My aunt and cousin saw me after many years and were gushing over how fit and handsome I've become. Then I had to disappoint them when they asked if I had a girlfriend.I know they are family and biased, but I get this a lot from all sorts of people when they learn I'm still a single virgin. What's wrong if a man is attractive enough to look fuckable but isn't fucking?
Have you ever asked a girl out?
Acting attractive is better than looking attractive. Why fat comedians get girls chasing them
>>34600501Becuase your duty as a man to the state is to marry a woman and have children and be a provider. Find a woman and pump a baby into her, you will be happier for it.
>>34600501>>34600612This.What have you tried?What have you not tried?We gotta earn our luck !
>>34600501>What's wrong if a man is attractive enough to look fuckable but isn't fucking?They are probably "throwing themselves" at you, but you're too autistic to pick it up.
>>34600501Being attractive is not the be all end all. You still have to know how to talk to women and pick up social cues. Shy dudes who went through childhood thinking they’re ugly and weird and then turned around and got /fit/ and/or good-looking in adulthood tend to go through this.The good news is that you have a solid foundation to build on, meaning since you’re not bad to look at people will be more open to know more about you. This also means any autistic little quirks you have can be interpreted as cute or endearing by the right kind of people.
>>34600612>Have you ever asked a girl out?Only a few times but it never worked out. I feel like every girl has tons of options by default so luck is big factor.>>34600848>Shy dudes who went through childhood thinking they’re ugly and weird and then turned around and got /fit/ and/or good-looking in adulthood tend to go through this.Yeah no matter how fit I become I still feel like the weird kid in high school. My self perception in relation to women is fucked up because of it
>>34600501>What's wrong if a man is attractive enough to look fuckable but isn't fucking?You lack confidence.
>>34601560>You lack confidence.Yeah but that's not really unreasonable. Every girl has so many options that thinking you have a chance is borderline delusion.
>>34601602The average employer has more choices than the average woman and most people end up employed anyway. If you don't send those applications then someone else will. That other someone is not inherently better for the position but he will eventually get the job/girl because he was out there giving it his best shot.
>>34601602>Every girl has so many options that thinking you have a chance is borderline delusion.Then how would any man anywhere have a chance if we follow this logic? How are there men with women (many of them absolutely nothing special) at all then?
>>34601727>That other someone is not inherently better for the position but he will eventually get the job/girl because he was out there giving it his best shot.That's true but that doesn't address the issue of confidence. You can't expect someone with 0 success and knowledge of the horrible odds against him to approach women with true confidence. Its more like learning to fight, you have to accept you're gonna need to suffer through being bad at it.
>>34601753I'm not saying it doesn't pay to try, just that doing so confidently is delusional.Like if I had to go ask out a girl right now but you had to bet your life savings on the outcome, you'd bet against me because you know the odds. You'd be crazy to bet on me not getting rejected.
>>34601791>you'd have to be crazy to bet on me getting this one specific jobcorrect but you still need income so you have to keep applying even though you know for sure there will be dozens of bad results before you get a hit
>>34601791>you'd bet against me because you know the oddsThen make yourself more likable so your odds go up.
>>34601753>How are there men with women (many of them absolutely nothing special) at all then?Because a lot of women are with men for reasons other than love and attraction (convenience, money etc.)
>>3460050199% Of guys who say shit like this are just average looking and aren't even 6'0
>>34600501>What's wrong if a man is attractive enough to look fuckable but isn't fucking?Most men are average at best, if not ugly, and they still manage to fuck moderately attractive girls.As an ultra-late bloomer who didn't glow up until his late 20s, I used to carry that old high school mindset of feeling unworthy of getting laid/receiving affection.But our experiences from 15 to 20 years ago don't define who we are now, nor were they an indictment of our value back then.
>>34600848>Shy dudes who went through childhood thinking they’re ugly and weird and then turned around and got /fit/ and/or good-looking in adulthood tend to go through this.Yeah, this is me. I grew up being really fucking weird and there was never a moment that I actually worked up the courage to talk to a girl in person. I ended up cultivating an online image and asking out women on dating sites, and that worked for a while. But even if women look at me or show obvious interest in person there's not a thing I can do about it to this day.
>>34600501>Millionaire but I can't a afford groceries
>>34601555>only a few timesanon i've been rejected 100+ but I've also been on as much dates. It's part of the game. Taking rejection is a skill you develop. The reason people are turned off by people who try a few times and give up is because you are scared of taking risk and its a success factor.
>>34604992In my case it works for us and she loves and doesn't act like any is the made up negative assumptions op put in the thread.
>>34604992I think anyone could get laid if they spammed approaches, but most guys just seem to stumble into pussy without having to go to that extreme. Which is why its confusing why it never happened to me if I'm at all attractive.
>>34605064They stumble because of their lifestyle. I was a full out 4chan shitposter in my uni years. Afterwards I got sick of playing vidya all day and started volunteering in different occasions. I started to get approached and I was so suprised. Honestly increasing your exposure brings you luck every now and then. And over time it gives you little inches of confidence and you start snowballing.
