No, I haven't stopped thinking about you since the last time you texted me.

Echoes in our hearts
From yours, to mine
>From moon, to Sun
>True love
>As I know you're mine

you only care about money

>A estrada do sol
>O comeo de tudo
>E as nuvens que agora se afastam
>Mostrando um caminho que est sempre l

>E que qualquer lado que a gente quiser caminhar

The words are written on the wall,
Heartbeat racing as we fall.

Having hope, this hurts like hell.
Just pack a bag and ring the bell.

I will be ok. This isn't what I wanted.

everyday one of these threads pop up, everyday i cry about my stupid self. but i appreciate that this exists

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The absolute worst thing I ever did was let you replace my best friend. Thank God he didn't hold it against me or I would have absolutely killed myself over you like a total mongoloid. It's not worth it bros. You age like wine, never forget that.

>>34605482
This is how i felt. Too bad it's too late to ever regain contact. Tbf our friendship was online.

Still so much I don't know - just entirely in the dark about something so fucking critical. Progress made on my end, at least. Still miss him, despite everything. Wish I had some fucking self respect.

im starting to get tired of aa. i honestly feel a relapse coming on. im subtly telling this to my family, but cant even be straight up without them freaking out. i guess i should share this in aa. im too shy though/worried theyll judge me

Got instantly outed by the counselor for putting others before myself, tracing it back to my frigid unemotional mother, and accepting any attention no matter how painful as long as someone is "committed" to me because it's better than nothing and I don't think I'm worth much lol.

>>34605725
Get a journal and write down why you're thinking of relapsing

>>34605725
Please share it in AA, it's what they're there for. You think none of them have relapsed? That's what the program is for. Showing you you're not alone, and can take accountability.

i just want him to tell me he hates me. he can hit me, call me names, etc. as long as hes talking to me and touching me

>>34605731
im just looking for a reason to relapse. its not just alcohol i want to relapse in. how do i share in aa that im mentally ill and alcohol isnt my sole problem, its my brain. i have a therapist, but if i tell her she will for sure put me in a psych ward

>>34605761
Why do you think you're mentally ill?

"Broke up" with the former escort gf, obviously she accepted my apologies and wants to act like nothing happened and continue seeing each other. But my highly avoidant personality and the commitment issues I carry makes me to want to cheat and break up completely. I cannot accept her past and I just want to look for other non whores girls. There must be someone out there that can meet my bare minimums. Why should I accept her for who she is, when there's others that didn't sold themselves as commodities?

>>34605766
ive been diagnosed, so it must be true right?

>>34605761
Do you think a psyche ward may be something you need at the moment? If you're stuck in a pattern and staring down a relapse and unable to break out of it, inpatient can do that.

>>34605772
Diagnosed with what?

>>34605773
its possible, but ive been in and out the past year. it makes me feel more miserable. i cant promise myself or anyone how i will feel afterwards

>>34605778
borderline personality

>>34605790
Are you a guy or girl?

i cant decide whether to love or hate you

but hating you is only because it hurts too much to be close again without being reminded of what once was or what could have been

the idea alone that you're able to enjoy yourself around me or that you might not actually think of me in every single moment as I do you is what makes that sting even more

one day I am going to wake up and you won't be the first thing on my mind. that this has become and has stayed my default state despite our separation at time is what makes it worth it. Like the idea that I get to remember how good it was to be so close even despite the ending. It's also the source of my conflict and part of why I want to be able to hate you or just....never be close again. As if I am telling myself you do not deserve access to me and you have missed out on so much. Maybe that's just my way of coping though.

>>34605806
I resonate with your post

Killing time until...what? Good new, or bad? I hate not knowing, hate waiting. Feel hunted.

I hate myself for procrastinating so much. I need to do something and the sooner the better but I still haven't done it despite having a lot of time now. If I start doing it later than June 21st it's going to be way harder. Why can't I just do it.

Now the rest of my days are just
Waiting for when
You calm down and tell me
I was meant for you, baby

Like a crystal tear
I wait to betray
The lie across the sea
My hate is love to me

it's over.

>>34606300
It's joever. https://youtu.be/QC1CfX3lHRc?si=2GBxVUN0Tg1CJJr9

>>34606307
>butt rock

>>34606309
¯\(ツ)/¯

People are concerned about how they want to be remembered but I DON’T FORGET anything. Even if I forgive them I remember all the pain and hurt caused. Just needed to vent.

>>34606337
Didn't you already say that

>>34606340
In the other GIOYC thread, yes.

Relationship of 15 years will most likely end before the year ends, no love, no partnership, no affection, each day that goes by we strand apart. I love this woman so much, perhaps that's why her betrayal hurts so much. I tryed b/ros I really did.

>>34606375
Damn anon that sucks yo. Make her pay for everything starting now.

>>34606337
Do you remember that time I glanced at you and looked away but then you glanced at me so I glanced back to say hello but then you glanced away so I glanced away too making it kind of awkward

>>34606337
Fuck. I get you dude. You autist too? I remember everything, everything. I'm 35 now and when I was younger my siblings used to call me lie detector, i was only diagnosed at around 20. It's both a superpower and a curse. Its all so tiresome, you can see right through people.

>>34606391
I remember your lack of punctuation, kek.

>>34606394
Yup. I remember all the small details and inconsistencies. It can be exhausting but it's good for catching things.

