it's over.

>>34594987
bit embarrassing but i'm getting old and I've never had a relationship. I'm already uncified to the bone

>>34594987
I don't believe most connections that say they love me.

So you hate me.

>>34595085
I didn't say that.

>>34595042
Thats ok, me either.

I hate you.

>>34595094
That much is evident.

Honestly, can't wait to die.

You're a wretched fool that deserves nothing, while grabbing for everything like a greedy child.

>>34595122
You can't hear something without being objective about it. If you are who I'm thinking, I wasn't even talking to you.

The first person to tell me how they really feel about me will go on the path to become a Planet Creator. Go.

>>34595131
Who are you again?

>>34595132
Dead. The Nobody. The Son of The Creator. Etc, etc.

>>34595133
Everybody is a somebody because a nobody has no body. And everybody is a son or daughter of the creator because their parents created them.

Tch. You'll be fine. They protect their own in these cases, and I'll protect you best I can too, without fucking myself over more than you've already done. Me? In far worse of a situation than you are. You must be sooo pleased, thinking "you get what you fucking deserve useless whore." Well fuck you too. Tempting to be the demon you think I am, but I won't give you the satisfaction of feeling right.

>>34595148
You're not talking to me, I hope. I don't think anyone is evil, really. Nor do they 'deserve' anything negative. Unfortunately, my Rule has been replaced by ones who fit more with the Negative realms' 'purpose'.

>>34595146
Literally everyone says that. Do you even know your Maker?

I submitted a formal report about you, and what you’ve done. Enjoy the shitshow your life is about to become. You get what you fucking deserve.

>>34595179
What's that? The fifth one?

>>34595165
Yeah I know my parents. Do you?

>>34595190
Do you not know what a Maker is?

I want to be manic but it's on my file that I'm bipolar. How do I do it? I'm thinking of abusing caffeine and alcohol since I don't have a hookup for stimulants

>"We are all sons and daughters of The Creator."
Doesn't know his Maker. Doesn't know his Divine Father. Only knows the Lord of Hosts. Wild af.

>>34595179
We barely see each other and I ain't done shit to you.
You'd be surprised how often this happens, and I get away with it.

Deja Vu.

>>34595179
What happened

My OCD is getting so bad to the point where I punch myself. I hit my own head because I am so angry at my brain for making me scared over the most little of things, like choosing which clothes I can wear or what pen to use. I get so angry that not only did life make me autistic and unable to have weed without risking another psychosis episode, but I also now have OCD making it hard to do the most basic of chores. I am scared that I have schizophrenia and I am doing my best by talking to my therapist and getting with a psychiatrist but when I get super scared, I get mad and want to hit myself in the head

>>34595224
I used to punch myself in the head too. You have to be more patient with yourself anon.

>>34594987
Small town people are either retarded or casually criminal often both I can’t fucking stand them

I can't say anything, people take it as a shot to them, when I'm just trying to tell them how my mind works.

Even if I win the lottery, I will still be a whiny loser cunt complaining about everything.

>>34595427
What are you whining about, gawd?

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>>34595179

>>34595179
You better aim for the head or this will backfire in ways you can't even imagine.

I forget things I say sometimes, Idk how people remember different things from me about what I reply to them.

I think it was 3 Leches cake, I ate 'for' my Birthday, btw.

Tyson,
I pray to God every night that you will die. Unironically. And I won’t even pretend to be the single tiniest bit apologetic or repentant about it. Because you deserve it. You deserve to drive yourself into suicide. Couldn't pass a university diploma, couldn’t pass your emr. Only picked firefighting because you’re too retarded for anything else.
You deserve it.
Kill yourself now

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>>34594987
The first porn video I ever watched was a scene from the hentai 'Ikusa Otome Valkyrie.' It depicted a group of ogres raping two female knights and implanting one with a weird monster thingy that turned her into a futa. The result was that every sexual fantasy I had thereafter involved domination, humiliation, and/or gender-bending. I would spend many hours in middle school writing stories about my cousins, aunts, and teachers turning into futas and fucking each others' brains out. I would intentionally edge myself in the school bathroom to these thoughts and then return to class to nut in my pants under the desk while looking at the girl(s) that I fantasized about. My mind's eye is pretty sharp, so these fantasies may as well have been high-fidelity blender renderings. My sexual frustrations grew beyond my control - and I remember during one sleep over, I crawled over to smell my older cousin's ass and pussy through her shorts as her butt hanged over her bed when she was sleeping. Later on, I took her panties from her duffel bag after we spent all day hiking and licked the dried discharge off it in the bathroom while masturbating. A different cousin of mine was this uppity private school girl, and I didn't like her. I made it a point - after me, her, and a few others pulled an all nighter, to pull a Mission Impossible level stunt and drag my tongue over her lips and smell her feet while jacking off under my shorts no more than ten.. maybe twenty minutes after everyone succumbed from exhaustion. I have no idea how I didn't get caught - part of me thinks I may have been half-asleep and imagined the tongue part. I would make it a point to cum in my girlfriend's mouth whenever I was over at her house because she had a habit of kissing her mother and father on the cheeks often.

>>34595179
Noted, nigger, I won't be nice then.

Wonder if that's a sign that you care and we're on the same team, or opposite.

>>34595628
I do care and we are on the same team.

Realistically, it's the opposite. Hah.

>>34595628
>>34595633
Blah blah go drink yourself to death, you fuck.

>>34595659
Must be hard being such a faggot, anon, I really feel for you. Feel free to get it off your chest.

>>34595675
A woman, you will never be mmMMmmm

I'M SO BROKEN
WHY CAN'T I FEEL HER LOVE THE WAY I SHOULD
WHY CAN'T I LOVE HER THE WAY SHE NEEDS
WHY DID I DO IT
WHY
WHY
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I AM SO FUCKED

>>34595750
Sucked tranny dick huh?

>>34595750
What did you do, anon? Can't you make it right?

