Im still going to save you, explain everything, and hold you.

I hate being here with you. I was free and I came back. Fuck my stupid fucking life.

>>34635244
When am I getting the money or some kind of financial aid? I'm dead broke and all credit cards are maxed. The asshole in town are out to ruin my rideshare score. I don't know what other jobs to get and I'm not good at anything anymore. I've started selling on FB market place. No more creepy weird calls or mail. Also stop stealing from me.

If not why no? Its been a life time of torture and this nation is just ignoring it. Its been repeat crimes committed against me for no reason. The constant stealing of my trucking equipment and home stuff.

When does it end? Please send money. I'm so tired of all of this shit.

File: L4b1guuv.jpg (16 KB, 400x400)

16 KB JPG

Is the world just really really really fucking bad? Like it's all going to shit, right? They're announcing data centres are going to start being build in Australia... Every day I am given a reason to fucking kill myself before I hit 40 honestly. If something doesn't happen in the next 10 years to put an end to this madness, I'm just gonna have to take myself out. I Just can't see things getting meaningfully better. Humanity is fucked.

>>34635355
I also can't stop getting sick in this town. Physically its the worst place I ever lived. Its always Hot, even in the winter. The dust sucks and is everywhere. I'm sure that crap killed Mom's dog. It gave all of us allergies and we never had them till we moved here. Its always too dry.

My blood pressure has gotten worse and my contact are out of prescription. I don't have money for new ones. Also the morons at my health insurance denied coverage of my testosterone that the doctor said I'd need for need for life.

>>34635368
Also my chest won't stop hurting and I hate the doctors here, except the main one.

I speak like an Ai. I will never feel like im talking with someone personally. It will all just feel hollow.

Does ADHD have a part in fucking up your mind socially?
I swear, ive think ive done the same thing where I stop caring to talk to a person or acting a way or giving attention to them after like 1 or 2 days of doing it constantly. Or I just straight up forget about them.
That happens every time I find a new girl that I would match on hinge with.

>>34635247
Don't bother.

Too late for me.

>>34635389
Does ai speak in absolutes?

I can't endure. Sorry. There's nothing left of me. You'd be wasting your time on a shell, mannequin, of someone you thought you cared for.

>>34635420
No but I guess a retard makes more sense then. Any time I try to start a conversation or try to say something to others, it will all sound like retarded nonsense that they have to decipher.

Jerking off to porn really did fuck up all of my mental up. I have to study how people talk to others and flirting just to get a chance to bone them after having fed all my sexual experiences with porn and hypersexuality.

>>34635438
I understand. I feel that way.about myself sometimes, too.

Every interaction I've had with a woman my age in the last 5+ years is getting ghosted and unadded on dating apps. It feels like I have to be insane to assume any woman would want me. My brain automatically associates any woman im interested in with wanting to do absolutely nothing with me. I have been getting in shape the last few years, I try to be interesting by reading books and practicing music, but it feels like myself as a person is not suited to have any romantic love. I know having this mindset makes me worse off but it feels like the idea of a woman being interested in me is as likely as the sky turning red tomorrow. If it hasn't happened before, why would it ever happen?

>>34635456
It sucks. Its probably one of the many other reasons why i feel like ive never had a true connection with friends nor family. I wish I was alone.

File: jeeter.gif (784 KB, 500x281)

784 KB GIF

I got over it.

>>34635494
Congratulations on conquering your homosexuality.

I wish I wouldn't be such a burden to everyone and myself. I wish I could undo my past mistakes. I wish I did better back then.
I wish I could finally forgive myself and move towards the future... but I can't. The guilt won't let me be in complete peace.

I hate that you don't want to talk to me anymore, and I WILL end up killing myself

>>34635554
I hate that they DO want to talk to me again, and I really must kill myself for everyone's well-being.

it's so over. i'm sad but feel relief. i don't understand why.
im not going to make it, senpai.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Is mental illness even a real thing? Not even joking, does it really exist ?

He played with my heart and left me in the dust. Good riddance, it was never meant to be

>>34635394
Yes.

I could probably bear to exist in this dull-pain-mostly-numb state of medicated for some time, but I wouldn't be of much use or particularly pleasant to be around, thus causing the same issues. Wonder how I could get more valium, it was nice to not have to think or feel for a bit.