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Too much to do, I'm slacking on life again and people who value me and my company. It's nice finally being in a position to tell females to go fuck themselves instead of feeling so desperate I have to go along with anything and piss and shidd and beg. I will say it again, don't kill yourself over women bros. Not over anyone. Metaphorically or literally, it's never over or worth it, no matter how down bad you might think you are. No matter how much time and energy you may have invested. Don't let internet blackpill/r9k brainrot rob you of a life you could have had. The answers you seek and the person of your dreams are not on here. A broken person cannot fix a broken person, you have to fix yourself. Only then can you help someone and there is no greater feeling. I believe in you bros. Touching grass completely for the last month and a half has been great. I'm clean, I'm free, I'm happy. I finally understand what it means to be high on life. The world is a shiddy ass only if you let it be. It's time to grab grass with both hands and never let go.

https://youtu.be/iGtQMT-QLgc

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I dont understand self affirmation. Do real/normal people really go around giving themselves compliments for mundane shit? How does that even work?

>good job, me, you wiped your ass really well

I feel an unending rage towards you. I hope you arent doing well. I thought about breaking no contact just to yell at you and tell you all the stuff that hurt me.
But knowing you, you probably arent happy at all lol and will never be happy with your life.

>>34607120
Im very happy, actually

>>34607138
You arent him stop it

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling anxious and shit. I started to have this weird feeling again yesterday. I don't know what's the cause and how I would describe it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at5AR9942Ig

>>34607253
If only.

>>34607243
If it's at or around 3 it means you're being haunted or something.

>>34607283
I woke up around 3

Let's be secure-attachment about this

>>34607317
What do you mean and who are you talking to?

m,
hi. i miss you so much, it hurts. even now, i still open up my app and every time hoping to see something from you. it sucks not knowing how you're doing, but i know you're strong, and you can get through everything life has and will throw at you, and i have faith we'll reconnect someday. if i'm being honest, that idea is the only thing keeping me going now, trying to be something good for you to come back to. i don't know how you'd feel about that, but it's the only thing i can find.

>>34607319
What would a secure attachment person do?
Just putting it out there, Anonymous, just putting it out there.

>>34607353
Are you talking about the song I posted? Are you trying to make me look like a crazy stalker? To whom?

>>34607356
No. Whatever you are thinking about is a coincidence unless you are stalking me.

>>34607361
I'm not. I'm just trying to make sense of why you would say that.

>>34607367
I just thought it was good advice to mantra

>>34607372
Mmm.

Please find some way to explain, I'm losing my fucking mind trying to guess. Hate waiting.

>>34607381
Explain what?

How long must I wait...

>>34607399
If you're talking about how I know it's you, I just guess. Nothing else to it. I pick up cues most people don't, I'm not Psychic.

I apologized to you. You smacked my proverbial open hand away.

You are, in fact, the problem.
Someanon said it perfectly. A broken person cannot fix a broken person.

I hope this clarity persists when you decide to talk.

>>34607414
It'll probably be after my hiatus, I have stuff to shake off and get over.

Sometimes I still check the thread we met in for a hint of you

Dying to talk to you. Even just briefly. This isn't fair or right.

>>34607419
Yeah, you have a lot of skeletons to dig up. Good luck with that.

I'm gonna go watch one of my shows or whatever, probably be back later.

We are thriving and I'm smiling more. Guess it actually was just you projecting your own insecurities. I can't even feel anger towards you because you're so pathetic.

>>34607508
You keep saying I'm pathetic because it's a lie and you have to repeat it.

>>34607321
The moon only has eyes for the sun

So, a "friend" of mine purposefully got veeery close to my crush, completely ruining all my efforts to get closer to her, and the worst? He doesn't even likes her, he's just fucking up my relationship.

And now he introduced her to another friend of mine, they're dating now.

Fuck my life and fuck that guy, genuinely haven't hated someone so much like him ever

I'm indigo pilled.

You're really trying to drive me to suicide, huh?

>>34607649
Sounds like more of your fake made up garbage

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I'm watching my friends scatter to the winds. Communities that were once full of life and friends are now withering into nothing. There was no big fight, no long farewells, no nothing. Just a slow withering into silence.

It's... sad. I've only just hit my stride at age 30 and it feels like it was all much too late... I spent the golden era of these friend groups being depressed and constantly in a state of mental disorder. Now that I've reached a happy and sustainable outlook I've got nobody close to celebrate with. It is a pain the likes of which I never knew i could feel. I see a desert where there was once Eden.

Scatter location-wise, or are you at the point where all your friends get married and have kids and you’re suddenly left on your own while they’re all busy living their lives? Either way it sucks.

>>34607692
For >>34607682 idk why it didn’t reply

I found out my bf has been sharing intimate pics of me with a few of his friends, and I like it, I just don’t know how to tell him that I found out and know yet

I'm not actually racist. I don't have a racist bone in my body. I just wish 3rd worlders would at least try to behave when they get to white countries.

>>34607850
True, Americans are always unruly when they travel

>>34607850
getting mad that other people don't follow the same unspoken rules you follow is a sign of autism

I MISS YOU SO FUCKING BADLY WHY WON'T YOU SPEND TIME WITH ME

>>34607910
BECAUSE I MOVED ONTO SOMETHING BETTER

>>34607914
THAT WOULD BE SIMPLER BUT NO

>>34607910
Ask the person instead of a vague question to random strangers
(This is the last bit of attention you will get so savor it)

>>34607910
You have my Disc?

