I recently saw an old buddy of mine, and agreed we should meet and grab a couple beers and catch up.Thing is, I really don't resonate with him anymore. I've since gotten married, brought my own house, have a stable 10+ years job, meanwhile he is the literal same guy he was 15-20 years ago. Nothing changed, same habits, same stuff. Not saying that change is good (it's not always good) but I just found it hard to keep up with the same tired jokes and topics we had 20 years ago when we got drunk and played video games till 3 in the morning. I still kinda wanna meet with him to sorta wrap things up, we've always gotten along and always been friends , he's the one buddy I never argued with, ever. Easily my best friend, but life simply moved on.
Oh and I guess I forgot the question.Should I give him a call and meet? Or should i leave it fizzle out? I've met him about 3 or 4 years ago, but I was in a rush so it was a "Hey, hey, all good, yeah, see ya later" and that was it. Now I had the chance to sit and talk with him for a good while and it seemed obvious we're not resonating with one another anymore. Not as much, at least
>>34629114i was in the opposite situation, I met my best friend (we literally did everything together from kindergarten to the start of high school) of 20 years ago, who one day decided to ghost me for no reason ( I suppose he did't consider me cool enough for his new friends).This triggered me a deep insecurity ( if a my best friend can do this, imagine other people) and caused me to isolate myself more and more to the point i have no friends now ( and never had a gf). I also failed university because i felt too anxious and too socially "aware" in classes, feearing rejection to be able to focus for studying.He on the other side has many friends, married, kids, a "normal" life.We live in a town and he just saw me one time in 20 years, but we never talked before. All of a sudden he somehow met my mother at the supermarket and asked for me, he left his cell number to my mother telling me to call him. I didnt because i want ready/ didnt want to met him, but sommtimes asked myself if should have called him.After some months i casually met him in the streets and start talking. I could literally see a stranger, he was almost apologetic, saying I remember everything from our childood bla bla, but never talked about why he ghosted me all of a sudden, nor why didnt he tried to contact me again in 20 fucking years. I didnt ask because i though it was rude... he the gave me his number again telling me if you want call me we can meet again..... I never called him because he didnt explain his behaviour and then why should I call him? If he wants he can call me.
>>34629114why do you need friends if you ahve a wife? The ONLY reason i force myself to have "friends" is because I have more chances to meet a partner.
>>34629114>>34629118Meet up with him man. There's no harm in catching up. He's not asking you to go back to his things were, all you two will do is share some beers and say see you next time
>>34629228>all you two will do is share some beers and say see you next timehonestly, what's the point of it? Just curiosity of your old friends life I guess
>>34629114you tend to revert to who you were when you meet an old acquaintance>>34629138if you want to get beers and talk about the old times call him, it's lonely being old.>i have no friends now>(never had a gf) are you too old for the army? what did you do with your life?
>>34629304I have a similar life so far>divorce>socially isolated in hs, a complete mute>dropped out of uni, barely attended classes, sweaty and shaking and can't focus when in classes, etc, etcso I'm curious. What did you make of your life? Did the way you lived benefit you at any point? What opportunity did it present?
>>34629114Don't go out of your way to reach out to him, but if he calls you, meet for a cheerful one-off reunion
>>34629114Not everyone has the privilege to have a pretty wife. We are rejected by every single woman we approach. Just proves incels have it bad, you want to leave your friend because women won’t date him.
>>34629114>I really don't resonate with him anymore.I guess I understand the feeling, if your tastes and focus have changed over the years. It is difficult to talk to people you no longer share a link to.Would you prefer if he had changed? If he had become someone different, talking about day-to-day stuff like work, property values, the economy, politics, family?Personally I much prefer when people I liked are exactly as I remember them, but that's just because I barely change in terms of interests, myself.I'd say to give it a go. If you really don't feel a connection to him anymore, you can just say farewell in a good note, and probably not meet in person again.You can let him invite, unless you said you were going to call him.
>>34629114Bruh. Just have a beer, enjoy and have fun. Just leave if you feel like it. It's not like you guys are going to have buttsex for hours and talk about how you two used to lick each other's nipple. Sorry but you are not special for being a "responsible family man". Get of your high horse and meet your old buddy. You sound like a entitled faggot ngl
>>34629114If you were a real good friend, you would encourage him to grow up.
People that ghost their friends are not worth any time. The single thing that you owe to do if you consider someone a friend is a talk, when you have issue with said person or you already decided that you made your mind and want to end it.One of my best friend from teenage years ghisted me, i got over it but i still think about it fromtime to time 20y later. In my 30s another friend had issues and just started to leting go of the relationship. We end up speaking about it 2 or 3 times and I saw how stupid, immature and just uncaring he was. He brought up shit that "caused a problem" in his mind, like me adopting a cat (he was a mild allergic) and didnt consult with him beforehand.We all wantto have friends but unfortunetly in almost all cases said friends are a construct you like and love what how you percive them, your own painting of them. Than shit happens and suddenly you realize that it was a mirrage and said person is just some guy that have minimal care for you.I still have some friends but being in 30s its less prevalent, people dont have energy and time to socialize. Few of people that do are extraverts that collect firends like pokemon or just old time frienda that just appriciate a real friendship.If said friend that ghisted you would reach out saying that he wanted to straighten out your fallout than I would probably accept it because Im all in for closure, but if it would be 'lets meet up again' like he would ignore the elephant in the room than fuck him. Op and similar folk probably start to feel lonely friendwise and mental gymnastic himself + make the thread just to have some excuse to contact his friend which he left and this guy probaboy were just to nice and lack assertivness to just say fuck off.Moving on, having wife and work isnt a reason to be a bad friend that forgets about his fellows, mireover it just shows that you are opportunistic and dump people that you have no use for.
>>34629114I had a guy who used to call me up and we'd go awkwardly hang out at bowling alleys or whatever talking about nothing. He wanted to talk about "the good old days," but I don't even remember most of it, except for the same handful of things he always brought up. I thought it was weird he seemed to care about it so much. I finally asked him why he had even liked me back then. I was at rock bottom in those days, a self loathing substance abuser, and I did mean things to people who didn't deserve it. I wanted to know why he liked the version of me that I hated the most. What the fuck I ever did or said that was ever worth remembering fondly. I acted crazy, said stupid shit, indulged my worst impulses, and did everything I could to not face the fact I was a complete loser and fuckup. I eventually climbed out of that hole, but this friend I made during that time, who had gone away and come back years later, felt very differently about that time and I didn't know how he never recognized what a miserable creature I was at that time. I like him well enough. He has a nice family. But I couldn't get over the fact that I had somehow made a good impression while actively destroying my life.That talk, us sitting in the car while I explained how much I hated myself at the time, was the last talk we had. I don't know how he reacted internally to it. He didn't say much, but he did stop texting me to come hang out.I wasn't trying to make him go away, I still liked him, but he also still talked to people I had left behind from that time, people I could not let myself be around any more, people who were bitter I had left them like I "thought I was better than them" (I wasn't then, but I am now.)I don't remember why I started this reply anymore.
>>34634874This
>>34633817this
>>34634897>I don't remember why I started this reply anymore.yeah your substance abuse fried your brain, unlucko anon
>>34629114As I've gotten older, I just started putting ppl in categories rather than hating their non growth. In your case it just sounds like he's a fun time friend, someone you grab beers with and be retarded around but not someone you can talk the future or serious shit with and that's ok, you should be able to have different tiers of friends
>>34629114>brought my own house
>>34629114Have sex
