>>34623320
bf and i havent talked since the other day, and he left me on read last night. its so over.

imma be completely honest
i dont see the point in living anymore. all of the stuff in life just seems completely pointless. im sick of all the things that society expects from you and desu i just wish that i dont wake up again

>>34623324
Based bf, it's probably your fault foid
>>34623326
If you're brown that's fine too. If you are white, do better dude

https://voca.ro/1emV7mk417TP

>>34623320
I hate niggers
>t. black nerd

"If you get anxious, imagine them without any clothes on."

But what if they are hot? That just makes me more anxious.

>>34623320
I have a unique and well argued empirical idea about esoteric historical cycles and I started a website to share it but it's taking a lot because I am procrastinating. I wish I had someone that helped me in any way like giving me some advice. Some friend or something.

I made my mom cry and I'm heartbroken but also she forgot I have unmedicated ADHD and many things are hard for me, I just need to send a couple emails but bureaucracy kills me inside

>>34623518
Having a mental illness or any type of medical condition is no excuse to treat innocent people or people in general like a fucking asshole or bully them.

sometimes I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of recovering from the last inconvenience

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today is my birthday

>>34623593
Happy birthday anon

>>34623575
I did no such thing
It's my inability to do things that made her cry. My own existence if you will

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>>34623600
>I just need to send a couple emails
>mom sad
I wasted over a decade of my life in that state of being. Send those emails right the fuck now. Don't rewrite them 100 times, just type some shit up and click send and see what happens. I mean right now before you reply to this post. And get help. Meds, shrink, religion, a cult, anything. And tell your mom why this is happening, don't leave her in the dark. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

>>34623612
I sent them but the bad feeling is still there. Thanks for the interest though, unfortunately I haven't had access to any kind of help this year and won't have access until August, but if I keep fucking up it will be too late by then

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>>34623594
thank you anon

>>34623593
Happy birthday lil bro

>>34623624
Good that you have sent them, have you apologised to mom? God speed anon you can fix this

>>34623636
thank you big bro

>>34623600
lol, that's entirely on her, you didn't ask for her to bring you here, you didn't ask to be born with ADHD, you didn't ask for her to get upset when you dare to show symptoms of your neurodivergence, you didn't ask for her to expect you to function like a neurotypical person
that's like making someone with down syndrome feel bad by crying in front of them because they can't drive to the doctors appointment themselves
if she can't handle having a disabled child then that's her fault, she knew that's a risk when she decided to have a baby
it's ok for her to be frustrated and exhausted from having to look after a disabled person but she has to learn how to express that in a way that doesn't put the burden on you, she can go cry to her therapist about that

>>34623650
anon you can have a good reason for being inadequate and still feel sorry for how that affects others

>>34623662
yes, but there's a difference between knowing you're a burden and someone howling right in your face about how much of a burden you are

I went to sleep mad and I woke up mad all over again. It's so cool how I meet a new "friend" of yours in VRChat who immediately says something sexual about you that you're okay with, but you get mad at me for being offended by it? And you wonder I was so upset? You know what, just keep crying to every guy you meet about us. I'm sure you'll find another boyfriend that way, just like you did when you were crying to *me* about your ex.

>>34623689
you always get what you sign up for

i can't reason with or defend myself against someone who just denies reality and changes what the rules are on a whim

>>34623713
Same feels bad man

Hard week tomorrow. Hopefully it will end well. Back to back appointments. Tuesday early afternoon my one break to take a walk and try to...sort things out. That, or be made a fool of.

>>34623320
I hate rude people. I always treat others well, and as soon as I say the slightest silly thing, people jump on me as if it were obvious or as if I were retarded. God, it's like some people are allergic to happiness or something.

I'll see you this week, right? Things will be worked out? Even just a little? God I'm weak I know, forgive my pathetic simpering. The anger was less shameful than this.

I have never met someone who was such an evil selfish manipulator narc but is also what I think is...a good and sympathetic person. It's scary. You are abusive but I think you genuinely don't mean to be. Or am I just falling for your tricks?

Living in a 3rd world shithole and would love to complain about everything. But the more I keep scrutinizing and complaining about everything, the more I find endless of it. Perhaps it's truly just a matter of this place being so backwards primitive, that's why everything is so dysfunctional and that's it.

There's far too many - dozens - of signs and evidences pointing to you as an enemy, and I'm still placing as much of my trust in you as I can, doing what (admittedly) little I can as damage control and to defend you to them, between their threats. You carrot-and-stick me, bait always out of reach, and I'm still doing my best, despite the harm it brings me.

Wtf was that dream? And no person who may be my cousin or may be some glownigger just using their voice - not living a lie - mostly volunteering. Though the "voluntary" aspect of that - for obvious reasons to those with full context - is a matter of debate

it's over.

>>34623580
Wait until they start really messing with you.

What if I can't recover from this?

You won't want a perpetually broken angry sad scared woman.

Easy to make such declarations when you're not mired in the reality of it...it made you hate me, remember? Or did you think that was from something else, and not my broken heart and inability to heal from it

Today I woke up and felt like doing nothing, so I was scrolling on my phone for 4 hours without barely getting out of the bed. I'm also not eating that much lately. I felt anxious yesterday and since then I've been sad. I will play Rance now. I want to eat junk food, namely cream crakers and biscuits. I'm not nice today. I hate that. I was doing so nice on the last month, heck, even two weeks ago.