>>34600501Biggest advice I have for anyone in this situation is to stop 'othering' women so much. I think this is a massive roadblock a lot of men are hitting and it's not their fault. Men who maintain platonic relationships with women are more likely to have the social charisma that allow women to feel safe and comfortable around them therefore have no trouble getting in bed with them. On the other hand, men who's sole social interaction with women is when they are pursuing them give off the creep vibes that women can immediately read. Try to move away from seeing them as a 'target' or a 'goal'. You fucking or not fucking has little to do with the opposite gender and a lot to do with your attitude. Become curious.You also need to focus your newfound fitness towards less egoistic purposes. Put it to use for a greater cause, use your gains for the betterment of your community, your family, your neighbourhood, your workplace, whatever it may be. Contribute meaningfully.I notice your wording is focused on the appearance of being fuckable, so this is already where you're going wrong. You care about the 'aesthetics' of attraction but not the logistics. Plenty of unfuckable men and women are fucking every day and they don't care about leaving you behind. People now are 'sexy' but not erotic. Men are focused on the visual concept of sex, but not the physical or the mental nuances of it. So again I say, become curious.Heed my words Anon. Become. Curious. Not desperate.
>>34600501>My aunt and cousin saw me after many years and were gushing over how fit and handsome I've become. Then I had to disappoint them when they asked if I had a girlfriend.ask them to find you a girlfriend/if they know any single ladies
>>34600501Brown fingers typed this.
>>34605206Volunteering is a great way to stumble into pussy. I had to practically fight it off when I was helping out with random events and shit. If you're attractive and people see you doing stuff, they will inevitable approach you. Hell even just getting a job helps.
>>34604992Where are you hitting on this many women? I feel cold approaching is just weird in my area, I don't know anyone who does that.
>>34605210I really don't have a context that would allow me to develop platonic relationships with women. My BJJ gym has some women I guess, but they all come from artsy backgrounds, it's difficult for me to get on with people like that (I'm a software developer).
>>34606118I think this is what he means by othering them. You could see them being artsy as a way to learn about arts and shit like that since you are more technically inclined. They might also have interest in technology, who knows. Instead you just went "They're artsy. I'm not. It's over", putting them away in a box for you to never interact with. You MIGHT not get on with them, but you could. After all you are both doing BJJ so that's something to bond over.
>>34606118You know you can also just talk to women to like learn about them right... :} you can just have conversations with them with no ulterior motives. Maybe not easily done in person but like even just online having conversations with them may be worth your time.Also you're a software developer and the 2 Percent of women in software development or whatever might also be happy to talk to you if you're friendly.Do you not have any other interests or hobbies? Sometimes it's not about interests but shared contexts. Like you said, gym. Workplace. Maybe if you did some volunteer work or got involved with the community you would find other opportunities to be around women in a non-romantic/sexual context.
>>34606181I do volunteer work, been doing it for 3 years, but until literally the last time I did that, there were no single women in it. I did befriend the one woman there my age, and her son. Now there's 3 women that apparently will become regulars, so that's interesting.I WFH, but I've basically had no luck meeting women through hobbies.Gym is not a shared context, people don't talk to each other at the gym.>>34606161With the artsy women, I just get this feeling like there's something they expect of me I'm not providing. I've noticed they never say hi to me, I always have to initiate, they do say hi to others. And no, I've not hit on any women in jiu jitsu.
>>34606225Ok, I guess that makes sense. But how about the other women? Are they the same? You might be giving off unfriendly vibes (perhaps to them specifically) that make them not want to talk to you. Or maybe they just think you're a square. I don't know man.
>>34606233I may be autistic, been meaning to get that checked. I know I get on much better with nerds, and I consider myself to be a nerd. And pretty much all the women in jiu jitsu are artsy, it's an unusual gym where the black belt owner is also a literature professor.
>>34606181>You know you can also just talk to women to like learn about them right... :} you can just have conversations with them with no ulterior motivesYou can tell yourself this but in the back of your mind you know its just part of the process of trying to get pussy. If you're naturally social and curious about others that's a big help, but some of us really are very introverted and self absorbed.
>>34606482curiosity is a muscle you can train. If you're comfortable staying in your bubble then that's great but don't bitch and moan when you can't manage to engage with others and the world with as much ease as you expect to. Accept what your limits are.
>>34606257I did not know there was such a large overlap with artsy people and martial arts (or just BJJ). Is this an isolated instance or common? I thought more outdoors/bro-y people would like martial arts stuff (maybe even some weebs depending on what they are into). Also have you tried looking for nerd spaces that might have women?
>>34606496I'm not saying its impossible to apply it, but you're fooling yourself if you think you'd go through the trouble without the prospect of getting pussy down the road.
>>34606531This is why you have misery trying to find female companionship and exactly what I tried to emphasise in my original reply. You see women as objects and you other them. You think learning about other people or having a conversation with them is 'trouble'. You are empty inside.
>>34606588>You see women as objects and you other themNo they are definitely people, but I don't have any reason to ask random women I don't know about their fucking nose rings and tattoos.
>>34606497It's an unusual gym, I don't think there is overlap between the arts and BJJ, it's just that this one black belt is also a literature professor. He's really cool, so people who knew him from the arts got into jiu jitsu.I suppose I have not looked for nerd spaces with women on them, in my experience, spaces like that are overwhelmingly male. Maybe I could start a board game club, but I was a regular at one ages ago and it was all guys.
>>34606600Not him, but it's ok to want to fuck women, some cunts try to psyop you into thinking you're a bad guy for wanting that, but they're full of shit, and anyway, the fertility of people who think like this is in decline, so luckily it's a dying ideology.That said, it is easier to talk to women if you have a shared context that allows you to organically start conversations with them, but it may be tricky finding a space that's about something you care about that also has women in it.
>>34606645I don't know where nerd women would hang out. I think they are less likely to go outside when compared to nerd men, who already are pretty indoorsy.
