then I put her in this limbo where I wanted to still be her friend but I would still have feelings for her in the back of my head. So it was difficult and I could never clarify that to her. At some point, she mentioned making a new friend at work and gradually I noticed she started paying less attention to me. I know the guy and he's a pretty chill dude so I can see why she would like him. Today she posted a story of her and this new guy together. I'm not mad or upset but I felt something change in me and I'm not sure what.I've spent a lot of time on the net and internalized this rhetoric that women don't like being approached by guys. When I see someone attractive, my first instinct is to pretend I'm not interested and keep looking forward. Instead of telling her I'm interested, I just stick to friendly conversation and never really make a move beyond asking for their Instagram. And even if I did have their Instagram, I still don't do anything (do I just pop in and say hi or what?)
Time and time again, I'm proven wrong. Before I met that girl, there was another cute girl that came to work. I would talk to her and we would make bants. She mentioned she hated when guys would ask her out. Then months later she started dating another coworker (and the dude is not the best looking dude desu). When I saw them post a story that they were dating I was shocked. It made me wonder if that could've been me and now that door had closed in front of me.I never had a dad growing up so I have no idea how to really express interest in a way that's healthy. I hate the idea of using pickup lines and anything cheesy like that. I've slowly been overcoming this rhetoric over the past 2 years and just being honest. If I see a girl at work, I say hi and make initiate convo if we're alone. If I notice something different about her, I comment on it (like complimenting her new earrings). I'm really good at that. But how do I truly express desire? Do I just tell her I want her? Do I wait for obvious hints before making any moves? I hate the idea of making someone uncomfortable because I misread being friendly as interest. I've had so many doors close on me because I was afraid of this.
>>34587254Doesn't sound like anyone's done anything wrong here.If you had embarked on a relationship, the kid thing would have become a massive problem.Both of you expressed your preferences and acting accordingly.>women don't like being approached by guysWay too complicated of a paradigm to sum up in one sentence.I wouldn't imagine a hospital nurse would appreciate you, her 23rd patient of the day, asking for her number while she's in her scrubs stressed to the gills.The same woman is likely to be more receptive off the clock, in her finery, with the intention of socializing.>my first instinct is to pretend I'm not interested and keep looking forward. Instead of telling her I'm interested, I just stick to friendly conversation and never really make a move beyond asking for their InstagramAgain, normal. Asking for their socials signals mild platonic interest without laying it on too thick. Gives them the opportunity not to give them to you, so if they do they're probably signalling mild interest back.Most of the long relationships I've had have been with women I was friends with before, and not ones I met actually specifically seeking out a partner.
>>34587272>Both of you expressed your preferences and acting accordingly.That's the thing. I never really did clarify that to her. I would just keep hanging out with her. I did ask her out a few times but she didn't seem that enthusiastic about going. Or at least that's how I interpreted it. We would converse nearly every night at one point. But she never made any overt moves that she was interested in me beyond talking and getting to know each other so I assumed she didnt see me that way
>>34587254I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You seem to be a considerate and honorable man, which is amazing, but you're not here to listen to some random anon praising you.I think in life we sometimes let opportunities pass us, and that's ok, we don't know what can happen in this or that scenario, we don't know how the other person will react, what they think or want, etc. We all have things we regret doing or not doing at the time, it happens to everyone. Best we can do is learn from our own experiences and either try to act slightly differently each time and see how things turn out, or wait for things to be ideal (which can be quite difficult).But rest assured that you didn't do anything wrong brother. I'd just say that it's ok to be more daring if you feel like you click well with the person. Sometimes we do have to risk things a bit in life.Best wishes to you, man.
