I really don't know what to do. I'm probably going through the most disgusting and repulsive period of my life right now. I literally don't want to do anything. I'm a pretty lazy person, but I didn't think it could get this bad. I literally don't want to do anything, not even the desire to do anything. I don't have and never have had any goals or dreams. Maybe that's why I have no desire to do anything. I'm 20 years old, and I understand that I need to work, take care of myself, but I just don't have the strength? I don't know. Of course, I'm not one of those people who doesn't wash for months; I take good care of my hygiene. My life is just an endless cycle of days and nights, in which I spend all my free time at the computer. I really don't see the point of existing in this state; I often think about ending it all. Because of this side of me, I can't find understanding with my relatives. I'm under endless pressure because of my situation, and I think I'm going to break down soon and do bad things. As for my relationship with my family: my father left the family 2.5 years ago, and as for my mother... I really don't know how I feel about her. I understand that she is my mother, but I really have mixed feelings. I rather just perceive us as mother and son, nothing more. Every day I am haunted by the thought that I want to understand what it's like to take someone else's life (this is a very personal topic, and I wouldn't want to talk about everything). Sometimes I think I have some kind of mental illness, although I could just have looked at all sorts of bullshit on the internet. I have no zest for life, I haunt thoughts about events and try to try it, every day I look in the mirror and see different people, sometimes I generally seem to fall out of reality and find myself in observer mode. Help
>>34589165No advice. It just gets worse.
>>34589174For me, it got better.
>>34589227why
>>34589242I stopped taking this shit so seriously.
>>34589242You however need to take it more seriously. So man the fuck up
>>34589257How can I stop taking this seriously if I think about it every day? This state just won't let me go
>>34589261i trying
>>34589267You think too much. People like you need to just eat shit (in life) first, maybe you learn from that.
>>34589165If you’re a male that’s just modern society working as intended
>>34589165I can kinda relate.I'm in my early 30s. I have no desire to do...anything. I do the bare minimum to survive because monkey brain dictates that I do so but beyond that? This shit sucks I wanna leave.
>>34589165it's all a part of the experience.how much free will do you think you actually have?https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Af-k9sTAYEQ&pp=0gcJCSgLAYcqIYzv&ra=m
>>34589457i can emagine
>>34589468will? for what?
>>34589424maybe, but I can do irreversible things
>>34589165I am going through something similar I think. I don't have answers for you, but I can tell you what I have tried.Every day, I write down my thoughts in a shitty walmart notebook. Nowadays, I usually just write "tired" as my entry, then I close it. I think this helps me. It gives me purpose, and it gives me kind of a weird look into how I was feeling a few days ago.Don't give up anon.
Hey guys. I also don't feel like doing shit everyday. I keep a good job and have my own apartment but I spend most of my time with my family because I don't want to cook or clean much beyond the bare minimum. We all want different things. I want to connect with girls and shit like that. Have fun. That is probably similar to what a lot of us want. It really is fear that is holding us back. But I'm not going to do shit still. And I'm not going to feel bad about not doing shit either. I am just going to not do shit until I DECIDE that I'm sick of this. Until I DECIDE that enough is enough I'm not going to do anything. I already know my life could be great, everybody fucking knows that. But I'm tired of half ass attempts at putting myself out there. I am either GOING TO DO IT or I'm not, and right now I'm not.
>>34589165You're not first one to feel like that, and there will be more who feel just like you in the future OP. I'm painfully similar to you just a little bit older, I too don't know shit, I don't know what I want to do, I don't have strenght to do things let alone desire. When I was younger like 16 years old I had dreams like anyone, be rich, fancy house, car you know how it is, then slowly year by year as I got older reality started to set in. My only "dream" right now is some land with small house on it and maybe a dog then I look at my bank account and I know this shit is not happening so every day after work I take shower, sit on sofa and think to myself "what is the fucking point?" I don't even spend money besides bills, food etc. I don't have idea what could being me joy, I didn't spent money for fun for 7 past fucking years. Maybe I should buy gun.
>>34589541I understand. Right now, my life is literally worthless. I have no joy, no zest for life. I long ago lost the meaning of my existence as something important and meaningful. I don't care how my life turns out; I long ago realized that my life has no meaning. I've been living with these thoughts for the last few years, and I can't even imagine how I'm still holding on. I have no interests, no goals, no concept of who I am or what I want. What is all this for?
>>34589498I find writing things down in a notebook weird and ineffective, but I'll give it a try, thanks
>>34589585Yeah you pretty much summed it for me. Godspeed to you anon, I truly wish for your life to get to the point where you have something to be happy about.