>>34623889
Hey

>>34623976
You're not them, I'm not interested

>>34623996
Who is them? I’m not that guy who wasn’t them and am also not them.

I’m into you despite all of your flaws. You don’t need to do anything to impress me - you’re everything I’m looking for, and you pulled me out of a bad place when I needed a helping hand, although you don’t know that yet. I want to give your story a happy ending. I’ll be waiting for you.

>>34623593
Happy birthday

I regularly waste my time on the internet posting on 4chan, instead of making progress in my life or doing anything I actually want to do.

>>34624132
When you find the motivation to better your life, you will come back here and see a post like the one you just made that reminds you to keep going. We're all gonna make it.

>>34623593
Happy birthday!

>>34624120
I did my best in giving my all and even then it wasnt enough. There is no good ending for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVtrllgtgxs

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>>34623593
happy birthday!

I'm not reading all that, sorry. I'm going to take all the time I need to feel better. There are other people who need me who care more about what I'm doing anyway. Which is a shame, because I spent too much energy caring about what you thought.

Truly accepting I'm going to die alone. Crying myself to sleep for the past two weeks. Debating on suicide or solitude.

>>34624377
Hey me too! Solitude is more comforting albeit isolated

I HATE EVERYTHING

I wish I could just spill everything about my breakup to someone and have them care but I can’t because my ex and I share all our friends and I can’t even dump here because she posts here too :(

The convenience store pizza I bought just spurted grease on my shirt. I’m sitting in a gas station in the middle of nowhere about 14 hours from home. I’ve already seen mountains, plains, and a beautiful thunderstorm today. I’ve got my favorite tunes playing and no idea what’s ahead of me except road. I am in my happy place.

ask to come over and suck my cock again already you know you want to

>>34624447
> how do you know she posts here?

Scared. Hopeful. Mostly not. That stalemate...Are they letting you go, or are you still in chains? They give me nothing, is that intended ploy, or is it because they're conceding ?

Want to feel you at my back, arms snaked around me to shield, like you did by the water before.

>>34623593
Happy birthday. Godspeed anon

I'm so sick of crying randomly throughout the day. I'm not fucking sad, my life is great.

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>>34624130
>>34624170
>>34624314
>>34624551
thanks frens

Sometimes I wonder if I’m being tested like Job, but I’m cracking under the absolute slightest of inconveniences.

Waiting to see you is becoming physically painful.

>>34624644
Same boat as you. Hope she’s having fun, but there’s a lot I need to tell her when she gets back.

I'm ruining you while we cling to what's left and I can't let go even though I want what's best for you. I can't stand to see you in pain anymore, my dear.

I'm already ruined. I don't have the strength to make the choice for myself. Trying to walk down both paths at once but they're growing further apart with each step.

Maybe I'm not so ugly after all... That's the 2nd person that's complimented me in 2 weeks. Huh.

>meet guy who is cute, talks to me, and is affectionate
>begin to think he loves me
>mfw he is still in love with his ex
Many, many such cases.

>>34624806
cuz ur a uggo

She's nudging me to date her son more after learning we have a shared love for an obscure animated kids movie. It's uncomfortable. Everything about this place is uncomfortable.

>>34624820
I AM older, fatter, and uglier than her so it does make sense desu

I’ll nudge her son to go to sleep peacefully when I choke him out with you looking on.

>>34624556
You're emotionally and physically exhausted. Take a vacation. You're probably lonely too

>>34623320
It's been 3, maybe 4 years... I'm still not over her.
It annoys me, every other woman I've had in my life I can fold away and mentally discard them, as brutal as it sounds the alternative is what I'm left with now
Still yearning for her, wishing we had gotten married, I feel scarred and the wound still isn't closing
If anything I've become more resentful that I had a chance to change my life entirely slipped through my fingers.

>>34624806
Not been chatting to me by chance?

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>>34623593
Happy Birthday Anon

Hot

>>34624806
Sorry sis, I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with the same but with the sexes reversed.

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Suicide is not good at all, but I can understand it very well. I can understand yearning for something utterly beyond this place and no longer wanting any part of it.

>>34625344
I can understand the desire to stake your entire existence as you know it, on a single moment. I wouldn't do it myself, I think it's mistaken, but I get it, in this world, as it is.

>>34623593
Happy birthday!

>>34625344
Try to find peace where you are at.

>>34623326
Just rest
>>34623593
Happy Birthday Anon!
>>34623713
Sometimes the only winning move is to not play
>>34623884
You'll live, trust me
>>34624677
I'm sorry. I don't think she made it
>>34625155
Ever witness an elderly person talk about the person they loved once when they were 20 and never got over it despite having an entire life, a family, and grandkids after? Sometimes you really just never get over it. It's normal
>>34625344
If you're depressed you SHOULD kill yourself. Just not literally

>>34625400
>If you're depressed you SHOULD kill yourself. Just not literally
Explain.

>>34625415
He means to deny yourself and kill the old you.

>>34625427
Depending on what that means, that sounds like multiplying my well of pain.

