I can also elaborate if need be.

>>34625692
Can you elaborate

>>34625692
Sometimes families intervene too much by making demands about a career or a field to study or about your relationships and other things, but I think your family at the end of the say just want to know that you are happy and safe.
A little bit of selfishness is necessary. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and seeking the life you desire, as long as it is honest.
Take it from me. I've sacrificed years because I thought it was necessary for what I assumed was the sake of my family, but in the end it didn't make any difference. It made me bitter and stuck in place in life. I ended up neither doing what they wanted, nor what I wanted.
I was stuck between guilt and frustration. Guilt because I felt bad by not doing what they wanted, and frustration because I hated being forced to do it, when in truth, no one was forcing me.

So my advice is, seek the life you want for yourself. Build and work hard towards the life you want to build. Try to live an honest life and do good. You will likely help your family much more by allowing yourself to grow and be happy.
You can always keep in contact with your family and help them out, be it financially if you can, but more importantly, emotionally.

>>34625747
I love my family and will always sacrifice my happiness for them but I sometimes ask myself when I’ve proven myself as a caring/loving family member and can accept this so that I can start creating a life for myself and eventually begin the journey to seek joy and happiness.

When I say “prove that I am selfless” it’s just for lack of a better term. I love them unconditionally and my brother always tells me I’m selfless which I’m grateful for but if I were to start taking steps to make me happy that I know my family wouldn’t like or approve of.. would this make me selfish because of what decisions I’m making even though I’m still going to be supportive, emotionally available, and loving?

>>34625754
This is the most accurate description regarding my standing in this life and the frustration stems from feeling like I’m giving too much and not receiving just the littlest support back and the guilt stems from feeling like they do care about my well being in the end and that this could possibly be tough love.

It’s these exact reasons why I’ve been in limbo for 3 years and at the age I’m reaching.. I need to start asking myself what will be best for me even if my family disapproves

>>34625768
>would this make me selfish because of what decisions I’m making
No such thing man.
Like I said, if you love your family and they love you, the best thing you can do, at least IMO, is taking care of yourself and tryin your best to ensure what you consider a good life.
No one is meant to live in the same nest their whole life. Every person must eventually spread their wings and seek to make their own nest somewhere. It's natural and good.
They may disagree and complain at first, but as long as you are happy and well, they'll eventually forget about it. They just want assurance. They'll be fine as long as you can give them it.

Again, it is not wrong to be a bit selfish sometimes. Think of it like the airplane oxygen mask thing: you need to take care of yourself first, and only then you seek to help others.

>>34625786
Beautiful comparison. It also reminds of this one verse in the Bible that is loosely stated as “before helping others onto your raft, ensure your raft is sturdy enough to support yourself first”

My family is perfectly capable of standing alone financially.. more than me actually but it’s the emotional connection that leaves me torn in this case because I would hate to potentially break their hearts and that is just something I would never bargain for. Their happiness will always mean more to me than mine.

I also do think about leaving the nest a lot. Honestly almost everyday but it’s just such a moral dilemma :/

>>34625846
Yeah I understand it man. It's not an easy decision to make.
I went through a similar situation, like I mentioned before, so I do get it.

I don't think the emotional connection would be disrupted by you doing what you believe is good and right for yourself. They are still your family. All they care about is your being well, in the end.
Take care of yourself, show decisiveness, and that you are safe and well in your own decision, and they will be at ease.
Every parent just wants this: to see that they managed to raise us so that we can stand on our own legs, ready to take the world. This makes their hearts be at peace. Even more so if you eventually form a family and all, but that's another story.

Bump

>>34625692
You live like confucianist chinese peasant bro, embrace the faustian spirit and follow where your ambition takes you. They'll understand once they see you strive to go forward

>>34626103
Elaborate

>>34625692
>>34625754
>Family
If your parents, brothers or farther family ask shit of you, you're a shit for brains if you start making "sacrifices" for them. One thing is filial piety, but that goes both ways. All of them should know the individual and his agency takes priority, no fucking "for your own good" is valid here. If they truly cared they would think of your situation, your way of thinking, your goals before prescribing you shit.

When you say the words "My Family", you should mean "My wife and my kids", always. You should be selfless for them, selfless so your kids don't grow up fucked full of self doubt and get exploited. selfless so your wife doesn't run to some wifebeater's arms that rapes your children. Besides that line is very thin, a lot of couples endure unhappy or unhealthy lives where one mixes into the selfish problems of the other.

>>34629054
Yes, I agree. One thing is to make sacrifices for people who actually directly depend on you (i.e. your wife and kids), the other is picking this or that job or studying this or that or staying at this or that place just to please your parents or grandparents.

Unfortunately, I've only realized this too late in my life, which is why I've been trying to tell OP that seeking your own path is perfectly fine.
I don't want others to make the same mistake that I did. As long as you show them that you are able to handle yourself, they won't mind at all.