What should I do if, much of the time, I would rather jerk off to pornography than have sex with my girlfriend? I'm getting tired of doing it because it's so much effort. For example, on a day like today, she is at work for another few hours, and rather than wait for her and have sex with her tonight and try to put on a performance, I would rather just goon out like 3 nuts to internet porn and just call it a day and not give a fuck anymore when she gets here.Context>I'm 32, she is 30>I am attracted to her, she is not fat or ugly, I would call her a 6.5 out of 10. We are relatively looksmatched imo as I am 5'10 and in good shape.>Been together for about 6 months so, the infatuation phase is probably endingHaving sex is so much work. Even though I am attracted to her, she just cannot compete with whatever kind of hyper specific unrealistic scenarios I can watch in HD for free online with women from all over the world that I can handpick. I don't know how to say no to sex without feeling like a failure as a man, or that I'm not masculine. Am I doing something wrong?
>>34621483That's normal maybe try role play to make things more exciting during sex.
>>34621513>That's normal IS it normal? How can I tell her that sex is boring without permanently making my relationship worse? I don't want to insult her. If she told me that having sex with me was boring I would be angry/offended, I do not want to do that to her. I don't blame her for this, I don't even think she has done anything wrong. No woman can be expected to compete with internet pornography, it just isn't possible. I can have any desire or any fetish I want hyper curated and delivered to me on discord or onlyfans for cheap. And that's just paid content. I can't expect her to compete with me watching egirls dress up in ridiculous outfits and get gangbanged in HD while giving the exact kind of dirty talk I want. She hasn't done anything wrong, but I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by enjoying it or taking advantage of it either. Okay, obviously any paid content is wrong to engage in, since that can actually damage my real life, but as far as the free shit is concerned, I really cannot even have any expectation of her competing with that.
>>34621483Have the decency to break up with her and let her find someone who actually wants her.
>>34621587Blah blah blah, just stop jerking off, or jerk off less.
>>34621607gooning is more enjoyable than fucking her. >>34621603Is the test for "wanting" a woman wanting to put tons of effort into fucking her every single day? Two or three times a week sounds good to me. Is that so wrong? Bitches will literally marry a man and sleep with him once a month and not see anything wrong with it. I'm just saying I don't want to do it every day. I don't know how to say "no", surely I have that right, correct?
>>34621615Okay so you won't change then stop complaining like a little bitch.
>>34621483Sex is an inadequate masturbation substitute.
>>34621483Stop taunting me. I'm sad and lonely enough already, I don't need someone on this website telling me he has a gf but only wants to goon. God.When I have a gf I'll fuck her all the time and cum thanks to her , not porn. As I did with my ex of 5 years. I barely watched porn during that time.
>>34621483>We are relatively looksmatched imo as I am 5'10 and in good shape.Consider that perhaps you aren't "looksmatched". Current media trends are aimed towards putting down men while inflating womens attractiveness. >Been together for about 6 months so, the infatuation phase is probably endingWell, once the infatuation phase ends you see whether you are a fit for the longer term. Consider that this may just not be the case here.
>>34621483How long does your sex usually last? Is it a quick 60 secs in missionary or do you go on for 20-30minutes? Because if she's wanting sex everyday, you're a lucky man and must be doing something right.
>>34621483Can I have sex with your girlfriend? You can whack off to porn while we go at it if you want.
>>34621615>Is the test for "wanting" a woman wanting to put tons of effort into fucking her every single day?Yes. If you actually want her, that becomes a pleasure, not a chore.
>Am I doing something wrong? Yeah pretty much. What you're doing is the equivalent of munching on snacks because you feel like making dinner is a lot of work. It is, but at the same time the snacks will not provide you with the nutrients a proper meal does. Porn will never give the afterglow of an orgasm with a partner, or the intimate and fun moments that occur during sex. Allowing all your sexual energy to flow to porn means chasing highs (that idealized fantasy) at the expense of never enjoying all the rest that sex can be aside pure lust itself. It is also a self-sustaining cycle because the more you engage in porn the more you will bring that gaze to the bedroom and yeah with porn glasses up any real life partner would disappoint for having boundaries, fluctuating moods and levels of desire, flaws, you name it. But those also bother you a lot less when you spend less time in the porn universe where sex is all about visuals and novelty and extremes (the youngest girl or the most flexible, the biggest dick or load etc etc). The biggest issue is to me it sounds like you don't really have desire to change anything and are really just hoping your gf will not mind the relationship not being sexual anymore. You cannot change things you do not want to change. She will most likely leave you if your interest in her continues to dwindle.