Not very ~trad~ of me to take kike poison lol lmao aha

Maybe you'll actually like me if I'm chemically lobotomized hah a

I'm tired of pretending I'm doing better, tired of pretending I want to live now. I might be eating better, exercising, investing, reducing screen time, doing all the things to improve my life, but I'm just as suicidal now as I was 2 years ago. Even moreso, because all of it has lead to NOTHING.
I'm not fit or muscular, just found out I'm celiac, I just got paid TODAY and after rent comes out I'll have $800 to my name, stuck in a low paying trucking job, unfathomably insecure in my relationship, still the same sack of shit I've always been.

>>34635558
how many men do you have on rotation? whore

I'm sorry for the time that I made you scream
for the times that I killed your dreams
for the times that I made your whole world rumble.
For the times that I made you cry
for the times that I told you lies
for the times that I watched and let you stumble.

>>34635621
It's all in your head.

I have no idea how he ever expects me to be able to trust him like this.

>>34635750
Faith is a two-way street. I want her to have faith in me, so I've put my full faith in her, even at the risk of looking like a fool.

Do you want to trust him? And do you want him to trust you? It's okay if the answer to either of those is no, but if that's the case, then the path forward for you is clear.

>>34635761
I do want to trust him and I want him to trust me. But in the last three days alone he not only has shown that he doesn't trust me, he has also acted untrustworthy himself. Maybe he doesn't trust me because he's projecting his own untrustworthiness on me. I'm not sure how to proceed, I don't want things to be like this between us, it feels immature and unsustainable.

>>34635764
Have you had an open conversation with him about the trust issues between the two of you? Clearing the air is the right way to proceed if you both don't trust one another. It might be a hard conversation to have, but you can absolutely come back from this as long as you communicate, and in fact I'd say it's a good way to grow your friendship/relationship.

No matter how much I'd like to forget you, I won't because I can't, as much as I'd like to. You've shown me the purest form of maturity in a woman even if it was purely online. I still wish I could meet someone slightly bit like you. Fucking hell

An old demon has reared its ugly head. I remember you well, Envy

Baby I'm so tired

I can't seem to stop crying

Maybe drinking during the week wouldn't be so bad...

If things continue on this trajectory for the next 5 months, I will kill myself. I am nothing. I go to a bad university. I study a bad degree. I have a bad appearance. I have a bad personality. I am a used-up, autistic, neurotic roastie. I can’t even become a whore who’s only good for fucking because I’m not even good at fucking. I have and am nothing. I pray I will be brave enough by November

You DON'T know it's hard, that's always been the problem. How hard certain things are for me. You think, it's like biking over a hill - you eventually push past it, coast downhill, it was hard but you made it and next time it will be easier, and that that's the only "hard." Sometimes ? For me? It's I cannot get over the hill, and I slip back down to the bottom. I watch everybody push past me. My tires go flat trying. Maybe I make it over, with help or not, but I've torn a muscle and my bike needs repair to be able to keep going even on flat ground. You think that because others, yourself, can handle certain things, that I can and should be able to. That when I can't, it's because I'm not trying hard enough.

I am always trying my fucking hardest.

I'm just too much of a pussy to tell you I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm sorry. Please, just take all the hints I'm dropping and leave me alone.

>>34635920
Throw out another hint. Toss out an initial or a name.

I love who I am when I'm drunk

Please please please stop leaving the little hints of your caring around. Stop trying to sow hope in me. I'm barren and empty and void, leave me to it, do what you wish but don't keep playing with whatever is left of my heart.

Constant need to vomit but my body holds on to it, clings to every fucking poison and wound it's ever felt, never able to let go or forget.

>>34635975
You wouldn't know about it if you wernt already familiar

>>34635920
SAY IT DIRECTLY YOU COWARD

How do I stop having strong and kinda unbearable emotions and then feeling like hurting myself will work...? It's fucked but it kinda works. You cut your skin a little bit and all the bullshit calms down and you are left with a more "base" version of the feelings that feels more manageable.
It's not even drugs, this is just something your body foes. Why the fuck are human bodies like this, why do you feel relief through self-destructive actions. Dumbass desing. Damn.

>>34635969
There is no hope and its over, this whole thing has turned into the epitomy of detriment. Unwanted disdain and unfathomable sorrow.
My pride is hurt, my heart is broken but my mind is strong.

I can't make you happy

>>34635244
I larp as a trucel but I dated an obese black girl in highschool for a few weeks. Held hands once but never kissed. I dont think either of us were attracted to each other. I broke up with her because I was getting ruthlessly clowned on for dating her. Do I still have trucel status?