>>34595750
Stop projecting with your dumb larps. I know it's you.

Lol, did they tell you I was to do treatment? That was a lie. There's no treatment offered. They just wanted to push you to make a statement so they could take her.

>>34595877
What are you on about?

Bet you're sleeping soundly, though. Ha

>>34595880
Yeah, hi, is this a fuckin chat room, or is it GIOYC? I'm getting some shit off my chest, now how about you get off my dick, pussy ass nigger

>>34595883
Nah, still here. Thinking. Looking through a bunch of stuff, like comic collections.

I miss you entirely. I have never felt so perfectly understood by anyone in my life, you have the power to see people clearly, and love deeply. I miss how we talked, I miss you so much. Whenever I dream about you the echos of that dream crash through my mind for days and weeks. I love you I love you I love you. I cannot be with you without sacrifice from one or both of us and you know that and we both hate me for it. We both know I made the right choice for what I wish to do, who I wish to become. But you will be with me forever you took a chunk out of me that no one can fill up. Please let me love you again I dont think I can stand to be without you. I need you in my life. I'm so sorry.

>>34595915
Why'd you change your posting style?

>>34595923
its been some years

>>34595928
It doesn't feel like it, you were here with me, in my mind and heart. I miss you too.

>>34595928
I hope you understand that the fact I think about you almost every day means I have feelings for you. But it's not easy for me to tell people "I love you."

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I'd like to witness the moment people die, when they're having the last gasp
as we see in movies

pic not really related but fuck you, I like it

>>34595915
I pray our souls will dance together in infinity.

>>34595929
please don't leave me again

>>34595966
Won't happen again. I promise.

>>34595753
wut?

>>34595772
made a decision i should have made long ago but prolonged because pesky love got in the way

>>34595875
fuck off

>>34595884
It sounds like you are larping or just being schitzo.

>>34595923
He's larping as m again

After so many months of being unemployed and feeling useless with feelings of guilt, tomorrow I start to work and I hate everything about it. I hate to be employed and the job I will have isn't a job that I may enjoy (although I wish to be proven wrong). It's not just the effort but also the boredom that makes me depressed about working, I cannot stop thinking about all the fucked up shit that plagues my life.
I started a website that I use to post articles about things I find interesting and I wish i can make a career out of it.
I am also working on having a gun permit to find a job as a guard (that possibly I may enjoy) or at least to commit suicide if my life doesn't change enough to stop suffering by the time I turn 30.

>>34596088
Are they? Last time we talked, she told me to stop watching her.

I backed out of suicide after high school to not make my parents sad but I really should have gone through it, not only my life has been getting worse non stop if I had died then I would have been remembered much better than what I am today too

>>34596086
Ok, and? Who made you GIOYC police? Get a job or some friends lil nigga, take a walk

Can't believe how badly you fucked us. Why was being honest so hard? At the very least, you could have not spread lies about me to retaliate, and then she would be safe. We would've had a couple check-ins, a course or two and continued seeing the people we were seeing. Now neither of us get to have her. Happy? You sure fucking got back at me, huh?

It's going to take a lot to forgive for this, if I ever can. I'm trying to understand. Maybe you panicked, I could get that. Maybe you thought it would save your ass, and that I deserved it anyways. I finally understand your urge to scream at me and punish me.

I will try though, if you can too. I do still love you. Probably not healthy or right to, and I'll be pretty much outcast and shamed by all, but whatever, I suppose.

>>34596103
Not they. Just Colton being a narc spineless creep

>>34596234
Colton is the only one who lied and lies

I WILL become lovable. I WILL be loved.

I got so caught up in this gay internet subculture of being "the bad guy" and it brought me nothing but hate. It got me cheated on, and beat, and I lost sight of what life was about...LIFE. I did a real 180. Choose to love what you love over hate what you hate, or it poisons you. Left that behind, got close with family again, was happier, less anxious and cruel.

I have nothing to say about them or that and haven't been asked. Bunch of shady losers.

my nervousness around people is gonna make me stay a virgin forever
all my friends have been on dates, are dating or have in the past, gotten into talking stages, interact with males

im so lost on how to date as a girl

I don't care if you dox me nigga, oh big whoop you gave out my @, my #, my name? What are they gonna do, send a telegram, a carrier pigeon? Show up nigga, let me see what's up

>>34596308
I would rather not be around you at all. Most people want nothing to do with you. And that's just from how you type that gave me the ick

I just want to be happy. Everything I do seems to be wrong. Even if I mean well everything just turns to shit.

I don't know why I'm not allowed to be happy.

I can't get over my past mistakes. I wasted so much fucking time and the consequences hurt so bad mentally. I don't want to move forward anymore. Sitting in front of my laptop in my room without any outside contact is what brings peace to me, but the regret of wasting more time hurts. I wish time would stop moving, but unfortunately death is the only way to attain this I guess. I am just a burden and a waste of space and oxygen and something something. Fuck me and my stupid self.

>>34596342
That makes two of us

I feel better closing my eyes and dwelling in twilight.

I'm scared to trust and lose everything, but my hope is all I have left of me. Revenge isn't who I am. I'm not sure what the odds are of getting out of this intact.

I should take a long walk this weekend. There's a strange mall type place I've been to once before, it's quiet and empty.

G,
I really really liked you, I don't understand why you ghosted me. I was surprised you showed any interest in me, I didn't even think you liked me for a long time. I sent you what we agreed on, but after it sat in your dms unread for three days, I just unsent it. If you still want me too, just message me we can talk about the circumstances.

>>34596280
Alright, Maroon 4.5, chill.

>>34596348
Just go out and make new mistakes that overwrite your past mistakes. And maybe while you're doing that, you'll make some new successes that you can focus on instead.

I honestly can't tell if your last text was a test and I failed by playing it cool.