>>34623836Forgot to add but obviously apart from the sheer enjoyment of romantic, silly and intimate moments during sex, this is also an investment in your general closeness. A good sex life is like glue or lube in a relationship that allows you to be gracious about small irritations, that keeps you loved up so you will have less trouble accepting the downsides that come with everybody (adjusting to someone's quirks and inabilities, especially if you live together). Over time not investing in that sexual connection also just makes it die. If you do end up going through a long dry spell that is already caused by you not desiring her sexually, chances are how long it's been and how used you become to not having sex at all will in turn make it feel even more "cringe" to picture being intimate with her. On her side, she knows you do not desire her (unless she is willfully oblivious because it hurts too much to know), there is no mistaking when your partner never follows you with his eyes, never looks at you with lust. It will end up making her altogether unattracted to you because there will come a day she just cannot picture being touched with real desire, let alone tenderness and awe, by you. Cannot imagine feeling beautiful naked around you. Feeling relaxed and feminine around you. This is when either the relationship ends or you both become increasingly resentful and unloving towards one another. That is unless you are somehow lucky enough to have found a partner who deep down also does not want sex and only did it for you initially, but I don't think you would be asking if that were the case, your relationship would be flourishing wiht less sex then.
This is actually my current bf’s issue with me. I figured out he’d rather watch porn rather than have sex with me. It’s been weeks. Should I just break up with him and find someone that’s willing to do it every other day to every couple of days? I’m sexually frustrated. He said he never had sexual issues with other women except me. Guess I don’t do it for him.
>>34623944>He said he never had sexual issues with other women except me.Yeah I'd definitely take this as my cue to go unless that statement was paired with very specific and doable instructions for no longer having issues with me either.
>>34621483>What should I do if, much of the time, I would rather jerk off to pornography than have sex with my girlfriend?Totally normal. She's probably tired of fucking you as well. Another 18 months and your relationship will be over.
>>34621587>IS it normal?Yes it is completely normal. In fact it's a well documented fact about male sexuality.Called the coolidge effect.
>>34623949Well, we’ve had some stressful moments and he’s said I stressed him out with my insecurity and arguments, and that it’s a turn off to be stressed. He blamed me for him not being able to get erect. Right, but we also haven’t had anything like that recently and I figured out he was looking at a specific type of porn while I told him I was openly sexually frustrated and just wanted to have sex. I’m just sad and disappointed. I’ve never had this problem before with any of my exes, they would all fuck the shit out of me. I don’t even understand, he calls me beautiful all the time and tells me he’s afraid that I’ll get the ick if he reminds me I’m beautiful, but can’t have sex with me? What the fuck? Help.
>>34623959Be honest with yourself, apart from how recent it has been happening (or not), do some of his words about your stress/insecurities/arguments resonate with you? Because it can be a real thing, some people have a harder time than others to separate anxiety in the relationship from their sex life and it is also possible for men to legitimately struggle with that.If this is the case, it is a matter of looking for how you cannot just avoid negative behavior but give positive reinforcement. To some people the opposite of an argument is sex, apparently not your bf, for him the opposite might be a fun date together so try to create some fun times/memories that give positive reinforcement that goes beyond simply not arguing. If you feel more confident than you used to, show it, do things (wearing bolder outfits or lingerie, sharing positive thoughts about yourself with him) that let him feel the difference rather than just hearing from you there is a difference. All this said, it is possible that he is not being totally honest and just blaming your relationship/you being imperfect for not desiring you more. Maybe he does not even know himself why he is not interested in sex more often. It is not uncommon for men to feel like resorting to porn is the result and not the cause for lack of desire for real sex. At the end of the day, I feel a relationship most of the time ends when either partner just does not have the heart to try anymore, has no faith left, no curiosity for a shared future. Nobody else but you can know when that moment comes and your own interest in staying matters apart from where his low drive comes from exactly.
>>34621483This is quite literally the exact plot of the movie Don Jon
>>34623973Thanks for your words. <3 I actually just think the right choice is to break up with him and let him be with who he has a normal and better sexual balance with. For both of our sakes.
>>34623944>Guess I don’t do it for him.Correct. He's using porn because it's better.
>>34623959You sound kinda shitty to be around to be honest.His libido has completely noped out on you as a viable mate.
>>34621483You just sound bored, I thought the same with my last few relationships but turns out I still get diamonds at the thought of new ass. I think I'm just burnt out on long term relationships, i much rather just spin mutiple plates.
>>34621483Dating your looksmatch is not ideal. You have to date above it. Don't settle
>>34624049I would say that's correct until a certain age. I know plenty of guys dating absolutely hags because they're not rich so their looks in the 30's can only carry them so far. Like I'm 35, I highly doubt I'm gonna find a good look chick unless I level up enough to date someone atleast 10-15yrs younger.
>>34624039This is where the myth of ED comes from btw. It's literally just men bored with their partners.
>>34624069I've never had it so bad that I got ED, but with my last ex I definitely reached a point where I just stopped having sex with her cause I was bored and mostly fed up with the relationship
>>34623944>Should I just break up with him and find someone that’s willing to do it every other day to every couple of days?Yes.