>>34607900
Asking brown people not to rape murder and leave trash anywhere is not an "unspoken rule". Anyone with an IQ above 90 doesn't want to live in filth

>>34607933
I've seen white people rape and murder and litter.
didnt you say you werent racist?

>>34607938
Dude is just a lonely troll looking for some attention, don’t give it to him

What did the robot have to do when he when he stopped browsing? Put it on his tab.

What was the waitress considered? Amid.

What did the girl have to explain to her best friend? She had too many Fi's.

Why did the thief join the Mafia? He wanted to be on the take...

my ice cream isn't even that good, and yet i continue to eat it - perhaps out of spite.

Why did the Maid pass the lie detector test? She thought it would be best to come clean.

Why did the barterer go to school? He thought he should pick up a trade.

you were the first person i ever cared about more than myself. probably the last. i find most people dull. what really hurts is that someone other than me might get to enjoy you in all your beauty and splendor.

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>>34604693
I get that she can't work on it due to scheduling for the near future, and she'll have quals in fall

BUT PLEASE JUST FUCKING DIALATE YOUR VAGINISMUS COOCH FUUCK
>Anal
no go, not even analingus or something
>Oral
Apparently not on the menu

So I'm stuck with... handjobs? for the forseeable future? Ugh.


Moral of the story anons, don't date a girl with a low sex drive *and* vaginismus or you'll be waiting a long time. I think in hindsight if I had known the latter I would've pressed her to start working on it earlier or wouldn't have committed to the relationship, but now I'm too in love with her to get that caught up on it. Whatever, I'll just make her do some of my /d/ tier kinks to make up for it.

dang i really miss him

Why did the Bodyguard quit guarding the woman? There was no security in the job.

Why did the diamond merchant fall to the ground? He got kicked in the family jewels.

>>34607649
Consensually fuck every ladyfriend of his from now on until he's too traumatized to know you. The perfect getback.

>>34607414
Bitch I aint talkm to u

>>34608102
Do you even know who that is?

A,

This is B. I know youve been talking shit to C with D about E. You're fucking pathetic and you will get yours. Me and F had a meeting with G and decided its time for you to apologize to H. I told J everything, now we all know about K and all of L hates you. Made your fucking bed now lie in it. All so M could get N to O you with P, you fucking disgust me. Even if Q had a fallout with R, everybody knows you are a scumbag. I saw S on her way to meet T, she told me what you did with V. I fucking hate you. The WHOLE TOWN hate you which doesn't dim my hatred for you. Dogshit human being. "W never cared about principle, X just wanted attention from Y." You make me sick and NOBODY likes you. I hope you know we make up whatever bullshit lie just to make your life hard, you need to just give up. We all fucking hate you and it's no use standing up for yourself.

Z

>>34608105
No. You don't either, dingleberry.

so anxious I'm gonna vomit

Why do I keep degrading and debasing myself for someone who doesn’t even view me as entirely human? Whether I stay or leave, I’m affirming his beliefs

>>34608153
Why do you say this?

>>34608166
I can’t even begin to list everything he thinks and says and does. I suspect if I stay with him he will hit me. If I stay, I’m justifying his hatred for women. If I leave, I’m justifying his hatred for women. I’m stuck in an insane double bind and I can’t even begin to articulate how hypocritical and disgusting his views are. He, in his own words, doesn’t even understand how women can feel sad or commit suicide. Almost every time he screen shares there’s the most disgusting porn in his browser. He’s fucked countless prostitutes. He loves and misses his ex. I love him so much because I loved him before all of this. I don’t know what to do I just want to die

>>34608204
Try to talk him into therapy, is my suggestion.

>>34608204
You've gotta get away from him and go no contact. Don't keep anything that has anything to do with him - photos, reminders, accounts. It's going to be really hard for the first while, like withdrawals, but eventually you'll be free and realize "what the fuck was I doing that to myself for."

>>34608208
At first I thought “that’ll make me the most retarded Jew foid in his eyes and desu I wouldn’t blame him.” Maybe that’s because therapy didnt do much for me, but typing this, I remember he’s a different person. I don’t think we can afford it, since we’re quite young. Thank you for the advice

>>34608213
I tried this, but it just caused more pain for myself and him. I can’t make the situation worse again.

I told him I’d be with him when he’s ready to come to me, which I want a lot. However, based on the things he’s said to me after their breakup, if his ex contacts him, I fear he’ll go back and stay with her. If she hadn’t have broken up with him, he’d still be with her. She’s skinnier, prettier, and younger than me too. I just have nothing to give

>>34608204
If you love him, tell him exactly all of this, that you love him so much that you are destroying yourself to be with him and he needs therapy. Couples therapy potentially. Make it a hardline. Have a way out if he says no. You can at least say you tried if he says to fuck off instead of just abandoning him when he might be going through a prolonged psychotic episode since it sounds like he wasn't always like this. This is if you love him and actually want something longterm. If he refuses it though, you should leave rather than destroying yourself more.

>>34608239
No, he was like this before I met him, I just didn’t know it at the time. I want to push everything to the back of my mind and just be happy with him, but I can’t stop dwelling on it and recontextualising our previous interactions. But you’re right, I should tell him this

Congratulations, you ruined my only friendship. You're probably proud of it too.