>>34636007
Thank you. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted.

We've built this life together predicated on limerance. You say we're a perfect match but you're unwilling to open your eyes to the truth. I'm hurting because you are you. You say you want me to be happy. Start by respecting me, including the irrational feelings and questions I have.

Imagine thinking I could be loved and liked by someone, when even my own mother could not. I'm selfish and stupid.

File: 2.jpg (63 KB, 640x896)

63 KB JPG

It's not over until it all fades to black. Years from now, this will just be another hard lesson I will have had to learn amongst many others to become the person I've always wanted to be. I've made a lot of progress in the short time I finally started trying. The future is now.

Fire burning my head inside out

Snap out of it. It’s non negotiable. I won’t submit to them and I won’t abandon anyone.

I'm sorry, J. I'll be a better person whether you forgive me or not.

Just give up and go find someone else, I'm sure you got plenty of responses when you tried a few weeks ago.

>>34635244
I enjoy sex a lot
I have an oral fixation and love giving women head
I find being given head okay, but finishing and cumming inside of her mouth when she won't stop sucking to be next level, leg tweakingly good.
How do I enjoy the whole blowie?

My man has a germophobia/ocd quirk and wont give me oral or use hands during sex. He's also an asshole but I feel the first complaint is grounds for divorce as a standalone issue. Like if you eat me out you can call me a cunt and idgaf

>>34636171
You sure that isn't an excuse to just not eat you out?
That said I don't know why I'm obsessed with it.
Could even offer some rough sex with force face sitting and have him call you naughty names.

>>34636178
I mean oddly enough but during our last pillow talk it did sorta equate to me basically insinuating I would do death by snuusnuu on him and he sorta seemed turned on. Not really sure if I want to do that if it's truly nonconsensual. But if it's a consensual non consensual thing I guess that is pretty hot

>>34636214
My last relationship was basically non-stop CNC.
I could touch her or have sex with her whenever, and she did want it.
Legitimately felt like the bit where in the end I was drowning when other men died of thirst.

Circling back, if it entices him, I'd play with it, oohhhh it'd be terrible, touching you, locking you to the bed, doing anything I wanted with you.
Etc.

>>34635355
>>34635368
check yourself into a loony bin, schizo.

>>34636214
>>34636228
Forgot to add at the end, for some reason people with those kind of highly... I forget the exact word, but control freak tendencies (usually) enjoy the control being taken from them to some degree.
I'm not even joking, I think something small like slowly guiding his hand down your pants and giving him instructions on how to rub it right, forcing him to stay there, calling him a good boy and reinforcing the behaviour through positive rewards.

This all sounds out there, but trust me

You put me in chains and had me sedated lol so you get to play save me ahaha

Fuck I really don't feel good I'm gonna puke maybe I'll take the valium I saved

Just need to make it 3 more hrs fuckk

GIOYC YOURE ALL I HAVE KMAO

>>34636390
I love you, anon!

Even - Go to a regular bar to watch the game and spend a small amount of money
Odds - Go to the strip club to watch the game and spend a moderate amount of money

>>34636012
Did they say that you couldn't?

>>34636416
Strip clubs are so gay. It's the most pathetic place I've ever been. I really can't understand why anyone would like it.

>>34636416
Bars have bar flies who will actually sleep with you, sometimes

And I don't know about where you are, but they don't sell alcohol in strip clubs where I live. A bar would be the clear winner

it's over.

>>34636467
The end of one thing is the start of another.

>>34636432
They wouldn't have left if I could

It's not you it's me. It's my fault I'm not loyal and resilient enough to tolerate all your abuse. It's my fault I keep thinking I deserve to be treated better than the best you can do. I'm being sincere too, I blame myself for all of this not working out. I'm sorry I wasted your time and made you believe what you are is okay

>>34636549
Is this supposed to be sincere or sincere sarcasm?

>>34636485
the beginning of the over.

>>34636568
I am actually being sincere. I feel a lot of guilt and blame myself for causing this whole mess.

>>34636583
You were hurt, I completely understand. Regardless of if I feel like we weren't close enough, you still had some sort of feelings for me, you just reacted, don't beat yourself up about it.

I'm gonna get drunk tonight for the first time in years. I'm not an alcoholic but I don't know how else to get a temporary escape from my problems.

