Hello,I recently fell in love with someone. However, a lot of things I’ve discovered about them since have really disgusted and upset me. It’s the type of information that, had I known before, I never would’ve agreed to meet them, and it’s made me see them in a very different light. I don’t think they’re going to be a good long term partner, but obviously I still have feelings and attachment towards them. How can I get rid of this in a healthy way? Is there a way??Thank you
Only time heals the feelings you have for someone and you will have to just go through a period of mourning something you had thought existed but no longer does.I'm afraid it's the healthiest thing to do. Separate from this person and spend dedicated time with your feelings for them until they start to get smaller and quieter. Don't put your life on standby until that happens though. Keep yourself busy and social. Keep your life and your love fluid. Things will get easier. You'll move through the feeling so much easier.
>>34606602Thank you, you’re right. I don’t have a lot going on apart from this person and I really love them. I just don’t want to hurt myself or them anymore
>>34606587What's the upsetting thing?Have you told them this? Proper closure helps with these sort of feelings.
>>34606587Fuck them and end it
>>34606587Realise that they're humans and are flawed. My past exes/oneitis I had to learn that the feelings were not going to reciprocated because of their reasons which were valid and or because of the white lies they said. Nobody in life is perfect everyone is inherently flawed, there's still good in some and few people especially the people we end up crushing on or falling in love or infatuated with.
>>34610341I don’t want to cause upset. I love them a lot>>34610356You’re right, nobody is perfect. I’m just very scared of making the wrong decision and then kicking myself for it later
>>34606587>doesn't even want to specify the genderFag OP. Tell us what is it that made you disgusted by her.
>>34606587You mean you discovered she had sex one time, don't you?
>>34614228>>34614257I’m a woman. He’s had sex with 15 women, 8 of which were prostitutes, and only disclosed this to me after we were intimate. In his own words, he thinks women with high body counts aren’t worth his time and can’t be good long term partners, so I’m not sure what he expects me to think of him. That’s not the only issue, but the point is, no, I’m not a man upset that a woman I like isn’t a virgin
^^^^^^^^^>>34614258
>>34614277All right, so: him having a non-zero body count really isn't an issue (nor would it be an issue for a woman). If he's the kind of person who thinks that it's okay for him to have a significant body count but it's not okay for you, then he's a hypocrite with a very unhealthy view of women, and you should dump him. With regard to the hookers, there are certainly some potential issues there. Has he, for example, been tested for STDs since then? If not, dump him. Were the girls victims of trafficking, and he either knew or didn't care? Then by all means dump him. Was he cheating? Then dump him. But there are other reasons why you *might* be objecting to this that aren't quite so healthy. Some women, for example, who have self-esteem problems, feel very threatened by hookers because they feel they have nothing to offer a man except sex, and that if he can easily get it by paying, then there's no reason for him to want to be their boyfriend any more. That's not such a good reason.So a good question is: why exactly does that bother you so much?
>>34614277>n his own words, he thinks women with high body counts aren’t worth his time and can’t be good long term partners, so I’m not sure what he expects me to think of him.Men and women aren't the same biologically or sociologically. Men with high body counts tend to be praised while women with high body counts tend to be shamed.
>>34614347It’s a mixture of many of those reasons. I view buying prostitutes as morally wrong, even the ones which “aren’t trafficked” are typically improvised, addicted, abused, and traumatised (with some exceptions, obviously). I also don’t believe I have much to give him other than sex, first because of my own internal insecurities, but second because of some of the things he’s said about women, sex, and relationships.Since I first made this post I’ve reflected on the situation and am feeling better about it. I do love this man, and I don’t want to ruin our relationship over this. But yes, I’ll definitely ask him if he’s been tested>>34614350Yeah, obviously. That’s my point; I disagree with that and I think body count is important for males and females, as well as the circumstances in which they had the sex (through a prostitute being the worst one besides outright raping someone, imo)
>>34614350>Men with high body counts tend to be praised while women with high body counts tend to be shamed.This happens. That doesn't mean we should approve of it.
>>34614415>I also don’t believe I have much to give him other than sex, first because of my own internal insecurities, Well, that's a MAJOR problem and something you need to fix. It's not directly his fault; however, if that's you feel about yourself, you probably have an unhealthy tendency to aim too low when it comes to men - for example, to forgive them for things you shouldn't forgive, because you think you won't be able to find anyone better. Be wary of that.>but second because of some of the things he’s said about women, sex, and relationships.Those all sound like good reasons to dump him.>Since I first made this post I’ve reflected on the situation and am feeling better about it. I do love this man, and I don’t want to ruin our relationship over this. But yes, I’ll definitely ask him if he’s been testedWell, you know him better than we do. But make sure you're staying with him because you want to be WITH HIM, and not just because you're scared to be alone and you think you can't do better. I will, however, pick you up on this:>I view buying prostitutes as morally wrong, even the ones which “aren’t trafficked” are typically improvised, addicted, abused, and traumatised (with some exceptions, obviously).I have to ask, how many sex workers have you actually met in your life? A long time ago I was an intern at a group called the Sexual Freedom Coalition. They campaigned on various fronts for changes in the law, under the general heading of "acts of consensual sex between adults shouldn't be illegal". Among other things they offered legal help to people who had been arrested for sex work offences. So, while I was working there I spoke to a *lot* of sex workers. And it was a real eye-opener. I can go into detail if you want, but suffice to say, almost everything people think they know about sex work is wildly wrong. I used to have attitudes very similar to yours; but that I have an informed opinion, I feel I was embarrassingly wrong.
>>34614524I definitely do want to be with him. I’m a woman on 4chan, so its admittedly easy to find a lonely or promiscuous guy who wants to fuck, but I genuinely love talking to and being with this man. Its like he’s two different peopleRegarding prostitution, thats an interesting perspective. I’ve not met sex workers in the flesh but I’ve heard their testimonies online, not just big influencer ones, but random women, too, and the consensus was “it’s traumatic and exploitative.” But you’re right, I don’t doubt there are women who view sexual intimacy no differently from flipping burgers.I don’t know, there are a lot of other things that worry me, that others have said I’m not crazy for worrying about. I’m not perfect either, and I struggle to connect with people. I’m just going to see where the relationship goes and hope it goes well. Thank you for your advice and support
>>34614350We should start shaming y'all moids
>>34614277lmao dude my bc is 85 and 15 are hooahs.I'm 30yo
>>34614741I mean, ew? But thanks for sharing I guess
