>>34599013
Brother this problem was solved over 30 thousand years ago just take the shit and grab some leaves

>>34599020
But then you'll have shit on your hands and shit on your underwear.

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>>34599013
dig a hole, take a shit, wipe with tissues (if you have any), cover it and the tissues with dirt

>>34599020
ew

>>34599020
And what the fuck? You just leave a big pile of shit out there to stink up the forest?

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>>34599030
>on your hands
I assume he means with move it a stick or something anon

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>>34599020
Even cats bury their poop anon

>>34599031
>cute asian girl that I want to kidnap and do dirty things to in my basement
mmmmm yummy yummy :3

>>34599038
A stick? On your fucking sensitive ass skin anus? Might as well use sandpaper to wipe... DAFUQ

>>34599013
Bring a trowel, some degradable TP and a portable bidet. Dig a cat hole, shit, cover it up and then clean yourself off.

>>34599060
I meant moving the shit, why are you wiping your butthole with your hands now

>>34599082
? Where do you put the TP if the hole is already covered, who carries around a portable bidet?

>>34599098
um because we don't have any bloody toilet paper?

>>34599100
>who carries around a portable bidet?
your mom that's who

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>>34599020
Look for mullein, its a very common weed and the leaves are very soft and thick. It's like nature's toilet paper

>>34599117
>nature's toilet paper
kek

>>34599101
r u indian?

>>34599117
I wonder what wiping your bum with stinging nettles would feel like

>>34599141
>r u indian?
motherfucker if you wipe your fucking ass with fucking leaves you will fucking have shit on your fingers because leaves are NOT fucking toilet paper

>>34599157
Depends on the leaf. Many are much stronger than toilet paper

>>34599013
>What do you do when you're outdoors like hiking or something and there's no buildings around you for miles and suddenly you have to take a shit?
Well, obviously, if you're not a complete retard, you will have planned for this, which means you will be carrying a trowel, biodegradable toilet paper, water, and soap. So you dig a hole, shit in it, wipe yourself with the toilet paper (dropping that in the hole too), wash your hands with the water and soap, and then fill in the hole. How is any of this difficult?

>>34599082
>trowel
>>34599169
>trowel
twice now you've deliberately spelled towel like this... are you retarded?

>>34599157
I said use tissues man, if you weren't eating curry all the time, no TP wouldn't be such a prescient issue.

>>34599202
A trowel is a small shovel.
>>34599100
I misspoke, obviously. You put it in the hole, too.
You can use a water bottle as a portable bidet. You can buy caps that fit on plastic bottles that basically work like a small showerhead for your ass.

>>34599202
this guy wipes his ass with a towel

>>34599216
I'm getting pretty tired of being called a retard or an ESL on this website by people who don't have even a basic grasp on the English language

>>34599224
It's just a part of the internet these days

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>>34599202
You're responding to two different people, and you are an ignorant fool who doesn't know what a trowel is.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trowel

>>34599238
How does someone even manage to be old enough to post on 4chan but not know what that is

>>34599234
It sucks. The internet sucks now partly because of these idiots

>>34599216
>>34599224
>>34599238
>>34599257
>>34599262
oh go shove a dildo up your ass cause cause I don't know what some weird ass object that nobody in real life actually uses

>people who don't have even a basic grasp on the English language
and the name of an obscure object that nobody uses in real life has nothing to do with the english language you retard
next you're gonna call me an idiot cause I don't know what a spork is fuck off you nigger

and stop samefagging yourself

>>34599117
Based grug

>>34599280
>I know how to edit the DOM inside my web browser
fuck off samefag

>>34599268
Trowels aren't obscure at all, and I'm only the first post you listed.

>>34599268
>and the name of an obscure object that nobody uses in real life has nothing to do with the english language you retard
It's not very obscure at all if you've ever done any yard work, ever, have ever gardened or have ever set foot in a hardware store. Faggot.

>>34599292
about as obscure as your mom's pussy

>>34599293
no... no, I don't do any gardening, you're right
but I'm sure your mom does
and your mom does have a nice pussy

>>34599297
I was trying to be polite, but you're a very rude person, aside from being stupid.

>>34599298
>you're a very rude person
lmao says the guy calling me a faggot on 4chan ahahaha you nigger

>>34599298
I doubt anon knows how to use an oven or clean a toilet.

>>34599304
there you go samefagging again

>>34599302
That was actually me that called you a faggot. You should lurk more.

>>34599304
I'll tell you this... I know how to pleasure your mom

>>34599310
whatever samefag

Alright first of all, it's best to always come prepared if you're going on a long hike. Bring tissues, TP, alcohol, water, etc.
Second of all, if you are someone who hikes, it is expected you're not the fussy/prissy sort. You do what you gotta do.
>>34599030
Why would there be shit in your underwear? In any case, just wash it on a river or with water you have at hands, or with whatever you have available.
>>34599036
It's a forest, there's animal shit everywhere

>>34599333
>alcohol
...what?

Don't listen to >>34599333 if you wash your shit stained underwear IN a river I will personally hunt you down. Take water 300 feet AWAY from the water source then wash them Jesus fucking Christ I thought we learned shit and water people go in/use don't mix.

>>34599337
For cleaning your hands, wounds, etc.. A small bottle.
>>34599345
Animals shit in the river all the time, it's fine.

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>>34599351
>it's fine

>>34599351
You can be fined for it yeah
If it's used for drinking water
Save yourself the ticket, shit in the thicket

>>34599403
>Save yourself the ticket, shit in the thicket
kek rhyme

>>34599216
>this guy wipes his ass with a towel
after using my luxurious bidet... yes
I do wipe my ass with a towel :)

>>34599403
>>34599367
I mean, don't shit IN or ON the river, but just cleaning your shitty-stained hands is fine, probably

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>>34599443
>probably

>>34599443
>probably
Humans spend a lot of time, money, and energy keeping our shit out of the water for good reason.