Chugging a 40 to pregame the addiction virtual IOP session
Hopefully they don't piss test again until next week

>>34636596
As long as you don't make it a habit of turning to that
Shit kinda fucked up my life

It feels like it works in the moment but over time it really fucks your shit up

You are so cute. I wish I could read your signals clearly, assuming you are even sending them. I've never felt this physically attracted to someone. If I ever find out you aren't single or that you have children, I will get depressed probably for months.

>>34636632
Girls are weird, man. It's like they don't know when they're sending signals that they're available or not.

>>34636596
Don't drink. Write in a journal and drink chamomile tea. Buy some magnesium spray to spray on your feet to sleep better. I hope things improve for you op.

>>34636632
Youre saying you wouldn't want kids? Are you prone to leaving the girls you date or cheating? Is there a reason why you would think that?

>>34636615
I don't know what else to do. I keep pretending I'm okay but I'm not and I just want an escape, for a moment, for a few hours.

I think I don't love you anymore, but I'm not dumping you because 1. our anniversary is next week 2. it's a bad idea to act on feelings that might suddenly go away next time I see you 3. I don't think it's a you problem; I don't think any woman is capable of satisfying me, making me happy, or that I'm capable of falling in love.

but the feelings have been there for a while now, and I'm bored of sex with you, and you are really unloveable sometimes, so every day this feels more and more pointless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAkg4cwJp1Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beGjncfEPt8

>>34636549
You are a beautiful person and you don’t deserve to have me weighing you down. I’m sorry from my end. Thanks for the good you tried to do.

People keep wanting romantic scenes off of cartoons and high school anime to be like their love scene.

No, if I ever find love with a woman it will be as badass and based as this scene from Metal Gear Solid:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnuqaAupVqk

Distracting and sedating myself is the best I can do to make it through the days. It's too much, far too much. I hate the fucking pills, but the valium at least stops me from thinking of the words they've written for me to find, and the event referenced, haha. I have about a week's worth of empty-headedness.

I think I'm sad, and hurt, and scared, and angry, but it's like I'm looking at these words, on a flowchart with all the things that made me feel such things, through a veil, or one of those little old click-camera views. Hazy at the edges. It's all still there, but I'm not. I'm an outsider, observer, to my own mind and body. Perhaps if I am to remain this detached, you'll like me again, or I'll at least go undamaged by your hate and whatnot.

>>34636787
Detachment isn't a bad thing anon. If your parents have never taught you how to endure detachment, you do not have loving parents, but instead neglectful parents.

I don't feel like I asked too much...I at first asked for exactly what was offered, for what I needed, and still tried to only ask when it was very much needed. I read of others' spouses and their support and what a difference it made...I didn't need more for fun or for control...

But loving parents vary in different many things.

I had first tried to speak to you with love, chose my words carefully and kindly, even when upset with you, but you couldn't do the same. Or wouldn't. You used "honesty" as a cover for harshness, cruelty, disrespect, dismissal. I suppose that that was what was modelled to you, and being stubborn, you didn't care to change. My hurt feelings were my problem, and mine alone, and how dare I have them in the first place...

But because there was no big emotion or reaction when voicing my needs, they weren't urgent or of consequence to you. You could only see my hurt or need if it sobbed and hid and shook and bled. But then I was punished and resented for that, told to just communicate sweetly, gently, again. Not caring to realize all the soft words and requests made in the weeks prior.

There was never any space for me to need more than what met YOUR needs at the same time. Like every need or hurt of mine expressed, was a knife in your back, instead of a hand outstretched in plea for you.

Why bother having sex with me while you're already seeing someone else? Why do I even let it happen? Maybe because you know I'm a whore and take advantage of it to make me realize that. You make me despise being born a woman at all.

I sometimes wish I was one of those enduring women, who could quietly bury themselves away for decades and give up on feeling loved and valued as a person rather than a role, what she provides. Maybe with enough pills lol

Alas, I am far too raw and vulnerable for such things, for this world. Like I was born without skin, every nerve exposed and screaming from anything but the kindest, gentlest, safest touch.

I don’t hate them. I’ll hold them gently, tell them everything I’ve done for them.
Apologize and protect. Hope I haven’t been betrayed one last time. Turned into a scalp, a scapegoat, a promotion for stopping a scandal.

I would laugh if the prospect wasn’t so agonizing.

Beyond the statements I made that day, due to threats of having them taken from both of us if I didn't and the chaos and confusion that stemmed from the intense fear and pain of having read what I did (and they struck with that timing in mind,) I've not done or said anything, have tried to make up for what was said. I'm afraid it's not enough though, and were I to dub myself a liar (I am not,) the threats of taking the dear thing of ours would return. I'm trapped.

