I'm sure this has been done to death but does anyone know why bpd exes imprint themselves so hard in your psyche even after they're long gone?I've dated a bit and had one very nice long term relationship since then but I still think about my first real gf who unfortunately was a mess mentally. Not hyperbole, either, when I met her she had literally just a week prior got released from in patient psychiatric care after a suicide attempt. I only learned of that maybe a month after we were dating already and of course we both had professed undying love for each other.You wouldn't know it looking at her, she came from a very wealthy family and had a prestigious education but she was also heavily addicted to pornography, posted nudes online before OF, and sold her used panties purely for the thrill of doing something "bad." I really cared about her for some reason. The highs in the relationship were indescribable. I felt loved, seen, accepted, desired, and our conversations about our relationship were constantly future oriented (marriage, kids, buying a house, shit like that). But the lows were fucking awful. When she had an episode, she'd yell, scream, cry, and throw shit at me. When this happened I usually just left for a walk or something to remove myself and she'd be over it by the time I got back.Of course eventually she broke up with me over the phone and I was devastated, felt lost, confused, like I had done something wrong, or if I had behaved a little differently things would have worked out. Those feelings have subsided in the years since but it's still kinda "there" but I don't know how to not feel that anymore. I'd like it to stop but when something reminds me of it I can feel that pit form in my stomach again.
>>34593317I've been there. Trust me. I've been thinking and even crying about a girl with BPD for 10 years and we didn't even had a proper relationship. I got over it and I'll try to explain how. Look, all of your being will signal to you that she is the one and you would be happy if you get with her again. People with BPD are very good at creating addiction in their partner's brains. They get obsessed with you and then they throw you away the next day. That makes you chase the good times constantly, and you would think if you do everything correctly, you will get her good side forever. It is not a sustainable way of living life.Probably if you are somehow like me years ago, your self-steem could be very low. That makes you fantasise about the love of your life that is gonna come back eventually and save you. I'll try to be as nice as possible. Remove all of your hopes from your brain as soon as possible. Not because I want you to be a depressed hopeless human being and reality is horrible. None of that. The reason is, as long as you are living through illusion and dream, your actual life won't progress, and I promise you, real life can be great too.Your thoughts about her at not real at all, they are delusions caused by your brain craving her highs and lows. Take my advice, don't waste your whole life chasing that. It is not even real and if you actually get it again, you will soon realize how empty you will feel. Don't sacrifice your entire being for someone's else love and attention. There are girls in this world that are healthy, consistent and they will love you well.Don't look at photos of her. Don't text her. Don't do anything that involves her in any way. The more you do that the faster you will forget her and the faster you will start living your life properly and make room for people that are actually worthwhile.Don't waste 10 years like me chasing that high again. Your thoughts and dreams are useless. Get rid of them. Go live your real life.
>>34593317>does anyone know why bpd exes imprint themselves so hard in your psyche even after they're long gone?Because:>The highs in the relationship were indescribable. I felt loved, seen, accepted, desired, and our conversations about our relationship were constantly future oriented (marriage, kids, buying a house, shit like that).No one will ever love you as intensely or absolutely as someone with BPD. And, at the same time, no one will ever hate you as much either.
>>34593654>No one will ever love you as intensely or absolutely as someone with BPDI've been in both BPD and healthy relationships and while I understand why people say this, it is falseLove bombing is not real love. It is an intense simulacrum of love, a grotesque parody of the real thing constructed from hyperfocused attention, but attention is not love. Real, healthy love is something that, while not as focused, is much deeper and broader and it is more intense than the fake BPD version when you are attuned to it.BPD love is junk food. Empty calories. Pure addictive sucrose. Real love is a homecooked meal made with love and balanced macros.
>>34593516I appreciate that, anon, what you said really hits home with what I experienced.>all of your being will signal to you that she is the oneI felt this some time ago, definitely when we first got together and it didn't help she fueled it with her own words. I'm not blaming her, I thought the feeling was very mutual. One of those "why do I feel like I've known you for a really long time?" relationships, she even said that to me on our second date before we shared our first kiss. So there's an element in my head that loved and craved that romance but I'm not the type to just seek it with just anyone. I had dated before her and after and I just never really connected with anyone the same way. The girls I've dated since more than anything remind me of her WORST traits right off the bat, like first date and they're already acting like histrionic bitches whereas with her we just had immediate chemistry and good conversation. I admit that's what I feel like I got addicted to but I've never chased that high, I feel like it should come naturally but all I seem to keep attracting are either women who are like her in the worst ways or completely emotionally unavailable women who just want to play some game. In the last year I had 2 married women try to cheat on their husbands with me, one without telling me she was married at all so for some reason despite being by comparison fairly inexperienced in relationships and looking for a partner I can grow with and be steady with, I keep attracting extremely unhealthy dynamics. The overlapping factor I can deduce is that they for some reason see me as an escape to what they feel are oppressive circumstances whether it's work or family.I want to note as well that that particular ex is the only girl I've had sex with, my long term relationship was with a very religious girl and didn't want to go that far unless we were married. I respected that and I cared a lot about her but we ended up disconnecting over other things.