Op got busy jacking off to girls(male) replying to his poopfetish thread.

>>34599013
You go take a shit behind a tree. Bring toilet paper.
If you're responsible, then you'll have some sort of trowel you can use to bury it.

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>>34599670
>some sort of trowel

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>>34599792
If you're going hiking long enough that you might shit yourself. You should bring some basic supplies with you.

>>34599792
You can just use a stick if trowels scare you

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>>34599837

>>34599837
perhaps even a spade would do.

>>34599036
what do you think farmers use to grow plants anon

>>34600901
It's not human shit, but yeah.

>>34600901
Not human shit.
Do you want e coli on your lettuce?

>>34599834
That's a shit shit trowel. Being foldable introduces a weak point that doesn't need to be there and there are no serrations for cutting through roots.

>>34600933
>>34600974
lmao this reminds of a comedy skit where someone offered someone else an apple that they grew in their backyard and as soon as they bit into it the other person said that they fertilized it with their own feces lmao ahahahahaha XD

>>34599872
a spade is as big as a shovel, you use it for moving loose soil, it would be unwieldly to carry. A trowel is preferable.

>>34599438
If it's the same one you use after showering, you're going to get ringworm

>>34599013
I would not worry too much, since it is as nature intended.
Perhaps a good moment for contemplation, a very spiritual experience.

>>34601113
>I don't understand how a bidet works

>>34601335
Nta
I'm sorry do bidets use soap?
If you wiped your face with same towel you use after the bidet you would 100% get pink eye.

>>34601362
>I don't understand how to use water to clean my ass

>>34601371
You think just water is enough? Please tell me you've never worked in food service.
This is why I don't like going over to people's houses for dinner. You don't know how they wash their hands or their dishes. Or how recently the hand towel in their bathroom was replaced. You have poop hands.

>>34599013
this has happened to me on at least two occasions at scout camps. we never had toilets or dug latrines and i seriously dont know what other people did, but i had to shit and i would sneak off and do it in the bush and i didnt have anything to wipe with so both times i just used my underwear and threw them deeper into the woods.
one morning i went back to the place where i did it to make sure the evidence was concealed and it was all gone. i have a nagging suspicion that a scout master found it and buried it..

>>34601421
>I am a paranoid germaphobe

>>34601451
It's not being a germaphobe to understand how germs work. I'd like to believe you're just taking the piss but some people really are this stupid. Water does not remove the bacteria from shit it just removes the visible waste product.

>>34601437
Your scout master packed out your soiled underwear. Dude had that shit in a sandwich baggie in his pack all weekend. Gotta set an example with leave no trace principles.

>>34599013
Find a bush and hope it's a non wipe shit. That's why I make absolute sure I take a shit before I go anywhere that has no near bathrooms. I'll be damned

>>34601462
>germaphobe explaining his germaphobia

>>34601471
>hope it's a non wipe shit
lol what?

>>34601475
Don't come crying to me when you give yourself food poisoning.
>>34601480
You don't get those? The rabbit turds or a dried out looking log where when you wipe there's nothing visible on the tp?

>>34601480
The type of shit where it comes out clean with very little to wipe because it was mostly solid and not runny. Depends on your diet but everyone gets em once in awhile.

>>34601495
>doesn't understand that people who are not germaphobes ironically never get sick

>>34600979
It's not that deep bro. Both figuratively and literally.

>>34601362
>If you wiped your face with same towel you use after the bidet you would 100% get pink eye.
nigga are you retarded?

the towel is to wipe excess fucking water from your butt cheeks, perineum, balls, vagina, and your thighs. nobody is fucking wiping their anus with it like it's fucking toilet paper wtf

do you use two separate towels to wipe your body and your ass and genitals after you get out of the shower?

nigga fucking acts like his ass is a fucking covid bomb with anthrax in it. fucking call the cdc and get quarantined cause a motherfucker used a toilet that sprays water on your ass. god forbid.

nigga people been taking showers and wiping their ass their entire fucking lives and ain't nothing happened to them

it's your ass dude stop being afraid of it

goddamn nigga for real

>>34602585
read the thread properly before you reply
>>i wipe my ass with a towel after I use a bidet
>that will give you ringworm
>>you don't know how a bidet works
>there's no soap in a bidet, you will get pink eye
>> (you) noone said that they were using their towel on their ass! wtf! everyone dries their butt!!!

>>34602585
So then you just have a wet asshole? Or dry it in your underwear? That sounds not good. You use soap on your ass in the shower right?

>>34603464
>So then you just have a wet asshole?
No... you wipe your butt and genitals the same way you do when you get out of the shower. Despite your anus being a bit moist, the amount of water left there is insignificant. Just like when you dry yourself after taking a shower. It's basically gone by the time you put on your clothes.

>Or dry it in your underwear? That sounds not good.
If you put on your underwear and it becomes wet, then you haven't dried your ass properly. It's the same thing as when you take a shower. There is no need for the towel to literally touch your anus. Omg, is this what you people do after taking showers? XD

>You use soap on your ass in the shower right?
Nope, I don't use soap at all. I take shits, spray my ass with water (I use a bottle or cup if I don't have a bidet), take my finger and touch my anus and smell it. If it stinks, repeat spraying, wash finger, repeat touching and smelling, repeat spraying untill it doesn't stink anymore.

And that's how you clean your ass with water. No soap needed. Been doing this for 20 years. I've touched my face, I've touched my food, I've touched the devil's big fucking dick. Not once have I ever gotten ringworm, pink eye, or food poisoning.