And that stands whether or not your claims of no hatred are self-preserving lies or not. It really doesn't matter as long as they are not taken.

So many other lies, anyways.

>>34636932
When the world is nothing that lies, the best thing that stays true is who you are deep down inside.

It's starting to become a little funny how utterly apathetic I'm becoming to all the possible outcomes, honestly. I know you hated when I would say it, but it doesn't really matter, what happens to me, at least.

Are you as repulsed as I am at all my hysterics and mourning these past few weeks?

>>34636946
No. I just don't believe it.

>>34635244
Nobody’s ever going to understand me. All I’ve wanted is to be loved. I’m going to be a post wall hag soon, and I just keep getting more mentally ill. I wish I had the guts to just end it.

I never wanted to punish or hurt you, you know. And when that want did rise unbidden, I recoiled from it. It wouldn't have made me feel better at all.

I feel like a failure at 34. I have $775k net worth with my investments and savings not counting home equity and I own a house. It just doesn't feel good enough and seems like everyone else I know is more successful than me. Going on social media and seeing people on there doesn't help either. It probably doesn't help that I've never had sex or been in a relationship either, plus I have no social life

>>34636965
Don’t do that anon. Plenty of husbands to be found.

File: 20260513_101541.jpg (86 KB, 640x940)

86 KB JPG

My date ghosted me tonight, I’m hoping it’s because he fell asleep or something and not because I’m a stupid ugly tranny. We went out before and he was very sweet to me, and seemed enthusiastic to see me again. I have nobody irl who I can tell this to I’m sorry

Fucking Lydian mode reminds me of him
I don't want an entire ass mode to still fuck my shit up like that

Oh but I needed you so badly...

I was accessory for you, though. Like you said, you had accepted being alone, content with your mission.

This stupid pill better kick in, my feelings are coming back

>>34636995
They make pills that make feelings go away? Damn I need to research this

What to do...

Stupid, stupid girl that I am, still dreaming of my head on your lap, hand stroking my hair, as I drift off to sleep.

It was like a MILLION years ago
Get over it

>>34636946
If she read all of my posts here she'd know I'm insane.

>>34637018
She's gonna turn her war effort towards you, I don't want to fight her, s.

Nobody had ever wished my death, before you.

>>34637036
I never said I wanted you dead. I said I would help you if I could.

>>34637024
That's dramatic

>>34637044
It's also true. Say what you want, but that's how she is.

Ah my love, be happy for me, chemical dreams sinking into thrifted beds, lie to me kindly, a last gift, tell me that you Love me and that it will all be well in a happy ever after story just for us two,

>>34637012
-pets your head on my lap-

I don't think I'm ever going to stop loving you. I guess I have oneitis now.

>>34637134
These posts are demonic

>>34637166
Sorry. I really meant to just get it off my chest, not to torment anyone who might be reading.

Where do I find a hot, cheerful, affectionate woman who is into miserable pathetic loser women with intimacy issues who are also kind of ugly?
I have a stable job, savings, and a circle of friends as my redeeming qualities.

Maybe you never were the one.

>>34637318
Maybe not. My brain is scrambled right now, so Idk who you are with any bit of certainty.

>>34637324
>Idk who you are
A very upset guy who put in a lot of effort that was never reciprocated. She doesn't post here.

>>34637332
Mmm, likely story.

>>34637223
Just try to find someone who likes you for you.

drank quite a lot but cant sleep
had some benadryl
we'll see what happens

I thought i could improve my life by moving to a city but there's nothing for me anywhere. No labour will be fulfilling now that i know i'm just a lifelong shabbos goy for the epstein class. I don't get to save up for a house. I don't get to have a family. I don't get to have a real fun or interesting life like my parents or grandparents or anyone before them, i just get to work for the epstein class until the day i die.
I genuinely don't know how i'm expected to tolerate being alive but i guess i just have to

https://youtu.be/SEjw5rdyvVg?is=Cxd6dCembAHKQwmz

You are the rape of the world. And quite frankly I'll force your interest. Not my fault the doctor swapped your silver spoon for a scalpel to chop out anything half interesting going on. But I have some videotapes to return, I'll circle back to you soon.

He really thinks he knows the people in my life would have made it better? Wow he is seriously autistic as fuck and doesn't know shit.

