I do not believe in online dating so I want to date in my local hobby community.I put a lot of work into getting good at the activity, and got involved with the organisation to gain social status. I see that a lot of women are attracted to me. Yet I feel hesitant to escalate and openly show my interest. I have the (perhaps irrational) fear of suffering reputational damage, to be known as "that guy".For example, there was recently this incident, when a girl was giving me a lot of signals, so I eventually mustered up the courage and asked her if we could grab a coffee. She said she had a boyfriend. I was like, "sure, no problem", but internally it really hit me. I had to process my feelings, thinking that I fucked up, that there is a permanent mark on my reputation.The next time the two of us interacted, everything seemed normal. Yet the fear in me still lingers and I don't know how to deal with it.
>>34618402>I do not believe in online datingWhich is strange, given that it's trivial to prove that online dating very much exists.
Don’t do it, they’ll scream and a hoard of giant bulky men will beat the shit out of you, all because you flirted with her
>>34618402You’re sweating over nothing. You asked a woman out and she declined because she was in a relationship and you didn’t press it further. You handled it perfectly. You had no way of knowing she was in a relationship. It unironically could not have gone better for you based on the knowledge you had and what was actually the case. She doesn’t care, your community doesn’t care, you need to stop caring.
>>34618607I agree on an intellectual level, but emotionally, I believe I have trouble dealing with the idea that there might be some information circulating about me, behind my back, that people won't tell me to my face.I believe that I am having the mindset "better safe than sorry" and due to it, I am missing out on a lot of opportunities, as I prefer not to escalate.
You WILL be "that guy" if you make advances towards several people and one of them blabs.Maintain plausible deniability. Make friends with them and hang out but do not admit or make it seem like your sole motive is getting a gf. Become emotionally close, then physically, and only bring up the romantic aspects once she's already into you.
>>34618709This is the way
>>34618402Your coffee story is 100% perfectly normal, harmless and in no way dangerous to your reputation. It isn't like you proposed marriage out of nowhere. You suggested a casual meet-up, she gave you a reason why she didn't want it, and she probably forgot the whole conversation 10 minutes later, so un-special it was. Do exactly the same thing with the next girl and it will probably go well.
>>34618709To be fair, I have a guy friend who's extremely hot who does this. He told me never show interest. It seemed antithetical. And yet, hot girls from our choir go over to his house and he cooks dinner for them, probably gets his dick sucked too. And fucks.So, it works for him. What can I say. If it works for him it doesn't mean I should do it, because for me it wouldn't feel right.. but I'm not hot like him. If I was hot like him, I'd do it. Dinner with hot girl? Why the fuck not. Possibility of sex now or later down the line? Yes sir, let's go. So yeah man. >>34618402I tried this, you put it perfectly general, almost the same way a chat bot would. As if you wanted this to be as relatable to as many people as possible to get the largest amount of replies, well, I'll bite:A smart man uses all of the tools in his possession to achieve his goal. Instead of self restricting and saying "I will do X, but not Y." You say "I will do both.", that's the true sigma move. I'm now on dating apps and having some success, whereas before I had none. I urge you to use all channels available to you - it takes the pressure off both. Dating apps take the pressure off irl, and irl takes the pressure off dating apps. And your chances are increased simply because you use two channels instead of one, it really is that simple. So. Do both, do both!!!!