Are you there? Am I annoying you, or does this smallest bit of contact with me soothe in just the slightest, as it does for me? Do you keep looking for me?

>>34625447
If you deny yourself, it will be hard, but it will be for the better.

>>34625400
>Sometimes you really just never get over it. It's normal
I'm in two minds about it, I'm still good looking, I have become skinny fat but I still have my hair and a decent face.
It's not like she was the prettiest woman on the earth but to me I just loved her more than anything, I promised to marry her, and I still want to in spite of how it ended.

The thing is I can say all that and know if I find the right woman, someone who really makes me feel again all of that will wash away.
The issue is I just don't know if I can on that front I feel trapped in the past

>>34625464
I'm tryna stop myself from becoming a useless alcoholic. I hope we can chill one day.

>>34625494
Funny, I'm considering taking up functional alcoholism the moment I find a place to live.

I LOVE being an alcoholic

>>34625527
What you got going on?

Actually fuck this I could be drinking right now

you gotta have a drink when you have a smoke. it's what she would've wanted

I miss her too, man

>>34625540
I'm sorta homeless, for one. Plethora of other chaotic shit. I think each and every aspect of my life is falling apart.

I want to get over my sexual neuroses for her sake

>>34625552
That's how they test you, it's retarded, but you're more likely to be fit.

>>34625566
Fit for what?

>>34625575
Fit to be a soldier, someone they use. Etc. But I actually meant fit physically.

>>34623320
I wonder if I am just going to be lazy forever. Or maybe I am depressed. I am so lazy I feel like I should kill myself, but guess what? I am too lazy to kill myself too

>>34625594
That's the best thing to be, focus on The Creator. He will push you.

It's comforting when you talk about harming others for me.

>>34625608
Your boyfriend must be a hard nigga.

>>34625608
need a guy like this again so bad fuuuuuuck

>>34625616
Damn, I would Rumble the world for you and it'd just be you and me.

Jane

>>34625662
You sound like a hater, gawd.

>>34625662
What about her?

>>34625698
Nah, bro, he's talking about me. His boy is streaming and he knows I'm here, so he tryna get a reaction out of me.

I wanted to be obsessed over, I wanted devotion and adoration and giving the absolute self to me, I wanted their need for me to be all-encompassing, their response to a hint of my need to be to jump at the ready, to serve and to delight in it...I needed it, and needed it to reflect it in kind. But that's "simping" (I thought it wasn't, if it was reciprocated. Is that not what mutual obsession is? It's what I thought it was.)

Pathetically yearning yandere. Just a touch of pathetic... it's attractive. Dazing, disarming.

I suppose I was less concerned with "trad" dynamics beyond just acknowledging biological, psychological, and social differences between man and woman and applying to some degree, but true love and romance transcended mere roles to me, and to confirm so rigidly to these roles was stifling, a forced act, no room for the love I understood and craved to receive and dispense.

Sex was result, byproduct, stepping stone.

I can never explain well enough such things. Or maybe in explaining I am expecting some manner of change, that if I order the words right, it will appear - incantation and invocations. I think what I wanted was maybe only possible in fantasy and stories and otome games about clowns and didn't translate to real life, to long term.

I wanted to be two sides of the same coin, but feel you see us as one a coin, the other a bill.

I needed someone to abandon themselves in me, and I in them, and yet, neither of us having asked the other to do so, and picking up the abandoned pieces of the other and storing it inside ourselves, so when they do throw our/themselves into the other, we find ourselves again, within, the other.

I want to be unmade and put together again, in the exact and most poignant way I need. But I don't think you can read my soul. I think your beliefs are a barrier, a line you can't cross, over the cliff, together. You want to gaze over it. I want to fall.

>>34625782
Your boyfriend sound like a hood nigga.

I am a sad little girl mourning irrealities

Where is my beastial, yearning, obsessive poetry returned?

>>34625794
I'm too drunk for that, but I'll try to freestyle for you.

I do not want to look for answers I won't find. Far easier to live in the delusion this distance elicits, that all this is possible and returned.

A soothing dream, lulling balm, to a wounded heart. I'll live there for as long as I can.

Lie to me, for now, and allow me this, please. If it is your last kindness ever.

>>34625662
Also, nigga, when you first started, I kept you alive because I fucked with you. If you can't take a joke, don't be mad.

I feel at odds with my flesh again.

>>34625834
What is it asking of you?

>>34625776
True

>>34625884
I understand you, though it makes me grieve

>>34625887
If I’m a bill, and you’re a coin, then you’re a piece of me, aren’t you?

>>34625868
Nothing besides escape and suicide. It could be retarded and I just need to give myself a week of quiet or something. I've flirted with the idea of trooning out but that's probably retarded. It just seems like something that might make a positive difference. There have been times in my life where I was able to draw a line between my existence as a man, and misery. I am of course, immersed in this existence though, so of course, all negative things in my life, will be associated with my life as I experience it. I guess when life is miserable and you need a release, you look to those kinds of things.