>>34637764
Me, myself, I would never think such a thing.

I CAN HEAR YOU IN THERE DOING METH
AND NOW YOU HAVE HER ADDICTED!??
STOP IMMEDIETLY!! OR.I WILL EXPOSE YOU!!

>>34635255
so go now, bye bye.

>>34635539
stop wishing.


start DOING

>>34635919
stop your bitching.
nobody likes crybabies

keep doing it
keep failing
keep being dissapointed
keep crying
keep doing all of those things
UNTIL you finally make it

>>34636867
tits or gtfo

I tried to be a better man today and I don't believe I did a good job of it.

>>34636058
Sometimes mom's are shit and refuse to get diagnosed because if they did, they'd rot in the loony bin until they died and wouldn't get to play red dead redemption 2 autistically until they have like $5000 in gold from pure grind.

So I'm leaving this thread. I don't have the mind for it.

How cold of you. How stupid am I to expect otherwise.

Well? Are you enjoying yourself? Getting to punish and hurt me so deeply, as you wished to? My tears and suffering are a gift to you.

>>34637889
I don't know how to answer this because I don't know who you are.

After two years, my bloodworks have all returned to normal.

Perhaps you have to see it for it to count, though. You need to see what taking everything from me has done.

>>34637889
Why do you care so much about what someone who obviously doesn't care about you thinks?

>>34637893
Glad to hear it, anon!

>>34637895
Because I am addicted to harming myself and loving them satisfies that, I suppose.

>>34637897
Thanks, it was hard work but it was worth it.

>>34635646
Oh ok so then I NEED to take drugs then. I feel that not even CBT would help with that given the limited amount of time ive had that for.
But then again CBT also is important in order to maintain the ability to hold conversations.

Don't worry, my love, my heart. I'll soon be brave enough to end myself for you, and then you can be happy and at peace.

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die

>>34637916
Why?

>>34637916
Stop it.

I will find out tomorrow if she blocked me or is still receiving my texts and go from there.

>>34637925
How will you know? Do you have a way to get a guaranteed immediate reply out of her if she hasn't blocked you?

Your faith in me has run dry.

>>34637929
My faith in a lot of things right now is shaken, but my faith in you certainly hasn't run dry.

>>34637935
Have you finally learned to lie to soothe and protect me? Merci, mon âme, et bonne nuit. My heart is yours to break again tomorrow.

>>34637941
Not sure I'm the person you're thinking of, but goodnight anon! I hope you sleep well, and I hope things work out with whoever's on your mind.

>>34637928
A simple phone call and whether it rings or goes to voicemail.

The only cold one has been you the whole time. Can't compromise on even the smallest of indifferences like video game or board game preference. Like it's not rocket science that you will probably hate somebody that isn't a carbon copy of yourself with your exact preferences except with boobs and a vagina. That person likely does not exist. Relationships are for growing fond of each other and not constantly nitpicking rediculous crap about each other.

>>34637955
Clever, I never thought of that

What did the Universe say to the Galaxy? It's just a matter of time...

I really don't see how these threads are supposed to help anybody. I mean, yeah, I get it. A lot of people think catharsis and blowing off steam sounds appealing to a lot of people but I think they're actually encouraging people to wallow in misery without a constructive direction.

My AP died in a car accident a week ago. I've been grieving and breaking down and my husband keeps asking me what's wrong but I can't tell him anything. I just tell him I'm just on my period.

I miss his scent. I miss his touch. I miss how safe I felt when he enveloped me in his embrace and I nuzzled up against his chest. I miss the flower bouquets and candy he'd get for me every year on Christmas and Valentine's.

I was told nobody will ever love me and I need to get over it and you know what they're probably right. Why shouldn't I kms after my parents die

Feel ill. I had this grand fantasy of what would happen today, all those little messages promising holding, explanation, apology, would happen today. But upon waking I have the black realization that, no, that's not going to happen. I'll drop off, wait in the park, then pick up, and sulk back to my cage. It's best I get past the disappointment now, I suppose. The pills will help. Keep me flat. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I could have loved you.

>>34638254
I wasn't what you wanted, though.

>>34638284
Isn't it also the other way around?

>>34637134
I know how you feel. But I think time is helping.

>>34638295
I never even got the chance to tell her or truly show it.

>>34638298
You can always call her or message her.

>>34638286
Not enough to stop me.

>>34638331
I'm done with e-girls.

