>>34605330
desire to return to the womb

>>34605331
Can you elaborate?

>>34605330
Root chakra blockage

>>34605351
outside world = scary. Return to essence of creation = safe, comforting, deeply alluring and unattainable.

>>34605410
Spiritual healing is the way. To elaborate, when you think of your mom, neurons in your sacral chakra (sexuality) are overactive. You should feel neurons in your root chakra firing instead, as the root chakra is grounded in your relationships to family and feeling safe and secure.
My advice is to desist from any wincest porn. cut out all intoxicants for at least a week, settle down your mind. Try some yoga (search youtube for root chakra poses), call your mom and tell her you love her. Soon enough the neurons in your root chakra will be rewired and you’ll think of her as a grounding familial presence, not an object of desire.

>>34605330
Have you posted this on like every single board?

>>34605420
Makes sense, and is there a way out or is my brain wired like this permanently?

>>34605444
Whenever I try to get to the root my issues there's something bringing me back but I think it's because I don't know who I am without this, it's almost as if it's part of my identity now

>>34605488
Thats very tricky. Self identity is in your sacral chakra, I also had blockages in both of these chakras. The sacral must be unblocked first as energy originates there and flows down to the root chakra and up through your higher chakras.
Your identity should be how you express yourself creatively and your role in a community, not about your fetishes.
Hip opening poses are really good for sacral chakra healing. Doing these will allow for freer and unrestricted movement of your energy.
You might notice some thoughts about your identity, creativity or passion for life that lead you to question yourself. Listen to these thoughts, they are your subconscious trying to reach out and tell you that something is off.

BPD abandonment issues

My boomer parents helicoptered like lunatics but when it came to doing anything positive for me it was a histrionic family wide argument and meltdown, if I had to guess. This is an acceptance issue I believe ultimately, men wanting to be wanted for a reason they're not ever getting.

>>34605330
To have sex with their mom? Idk bro I had the momcest-esque fantasy irl and it was fine. I think it made me a better boyfriend in relationships but otherwise I worry about the future if she ever goes senile or whatever and brings it up. I cringe thinking about it now, but it’s also hot as fuck.

>>34605410
>>34605444
As a momcest enjoyer, /x/ frequenter, and kabbalist/yoga practitioner, I wouldn't doubt this at all.
Jung related incestuous feelings towards both siblings and parents to the nervous system's sense of safety and general arrested development around leaving the nest.
Our society infantizes people, especially men regardless of what class you come from so when men are unable to provide sustainable security for themselves, it leads to a lack of identity, lack of self worth, and if it's combined with one parent providing the comfort and safety, it's only logical for the individual to develop a desire for that comfort.

>>34606259
Out of curiosity, how can you enjoy momcest and also be aware to such detail of how harmful it is?

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>>34606294
>also be aware to such detail of how harmful it is?
I appreciate you saying that, friend, I do take my studies very seriously.
To answer your question; because it's the least damaging version of a porn addiction that stemmed from traumatic relationship cycles that I can externalize.
My family has a generational history of weak men coddling borderline psychotic women that are the way they are because their deadbeat dads abandoned them early on. So I've seen both the effects of shitty men/fathers on their children and what those children go on to do to others in emotionally co-dependent and toxic relationships.
I have simultaneously a deep empathy for and fear of women. The relationships I've attracted mirror the emotionally unstable and chaotic relationships I saw my dad, grandfather, uncle, and two of my closest friends go through. My mom, however, is the only person I truly feel safe with and due to whatever pattern exists in my head, the outside world confirmed for a long time that it only existed to humiliate or attack me. This was part of my "shadow work" I guess, realizing what an emotional sponge I was to everyone around me and falling into the state of feeling like a perpetual victim despite outwardly seeming very well adjusted.
So I'm stuck in a liminal space at the moment it feels like where the deep genuine love I feel towards my mom is the only sexual safety I can find rest/release in. I'm also aware of the relation to the mother and sleep/death as well, I have a theory momcest can be summarized by the desire to return back to the womb within a universe of safety and stillness (in utero = in water/emotion) which is essentially death.
I'm working on it, tho.

>>34606330
No worries my friend, thank you for sharing such a detailed response. I understand, my family is eerily similar. My mom was pretty much the achetypical "devouring mother" but now I realize that she was under the veil of ignorance or "avidya" as some call it.

That made me realize that she isn't evil but she is just mimicking her mother which was quite the archetype herself and she thought she was helping and protecting me when in reality she was holding me prisoner

My shadow was taking over but right now, after discovering Christian Mysticism, ideally I would like to let go of all the false idenities I cling to and find a way to know myself so I can know who I am. In a way I still want the same which is safety but instead of acquiring it with self-destruction I am trying to acquire through Theosis. It's hard though

>>34605330
>No mother figure
>Traumatic expiriences involving mother, like weird relationship, 0 care for kids for example
Its not always ends up with mommy fetish, because it can go ethier way, but those things can be a deciding factor.
People that try to find this type of relationship lacked the aftermentioned care and love from the mother figure. Theyre in need of very intimate relationship that is even closer than that of husband/wife. The sex can be a part of it, but mostly its about care, trust and being able to expose yourself fully, being defenceless with a person that makes you feel safe.

>>34606406
Absolutely, I saw the same cycle within the women my father chose after my mother and ultimately in the step mother I felt forced to interact with. In reality, I could have chosen to leave, chosen to go on my own, even at a very young age, but I didn't because it felt wrong to leave a family member. At 14, I didn't see that, however so I stayed, tried to bear it or be an emotional support for my dad while his new wife tormented me emotionally and attempted to get rid of me multiple times (blaming me for shit, tried to call the cops on me claiming I stole money from her, then tried to get me institutionalized saying I was trying to kill her. Literal psychosis she projected on to me.)
Even today I can still feel that echo of
>ya know, I probably did actually want to fucking kill that stupid bitch
but she was reliving the trauma cycle over and over again of fighting for affection and attention from another child, essentially. She was adopted, so abandoned by her real parents, and felt the constant need to fight for attention and affection which perpetuated well into adulthood and to her own children.

Not saying this to prattle on about my shit but to show an example of the insane cycles we get ourselves stuck in and relive in relationships we think have nothing to do with our parents or early life. So regardless of what someone's going through, whether it's a shitty, toxic relationship, or a codependency on porn, or an intense momcest fantasy, we're recreating those situations we're familiar with that correspond to safety. Usually, anyway.

I don't want anything more than a normal familial relationship with my mom. She did the best she could when raising me and wasn't awful. I'd say she did alright. So why am I so attracted to thicker, older women I can be submissive to?