>>34625983
I've been a container of pain ever since I was a young teenager. Probably even earlier than that from things in my upbringing that probably aren't good for a child mentally, like watching the threat of a parental break up. I was depressed ever since I was 13. I wanted to kill myself at 14 and that age and 15 years old was probably the most depressed I'd ever been in my life, at least, tangibly. There were some events in my life that really didn't help matters that I won't go into because I've spoken of them in these threads a couple of times before. Life sucks, boo hoo, but still, it leaves on with a constant pain that's probably not normal to have at all. I only ever really see in in particular circumstances. I don't cry, ever, but there are very particular things that can evoke a certain knowledge and sensation that makes me feel it well up. It happened twice, and both times I let it pass, and when I let it pass I then feel the weight again, and that's when I realize the weight that's there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HP1NAZV20U0

>>34626008
*ever see it in

Fuck you I hope you die fun police soul sucking tranny bitch fat bastard no skill fun police retard

>>34626011
I don't have a fun police complex, Idk why you sayin' that. All I said is see where it goes.

I'm kind of being a faggot to be honest, but whatever.

I love vagueposting

Have you ever just stopped talking to someone you loved because they hurt you for the last time as they continued to try and engage with you like nothing happened?

Every day I wish you would stop pretending we're married or together at all. Every day I regret ever having your dick inserted in me just to make me feel insufferable.

>>34626044
Yes.

>>34626048
>dick inserted in me just to make me feel insufferable.
Did his dick hurt you?

>>34626044
Why do I feel like this is a shot?

>>34626044
Yes. Unless you're living with them, it hurts even more when you're forced to keep contact with them.

>>34626050
Not even close lol. He thinks his dick is superior despite knowing I feel nothing from it.

I have a cabinet full of like 8 ssri's, anti-anxiety's, and anti-psychotics, all nearly full
Was skipping through them like hotcakes with a psych trying to find one that worked until I finally got to one that kind of did

I'm not suicidal at all, it's just comforting to know that the means is right there

>>34626132
They're only good for a year.

I'm gonna fuck it up. I always do. It doesn't matter how well it's going now.

I've fallen off so many times.

>>34626181
You the vibe. Don't worry.

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>>34626183
lol

Why do I want to see them fail in their latest venture? Is it because of the betrayal unresolves?

Why are you still thinking that me coming back is a bad idea? It's been over a year, sure they won't welcome me with flower bouquets, but they still would try to talk to me. Unlike you.

I just remembered something that happened not too long ago.
I was standing beside the sidewalk when a White chick passed by. However, she passed me by covering her face with her hands and hair, her head turned opposite from me while physically shrinking away from my position.
The absurdly overt display of utter disgust actually made me LMAO inside to the point I couldn't hold a chuckle. I can only imagine what was going through her head as she walked past me: "DONT LOOK AT THE CREEP DONT LOOK AT THE CREEP DONT LOOK AT CREEP".
Fucking LOL.

>>34626189
>Why do I want to see them fail in their latest venture?
Only if you follow me around would you know what it is. Go hug your bf.
>>34626205
Who?

*cuts off everyone I know from my life*
"wtf why is everyone leaving me"
why the fuck am I like this

>>34626210
You are a mental puddle of goop

>>34626207
Someone who got themselves shunned by the same group by being a total asshole and tried to change someone to his liking. I picked up his bad habits and left when I saw it hurting everyone while he kept going. I knew keeping contact with him was a bad idea, but I'm learning from my mistakes. He had it coming while I decided to leave but everyone else thought it was a bad idea. Some thought I even died. I had isolate myself for these past months to get myself back up on my own feet along with gathering courage to face whatever bad is coming when I come back, but I shouldn't have told him and now he wants to play the messiah or something. It sounds ridiculous when it's all his fault in the first place.

>>34626221
Oh, so you're a victim?

>>34626218
how does ones mental become ungooped again
do I undo the cutoff and say "sorry I had a woman moment lol"

>>34626207
I dont have a bf, they were a gf who left and traded up after ignoring their non-comitted signals, to keep me in their back pocket in case they couldnt find anyone better to steal energy from.

>>34626229
Dunno, I spent 2 years trying to solve it and couldn’t
Try shrooms

>>34626223
I'm...not sure if I'm a victim or just want to push the blame onto someone else because of the heat of the moment. Conversation was still fresh but I hate how he worded it. As if he knew better. I'm not him, it will be miles different with me coming back and when would come back. I wasn't an asshole and apologized for my stupid decisions and left before I did more harm than good, but it turned out that me leaving did the most harm to them. He never believed he was in the wrong and it was always the whole world against him in his eyes. Sure, he had a hard life and was a hobo for years, but that doesn't give you the right to randomly tell people to kill themselves in their faces when they make an offhanded joke. I wish I never left at all and never listened to him, otherwise I wouldn't be where I am right now.

>>34626238
Oh, damn, what makes you be that vindictive, dawg?
>>34626240
What makes you say he's trying to play Messiah?

>>34626244
8 years of being told i was ngmi and that i can do it so that she will get the promised nuclear family existence; Only to be told at the end of it that i should have focused on myself instead is likely why i am vindicative of people who only want to show up at the finish line to claim being the reason for success

>>34626255
Vindictive means an overwhelming feeling of wanting revenge. But yeah, that's good advice and you're not looking at this objectively.