I am so fucking sick of people sticking their heads in the sand and doing everything in their power to avoid actually talking about uncomfortable subjects
It's gotten to the point search engines will go into basically panic mode and spit out nothing but 'helpful phone numbers' and basic fucking guidelines for dealing with trauma, mental illness, suicidal thoughts, or anything else, rather than providing actual answers to more specific questions, even if those questions aren't indicative of any desire for self-harm or harming others.
And half the discussion you do find is self-censored to the point nobody makes any point at all like they're afraid naming the evil will summon it or something
It's fucking disgusting
We're conditioning ourselves to behave like... I don't know. Children are at least honest about their pain and fear. Animals howl or bray or whatever. This is... some abomination.

he will literally be the death of me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBVB7a94O_4
>If it's not real, there's no reason to frown

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I drank a lot last night because I ate a lot and I ate a bunch the day before that. I weighed myself for the first time in two weeks. I'll give myself to my eating disorder again because I don't want to bear the responsibility of who I am when I'm not on that space. I don't like who I am. My disorder is a better person than me and even when it's not, I'm at least so dull and emotionless that it doesn't matter. Nothing is better than the terrible person I am. Fat me, as I like to call her, is an awful person. I'm only a good person both mentally and physically when I'm trying to thin myself out. Recovery twists my body into a horrendous, ugly shape and makes me accept being lazy and angry. I don't want to be that anymore.

>>34596613
What are you looking for that google seizes up ?

>>34596517
You forgot your name initial. What is it?

>>34596822
sw

if i could decide between a successful career and being in a happy relationship, i would choose the relationship without hesitation, but as it looks like, a career might actually be possible, unlike my love life which has always been utter shit. i feel like tearing my heart out. i just don't get it. every once in a while it will look like things will work out only to be left in the fucking desert again. like seriously, what the fuck. give me hope so i can fall down evenv harder, it's all a fucking joke. every single time. and i dont even have to luxury of just being sad, right now i have obligations to fulfill and continue besides constantly being reminded of my pain. i'd rather just be asleep then deal with any of this bullshit anymore, but the best i get is even less sleep than normal. i don't get it.

we got each other to change our behavior but we couldn't change who we were on the inside, huh?

writing it down is not getting it off my chest

>>34597063
I know how that feels. I've posted stuff here before and even felt worse afterwords.
It takes time and maybe some distractions to get over whatever it is you need to get over.

>>34597063
A lot of the stuff posted here should just be said (or texted/DM'd/etc) directly to the person it's about. Obviously not the extremely hateful posts, but apologies and most unsent texts won't do much good here.

>>34597072
i've been trying to distract myself for months and there are times when it works better and there are times where i wish i'd just rather talk to my friends about it. but they have their own stuff going on and i can't just bother them with the same stupid shit over and over again, i know i have brain damage to a certain degree, things were better and you think you are dealing with it pretty well and then stuff happens and all of a sudden you hit the almost has hard as the first time. and through all of that i have to act like everythig is alright, when it isn't. i dont wanna bother my friends, even though i am dropping hints and i know they are not picking up on them intentionally, because they got their own things going on and then there is also the problem of having to look alright infront of many other people and it feels like time is my biggest enemy because i'd rather just be through with all of this instead of having to live every minute of it.

>>34597077
most people would be helped by communicating direcltly, but that's not how the world works, people in general tend to speak around a topic instead of directly adressing it. and it makes me feel sort of insane. because i don't get if that's just my problem and i can't do it or everyone else is just fucking insane and does not dare to say what they are actually thinking, instead they are always coming up with half assed excuses for some fucking reason as if that would solve any problems instead of making them more complicated, but hey, it's probably juist me, since everyone talks in a way that is avoids spelling anything out direclty, i am the idiot for not reading the subtext. i do get the subtext, but "if you want something, don't ask for nothing, if you want nothing, don't ask for something!

>>34597101
I don't want to scare you, but it's taken me entire years to get over something that weighed that heavily on me before. It took a lot of introspection, too.

>>34597109
been there, done that. it's gotten better, but still some days i am just full of regrets and i know it's alright but fuck, it's not always easy

I am so stressed out and angry
Why does there ALWAYS have to be some new fucking problem
I wish I could just fucking kill myself so I can stop having to deal with the CONSTANT RAIN OF FUCKING SHIT

FUCK

I am capable of endless change because of the Nobody's blessings.

I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out my anxiety problems. I tried all available antidepressants but they just make me feel numb without making anxiety go away. Currently on anti anxiety medication that does fuck all and doctor told me I can only take it for 3-6 months max anyway. I tried therapy, went to a psychologist but its all just useless filler bullshit where they tell you vague stuff like "we gave you all the medication we can, its up to you, you have to work on fixing it", work how? its why I'm here, I'm clueless as to why I'm like that, I keep going over things that might be the root of it but so what? idk what to do about it, and they are no help.

Its just this constant feeling in my stomach, like I'm nervous about something even if nothing is happening, like something bad is about to happen and it cripples all social interactions I have, I get in my head, I feel like everyone is looking at me and like everything I said was wrong and it bothers me after the interaction. I tried all exercises I could find online but its like I like the idea of it more than the thing itself, I'd like it to work but its like a mind game that I'm convinced won't do shit anyway, like I need to be more suggestible for it to work, kind of like believing in god, you just have to "trust" in it working but I can't do that. I want to fix it but I don't even know where to begin and I'm alone on this. I'm 31 now and I just have too much "adult" shit to do to be scared about it because anxiety kicks in at random and cripples everything I do and I just put it off until I find a window of opportunity where I don't feel anxious at the time and do it then, but thats rare and random, but what else can I do?