>>34604693
When I was 17 - 18 I used to be part of a discord troll group that would spam racist humor and Nazi jokes like moon man been about 5 years ago. Only regrets I have their were kids in the server probably like Youngest being 12 but most of the people were around my age problem we used to have a porn chat and I would post porn but nothing nude of furry characters I liked probably like furries in bikinis at the worst. One of the kids 7 months later into the group got exposed for sexual assaulting their friend when they were both in 4th grade. Probably realized what I was really getting myself into at all cause autistic adult never groomed anyone in this group. Luckily the victim is alright but my behavior makes me paranoid especially when someone in the group invited a pedophile we didn't know was a pedophile at the time. He sent me questionable shit in dms for 3 months since of April of 2021 to July 2021. I should've been smarter this shit honestly still fucks with me and I don't know what to do. The dude who would sent me furry art that was a pedophile sent me tons of scat porn that I didn't like and told me he loved incest and I regret agreeing with him at the time. The server kicked him solely shit came out he was admitting to saying the age of consent was 13.

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I wanna major in accounting, but I was "homeschooled" and never taught anything beyond basic addition/subtraction. Everyone in my family is telling me I'll be in over my head and that I should just go to tradeschool, but I like the idea of working in business instead.

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Maybe if you hadn’t spent the last 6 months calling your potential customers a bunch of slop-eating NPC ingrates who play video games too much, they might be more inclined to support over the hill struggling weebshits instead of just watching you spiral like the sad, bloated pedo you are. Guess shitting where you eat and being a condescending, backstabbing crypto-nazi prick to everyone isn’t a great long-term marketing strategy huh?

>>34608635
You won't say who you're saying this to though.

give up on your dream and die.

>>34608635
Didn't think so.

>>34608638
What dream? Your only dream is to follow me around and try to degrade me because you're powerless.

>>34608645
>>34608638
Didn't think so.

You can tell me now, because it won't matter later.

Do you want me to treat this like a real beef?

I'll take your silence as a yes.

>>34608616
More context on the situation I would draw furries in bikinis this was all when I was still in highschool that 12 year old (which I thought was 14 at the time but they might've been 13?) I did show my art in the chat most people did see it even they did I never talked to them in private or anything not grooming this kid. But I would fall asleep a couple of times in VC calls probably around like 5-7 times cause everyone would talk super late at night and I either had to work or go to school. This kid would also do the same thing and we both ended up falling asleep without discord kicking us out of the VC chat. This probably did it like 3 times but I had mod roles at one point so I would just kick them from the call when I woke up. But that one fucker I talked to for 3 months he the pedophile will call them P for short would send me questionable shit. He was big into diapers and scat porn which I found disgusting and would tell him that. He would talk about random dnd games he would play with his friends about Eldritch creatures feeding shit to their offspring. The one thing I regret saying to him cause he sent me incest furry porn and talked about how great incest was I agreed but more in a joking way cause it was gross. But probably didn't talk to him that much after that until probably like the middle of July when he got exposed and he was showing me like images of like dried up cum underwear outside probably from some retarded thread on some board here. And like the cum plushie retard shit that was gross. I think he was into feral art as well not into that shit.

>>34608685
Can't say I haven't done anything since then but I'm just mad at myself cause I feel I put kids in danger.

I guess I’ll never get the chance to tell you what you mean to me. Should’ve told you last time, but I couldn’t find the courage and figured I’d see you again anyway. Oh well, lesson learned for the next girl. Just wish it could’ve been you.

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My parents are in their 60s and doing everything in their power to make sure i have a nice inheritance and it really hurts because i have already decided that i'm going to kill myself when they pass away, after all, when they're gone i'll be truly alone in this earth. It stings to hear them talk about my "future" be it my dad saying how everything we've done together "will be mine one day" or my mom asking me to take care of the garden she loves so much it takes every ounce of composure i have to not break down in tears before them. Mom, Dad, you're the only one who have ever cared about me, i can't go on without you, i don't need your money, you cars or your properties, you can keep all of them just please, stay with me, that's all i ask of you

>>34608764
When people die all of their suffering ceases and they're at peace. No more worrying or stressing about anything. It is preferable to be dead than alive. That being said, you shouldn't kys. You'll be sad for awhile when they die, but that too will pass and you can carry on happily in life.

>>34608796
>When people die all of their suffering ceases and they're at peace
you dont know that for sure. that's an hypothesis that has never been proven.

>>34608663
What the tea

>>34608898
Nah, it don't matter. It will be settled soon.

>>34608915
Im nosey and bored whos the asshat

>>34608796
why not? what am i going to do on an empty house? reminisce about how good things used to be? stare at pictures of people who are no longer there? i don't have the fortitude to continue without them

>>34608915
Yeah anon, tell us, we wanna know

>>34608926
I will not tell you her name, but she's up there earlier in the thread, I think.
>>34608933
It's personal. >>34608451 <---- But basically this.

>>34608636
the board is called /adv/ not /doxx/ or /v&/
besides which you seem to know its all about you already faggot

>>34609173
Why are you so angry at me?

I'm gonna make you proud.

>>34608764
Same exact situation for me minus the gay emotional stuff.

There's 2 answers. The one before I met my soulmate I'd say as a man then play the field with the hand you are given. Yeah, I squeeze her neck, fuck her brains out and make her juice

Second answer is after I met my soulmate I can't bring myself to hook up with anyone else. She completes me in ways that lust won't suffice. I need all of my moon
-sun

I'm more sure than ever that I want you back in my life, but no matter how much I whine about missing things from the past I know now for sure that I don't want things to be the way they used to because it was clearly unhealthy and unsustainable

I'm so confused and disoriented. Too many unknowns and the silence is driving me mad. I lack the resources to help, as I've told his mother, and I have none of the information needed anyways. Miss you though I think. I'd meet up with him if he could make that happen.