I'm sick of feeling lonely... I have good friends, I go to the gym, I have hobbies and I make art. I go out when friends call me and for someone autistic I'm pretty sociable, open and functional. I manage to get work done properly and I'm highly competent, yet I can't connect with anyone. I had a few girlfriends in the past, but back then I didn't know why I just didn't connect with them, even though these relationships lasted long for the most part. I'm not evil, vindictive or resentful, I just want to be happy and not feel lonely anymore, that's all I ask for.

>>34626258
When someone demands you work toward a shared goal and then drops you to say actually you should have worked on yourself is good advice? Objective or not that is my answer to the source of feeling vindicative here

I am usually pretty good at refraining from doomposting about my relationship until I get drunk and start to feel like a cuck because my girlfriend likes to spend her time bantering with men online and making a plethora of male friends while she reassures me that I have nothing to worry about and she's a grown woman who can take care of herself.

But honestly, sometimes I just feel like shooting myself in the fucking skull.

>>34626263
When it comes to relationships, you have to hold the dominant position. You have to be all these things to the woman that no one else can be. That's the only way you keep her. Otherwise she will look elsewhere.

>>34626244
Okay, so there was this girl in our group who was always the center and the light of the party, everyone liked hanging around her. But Mr. Asshole here always tried to hog her for himself, tried to become her next father or something with how he acted around her. Girl tolerated him a bit too long and listened to him, even when it was bad advice. It was always something like "Do this" and "Do that" and you could tell that she would rather not. She's a grown woman ffs, she can think for herself. It was really annoying when it was mostly him just coddling her and never complimented her or anything of the sort, it was always him complaining. He also didn't listen when she told him to stop, so the rest of the group had to butt in. I don't know what he was thinking, but it sure didn't feel like it was for her sake.

>>34626267
If the nigga has no perspective, why is he trying to call a girl his? That shit is fried.

>>34625958
In concept only

>>34626266
Thats well and good, i guess she used me to build up a platform to allow her to go elsewhere once it looked like there was nothing else to squeeze from me? Years of support emotionally, academically, professionally. I just feel drained afer doing everything " right " to claw us both out of early life struggles, but now she can slingshot into start ups and high tier brackets of people while pretending she is not as vapid as she claims they are.

>>34626277
So she surpassed you? Nigga, what are you? Vegeta?

>>34626272
I should've seen it coming miles ago, but I always try to believe in the good of people. I will try to reconnect with them and own up to my mistakes and I will have none of his shit.

>>34626283
Don't even begin to blame him, man, please. You'll have a better chance.

>>34626281
She hasn't surpassed me, no. Just revealed how status and money was the only thing she cared for, indiscriminate of who gives it.

Fucks like a pornstar, I’m so lucky

>>34626291
Wuh, damn, you really didn't see that coming?

>>34625169
Probably not. Initial?

>>34626293
Which pornstar?

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finally convinced my husband to let me hold his dick while hes pissing
lifelong dream come true

>>34626299
That shit made me laugh. Next is to suck it while he's pissing, gargle it, then spit it back into his mouth.

Y todos hombres lloren, hasta Superman...

I shouldn’t have said those things about you. If you died and those were the last words I said about you, I’d have to live with that the rest of my life. As it stands, I’ll already have to live with the fact that I spoke them at all. I’m sorry, I was wrong, all those words were completely wrong, I’m an asshole, and you don’t owe me forgiveness.

>>34626294
>>34626294
No? We were both post school failures, she did a games design bachelor with no job prospects, me failing to attend any class i tried. I got a lucky break with skilled work without ant qualifications just my knowledge and so started the relationship, i was there for her during any ridiculous event or troubles she got herself into, stayed up to help with her masters level homework while I was doing my bachelors. Most involvement for me was time and energy because monetarily we had none. I thought we were just that, " we ". Try together or die deal. You know, you will say maybe i chose to ignore the signs but it was already a heavy responsibility on me to get it working so i just tried harder until burned out, but that is what it was taking to have someone in my life.

>>34626321
That shit sounds like she only saw you as an "only need him for now" person.

>>34626302
bit messy sister

>>34626324
I'm a guy and it was a joke.

>>34626323
>Only need him for now
for a third of your life? I guess so.

>>34626329
She left you, right? Girls can make decisions off the smallest things and have the idea in their head without caring about sunk cost fallacies or otherwise.

This nigga's gonna get you killed, dump him, I'm telling you right now.

I need you to take the first step, need you to lead - but this is a waltz, not a march. Impose, control, force, has no place.

>>34626325
i know dont be a wigger sis, let your girl hold your dick while you piss

>>34626346
My dick is big enough to where all I have to do is push it towards the bowl with one finger and it'll chill.

>>34626331
Yeah she left me so I agreed to remain as friends, she was my friend firstly anyway, then a month or two after kept in communications like she hadn't recently stuck a blade in my gut the month prior so I just went quiet, no games, no hanging out, suggested plans unresponded, i think that also broke her in the following months as well because i was her sole person to talk to for a long time, something i realised when making new friends/coworkers leading up to thw end, those guys could have friends but also a significant other, which never felt like an option for me and its isolating. I just work and watch my savings go up for no purpose now.

>>34626350
Spend on yourself, gawd.

>>34626348
you dont piss hard?

>>34626358
Sometimes when I have a semi. Where I have to hold the head.