There is absolutely no joy in my life besides drinking. There is no joy there is no joy

>>34597265
i*m done with endless change, i like the indeitifacition with somethin. i know, your innermost truest self will never disappear and everything else on top of is just identification, but what's so bad about that? choose the life you want. everything is meaningless anyway except for the meaning you create yourself. and that's like the whole point anyway. it's what everyone does, whatever excuse they may have, some say it's the bible, but that's just bullshit, the bible is just an excuse to believe in what they want to believe in anyway. so they read it in all of their subjective ways and then they hate all of these people for some reason, even though there is none of it in the text, but the insane thing is that they think they have an objective justification which is outside themselves while truly it is all just subjective bullshit. even worse when they think their preaching is justified, so they never shut up, because you are committing sin according to their own personal subjectiv morals that they project onto the bible

Nothing ever works out with me, nobody can stand my existence. Makes me want to kms but I'm too pathetic for that.

You kinda treated me like shit.

I was shown many times. I was taught this lesson over and over again. I will not approach. I will not try.

I FUCKING HATE WOMEN SO GOD DAMN MUCH FUCK FUCK FUCK
but at least vodka loves me

i know u are not over it, and u seem so distracted on trying to prove otherwise since that day. we've known each other too long to not know how we act and what comes next in a general sense. its eating u. talk to me about it, u know we have dealt with worse. u know this won't fly emotionally when it gets tough

>>34597871
i hold my emotions in. bottle them up. act like it didn't hurt or affect me. i smile now and will cry myself to sleep. pretending it don't hurt. not showing you how bad i'm hurting.

>>34597877
Maybe this delay was a sign to not do it.

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taking the effort to articulate my feelings and bare my heart out to someone and they respond with a little fart of a text. honestly why do I reach out? can anyone relate.

>>34597930
- cont. because I'm spiraling; greeting cards as well. get heartfelt with it and all they say is "uhh, you've definitely got better at expressing yourself." like, fuck it. fuck you. I feel like the only living sentient person sometimes

Ball is rolling, leads to more questions though. Like what the right thing to do is in regards to his problem. Not sure if mine will be sorted out first, but it needs to be, for my safety. Head is a swirling mess, my stomach is in knots, and I've barely any idea of what I'm doing. I may have to be on my own for a bit before seeing what roads are available to us...so, first step, clear my name. Then yours.

I am not fucking living with your family, however. Fuck no.

Progress brings clarity and resolve. Still a mess, but passing the time. A lot of this place is shit. But some of the people make a big difference.

I wanted you to know, that I am ready to go
Heartbeat, my heartbeat...

HAHAHAHAHyeah man all this shit is a fucking disaster but fuck if I'm not impressed at myself for keeping it together at least half of the time.

>>34597983
I just shrugged.

>>34597987
Super!

This nigga really dissed me, I'm still perplexed.

>>34595193
I thought you were trying to reference the Bible desu not the orange Catholic bible

Lol, the catholic abo liked my anime shirt. Said it reminded her of sailor moon

>>34596842
Stop lying. Be truthful. What’s your first name initial?

wow. its so fucked that my grandma said she doesnt trust me in an airport alone. thats bullshit man! the thought of having access to alcohol didnt even cross my mind. like im 4 months sober, why would i fuck that up? i already know everyone will be disappointed. how can people think so lowly of me, especially my own family? tf

Youkoso! Hitori Bocchi

>>34594987
I love your OP image btw

>>34597379
Yeah, philosophical absurdism o algo.

>>34598092
>NTA
I love your OP face btw.

>>34598096
Do I know you irl?

>>34598103
Wow, that sounds angry. What happened?

I wonder if you're even remorseful and would take accountability for this, or if you think you did nothing wrong and were justified to say and do what you did. I wish I knew, so I could stop oscillating between caring about you and trying to help end this, or leaving you to the consequences you brought upon yourself.

>>34598124
Elaborate. What did they do and say? Consequences of what?

Like, you immediately started looking for my replacement. I think I've been suppressing that thought, because everytime I remember it I start sobbing lmao

>>34598107
No, I was just asking.

>>34598129
What replacement? Some of the time, I honestly don't know who I'm talking to and just project. Idk when someone is playing or fucking with me. Thing is, me and the girl I thought it was had 'something' before I knew you even came here. Even so, you have no commitment to me. And I'm just stuck in a sort of purgatory. You don't have to feel anything for me.

Yeah, actually! I'm really fucking hurting because of what you've done! Fuck!

>>34598145
What they do?

Who knows what the fuck you're going to say about me next! Are you going to publicly brand me unstable and a liar? Have that put on record? Why the fuck should I help you??

>>34598151
Initials?

It feels like you used me for attention and completely discarded me the moment you met someone else.
I have no idea how you really felt about me the entire time. I feel like a fool.

>>34598159
I would do well if I got no attention at all. I'm not as egotistical as you think I am. Why do you feel like a fool? Do you just sit here and wait for me? You have other prospects, I think...

You're playing me like a fool, aren't you.

>>34598166
You're certainly not who I'm thinking of, and of course I have other prospects, but I chose her.
Now I don't even know who I actually chose. I didn't know her half as well as I thought I did.

>>34598176
I'm really not. I don't have anyone that cares about me.

I don't think you used me for attention and I have no idea if you met someone else, but it really does feel like you just discarded me for one reason or another. If it's because of how I was acting all of a sudden, I only acted like I did because I had to. It should be clear why I did given both of our circumstances. And even though it may look like it, I never lied to you a single time.

i hate my love life, it's always just heartbreak. you know i like you, then why get my hopes up, again, only to act like i don't exist. at least you are happy, at least things are working out for you. why can't it be me though?

I hate you for doing this to me.

>>34598180
>I had to I had to I had to!
You really didn't have to

I'm just gonna ignore everyone, fuck this.

>>34598191
No, I really did.

Liar, used up holes (all of them,) useless slut, deserve to die.

It seems like you're posting in this thread. Look, I didn't replace you and I still love you more than anything. I will always love you. You're my soulmate and you were perfect for me. But a switch just flipped and I realized that no matter what I do, I would have to contend with your anger, compete with your friends, and constantly wonder whether I deserved all the shit you put me through without even realizing it. I leaned so hard into the opposite of 'avoidant' that it just fucking broke me. My nervous system is frayed and it's going to take a long time to repair it.