>>34638324
It would make things worse for her. She met someone else.

>>34638336
>>34638331
Or rather, e-girls are done with me.

My memories are so hazy. It feels like I've been here forever. I don't remember home. I struggle to remember you. How you looked and felt and sounded. And it's only been 3 weeks.

Cry baby board

>>34638379
Do you remember that? 'Cause I remember that...

>>34638379
What, would you rather we cry on other boards instead?

I FUCKING HATE WOMEN SO GOD DAMN MUCH

i just got back from a week long fling with a chubby extremely woke chick, she was funny but i just had to nod my head and agree and make fun of trump when i could. but i told her about my felony to be honest with her and as usual, she googled my name, found my awful headshot, and broke up with me. my felony has fucked up my dating life way more than my professional life.

>>34638474
What's the felony

i get a slight perverse satisfaction from pretending i'm someone i'm not and secretly arrogantly laughing at the people genuinely interacting with me

Freaking herd mentality shit folk ruining everything.

>>34638474
Try not having a felony or craft a silver tongue and get your pump game up. You weren't a good enough fuck to overlook it and probably have crows feet

There's a tactic in online arguments where someone is presented with a controversial topic, and they conspicuously pretend that they've never even heard of it and that, by implication, you're the weird one for knowing about it. Even though they obviously know about it and have an opinion about it because why make such a fuss otherwise?

It's purely disruptive, and I don't even think there's an effective counter for it.

Let's look at bad coping mechanisms

>Alcohol
>>Pros
Helps you calm down/forget about pain for a while
Socially acceptable
>>Cons
Bad for you
Expensive

>Smoking
>>Pros
Socially acceptable
Helps you calm down/forget about pain for a while
>>Cons
Bad for you
Expensive
Smells disgusting

>Weed
>>Pros
Helps you calm down/forget about pain for a while
>>Cons
Bad for you
Expensive
Smells disgusting
Frowned upon

>Betting/compulsive shopping
>>Pros
Dopamine rush helps mellow down bad feelings
>>Cons
Expensive as fuck
Frowned upon

>Self harm
>>Pros
Drops intense bad emotions from a 10 to a 2 instantly
Immediate results
Quick
Cheap
Fuss-free
>>Cons
Bad for you
Frowned upon (you gotta be discreet)

Now.
When people choose to do bad things to cope, why do they not self-harm? Among the bullshit stuff that is bad for you, it's the most effective way to make tension/frustration/sadness more bearable, by a landslide.
This is not an invitation, just a question: why do people not self-harm more? If you are gonna do something bad why not choose the cheapest and most effective option?

>>34638561
Because if people find out, they lock you up.

I gave love a shot, and love shot me down. :(

>>34638488
scratched a bunch of cars. the problem is theres a really bad headshot of me on the internet where it looks like i was crying because they pulled me out of bed at 2am when i was drunk and stoned. when i first told her about it she was just like "okay" and we still had sex that night, but after she saw the photo it was game over.

>>34638502
yeah i know that, i really wasn't fucking her great because it took way more effort because she was fatter, even though she said it was all great and i was making her cum with her vibrator and when i was about to cum she said "cum for me" so its not like she was begging for more.

Forget about me love, just go on for her.

I’ll never abandon the ones I care for. It’ll take a bit longer than I had hoped, but I won’t stop trying.

It feels dreadful being at the mercy of a system which hates us.

Did he really punish me for not being in the mood for sex after a funeral? Wild.

>>34638561
Im too much of a hypochondriac to self harm. It makes me more anxious not less. Not everyone has the psychological profile of a cutter or whatever.

i miss him so much. i feel like i have literally lost my other half. i didn't think i could cry this much over someone who decided they didn't want me.
i feel stupid.
why after years of marriage would he just decide to leave? my bed and heart have grown cold.

Hating you would be so much easier... can't you go back to hating me?

It doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter

You're either going to return him to me or we'll see each other in court. No going back now.

It's not over between us until I least make an attempt to get him back you fucking cheater. I want my dog that you repeatedly said you absolutely hated and didn't want and admitted to abusing. You used him to hurt me in the end.

We could have handled this directly but you're a chicken shit animal abusing coward so I will send a request via text to your parents and if the response is no or no response by the deadline I will pay someone to serve you for small claims in that bumfuck Alabama shithole you are in and you will be forced to carry your sorry ass back up here. After this is over you can crawl back to that shithole and die in a fire for all I care.