>>34626356
I wouldnt know what to spend on, ive been in this saving mentality for a decade in hopes of making that dream come true, i dont need much to live, its like im a millionaire by comparison to what i used to sustain off, it is funny how someone can make you feel so behind in life.

>>34626373
>I wouldnt know what to spend on, ive been in this saving mentality for a decade in hopes of making that dream come true, i dont need much to live, its like im a millionaire by comparison to what i used to sustain off, it is funny how someone can make you feel so behind in life
Only you can make yourself feel behind in life. Their opinion or situation doesn't matter to your own outlook of yourself.

>>34626375
I dont feel behind anymore yes, im in my skilled field of choice where my efforts are directly observable, even if it is a distraction hobby it turns money to survive, and those pre-requisites held to me didnt matter and those that did make me feel behind dont exist anymore. But now there is an emptiness, how easy was this after gaining it? Why was it a struggle up to now?

>>34626379
Nothing 'worth' having comes easy.

>>34626334
I know. I can't.

>>34626381
I am familiar with that. Life has been struggle, struggle, struggle, win and look around to celebrate the eventual win with no one remaining next to me. I see others in their struggle get their support network to cheer on but for those were meant to for me didnt, im just expected to perform without errors or misteps. I dont know why or when i was ever held to high standards but its a constant, such is life.

I wonder if that Anons Costco job interview went well

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Despite living in a evil and broken world I still believe that in the end everything will be fine

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6T5dfQc34GY&pp=iggUQAFKEGZOa3BfdW1SdVJ2cjVmOWo%3D&ra=m

https://youtu.be/Z9Bso9ZuO8Q?is=Sn1MHqkoNlh0SR2s

Past Present Future

For my entire life I’ve never used my power for unselfish reasons.

>snap


Give humanity a future God of hope and mercy.

What type of games are bein' played? How's it goin' down?

>>34623320
Lost it. Sick of the voices. On full on attack mode. Attacking everyone I’ve ever met. It’s probably the university students I went to uni with. They are extremely aggravating. Brighton university sucked. I hated everything about it. So what? That’s my opinion.

Dont complain about fake and gay when you are in the fake and gay entrepreneur field

>>34626532
?

did you find that phd student to take advantage of on soc as well?

>>34626552
What are you talking about? I don't go on /soc/. And I don't take advantage.

>>34626557
Then its not a message for you

>>34626575
You sure? Because it sounds like you're talking about someone I talked to recently.

>>34626579
If you didnt go on soc to window shop while in our relationship, then no. Maybe it is the person you talked to recently.

>>34626581
I can't recall.

>>34626587
Then it isnt you or you have removed that memory from your mind.

>>34626594
No, I remember going on /soc/ during our 'relationship'. It wasn't to window shop. You already know when it's me, Idk why you act. You talking about Gracie? Just say so.

>>34626596
Wrong person. They are female starting with S

>>34626612
I talk to an s sometimes too.

>>34626613
Do you talk to someone of every letter of the alphabet too? What is the next letter

>>34626618
Why the hell do you care? At least you're being funny... I'd rather that than the usual.

>>34626622
Lets make it a game, S_ fill out the blank and ill give another letter

>>34626625
So_

>>34626626
Wrong person. Thanks for playing.

>>34626629
Okay.

Liar.

Cheater.

>>34623320
Whats stopping me from hitting his head with a baseball bat and dragging him all the way up to a cabin in the woods, leave him shirtless and tied up and have my way with him whenever I want ughhhh
I could have him all day all night he would never look at another girl but me
I can pretend to be his cute wife, making him food and all that shit

University is back after 2 months of strike. I don't want to go back to classes. Today I'll have the first class since the strike.

I hope you break their heart just as much as you did mine.

I bet you will make exceptions for him that you did not for me.

>>34626650
>>34626658
My goodness, how many times do I have to say sorry?

Anyone tried joining a startup to make money? Im tired of being poor lol

If I am on a hookup app... And we find each other hot and are clearly working towards a schedule... why The hell would you talk to me about taking your young daughter to the aquarium. My clit went into my body in disgust

>>34626660
You never said sorry..

>>34626670
I'm fucking sorry I cheated on you, okay?

Did a repair. Only procrastinated one day.

Are you enjoying Sweden?

I have a hearing for disability today with a lawyer and everything after getting denied a few times. I hope it gets approved this time. Idk how people get approved for shit like anxiety and depression when I got a physical disease and haven't been able to work or basically exist out of the hospital longer than a few months.

You know this won't work out, right? You're probably hoping that my desperation and isolation and fear have worn me down on that matter. But it hasn't. I can't have more - I'm barely surviving with our one. The sharing of the incident that led to all this? That incident is incredibly traumatic. I can't get my failure and fear out of me. And your volunteering to give it to others repulses me, sharp betrayal, like I was nothing but a vessel, a means to an end. Two things about me that will never change. As I've told you. I don't want to talk about it over and over and over, you trying to wear me down. I don't think you want the resentment that sows - though maybe you'd not care as long as you had that extra number (another disgust wound on my heart.) Consider up and leaving. Go home, start fresh, pretend we never happened. I wouldn't ask for anything.

