Are there any real ways of overcoming self-hatred?My father, who valued normality above everything, couldn't accept that his kid could have autism and resorted to lobotomy-era treatments to turn me normal, on top of giving me shit for every minute I spent doing "weirdo" things like drawing, playing videogames, or making music. At a logical level, I know he was in the wrong.At an irrational level I'm still unable to find a sense of achievement in anything I do because nothing changes the fact I'm a weirdo, just like nothing I achieved as a kid seemed to change his low opinion of me. The result is a sense of indifference and futility upon overcoming challenges, I felt nothing when I ran a half-marathon, I felt nothing when I won first prize in a writing competition, I felt nothing when I got my first relationship, I felt nothing when I learned the piano as an adult and performed a difficult piece in front of 200 people. I felt nothing when I watched a movie in the cinema and saw my own name in the ending credits.All because I feel like my father wouldn't be impressed.I don't want my 30s to be like this too, what's the cure to this mental hindrance called self-hatred?
>>34612460For something this ingrained, I think either you need to contact your father and have him tell you he is proud of some of your accomplishments (may not work), or go to therapy
You're doing better than me. Fuck you.
i saw a tiktok of a buddhist monk and he was holding a mardi gras necklace or something and he was like escuchame primo lookit when i pushet the necklace, mira look how it swing back at mepero look, when i pullet like dah, miralo look, it swing awayes like that, gjou know, que vas hacer, relax, primo, relax
>>34612491What would a therapist do in this scenario?A therapist helps one navigate into one's mind to find the cause of one's issues, but I already know the root of the psychological problem.Unless I got this wrong somehow.
>>34612518if i was your therapist i would give you a copy of the dark knight rises and we would read the plane scene, i would be CIA and you would be Bane(?) i would do my lines badly intentionally and expect you to do yours perfectly, and even if you did i would lie and say it was shitty, we'd do that for 59 minutes 30 seconds and with the last 30 seconds i would ask you if you are cured yetwe would repeat this weekly until the notion is defeated and i am declared victor over your malady this is the only thing that would work, anything else is palliative care
>>34612547>>34612495I'll just be straight up ignoring posts as soon as I read that dumb username, and assume that retarded replies further down are from you.
>>34612572your lossi'm the best you've got
>>34612572if you can't understand why my methods are germane and useful then i agree you should go get therapy, get two therapies in fact i don't give a fucklike i need this thread, there are a HUNDRED great other threads where i can post anime girls next to my correct opinions and compelling musings
>uhhh what would a therapist even dowell seems like you got it all figured out, don't you? you don't need us.
>>34612460This past weekend I did like 6g of shrooms. That seemed to do the trick. It was quite the transformative experience
>>34612754shrooms are the always the answer these days if trauma, ptsd or depression are involved in any way shape or form
>>34612603i'm worried now that some passerby that can be helped might be as hardened and dismissive as OP and lose something valuable you don't need to role play with me to get exposure to why achievements are useless, acclaim is empty, and talent is meaninglessto do something so silly in the first place invokes a feeling of disbelief and skepticism about the experience, which will put you in your head and instill doubts about methroughout this exercise, high achiever as you are, you'll be invariably tempted to slam dunk the lines in a great tom hardy accent while i stumble over my part only to be rewarded with nothing but my jealous contempt--here it is, by the way, here's the gold--my jealous contempt that supercedes the veracity of your talent and the reality of the quality of our discoursewhich, by the way i'm sure you know this, fellow writer, that airplane scene is an absolute embarassing miscarriage of storytellingand we continue in this scene, and i continue doing badly at this thing you know is bad (BUT IS VERY POPULAR) and you don't even get my approval for doing ityou are cured of my presence and of your own self hatred only once you EXCUSE yourself from it, and even then you will get no credit, no acclaim, and someone else will congratulate themselves for itdoing things because you hope they are satisfying and interesting is chasing (pulling the necklace, remember? the necklace is [something separate from yourself]) something that will evade you because you are chasing ityou are looking for some moment where you can say "wow cool, look what i did, time to rest and be loved by others and myself"? that moment is in your 70s, fulfillment and satisfaction are yours to claim moment by moment as you make and shape the world around you, what would possibly make you think there is an advantage to feel "good enough" before you're worn out
>>34612460Well in my case I used positive self-affirmations and thinking about why I do the things that I do, like:>Am I doing this because I want to or because I think it would get me the approval of others?>Would I do it if no-one was watching?>Am I actually having fun doing it?
>>34612518Well therapists can do that, but a good therapist would also give you something to do when you feel that way, some argument to use against yourself and tell you that you deserve to feel proud
>>34612460>I spent doing "weirdo" things like drawing, playing videogames, or making music.I think your father is the problem. Everyone has the right to enjoy life, even animals do that.Isn't it his responsability if he gave you life to make sure you can enjoy it?There is nothing and has never been anything wrong you.
>>34612460You need to realize that your fathers opinion is not the objective truth and allow yourself to make your own value judgements.
>>34612460I bet that secretly you are happy for what you achieved. Also achievements and relationship approval are different things.
>>34612460You were halfway there when you recognized that it was HIS problem. The rest of the way is accepting that winning his love is simply not possible. It is not your job in life to achieve the impossible. Simply stop trying, and accept a world that does not include his love.