If you want to talk, I'll meet you in the room where we watched the rainfall. I realize you may have been there waiting for me and maybe I should have joined you sooner. I don't know.

All that you wrote is going to play in my head every fucking night for the rest of my fucking life

>>34598199
What'd I write?

How quickly you looked for someone else is going to play in my head every fucking night for the rest of my fucking life
And you say you were treated like a checklist

Breaking the string of people being discarded to say my own: I don't know why you ditched me but despite that I'm still really glad we met. I'm working on being a better person like you wanted me to be. I wish you wanted to walk alongside me on that journey, but your life is your own. Thanks for the time we did spend. You're going to make it, I know you will.

>>34598208
I'm not going to make it, but thank you for the confidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk

I knew I bought one of their songs. It's the exact one I wanted to listen to.

By the way, my ear is still fucked and I haven't gotten it checked out yet. Maybe I'll become like Beethoven or something.

>>34598218
You'll be Baethoven.

>>34598220
Sigh ;_;

>>34598223
I wish I could help you. I hope it's just earwax build up.

>>34598224
I don't know that it is. I tried cleaning it a few more times and that didn't seem to help.

>>34598227
Well, let me try this.

Your ear will be better tomorrow after you wake back up.

I have doubts, because I'm not allowed to do what I want. So there's the wall.

>>34598229
Thank you for your blessing.
But why do the things you want to do hurt me so much?
Why was I the only one saying sorry?

>>34598203
I don’t think you swore on our rock hard enough, or these things wouldn’t be happening

>>34598231
>But why do the things you want to do hurt me so much?
That comes from having an ideal toward a person. It can cause hurt and resentment, if not met. It's not your fault though, that's just what society tells you should be. There was one point in my life where I thought Love, the kind you want, existed. I don't anymore. Idk what happened, honestly.
>Why was I the only one saying sorry?
You have nothing to be sorry for. I've honestly said sorry like 3 times, but you were so angry that you didn't clock it, you didn't want to hear it, and I don't blame you.

"He knew" that it was "all I was worth, and barely that."

>>34598241
Who?

These games are played, but I'm the bad guy for looking at it and going "Nah, I don't wanna do that." Or rather going "I can't say I love you."

It was worse to be told I deserved to be raped than it was to be raped lmao. I miss alcohol.

>>34598251
Who told you that? Do I have to kill someone? You don't deserve that.

>>34598236
Sigh. I wish we could have loved each other the way we wanted.

>>34598258
Me too. There's always next time. I want you to lead a happy life, stop worrying about me. Remember, no one ever really dies.

>>34598261
I'll die a thousand deaths and die a thousand more without you, but I'll keep fighting.

>>34598270
>I'll die a thousand deaths and die a thousand more without you
And I will resurrect you, every time.
>but I'll keep fighting
Good. Please keep going.

I'm using other people to drown out the pain, too. You've taught me well.

>>34598342
You were doing that before you even thought I existed. There is no other girl, dummy. I don't want V. Just because I talk to someone doesn't mean I want to date them or like them like that.

i think they're finally making a move but the people they're sending aren't very skilled

>>34598424
Did you take care of their surveillance? You spared them, pham?

These people seem to believe that incels never existed until the moment that they spoke: that they never tried approaching a woman, or tried to be themselves, or tried to fake it until they made it, or held themselves with confidence, or tried to act charismatically and with strong character, or asked around and followed a number of advice. Somehow the incels they criticize never existed, they just suddenly popped out in the middle of society and never tried doing anything before speaking or giving up.
Reality is that they got constantly laughed at, mocked, played with, mistreated, ostracized, ignored, and shown that the same cause has the same effect, over and over again. They learned.

>>34598428
see that's the thing

i'm not schizo like you

>>34598431
What does that have to do with what I said?

>>34598432
because i am not schizo, idc that i'm surveilled.

>>34598441
You literally just said they're sending a team at you. Usually that takes surveillance, this is tactics 101. Always take out Surveillance/Overwatch. Snipers may be harder to take out, but they're on that list too.

>>34598445
i'm done responding to this. you're not smart.

>>34598446
You actually have to tell yourself this too. How would you know I'm not smart? Are you Special Operations?

>>34598446
I'm mean you're "Creator." You're "Elohim," right? Or do I have the wrong person?

gee idk how would i tell that the retard posting at me is a fucking retard? maybe it's plain as day from their reading comprehension and posting style for anyone who's not a midwit

>>34598452
You are a midwit. You don't know shit about war, but act like people view you as a threat to send teams at you. Be serious, bro.

If you hear a laugh every time you pass people by, is it not undeniable that they're laughing at you?
It's not like they were laughing before: no, it's exactly when you walk close by and they notice you that they laugh.
I truly shouldn't go out of my house. Both for my sake and others.

>>34598466
Why? Are you the mass shooter type? Want to be an Operator, but don't know shit about fuck all. A few of them have that dream. As if the Military doesn't have checks and balances in reading bad actors. Why do you always feel like you're at war? Like you have beef? Or like you're in Iran?

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>>34598471
>Why do you always feel like you're at war?

I'm done with you, honestly.

>>34595179
still waiting...

>>34596256
you dont try!
you do it!!

>>34598043
If you're him, you'll know what sw stands for and just message me

hearing your voice is heaven even if we dance around the things we cant say. I still love you too, please hold me always closer

>>34598569
I wish I could teach you the Dance of Creation.

>>34598569
i'll hold you close in every lifetime.

