Everything I've read about it being a bad thing is usually due to something external not the concept itself. Like being obsessed with someone that doesnt give a shit about you. Or being in love with the idea of not with someone. Is it just that society has completely normalized hookup culture that oneitism is considered something bad? How does society glorify relationships where men do a lot for women yet at the same time shame them for having the capacity to be obsessed with one person?
>>34596964i know a guy and a girl who were insanely obsessed with each other. like to the point where before they started dating they independently stalked the other person to their house. multiple times. then i think either he noticed her tailing him or vjce versa but basically they are now married and madly in love.i think people are just jealous that they cant have this kind of love so they cope
>>34596985I agree.
Obsession is an internal problem. If you still can't let go of one person you'll never be able to move on and find someone else that you really click with and you can enjoy them for the person they are, not the person they aren't. Also oneitis has a tendency to make you chase certain types of people if it goes unchecked which is insulting to the other person. There's a difference between pumping and dumping and coming to terms with a relationship ending. In a society where half of all marriages end in divorce it's a skill you really need so you don't destroy your life.
>>34596985this is my dream, damn
>>34596997See this is what im talking about>youll never be able to move ononeitis isnt bad. its when it comes into contact with something that IS BAD. most people are not capable of oneitis because theyve been dating around since they were teenagers. as a result they lose the ability to pair bond. hence>half of all marriages end in divorcebecause people have no concept of scarcity. they think they always have options instead of valuing each other and working it out
Ive learned over time that I've used this type of "love" as a cope for neglecting myself. Limerance is a very pathetic phenomena because you think another's love will complete you when really you are just failing to complete yourself.
>>34596985
>>34597017I honestly can't relate. This kind of love motivated me to make massive and positive changes in my life that I was procrastinating on.
>>34597047If this person decides to cut ties with you and block you on everything will your entire emotional foundation collapse like an old building? I dont think this is healthy just because you are putting your entire well being in anothers hands, which isnt fair to them as well.
>>34597067thats what happened to me, I managed to rebuild my life, but I still year for my ex even if I try dating other people. But when we were together I was insanely motivated to do everything
>>34597067No, it wouldn't. It's stuff I'd already wanted to do for years.I was very aware that I could be influenced into changing my life primarily for her sake and not my own, and I tried to be conscious of it.I never got with that woman but felt what I can only describe as true love for her, and I'm still happy with where I ended up afterwards.
>>34597067ALL relationships lead to you getting hurt if you breakup. the more effort you put in, the more likely you will be hurt by the end of it. its not a valid reason to be against this type of relationship. sure, if you put one foot in the water you wont drown but you miss out on so much because of this fear.
>>34596964because you shouldn't put that much importance on anyone until they have a record of already doing the same for you. basic common sense. if a girl doesn't like you, you shouldn't waste time thinking of a person with no regard for you
>>34597169but i love her and she is perfect and i would die for her even if she doesn't acknowledge my existence.isnt this better than being a loveless incel? even though i am not with her and she is engaged to some other guy i still feel haply for her every accomplishment. in no universe could i ever have been with her because she is too good for me. i think that love/obsession/whatever you want to call it is great. it makes you happy. let a man have hobbies.
>>34597188>let a man have hobbies.>my hobby is crippling depression
>>34597198but its not depression , never depression , its just bouts of mania where i spend hours scouring the internet for her posts and whatever. its a great way to kill a few hours or days when it comes about. i know everything about her
Two people can be each other's oneitis. Tadaa! But what's the point? And how did they get to that point? Is it something natural or is it something that you learn from "Only You" songs and if you go back to history, it was Jesus who promoted monogamy - he actually personally preferred to be celibate. But this is just sexual repression! I was in love with "one and only" until she rejected me. I got ABSOLUTELY tired of that SHIT. Also her perfection is only in your mind. It's easy to bullshit yourself, but if you actually spend time with her, you would learn that reality doesn't bend according to your ideals. People have to use their willpower to get to that point. It's not something natural. At best, you could consider her the best. But what exactly is WRONG about all the other girls? The monogamous system forbids you from thinking about them. But are they really that unusable?
>>34597169so its okay if she does have a record of doing the same for you? thats not the fault of oneitis then is it? this statement doesnt counter anything i said
>>34597010>because theyve been dating around since they were teenagers. as a result they lose the ability to pair bond.You don't lose the ability to "pair bond" just because you dated more people you autist
>>34597303The more partners you have, the more likely you are to get divorced. This is a FACT. literally
>>34596964Oneitis is just mishandling your feelings. It’s okay to like someone, find them attractive, etc. Oneitis is the type of shit that stunts your growth. It leads you to chasing women who aren’t attracted to you and ruining platonic relationships with an all or nothing ideology.Oneitis should be the result of a relationship, not the start. That’s just fantasy.
>>34597335The nuance of the word oneitis is that people assume its one guy being obsessed with a person that doesnt give a shit about them. but the word itself just means being obsessed with one person. people really have been mindbroken by society if they cannot fathom this
>>34597341Or you’re just using a minority definition of the word, whichever sounds more likely.
>>34597300>thats not the fault of oneitis then is it?correct, because if it's two people just in a mutually loving relationship it's not oneitis by definition.
>>34597416no one has ever used oneitis to mean requited love
>>34596964It leaves you in a vulnerable position that usually ends with you not getting when you want. Often when you could have. The success story one onitis sufferers is a rare one and you only have so much time.
>>34596964>pic relit does do that. ever since i started having oneitis for a guy i know (distantly, he's a friend of a friend and i sometimes hang out in the same group), it does feel like my life was put on pause. it's like i don't care about bettering myself or going forward in any direction in my life anymore for some reason.
>>34596964this is manosphere talk for "don't get hung up on girls beyond your league, fornicate with other holes", I don't really like this >>34596985that's beautiful
>>34596964>Like being obsessed with someone that doesnt give a shit about you. Or being in love with the idea of not with someoneThese are the kinds of things that are usually meant by "oneitis" and yes, they are objectively bad things. Of course being into your partner in the context of healthy and successful relationship is a different matter. But:>being obsessed with someone not into you backobjectively bad>being in love with the false idea of a person and not the real themobjectively bad>actually being in a relationship but obsessed with them to the point of co-dependencyobjectively bad>strong feelings of love and affection towards a partner reciprocated in an actual healthy successful relationshipObjectively good, hopefully this sheds some light on things for you.>>34597313>autist confuses correlation with causationYawn, seen this re-run before.
>>34596964I married my oneitis and we have been happy together for 18+ years now. We were both virgins when we got together. 10/10 highly recommend.>>34599145Correlation or causation, either way it is a valid and proven indicator.
>>34596964You've misunderstood the concept. Oneitis specifically means being permanently hung up on someone you CAN'T HAVE. If you're hung up on someone you're actually in a relationship with, that isn't oneitis.