Let me know and I'll make it happen.

-Sun

>>34609239
in order to apply this post to myself i'm imagining some shutter island scenario where the girl i like and my mom are co-conspiring to give me a fake girlfriend but my fake girlfriend is actually falling for me. this thread has actually turned me into a complete schizo.

>>34609247
I don't listen to the wind as it is all bullshit that means nothing once I receive and live my truth. I focus on her only.
-sun

>>34609192
How so?

Calling me a demon again?

>>34609260
You're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean

Is that what you're getting at

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>>34604693
The MGTOW guys were right. Don't get married. Don't think it will be different. You're not special. Shit changes.

>>34609254
I'm taking her advice, but in my own way. I'm breaking out of my slump one day at a time. I'm going to be the man she thought I'd be.

For fucks sake, just break curfew, it'll be fine. You have to come into town anyways, no?

>>34609268
Sometimes i consider myself lucky it imploded before marriage. I did buy a stone for use as a ring i wonder if they kept it.

>>34608764
Get a grip faggot. Some people lose both their parents and inherit nothing. You can have a chill life without wageslavery, maybe you'll even meet a woman. Find a project, find something that matters to you in the world, even if it matters to nobody else, anything beyond masturbating and sadposting on anime forums.

The reason you're alone is because you wallow in self pity and don't have a mission. Find your mission. Women don't want a directionless man.

A little birdie said you did me dirty...

>>34609275
Even if she doesn't cuck you because you married down, she will age, you'll lose interest in her, she'll start to become annoying. No woman is worth losing half of everything you've worked for and decades of alimony payments.

Please, I'm losing my fucking mind in this place with these subtle back and forths.

>>34609285
im aware of window shopping habits, not even marrying down prevents that and is part reason its no longer.

>>34609297
There's basically a 0% chance the person you're thinking about is posting in these threads, anon. Most of us are just larping here.

>>34609297
You want me to be forward? Alright. You been fuckin' with a nigga that I know the whole time, and came at me on some I love you, I hate you shit. You could've just kept quiet and ate the fucking situation. Then you wanna blame me. I'm dead on this shit, bro. I'm gonna make it hard for you to enter in any domain I'm in whether I'm on Earth or not. Stop. If you don't really love me, don't act like you do.

And if you're him, I said what I had to say in the new The Nobody thread. Keep your distance, I'm not finna fight you, kill you or talk this out. Just stay out of my way.

I wonder if they will get mad at me for yesterday. It was my choice to tell them not to help. we should have to always absorb it when it happens.

I truely think I’m going to die alone, I was getting married, cheated on me, and blamed me so I’ve been moving from home to home roommates after roommates no on talks to me I can’t seem to talk to no one, I just want someone who loves me for me but I can’t seem to find it

>>34609322
Every accusation is a confession, goddamn.

Stop fucking with my head stop stop stop fuck my god just come to town and talk I can't stand this cryptic shit and all this chaos I need some fucking answers and a fucking hug, asshole

>>34609297
>>34609307
True. The posts on this site are tailor made based on your doxxed personal info. Designed by the fbi and spammed by their bots to turn you insane. It's still better than complete solitude I guess. But even a crack den full of murderers would be a safer place for you to hang out than here in terms of mental health.

>>34609339
What's stopping you from reaching out to this person directly?

God put me in this world to take take on all the sadness and hurt of the people onto me. make me help them into becoming better people while losing a piece of my soul every. single. time.

You really think I'm stupid? Goddamn, I wasn't born yesterday. I was born the day before, but not yesterday.

heaven sent you to me

Please. I'm falling apart without you. I can put my anger aside for us. Please.

>>34609362
You almost started worse than a riot and firebombings.

i want to die but im way too much of a coward. can you kill me?

>>34609367
I'm not allowed to make personal kills. I would if I could though.

I recently discovered that certain people in my community actively discouraged their kids (some of who I considered friends) from hanging out with me and the rest of my family and I feel extremely betrayed and paranoid. All this because of some petty jealousy and antagonism

>>34609358
just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there

>>34609399
Shhh. It's gonna make or break her. Just let her sort it out herself.

>>34609405
i was referencing a gaydiohead song

>>34609411
Dead. Oh, never heard it.

Neither of us are keeping the other on the hook, we cleanly moving on. You don't talk to me, I don't talk to you. Simple as that.

>>34609415
Maybe I just like being hooked.

June 23rd - June 28th is your last chance for an actual in person reconciliation. I will apologize, we can explain ourselves and go from there. Seperate ways, a path forward, I don't care. An adult conversation and that's it.

You ARE fucking with me, I fucking knew it, you're fucking enjoying this, lying bastard, you're not protecting or shielding me from shit, you're number one and I'm not even part of the fucking equation

>>34609473
What happens after June 28th?

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Sometimes it’s just playful larping, really. Don’t take it so seriously on here for your own good.

>>34609473
Ok. Why then?

>>34609507
The revelation.

>>34607421
Compadre, I playfully larp, and exaggerate on here and low cow. Please touch grass and drink lots of water.

Me lonely.

>>34609507
Flying back to do a final walkthrough inspection before lease ends and then I'm moving far away and continuing traveling.

>>34609550
Who are you hoping to reach with this? And why here?

>>34609512
Was this meant for me?