Left a happy hour with coworkers today just feeling completely hopeless and lost in life. I sat there and realized how interconnected all of these people are outside of work and how much they actually talk to each other, and I kinda just came to the conclusion that there's something fundamentally different about me that makes it impossible to foster that kind of friendship. Maybe I'm too nice, maybe I'm too formal, maybe I'm too boring and uninteresting, but I honestly don't really know what it is.
I've realized that all of them constantly have text conversations going on at basically all hours of the day. Texting each other at work, sending memes or jokes, whatever else. And I have none of that. I tried to build something like that with a coworker I'll call G, and she does respond, but it isn't super active and it's never an instant response. And if I don't initiate contact, she'd never text me. If I ever read back our text conversations, it's always me asking a question and her responding hours later, and then me asking a follow up question.
And this is how it's been my whole life. Any "friend" of any gender - I stop reaching out and they never contact me again. I'm not important enough to someone or I don't leave enough of a lasting impression that others seek me out. And I'm fucking depressed about it. I'm envious of this interconnected friend group. These people all have my number, and while I did get invited out for happy hour, I don't have any solid connection with them. As soon as they leave my job, I'll probably never hear from them again.

It's the third year and I'm still confused about my feelings. You still come back sometimes. And L? It's been mostly her occupying my head the past few months but I don't know. I don't know how I feel. I had a dream today with you in it where you showed me affection, I haven't dreamed about you in a long time. But in the dream I noticed the absence of L and I started thinking about my feelings and got confused. I just don't know.

>>34594987
The guy behind the GIOYC posts.. what do you gain from this?

>>34598629
You think it's one person posting?

Oh me and my Icarian love

I love Mike Love

>>34596089
I am literally wageslaving rn

I'm done being a pathetically yearning beggar, you're fucked and were fucked up to me and I'm right to be angry and disgusted.

I take it all back, fuck you

>>34598665
Wow, what? What I do?

You know what? I'll just forget it. I get why you're mad. But I don't even know if you want to be with me, not that it matters, I'll die in obscurity. It's not gonna change my fate. I can't even be with you in the way we want.

>>34598653
I can't be with you either, you'll find someone that means more to you than me.

Hate feeling guilty.

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I went on a first date with a girl and she is legitimately perfect, she's cute, she's super cool, she's talented, we like all of the same things, she seems way more interested in me than my ex ever did, and while obviously this is jumping the gun by a long shot, I can't help but imagine the rest of my life with her already.

I need to be taken down a peg, someone call me an idiot for falling for the first woman who was nice to me

>>34598680
You are an idiot for falling for a woman so early. They gonna drag you, dawg. I won't be here for it.

you see friendship only as an asset that benefits you and call yourself honest for stating as such. this is why i hate you.

>>34598697
I'm not even supposed to have friends, relationships, marriage or kids. On top of all that, I don't know how to do any of those things. You're welcome to feel how you want to feel about it. You don't have to fight on my side, you know that, right?

>>34598697
And 13, I no longer care how you feel about me either. But I'm not gonna try and stop you from posting whatever you want.

I’m done deluding myself: you never cared, and you always treated me like shit. If you cared, I wouldn’t be the only one trying to make this work. Go ahead and pretend you’re the victim, and that you’re trying as hard as you can, but that men are scum who just want to use you and discard you. If this is any indication of how much effort you put into relationships, it’s no wonder you keep getting dumped.

And don’t try to hide behind the “I just wanted to be friends” excuse. You’re not even good for that. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if all your relationships - friendships or otherwise - are all this shallow, and you think that’s normal.

>>34598709
You're posting this for a girl, right? Or are you gay?

>>34598709
I'm going to answer as if this was for me. If people ask you, there's nothing to make work out. I'm honestly distant and cold because I don't want to go through drama about things that require trust. You avoided me more than I was looking for you. And I was looking for you a lot. You said you were afraid, I understand that, but I'm not gonna sit here and play stupid just to appease you. I'm honestly at a blank of what you're even asking? You want me to give you ammo just so you can bring it up in the right time? What are you even asking? I literally looked and waited for you. Idk what you want from me.

Never tell a man you were raped, hit, or otherwise abused lmao, they take it as permission to do the same and will tell you you deserved it or asked for it whenever they're mad at you.

>>34598743
What happened? Did someone rape you? I'll make him severely suicidal.

>>34598748
Ha yeah, that would be kind of you, thanks anon

Any security, any comfort, is temporary. It's not a matter of if, but when, it will be ripped from you. Tired of losing everything.

>>34598857
Matthew 13:12

Misplaced my loyalty before, what a fucking retard I am to think this isn't the same situation. I really must be unwell, made wrong.

>>34598743
>>34598748
>>34598775
Reminded me of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzhYKJz2BC8

I miss you so much...I want to see you

Too tired to keep fighting. Fighting anyone, fighting you. I'll get what needs to be done, done. Then I'll take my exit as gracefully as I can. You've seen me cry and despair in this gayass thread, hope that's victory enough for you.

And if it's not, and you deal that final blow? So be it. Too tired. So, fucking, tired.

Could a nigga wait to hit enter

>>34599006
Nah

>>34598709
She’s (assuming she’s a girl) probably doing that because she was discarded. She’s staying on guard and seeming shallow because she’s afraid you’ll do the same. Or maybe she’s discarding you because she doesn’t know how to function in a healthy relationship and thinks it’s normal. Not excusing bad behavior, just saying not to take it personally. Pretty sure I’m dealing with someone similar. Unfortunately I don’t know there’s a way to help her, and I think in cases like this you just have to hope she’ll make that leap of faith herself, or you need to find someone else.

Men will hold out a hand and say "trust me!" but every way you reach out, he'll tell you it's in the wrong way and slap your hand away. Then he'll be mad at you when you stop reaching for him.

>>34598982
I want to bury my face in your arms but i'm scared we will just keep hurting each other. We can't fix problems we don't acknowledge and I feel even worse after trying to calmly communicate my needs and that being the rift that tore us apart.
I miss you so much

Fuck i want to see him again so bad

>>34595504
>The first porn video I ever watched was a scene from the hentai 'Ikusa Otome Valkyrie.'
For me it was Dragon Knight followed by Elven Laid. But Ikusa Otome Valkyrie was also one of my earliest.
IOV episode one is a masterpiece, blows most hentai out out water in terms of quality.
>It depicted a group of ogres raping
Akshally they are referred to as demons, not orcs. Japs think orcs must be half-boars, and anything that might resemble western orc is a demon.
>two female knights
Valkyries are not really knights, they are holy warriors. Also, they rape three women Leia, Skuld, and Freia, granted Freia is not a Valkyrie.
>a weird monster thingy that turned her into a futa.
The 2nd episode is fucking awful because of that and how it is edited.