>>34626696
I already know we won't work out, I'm the one that tried to tell you that. I'm simply sorry. Can't that just be what it is?

I wish you could feel the despondency I feel when you ask for more, or to go make more elsewhere. That, you saw, heard, watched, and hated, what happened to me, and asked for more.

Was it an arranged marriage deal i dont see how else you would be involved with someone like that

"It will be different next time"
It won't.

You put your "duty" before me, a contradiction to the love I described last night, the love I needed and understood from that term, the obsession.

Besides, you are not even content with what you thought I was...just being there? No, you need distraction, lights and screen. You need me present, while not being present (besides in body) yourself. That distraction casts a pall on the house - don't you feel it? God, I do. It sucks the life and soul from a room. Plugged into the matrix.

I don't want to go back to what we had. What we had led to this, led to pain, sadness, resentment, distance, anger, betrayal. Just leave, leave us, find what you want, pretend we never existed, it will get easier in time, easier than the alternatives, I'll do the same, I won't ask anything of you ever again.

You're clinging to fantasy as much as I - but they're opposing stories we desire.

>>34626701
If this is for me. I didn't want more. If you never accept my apology, I understand. None of this means I'm going to clamor to be with you, maybe you think that's empty. You don't feel like you already got your revenge? I mean, you literally fucked my ex-friend. And you're in love with him, do you think that doesn't hurt me? I have to eat that shit. You're literally making an enemy out of me just because I hurt you then told younThe Truth about our history, you don't even believe it. You won. Take the win and walk.

Also, I'm going to die alone, is that still not enough?

>>34626229
>do I undo the cutoff and say "sorry I had a woman moment lol"
Yes.

>philosophy isn't standard school curriculum
No wonder the goyim are so dastardly.

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I don't even know wtf I'm doing at this point. No fucking clue.

How do i get over trust issues that was your last gift before leaving me

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I have good ideas that I quickly loose because they are like a faint glimmer in the summer evenings

>>34626688
Welp, the lawyer called me to say that the judge cancelled every hearing today without any given reason and that I'll get a letter in the mail sometime in the next month with a new hearing date. Lmao @ my life.

>>34626737
What was the last gift

One last thing, why do you act like you wanted me? Did you really think getting me to accomplish your goal wouldn't be like a deal breaker for me? We never took each other seriously, it would have been stupid of me to fall for the spy game. Say nothing.

>>34626775
Sorry I do that because Im emotionally immature

>>34626779
If you're who I'm talking to. I don't have that much to say about it. I can tell you had ire from the beginning. I'm not as stupid as I look, you know? I've worked in intelligence before.

>>34626687
I thought about leaving but everywhere else seems worse.

Oh damn

>>34626769
Months old handmade biscuits and a grade 9 happy birthday pikachu card to add to the insult

>>34626786
Im definitely somebody else since Im not from the USA. But I did send mixed signals because I was not ready to commit.

Sigh. Don't play this game with me. You should know by now that I'm very competitive when it comes to games.

How does one avoid being irritatingly, and insufferably pessimistic?

Don't get caught up in the idea that there has to be a point to all of this. Just enjoy things

>>34626805
I'm not playing games either you tell him The Truth and you tell me lies, you lie to him and tell me The Truth or you lie to both of us. I'm thinking it's the third. Also, where do you think my distrust comes from?

>>34626810
Just like a Psyops specialist. I don't believe a word you say.

I really wish I had the ability to instantly kill with my mind or shoot people through my pc cause there's some fucking spineless people that deserve a bullet between the eyes when they get triggered over extremely mundane shit like saying retard or nigga
list can go on forever but basically be PC or get attacked. Better know everyone's pronouns and correctly call it She/her too (he/him is almost nonexistent. only fucking men going trans at this point)

that or wish I could sic a handful of hackers to just ruin the lives of said people if killing isn't allowed from the genie

Dead, my cousin wants me to fix on some of his girls with him, I might take him up on it.

I'm sorry I left without an explanation. I knew it would've hurt you to not get closure for anything and I still went through with it. I really do truly love you but maybe I don't have the right to say that. Your penis is just too small for me

>>34626825
Fuck on some*

>>34626826
That's fucked up. Shoulda been honest with him.

>>34626826
My dick is 6.5 inches, niggas with my size can fuck rough with no issues. Or at least I can. Your loss.

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>"you never took accountability or apologized"
>did exactly that in embarrassing detail
>get shit on, told to kms, degraded
>get called a liar and delusional with evidence of claims right in front my face, bragging about it
>decide to fling shit myself, said the worst shit i could think of
>"see, see! you are exactly the mahnipulahtive abooser i said you were"
>play into it because fuck it at this point

This next part is going to feel so good. Eye for eye. I'll never be able to trust anyone again because of you and you'll never show your face to apologize so this is how it'll be. Screenshots of me saying slurs and whatever else you might have mean nothing. I'll always have a job back home making good money because the internet may as well not exist there except for facebook drama farming, most of them say worse publicly. But once I'm done I hope you enjoy working at McDonald's with a degree. Getting my dog back is only part one. You hurt my dog and killed my frog. You talked so much about accountability but did what you did and expected to just walk away like nothing happened. Let me show you what a scorched earth ending to our chapter really looks like. 2 more weeks :^) just remember to put the McFries in the McFucking bag.