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I mean, shit. They are all basically saying i've got the gig now. And if they are saying it, you know it's true. From here on out, I just have to be sure to be respectful, not too paranoid, and to not ask too many questions... It seemed weird that we did the whole process on *there*, but that may just be how this is done nowadays. They probably don't need communication with me in other avenues, and nothing I said or did over there will effect my position in the long run.

>>34604693
Im just tired man. Im tired of the politics. Im tired of people telling me to vote, voting doesnt work. Protesting is cucked unless its violent.
Its a uniparty and the liberal protests rhat turn violent are the only ones rhat get anything fucking done. Boomers talk all this game but have 0 bite.
Fuck both man. I want my country to just be fucking chill. I want a stable future for my children to grow in.
I get its all me me me posting. But the concern is there wont be a future for the next generation and the epstein types are responsible.

>>34609637
Zip it.

>>34609642
>tired of the politics
>only talks about politics
nice larp but you're part of the problem.

I wonder why they gave Amazon Spider-Noir.

>>34609547
Is that you, G?

Honestly I don't want to become just another ex who talks to you because you're friendly and they're lonely faggots. If I'm doing what's best for me, it would be to move on as soon as possible.

Damn, was gonna give her my number.

That's a wise choice though, you could be a Kung Fu Master.

>>34609473
>>34609550
Assuming this is for me, and you're who I think you are: I can take a guess why you're not reaching out via the one channel you have, and I hope you're having fun. But you have a way to reach out when you get back, and I trust words with your name attached to them more than anonymous posts on 4chan.

I think I weakened my ability to visualize.

I'm miserable, huh? You're ciserable.

He has hurt me too much and there's nothing he can do to fix it

I regret the things I said to them, even if they were the truth. You scared me so badly, you were acting unhinged, I saw the patterns and saw them escalating. You accused me of things, twisted things, words, to look worse, said I made threats. And then to read what I read? Terror and heartbreak, and in those moments you were an enemy, a danger, and I felt I had no one else to turn to for help. I acted in desperation and fear, I hope you can understand and forgive that. I don't know who's lying to me anymore, who to trust - feels like I can't trust anyone. I'm alone and fighting desperately, barely clinging to the hope that you're still fighting with me, and not against me as it seems you are, or were. I'm trying to limit the damage already done and I won't go further. I do love you still. It sickens me to see how we came to this.

I do see now, how I can't stand to live without you.

Whatever you want from me
Whatever you want I'll do
I'll try to squeeze a drop of blood
Squeeze a drop of blood from a sugarcube

>>34608932
There are other people who feel the same way you do. If you can do anything, stay around and help those people.

>>34609850
You know that what I want is to see you.

I miss you terribly.

>>34608670
If you are taking AT me, I was not here. I'm reading the mail now.

Nah.

I miss you too. We'll be together again soon, right?

Okay this world needs to stop adopting Jerome's mentality of how happiness works. You aren't happy if you have sex, a lot of money, and a lot of drugs. It is lunacy to believe this breeds happiness.

It's one for the ages, people. Grown ages.

C, I'ma keep your secrets, nigga, but the get back is gonna be fucking phenomenal. I could tell you it right now and you still wouldn't be able to stop it.

Have you praying to God every night. Shit will be spectacular.

>>34609997
Yikes

>>34610004
Do you want to know? And do you want to know why you can't stop it?

i hope things work out with this thing i prolly shouldnt be doing

>>34610009
Dead, what you mean? What were you doing?

>>34609310
I don't go to that thread and I saw previously someone using my name there. Contact me directly retard

>>34610015
I don't call you by your 'name'. I'm not finna listen to lies, pham.

>>34610006
Sure

>>34609475
Shouldn't of taken you this long to see C's lies

>>34610014
nothin

>>34610017
I'm gonna put y'all on two separate Universal Earths. Still able to communicate on the internet through a complex system, have y'all fall in love again and y'all will never ever be able to get close. If you had told me from the beginning that that's what it was, then that's what it would have been, but the fact that y'all hid it is fucking diabolical. I can be a diabolical nigga too. Stupids, I wouldn't have even given that much of a fuck, but it seems y'all WANTED me to hurt. So I'ma do you that favor.

>>34609825
C is only comprised of lies and a cancer to be thankful to cut out

>>34610032
Do you mean Colton?

>>34610027
All checks and balances through the communication will be put forth. Think I'm playing, go ahead.

Nigga said "You should have never wished death on your brother." Like he ain't try to burn down the house with me in it, but y'all think I deserve that, huh? So it's okay when he does it.

You see how I'm not mad at Tay, right? Not once have she tried to blatantly hurt me, she may have thought about it, but she never did the shit. This is why I love Tay, and not you.

actually you're a huge bitch and you're the reason your relationships failed lol

>>34610063
What relationships? Is this a meme?

I learned from loving you that what I’d felt for women in the past was even more strongly colored by lust and cheap infatuation than I thought.

I have a fantasy where I ask a tall, hot, athletic woman to call me degrading things during sex, to insult me, to slap me, to hit me, until eventually I ask her to please tell me to hurt myself.
So in a way, and by being told to self harm by someone else whom I love, I could externalise the guilt and shame and disgust I feel. I could delegate it externally and feel like I'm being punished for how gross I feel I am without having to deal with the sheer shame and guilt of it all by myself.

>>34610069
Man, you weren't loved much as a tyke, huh?

>>34610069
>Bro describes Normal sex

>>34610069
What OP sounds like: Man I made a delicious chocolate cake with fresh cocoa beans grinded, frosting made from scratch with butter from a cow's milk, and baked in a traditional oven from the 18th century. I made sure to put a ton of broken glass in the cake to eat it because I hate my life.