>>34621483yeah you dumb bitch quit ruining your brain with porn
OP Here, haven't looked at this thread in a few days, since she was here all weekend. >>34623836>hat you're doing is the equivalent of munching on snacks because you feel like making dinner is a lot of work. It is, but at the same time the snacks will not provide you with the nutrients a proper meal does. Porn will never give the afterglow of an orgasm with a partner, or the intimate and fun moments that occur during sex.This is not true. When it comes to the "afterglow" and all the emotional stuff, I've been there and done that before, it's nice, but it isn't necessary to have a good and fulfilling nut, which is really what it's all about. A simple snack can still very much be filling, nutritious, and not complicated. >any real life partner would disappoint for having boundaries, fluctuating moods and levels of desire, flaws, you name it.True, porn doesn't have any of these issues, I agree. >it sounds like you don't really have desire to change anything and are really just hoping your gf will not mind the relationship not being sexual anymore.This isn't true, I said above multiple times that I still actively want to fuck her like 3-4 times a week. I like doing it probably 70% of the time that I see her. You're acting as if just because I am a man, I am supposed to be interested in sex every day 100% of the time, which I really don't think is true. It's this type of attitude that made/makes me feel as if I don't have the ability to say I'm not really in the mood right now without it saying something negative about my masculinity. >>34623849This entire post is predicated on the erroneous conclusion that I was saying I don't want to have sex with her anymore. As I said, I still want to do it multiple times a week, just not daily. >>34623944My advice is for you to lose weight and be more open to his kinks. >>34623951>She's probably tired of fucking you as well.She initiates every day 1-2 times, cope and seethe.
OP here again, just mass replying to shit because I am catching up on the thread, I'm reading everything you guys are saying. >>34623959I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything but are you and your boyfriend unattractive or overweight etc? A lot of men are stuck dating whoever they can GET, not whoever they WANT. (Me included, I am obviously not except from this). He might just be straight up settling, especially if you guys are not 25 years old or less. Many such cases, that's not an unusual scenario to be in. Just because a dude is a schlubby and unremarkable guy who isn't particularly rich or in shape doesn't mean that he's going to be sexually interested in the women that are "on his level", he may just straight up be with you because it's better than being alone, or if he does have other options, they are even less attractive than you are.>>34624031True. >>34624039I understand this, but I am 32 and I do feel like it's time to look towards settling down. >>34624591How is it "ruining my brain" exactly? Just because I engage in the ability to freely enjoy finer things simply because I can? What's wrong with that? It honestly comes off as a female empowerment femcel kind of thing. Male orgasms and male pleasure don't have to solely be gatekept by women, I really don't see anything wrong with enjoying some high quality pornography as long as I'm not paying for it and it isn't ruining my ability to get hard or anything like that. And, as a real world example of what I'm talking about in this thread. I fucked her on Sunday afternoon and it was great. Then, still on Sunday, she went to bed and fell asleep before me, so I was chilling alone for like two hours before I also went to bed. Part of what I was doing was jerking off to some porn while she slept. Because of that, I was less interested in fucking her this morning before she left, because I already got off last night by myself. I could have waited until the next morning, but chose not to.
OP here again. Last post for now, I'll check back later. >>34623698At minimum it's 20 minutes. At most it's an hour. Always a lot of making out, foreplay, touching, toy use, pussy eating, fingering, changing positions, etc etc. I think I am good at sex. That's kind of why I'm complaining about it. That's a lot of time, a lot of effort, it always makes me sweaty, requires a shower afterwards, and it takes forever for women to cum in comparison to us. It's like, an entire ordeal man, it's a performance. Sometimes I just want to lay back and crank one out in a comfortable position with absolutely maximum visual stimulation. There is legitimately an upside to just doing that instead. >>34623473Hit the gym. In my late 20s I got literally zero pussy at all until I devoted years of my life to diet, exercise, skincare, hobbymaxxing, etc. I spent a few years feeling like an incel until I levelled up my appearance tremendously and now I've had several irl girlfriends in the last year and a have, and I am the one who ended up breaking up with all of the ones up until this one. >>34623769I'm a freak, I'd be okay with this potentially.
All of this argument is dumb when the answer is fairly simple. You're already pleasing yourself to the max so just try and do the same for her.
>>34621587>onlyfanssimp ruining his relationship with porn addiction lel
>>34627275>Hit the gym. In my late 20s I got literally zero pussy at all until I devoted years of my life to diet, exercise, skincare, hobbymaxxing, etc. I spent a few years feeling like an incel until I levelled up my appearance tremendously and now I've had several irl girlfriends in the last year and a have, and I am the one who ended up breaking up with all of the ones up until this one.Thank you dude, that's encouraging. I'm at this point where I've been on a couple dates with several girls but all went nowhere, girls say they're not interested or ghosting or some other bs reason, I'm down to 1 girl and her pussy smells and I haven't even gone down there yet, I can smell it just from being around her. I'm really at this point where I'll just hit the gym. I have nothing else I can do. "Focus on myself" as they call it. I hobbymaxxed, also lost 20kg (half of my goal), I suppose I need to do the other half of the goal to really succeed... Uuugghhhhh...
