I turned 21 today, and Im not happy about it.A while ago, I was cheated in another country. I worked for three months and never got paid. Because of that, I lost my housing and eventually became homeless.Unfortunately, Im an orphan. I dont have relatives or friends who can help me here. The stress has been overwhelming.At some point, I feel like I completely lost myself. I dont know what to do next or how Im going to survive. I dont even know what brings me joy anymore. Ive tried different things, hoping to feel alive again, but nothing helps. Even the games I loved as a child no longer interest me.Im not saying Im perfect. Ive made mistakes, and Im not religious either. But despite everything, even when I was homeless and living on the streets, I somehow kept going. I always found a way to survive.I dont know what happiness is anymore.I was once deeply in love with a girl. A lot of time has passed since then, but Ive never been able to love anyone else the same way.For most of my life, Ive tried to help other people whenever I could. Helping others was one of the few things that genuinely gave me purpose.But now I feel completely empty. There are opportunities to keep trying, find work, and rebuild my life, but I dont see the point anymore.Maybe someone here has advice. Maybe someone has been through something similar.Please dont tell me that Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me. I already know that. The problem is that I feel like Ive already lived through enough hardship for several lifetimes.I dont want to go into details, but I grew up in a dysfunctional family with very little money. I know what hunger feels like. Ive spent most of my life fighting just to get by.Right now, I dont have a job. Over the next month, Ill be trying to find housing, a shelter, or any place that can help homeless people.But somewhere along the way, I lost the reason to keep trying, because nothing I achieve seems to bring me happiness anymore.
>>34604451I know you aren't religious, but I would recommend reading Lamentations 3:25-33 and attempting to find solace in God. The best people in life are those who have truly known suffering, as they possess an empathy unlike any other. Life is hard right now, but it will get better. Wisdom is gained through hardship. Most people slowly accrue it throughout their lives. You, on the other hand, are getting the crash course. It is much harder for one to fall into the folly of pride if he has been continuously humbled throughout his life. You do not possess the strength, but God will give it to you. If you don't think you can make it through the day, think about making it through the next hour, minute, or second. Don't lose hope.
I borrowed money from a friend of a friend and flew back to my home country. I found work again, in a bottled beverage production plant. They gave me a place to live here. Maybe life will get better, I don't know.