I want to go home.

>>34599026
Women do this too. There are selfish people of both sexes.

>>34599067
Yes, I suppose you're right. I'm more wailing over my own situation, which, as a woman, is with a man.

>>34599073
Sorry you’re dealing with that too. Unfortunately there’s no way to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, no matter how much they need it.

At least you have a place, and people, to go back to.

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I have chronic time period dysphoria. Where's my timeline replacement therapy?

Lmao, imagine asking me to do something that costs a couple thousand dollars for your son, when I'm literally homeless

I shouldn't miss you... But all I want is to work things out together. It was a clean cut, one sweep and I was out of your life

>>34599113
Why not try?

If you ever ask why or want more of an explanation and they refuse, then you should just leave instead of trying to get them to talk. Don't even bother playing their games. Doesn't even matter who is at fault.

It's not psychopathic. They broke up with me, they made it clear they want nothing to do with me. If they cared about me and my well being they would have put move effort in to making our relationship work. A break up is saying you don't care if someone lives or dies, because if you did care you'd still be with them or you'd continue to be in their lives. But as you said, it's not my responsibility on how a person lives or what happens, so why are you calling me a un-empathetic, psychopath for not wanting to help them with their issues and well being, specially when they made it clear they want nothing to do with me.

Manipulative cunt, with your covert insults, ~oooh your poor mental health must have made you say false statements!~ Nasty lying bitch, playing fucking pretend nice while glaring at me (in my own fucking house!) when nobody else is looking. Go shed some more crocodile tears you miserable old hag.

one of the oldest tricks in the book

pretending to be a friend or a classmate from 20+ years ago in order to get the target to lower their guard

Punishment isn't about fitting the crime. It's about leaving a mark and warning to make sure it never happens again. An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind, that's why you take and arm and a leg as well, to make sure the other person can't ever take another eye ever again.

>>34599179
Interesting. So I should deal a punishment to prevent them from hurting me again? And here I was considering mercy.

>>34599125
They're gone already, on to greener grass presumably. Might as well just pretend I'm over it. I've taken all the initiative I can, my hands are tied. At least I'm slowly regaining some kind of joy.

>>34598196
>Writing as Mike

>>34599206
Their loss. Be strong and know yourself. If they really wanted you, they might have made more effort or tried to at least discuss possible remedies.

The moon only has eyes for the sun. You'll message me. That's what is next

This is a larp demoralization narc same fagging thread in an attempt to influence emotions and perception of me. Ignore this thread m

>>34597185

>>34599334
I don't understand

I am not of this world. I should not exist. So many young men dying all the time of all sorts of natural and unexpected causes, yet I am still live. For what purpose?

My bf made a huge batch of pineapple salsa and it's yucky. He should've saved some pineapple spears for me and made a smaller batch. It's so gross I HATE sweet salsa. I am pretending to like it and put some on my mexican pizza and fucking ruined it. reeeee

>>34599344
It's clearly an attempt to manipulate perception of the sun

>>34599373
What sun?

>>34599379
Me

I wasted so much of my life putting actual effort into politics. White people are fucking done for. The men are narcissistic autistic losers, the women are pickme autistic bpd larpers. The amount of cognitive dissonance from these people is something to behold. Most of the “whites” who care about the white race at this point aren’t even white. Spic is not white. Italian is not white. Portuguese is not white. Everyone’s a loser edgelord contrarian with no actual moral compass. Youth truly is wasted on the young. I can’t believe I spent more than a minute actually caring about any of this.

>>34599535
>wops and porkchops aren't White
Based kek
But yeah anon, even if a lot of supposed proWhite people are trash, doesn't mean you should give up on our people.

I can't tell how I feel about you anymore. I sometimes want you to hold me, tell me everything is ok, I'm safe and you love me. Sometimes I never want to see you again and for that to be terribly painful and sad for you. Sometimes I have faith in you getting us through this intact, sometimes I just know that you're going to throw me under the bus again to save your own skin, while telling me it's for me, us, our people.
I don't know you anymore, and I'm not sure I know myself.

My dreams are getting sadder and sadder, dreamt that I stumbled across my Ex's Reddit and she became a successful artist, which I was happy about but the top and most recent post of hers was the title
>I mentally can't take it anymore
With my full dox, my entire family dox that she couldn't take it knowing I was still trying to get back in contact with her and accused me of everything under the sun in the post.

I just felt and have woken up feeling mortified, the only upside was that I was able to hear her voice one last time in my dream

Do you care about me, or do you hate me? You say both on the same page, leaves me confused and hurting and wanting and alone. Well, with your deadline, and all that's come to pass, I know it's over, at least. What I don't know is what you'll do to me next. Do you think I am to blame, do you think you did no wrong? Are you remorseful, or happy to inflict whatever pain you can, however you can? You're as much a danger as all these other people after me.

I miss my meows. I miss having a home.

>>34599619
Should’ve sworn on the rock a little harder

>>34599636
Should've turned it to sand

>>34599637
Please never stop posting. You’re my favorite lolcow

>>34599640
You're welcome, faggot

I can't.

I wish we could be friends again Adrijus but you moved the relationship from friendship to romance and cheated on me and I am supposed to believe you would ever want me in your life again? I hate that I meant nothing to you. So much for promises of marriage when everything you say is a lie. You even told me yourself that the grass is greener yet you still contacted me and I cannot stop thinking about our last email exchange. Your gf cannot be real if she has the same UK email ip as you yet you still dumped me. Why? Why could you not dump me in a normal way without having to tell me how stupid and ugly I am? I feel like Nagito my good luck in meeting you was destined to become bad luck.