>>34626830
Should she? Sometimes it's better to not tell the truth

>>34626855
The truth is what matters. At least she would have been honest.

>>34626855
I promise you I have nothing to be ashamed of, bruh.

personally if a guy dumped me because my vagina was too big i wouldn't want to know

>>34626865
Vaginas can't be too big. Kek. A lady can still fix that by doing kegels and or doing butt exercises that also help make the vagina better.

Just thinking about them makes me tear up, she broke me even a year later

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I'm a gay retard I'll never learn anything lol. Or will I?

>>34626881
Nah, it can't be.

>>34626868
my pussy sucks

>>34626885
How cant it be? I am alone stuck in a life that was meant to help be with them

>>34626897
I'd still smash.

>>34626883
I wouldn't beat yourself up over your mistakes. You can't help the fact you are human.

>>34626881
Get back at that bitch, legally. Don't wait on karma that will never come, be the justice you want to see.

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>>34626906
I'm not talking about mistakes, I just feel incapable of learning about things. I think I would have had to have been indoctrinated to have been able to learn certain things, but I'd never understand it anyways. I'm trying to learn about networking, and it, as with a great many of computer shit, is so nebulous and beyond me it seems like an esoteric body of languages passed down that I can't possibly grasp. When I encounter data like this it sometimes forces me to face a philosophical conundrum. I must wonder why I bother with knowledge when truly one can never know anything. The truest path to knowledge may ironically be in the pursuit of none. I don't know what I'm on about though, cuz I'm #dumb

>>34626910
Get back how they took the ball and went home to play life and love with someone else

>>34626924
You seem capable of learning things. The issue I believe is you want to learn things in a super-human way, which will just make things worse for you over time. You got to take things one at a time anon. I told a person in a different thread who asked about using tools. There is a period in learning where you are supposed to make a shit ton of mistakes and humiliate yourself having people tell you to give up, those moments you need to get through to be where everyone else is at. You're expecting everyone to directly tell you how to do it, but that's not always gonna work. See my grandfather may know how to construct a house, but I know how to use technology and read, so he's trying to adapt to what I do which is troublesome and I am to his way of practicality. I see him pecking at phone to text while I glide on through with the letters while texting. This all happens anon when you adapt to what you are learning. If anything I think you have OCD not mental retardation.

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>>34626924
Also, data in computers and the lack of inherent meaning brings me to wonder what meaning even is which brings my brain to a wall, and it all goes back to meaning itself, and if the meaning in what I'm doing isn't apparent to me, what even am I doing? Why bother?
>>34626933
I feel I must be under par in some regard if I'm even making these posts, even if I'm not actually retarded. I suspect the education system failed the whole of society and we are headed quickly to the neo-stone age. Maybe I need state sanctioned meth aka adderall.

Come find me then.

>>34626965
That's a hard thing to do.

I probably am pretty low IQ. I'm not cut out for most things. I don't know what I'm cut out for at all to be honest. I'm basically a nigger, which would be fine were it not for the fact that society is radically out of favor with prosperity, and therefore I can't even be a comfortable k-strategist.

Try to remember that it's not me you want, but projection that sometimes aligns.

>>34626988
You're saying anything rn.

I'm too retarded to do anything, I'd need to be drugged out of my mind to perform basic tasks.

I fucking hate you

>>34627046
I fucking like you.

>>34626671
Die in a fire.

when you told me "i can still love in your eyes" that love wasn't yours. Its love for the person I thought you were.

You never loved me or you wouldn't have hurt me the way you did. But that just makes all this easier for me to do.

>>34627057
When the sky over Ukraine turns black from the ashes of Zelenskyy, his family, and those bug-eyed inbred vermin he calls his fellow countrymen floating up and blotting out the sun. I will crack open a bottle of champagne for the happiest day of my life.

Avoiding hard conversations in the present just means a much more difficult one later.

Disappearing for half a year didnt solve anything all it did was hurt you as much as i was

>>34627065
im drunbk fuck you

>>34627057
I'm pretty sure think they meant that you can see them and feel like they can love still.

>>34627063
I loved you once upon a time. We have way too much history.

>>34627077
Nah you didn't. Having me around just meant you didn't have to be alone with yourself and that's what you enjoyed. I was never a full human being to you.

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>>34627073
roflmao, eat shit, Ukie.

Data is cheap and a PI can find you in a few hours. I'll pay someone to serve you. ChatGPT and Alabama wiggers won't help you here. 2 more weeks :^) Goodluck.

>>34627086
I didn't and have never fucked one of your friends or fell in love with them, but I'm the one that doesn't see a person.

Learning to communicate in a world where fear is at any corner is difficult to navigate as an autistic person. People at any moment can misconstrue my ideas to assume an ulterior motive that was never thought to be there to begin with.

>>34627110
Yes. It has gone beyond fear and turned to anger. I'm tired of being misunderstood because someone is looking for other meaning, for hidden intent, than the words I used

>>34627128
You really that mad at me for not believing what you say?

>>34627128
Especially when they get over defensive and lack creativity.

>>34627069
Hopefully by ghosting I can avoid the difficult conversation forever

>>34627262
lol, lmao.

>>34627069
Wish she knew this