>>34610027
I don't know what you're talking about.

>>34610091
Just dealing out a mfkin' haymaker.

>>34610062
I’m happy for you both. I ship you both for being cuties. Everyone deserves love. You pretended to be a nice guy to me then ghost me. There’s no loss there. I didn’t hurt you in any way. I had to block you to get over my feelings for you. I had to move on. God has someone special for me.

>>34608061
You talk just like him. With all those stupid sounding words, trying to seem smart. You only embarrassed yourself and me. I am manifesting misfortune and loneliness for you, although i feel like my wishes are probably already fulfilled lol

>>34610107
>I’m happy for you both. I ship you both for being cuties
That's the same shit I would have said to you and him, stupid. But you hid the shit. But you don't want him, do you?
>Everyone deserves love
She's not into love, she wants Love. And I will give her all of it when we meet after.
>You pretended to be a nice guy to me then ghost me
You hid yourself.
>I didn’t hurt you in any way. I had to block you to get over my feelings for you. I had to move on. God has someone special for me
What you don't understand is that there is no "Someone special." You make your own, and ever that comes at a price.

>>34610109
kill yourself <3

I'm getting out of character, let me stop myself. I'm not supposed to be... Eh.

>>34610128
Killing yourself is too mainstream. Living life happily is very underrated.

Loving you means hating myself. And I love you very much.

>>34610157
It's okay, I'm gonna die soon.

>>34610160
I don't want you to die. I don't want to be without you.

>>34610161
I'll be with you until the end of your life, in another form, just waiting. No killing yourself.

>>34610163
You'd condemn me to the next 50+ years without you by my side in this plane?

>>34610172
It will seem like a small amount of time in the big picture. Everyone seems to think I'm still long for the world.

>you only care about money
Why?

>>34610121
You’re not my work crush, sorry I replied imagining you were because he’s with a girl named Tay. 1- I don’t have a him. He was my only him, and I liked him for his personality and good looks, but he didn’t return my feelings. 2- Tay deserves all his love. I’m happy for them both. 3- I didn’t hide myself. I would contact him, he never replied, so I blocked him to get over my feelings for him. 4- There is a someone special, it’s the person who returns your feelings and you grow old and gray together. That is true unconditional love that some of us get to experience in life.

>>34610199
You still have a fairy tale outlook. "Special someone's" are Idolatry in this place.

You know what? I'm going to embrace having ADHD instead of supressing it. I have three monitors, baseball on one screen, hockey on another, discord on the third one. While watching hockey I can see the baseball pitch about to happen out of the corner of my eye, I turn to see the pitch, I hit my nicotine vape, message my friend on discord, eyes back to hockey. This is peak.

I should have flirted more... I saw we had the exact same kinks from archives but I didn't want to start anything flirty until I was sure about you because I don't want to lead you on, but by the time I knew I liked you it was too late

i'm so fucking mad. i wasn't mad enough about everything you did because i'm such an understanding person. but man, taking off the blinders and rose-colored glasses really lets me see how fucked up you are.

>>34610285
What exactly made you angry with them?

>>34610285
Same

>>34610297
they stalked me, manipulated me, emotionally coerced me, gaslit me, and so forth. i just thought it was "all the love" they had to give, which made me feel guilty for dumping them. but now i realize that my nervous system was trying to tell me what my brain ignored all along.

>>34610306
Well, good travels to you, my friend. Hopefully, the hope in this world doesn't wane and you get a person that treats you like a person. The human you are, are why they should love you, not anything else.

>>34610306
Was it a guy

>>34610312
thank you anon. i'm pretty hopeless now but being outside of this whole thing is doing wonders for my sense of clarity.

>>34610315
it was a girl

>>34610319
Didn't you get a restraining order? How long has it been since you dumped her? How did she manipulate you?

Nigga really was out here tryna hurt my body, instead of just telling me so I can ignore her. This is why. This is why.

>>34604693
I...I think I miss my Ex-GF
It's weird as I found her too possessive at the time, but strangely the time apart makes me miss the little things like the food she made me, the sex we had, the weird mix of fun and play we had, playing PS3 games in our bed and then eating her out the next.
I wish I was braver to stand up to her, and less caught up on the girl before her.

I say all of this, but I forget the thing that put me off was her attacking me two weeks into our relationship, that sobers me up quick.

>>34610393
You're unironically traumatized by your 2nd ex the one you're talking about. I'd know since I have ptsd nothing to do with relationships desu.

>>34610327
no restraining order. it's been less than a week. she tried to manage my emotions and withhold information, on top of gaslighting me into believing i was the only one with fucking problems in the relationship. holy SHIT i'm mad anon.

>>34610469
Have you tried screaming? Crying? I know somebody who did that long ago, I think it helped. Youll be okay anon.

Migrants everywhere

>>34610489
You're self hating racist.

>>34609675
Yes I am G you found me

to the beautiful lady who's posting "it's over":

did it hurt when you fell?

fell from heaven.. :)

>>34610493
Not a migroid

>>34610556
Nah you are

>>34610489
Do your job

>>34610493
Don’t have immigration papers, never migrated anywhere, sorry nigger I’m not a migrant

>>34610306
Good you know now what c did to you

Actually, time doesn't go by faster at work. It goes slower. Even though it's very physical with a lot going on. It would have felt like an eternity if I was working today. And yet just sitting here staring at a computer screen, not even watching videos or anything, it felt like the last three hours went by like nothing.
I don't know why everyone says this the contrary to this.

