I've been out of work for 9 months now. For 5 almost 6 years before that, I would work from 6 or 7 in the morning til 3:30 in the afternoon. I hated it. I had to start drinking coffee because I couldn't stand how much of the day went to wagecucking. So I slept 5 hours a night. Felt numb to reality after 6 months. My creative energy plummeted. Now I sleep better, a full 8 or 9 hours, but I still feel dead inside. I go outside, I did a 55 mile bike ride the other day, just for the hell of it. Still feels like there is a veil between me and the outside world. I finally lost my virginity and now I am just trying to fuck as many women as possible. I have a nice petite asian gf and I got to stand on a dock at an outdoor bar/club and kiss her while watching the sunset, and felt basically nothing. I mean it was nice, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But it's like this deeper layer there was to me before is gone. I still do creative work, but it's not as good. I used to write music, but the melodies that would just come into my mind don't come anymore. I cannot write prose anymore either. I actually could write passable prose and was improving. Now I don't. I don't imagine anymore, I used to visualize these very elaborate stories, purely because the drive from my soul was to imagine these things. Now I don't, as much. Admittedly I'm 31 instead of 25 now but still, I can't blame all of this on "maturing." Has anyone else experienced this? It's clear I brain-damaged myself to some degree but I don't know how much of it is fixable, if any. Or how to cope with it if not.Thanks in advance for any advice.
>>34618541>It's clear I brain-damaged myself to some degreeIts actually not, you're just experiencing symptoms typical for basic bitch burnout. Its not exactly healthy, but getting brain damage from lack of sleep is not a thing that happens IRL. Give it some time, bouncing back from wageslaving. You were forced to dedicate five years of your life to increasing another mans wealth - acknowledge taht that is a horrible thing, have some self compassion and chill out.
>>34618610It's been 9 months and I can at least get a boner again. Made a lot of healthy changes. I just find that, for example, when I took Calculus II and Linear Algebra, the ability I used to have to just figure something out, to "see" the answer, to be able to spatially manipulate objects in my mind and visualize, is just not there anymore. I don't know if it's from the china virus, the vaccine I stupidly took, or from lack of sleep. I have been looking up supplements to boost neuroregeneration but its hard to separate out the bullshit there. And doctors are so scared of getting sued or having people rely on homeopathics for cancer, that they won't even clear the air on what is actually good for your brain or isn't.I won't touch any peptides or microdosing of LSD but it tempts me.
>>34618541Nah. You are just old and sleep too much. We are individuals with potential when young and balding NPCs as we age. Absolutely gay that you believe sleep is anything more than mildly important.
>>34618687>Absolutely gay that you believe sleep is anything more than mildly important.I felt my creative inspiration brutally die once I began wagecucking fulltime and sleeping 5 hours a night. If it wasn't the sleep, it was the wagecucking, and I didn't have that issue when I was a part-time wagie.>You are just old and sleep too muchNow I do, because I will sleep for like 9 hours sometimes. But also I can finally get a boner again. So that's nice.
>>34618691Maybe you have an actual issue with the blood. That’s one thing doctors know how to do good, is order a barrage of tests.
>>34618541>I would work from 6 or 7 in the morning til 3:30 in the afternoon>I hated it. I had to start drinking coffee because I couldn't stand how much of the day went to wagecuckingWTF? You only worked 8h a day, you sick fuck.
>>34618541This sounds very much like depression, including anhedonia.
>>34618541start establishing a non negotiable sleep schedule of at least 7 hours and no food 3-4hours before bedtime.
>>34618541There is nothing better in this world right now than weed, vidya and shitposting.
>>34618541This is just falling into routine. I've experienced similar. Try getting up earlier and going for 20 minute walks, many of the great artists/ philosophers walked in the morning.
>>34618701They checked me with a basic set of tests and all I had was slightly-elevated LDL cholesterol. And my test level was 550 ng/dL>>34618703Yeah and I still couldn't stand how much of my day went to Shekelstein.>>34618787>This sounds very much like depression, including anhedonia.How do I solve it without taking drugs?>>34618848I do now. And if I go back to work I will. But the amount of panic over getting home and only having 5 hours to do all my shit before it's time to go back to the cuck cage, will set in again.>>34620782I hate weed but based otherwise.
You can blame it on anything anon. I've been going through the same thing as you described on a steady decline since my 20s and it was a multifactor thing, but there's no one single answer or solution or magic cure all, as far as I know, which is hard to accept. Millions of dollars are being made selling people the 'cure' to losing their spark. It's literally capitalising on the very souls it stole in the first place.A lot of people by this age have children and that's usually what gives them back their 'spark', at least for another 20 or so years. >I don't imagine anymoreI feel like the world has become a pretty horrible place in the last decade and people are blaming themselves for struggling when it's actually systemic. People are struggling with making enough money to just survive, let alone to thrive. Imagination has been snatched from us now because AI is doing all of it for us. We can watch a million moments in a million different peoples lives now on our phones. It overwhelms our systems with information. I think as well as your sleep maybe it would be worthwhile fixing your relationship to screen usage. Put limits on apps, leave your phone in a different room overnight, try not to go on your computer so much, and try talking to strangers more often and see what they might have to say. Just try approaching life with a bit more curiosity.
>>34618541I think what may be happening on the creative side is that you feel like you have to do this big thing now that you are out of wage slaving. You haven't exercised the creative muscle in a while and now you are trying to run a marathon in it for lost time (which is what I'm assuming).I would try to make a short story or poem with some limitation (like genre or topic) so you aren't dealing with blank canvas syndrome. Also, this video made me more confident with getting creative juices flowing but it's more game dev related https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyVTxGpEO30
>>34622738That's good advice yeah. I chat with strangers sometimes on my bike rides but maybe I should do it more.The world does fucking suck now.>>34622775thanks anon. I will watch that. And I guess you're right. I will try to do a shortstory first. The problem too is that I feel this strong urge in making money off my creative pursuits (which I've had some success with) whereas I used to actively reject that.
>>34622809Good to hear that you're making money off of some of the stuff now! Not to direct your creative pursuits too much, but maybe you could try to make some nice action schlock. Could be a range from The Peacemaker (1997) opening scene to basically anything out of that Playdate movie with Paul Blart and Jack Reacher.Also talking face to face with other creatives (not necessarily in your field) can help a lot with motivation. I say face to face because usually in online circles it's more so daydreaming rather than doing.
>>34623030I thought about writing goonbait romantasy for women. Just because I think it'd be a fun thing to do. And see if I could make it into an actual good story.I have a more serious idea for a 90s retrofuturism / deadmall cyberpunk kind of thing, I have the whole thing plotted out and started writing bits of it, but I don't know if it's publishable.