YOU'RE the one who should be fucking apologizing you're the fucking liar and betrayer and abandoner

>>34599693
I've apologized to you before too. You weren't tryna hear it either. What's changed from then to now?

>>34599693
>>34599697
I never lied or cheated. You did. Nothing has changed I simply feel the same pain as always. I never trusted your apologies why should I? Let me grieve what I lost since you never loved me anyways. I always said sorry I always trusted you only for you to mentally break me. Why are you even on here do you not have a loli to jerk off too?

kms

>>34599712
I would never attack you like that. Why would you do that? Like, I understand you're hurting, but you didn't need to take it there. I've always had feelings for you. I don't fucking know what you want from me. We said we didn't hate each other, was that not a lie from you? You've said you hate me many times. Like I said, I looked for you. You even said you were scared of me when I was 'aggressive' about it. I didn't even know you were in Love with me, we never discussed it much. I even tried reaching you in this thread. Then you went and told me that you didn't tell me your real name. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

>>34599727
How did I take things too far? I am just stating what you did to me. I hate you I love you and I am scared of you. I do not even know your surname to file a police complaint if you ever came to the final frontier of civilization. You hold all the power A and I do not. I was just your bangmaid that was not even worth bangmaiding because I was in my mid 20s and not a 16 year old goth girl.

crying for 3 days straight with no end in sight.
idk if i know how to process anything but i guess this helps too.

>>34599750
You've got this picture of me in your head as if I didn't try. Maybe it's not how you wanted me to try, but I did. You were never a bangmaid. It's just hard to get close to you. You seem to have this paranoid thing where you think I just want to hurt you, I don't. Whatever you have in your head about is what you think, I can't stop that. I also didn't know that was you saying you're sorry all those times, I didn't think you cared or were the type to do that, so I didn't think it was you. I can't change your mind, obviously, so why even try?

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Are you waiting for something to happen?

>>34599788
Hell nah, scrolling Insta.

>>34599788
Dreading, more than waiting.

Poor baby never stood a chance

Pressed the 'Games' tab, saw your name there.

>>34599779
TIL trying is when you lie and cheat to your LDR gf with a teenager. I do not even know how we could make amends I just wish you could love me. I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry. Sorry for meeting you. Sorry for being born. I trusted you so much. You were my bestest best friend and my boyfriend and it all blew up in my face.

Thinking you'd fucking care and feel bad for what you've done was a mistake on my part

>>34599873
I do care and I do feel bad. I just don't see the point in trying to continue this back and forth. Or trying to change your mind. I feel like I want to die, harder than I usually do.

What does it actually take to make you take action. I believe when you are serious about something you will do it immediately. When you are making excuses or trying to make yourself feel better about something then you are not really serious about it. If somebody you care about is dying and you need money, you will get that money.
When I'm okay with the way things are there is not a big need to take action. This sounds like an excuse but I believe we aren't going to do much until we really feel we need to do it now or we are running out of time. If I want something today truly I will have it tomorrow. When do you hit that point where the excuses and waiting for the right moment stops.

>>34599880
Take action in what way?

>>34599602
Chicken and the egg

This is all on you

Suffer the consequences

Or make it right.

>>34599788
Only receiving good words, loving me keeping our promises. No other future exists so I look forward know and trusting her.

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I can, for you.

>>34599884
I was vague. If there is something you want in life, a girlfriend, a better job, new friends, a house, whatever you want. If you want something enough you will act on it, if you kind of want it but have conflicting desires then it's not important enough.

Lol I have no money to pay for the professional that can help get you out of dodge, may want to find a way to send that if you want that help

>>34599535
Demoralization propaganda.
Every day more and more Whites (and even non-Whites) are waking up, which why jews are hoping to speedrun an AI that can kill people automatically.

|I'm the only person in my family who washes my dishes right after I use them. My sister doesn't even wash her dishes at all. My dad washes the dishes around once a weak. Usually if I want to make myself tea I'll have to wash someone else's dirty plates and forks so I can eat, and then wash my own stuff after I eat just for someone to dirty it again which I will likely have to wash, if not for my dad. Fucking lazy pricks

Oh B, have you figured it out yet?

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This one hurts.
I do it so often, you'd think I'm used to it.

But today. With you. With this tenuous connection to what could have been.
It just hurts so much more.
It NEVER gets dark this time of year. Maybe the moon and the stars would offer cold comfort. I could find a forgotten hole to hide, without that tyrannical sun.
But here I burn. In conspicuous light. Seen and heard by all.

I wish I cared. I don't.
My ashes retain my rebellious spirit.
And so I will BURN, until vapor and hatred remain.
I'm sorry for those that suffer such hatred. No mal-intent here, just unlucky souls in my cross-hairs.

Don't help me.
I'll only drag you down.
Help who you can. Lead them from this hole. Give them something to live for. They'll be your best. I promise!

>>34599982
Why? Did you send someone after me? Last time that happened, the person phased into another reality.

Post my last spergout here or wait for a new thread?

It's almost like I'm homeless or something! But sure lady, I'll shell out a couple grand for a lawyer to help him out!

>>34600034
Post it here, may as well

>>34599952
Then do it.

Fuck I'm so fucking mad and shit and there's always fucking noises and people talking at me and calls and calls and calls to make, all while caring for this grub, I'm fucking tired and I want to scream

>>34600009
Doubt this shit has anything to do with me but how the hell do you keep posting my initial within minutes of me opening these threads?

When is this going to end?

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>>34600123
It never ends.

>>34600015
The moon only has eyes for the sun

Why do I care about whether or not he still loves and wants me? Am I that pathetic?

>>34600150
>Why do I care about whether or not he still loves and wants me?
Because it's limerence and you're grieving
>Am I that pathetic?
No

>>34600155
So it will pass?

>>34600169
Not with true love, soulmates.
From sun to moon
From moon to sun