>>34610567
Stop projecting. That anon is a guy.

>>34610482
thank you anon. yes i have cried a lot. i think i should scream too.

We can work things out, DP.

>>34610408
Traumatised by the Ex-Fiance before the Ex-GF or the Ex-GF? I know I'm not making this easier.

>>34610592
Dong pounder?

>>34610596
The one you've recently dumped

>>34610598
No.

>>34610605
Crazy to think I think it's almost been a year since we broke up, fuck does time fly.

>>34610618
Is she the one that you said is was stalking you? Can't you block her? Restraining order if you really hate her?

>>34610629
Oh no, I'm a completely different Anon to who you're thinking of.
She, to her credit, said she wanted to be alone and blocked me on absolutely everything.
Returned like 90%~ of her things but I'm still finding brushes, her Polaroid camera all stuff in places I never searched.

I tend to opine over my Ex-Fiance a lot, but I saw a French artist who looked like the spitting image of my Ex-GF. For all her faults, I do think she was right that I didn't fully appreciate her.

>>34610642
Aghhhhhhh

Sometimes I just gotta say "relax nigga" out loud and I feel better. Worried it's like a serenity now, insanity later thing though.
Sometimes I wish I just had full fledged anxiety instead of randomly getting it once in a while so at least I know what to expect. But maybe that's retarded.

I believe everything you've said so far, but I won't wait forever.

>>34610745
I wouldn't wait for me either. It's best if we both go our separate ways.

>>34610745
You're acting like forever is on the table for a person like me.

>>34610745
You need to make the first move. How do you not see that?

The last thing you ever said to me directly was to stop messaging you.

>>34610746
>>34610748
>>34610750
I can only be talking about one of you. How do I know which one of you that is?

>>34610757
I'm >>34610746 but it's probably not me since my ex is asleep right now. I just replied because it sounded exactly like our situation.

>>34610757
I think I know why you're saying what you're saying, because you think I've made you wait too much. But forever?

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Gotta do this to you.

>>34610764
Whoa you're fucked up

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>>34610765
I’m freakin twisted bro

>>34610764
That person is better than you in every way. Hence the anger and wanting to off them. Police tracked your ip address. What a genius you are.

I have such an emotionless boss at this new job, it seems like he's unimpressed with me, but I think that's just how he is because he's asking me to come in and work more hours.

>>34610783
the horror you have to go into work and work.......

>>34610788
I want to work. What I meant is that I'm part time and I like extra hours offered. I had a little anxiety that he wasn't impressed but I think he's just an emotionless dude and I'm doing fine.

Man, it sucks being unable to stop thinking about someone who probably never thinks about me.

i like to think about someone who isnt in my life anymore it is like a time capsule of when they were perfect and not mean

i love the smell of your penis

feel so ashamed and sad over having higher sex drive than my boyfriend. idk i always dreamed of feeling wanted and to enjoy having someone i love touch me, but he doesn't really care much if at all. i'm not ugly and take care of myself but he just has low sex drive. ultimately i love him too much to let something this dumb actually get between us but damn sometimes i just wanna feel wanted and it gets to me

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I've drank heavily at least twice a week for over a year now. This weekend I finished my stash and didn't stock back up. It's a "drinking night" and I literally have nothing for the first time in a long while. I have no beer and I must booze. But I won't, because I can't, and I can't because I chose not to.
Hopefully I don't rebound on Friday night and destroy my entire Saturday being hungover. That's happened a couple of times when I've tried to cut down. I wonder if trying non-alcoholic beer might tame the urge enough to prevent that kinda shit.

Man, I hope I can sleep soon.

None of your "I love yous" will keep him on the leash.

This girl likes me way more than I like her, and I’m letting it get out of hand when I should’ve put down proper boundaries. The same lesson, again, that I refuse to learn

it was over when you admitted you made posts on soc and downplayed what you were doing there. when I discovered your posts on soc i shouldnt have forgiven you then

I'm fooling myself by thinking we could ever have sex again. We're married and despite my desperate attempts to gain your favor, get close, build trust - you just aren't willing/able to see me as a person anymore.

I've agreed to therapy but my mind has to catch up with what my body has been telling me for years.

I never trusted you. I love you but you dont make me feel loved or even safe.

Leaving you was the best decision I made. There's no happy ending where you finally see my worth. Neither of us has the capacity to forgive. You crossed a line. You think I even want your forgiveness?? Forgive me for what? What did I do that makes hurting me ok? I left you and you hurt me more. Every attempt at seeing you as anything more than just a sociopathic, controlling, misogynistic and mean person feels like I'm lying to you. Ive been seeing who you really are, lying to myself because I didn't want to believe I've been played like a damn fiddle.

I deserve better. You feel the same way. Let's just decide now that there is no recovering a love that never really existed in the first place.

We each loved the 'idea' for a happy traditional family - but we fundamentally don't love eachother.

I cannot return to a marriage where I don't even get to orgasm. A home where I don't even feel free to be myself. Everything you say is just projection. I'm finally able to see you without the rosetinted lenses.

I also hate you so much that imagining you getting beaten gives me peace.

There's no redeption arc. No fairy tale ending. You're a textbook definition of an abuser- whether or not you act that way with malicious intent is irrelevant. Your brain is systemically wired to abuse and control.

The reckoning will come. You're not prepared. Get good you self-loathing piece of shit.