I don't like the idea of ADHD at all.
All I see regarding it is that its only a crapshoot of common complications of life with only a higher rate of them.
Like a person who can't focus, is not organized, overly hyper sometimes, have multiple addictions, continously hates their self, and continously daydreams can have a set of like 2 or 3 other things instead of ADHD. And whenever you try to use ADHD drugs to solve it, you're just led to another brick wall with no resolutions.
Fucking dogshit. I wish it was just black and white just to find a clear solution quick and easy. I cant just call myself that and say that its the problem of ADHD rather than myself

I want to be manic again. 98% of the time I'm depressed or depressed and agitated. I just want to feel good again. I don't want to take street drugs to do it but damn what else can I do? A doctor isn't going to write a script for mania pills

I've had my heart broken enough times already to know that I'm going to get through this eventually, but oh my god. For the time being, this is unbearable.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. All the times you could have made something happen and still you're too preoccupied with your self, protecting yourself. You're all that fucking matters and I'm just forced to endure whatever the fuck and expected to forgive endlessly and accept crumbs, pictures, empty fucking promises of "soon! Soon! Soon! Two more weeks! I'm doing all I can!" All I've done is sacrifice for you, sacrifice every fucking part of myself, my body, my mind, and you don't value it a bit, not one fucking bit, you've spat in the face of all I've fucking done to support you, give you what you wanted, make you feel wanted. And what the fuck am I? A fucking fool, a fucking retard, for thinking I mattered as anything but a fucking stool for you to step on.

You have taken EVERYTHING from me and left me with fucking NOTHING, you lied and destroyed me, my life, my safety. Because you had to fucking LIE to protect YOURSELF. Not that you gave a shit about me, ever. I was just some useless used up whore that should have died, right?

I should have given you the bare fucking minimum, instead of as much as I could give.

I have this shame prickling my neck from all the cheating I've been doing but I can't stop. I'm using it as a delay from what I need to do. I love sex but it's a delay. It's like just smoking joints in a closet all day.

I hate you.
There, now it's mutual lmao.

>>34639148
>I have this shame prickling my neck from all the cheating I've been doing but I can't stop

At least you admit it.

For a while I deluded myself into thinking I was normal and I could date and have someone in my life, but this whole thing just reminds of how inexperienced I am.
I have kissed and had sex but dating and being intimate in a relationship doesn't come natural to me.
I'm just pathetic, I can't ever be a complete man, grew up with a single mother, ugly, fat growing up, small dick
It's over.
I knew I wasn't made for love or to be loved.

>>34639150
I don't hate you.

You could have given me 10 fucking minutes. But I'm fucking nothing to you.

I can tell you're depressed and you're got a lot going on in your life right now, but as much as I'd love to help you the way you've helped me, I can only wait so long.

>>34639164
Liar

>>34639182
Why do you think I hate you?

>>34639184
Because you wrote it out and told me to my face, faggot

>>34639191
No I didn't.

You're going to really hate me when you see that I'm serious about this. Your gaslighting doesn't work on me anymore. There were no lies and it only cost $10 to find out the truth.

I want my fucking baby back. I want my fucking cats back. I want to go fucking home.

You going to tell me to stop catastrophizing again, lol? Always fucking minimizing my pain, dismissing it, ohhh because look at all YOU do and endure, look at all the pain YOURE in, that's all that matters, you you you. Everything I feel simply MUST be dramatics and isn't really a big deal, no

File: 7lEX7.jpg (147 KB, 1280x960)

147 KB JPG

I've been picking a lot more fights lately, not in real life, just online.
Dunno where it's coming from, but it's probably another side-effect of being perpetually upset with myself.

>>34639164
>>34639182
>>34639184
>>34639191
>>34639192
I can really only think it's 10 year olds who do stuff/respond to people in the thread like this.

Are you feeling the heat now? Is that you're acting this way?

>>34639226
I'm not 10

The text is sent and the deadline is 6/26 for a response from someone. I will send via Insta as well to ensure delivery. Avoiding difficult conversations in the present leads harder conversation in the future. Never forget this. If you had been honest upfront, in that moment, and the moments before, accepted my offer for both of us to seek professional help whether together or individual, this situation would have likely been avoided completely. But it's over now and I want my dog back. Someone else will get the best of me and him.

Maybe I am a bad person.

>>34635360
Eat shit nucker

I hope all the insane shit that has happened to me happens to you 10x

If your girlfriend ever suggests spending half a trip meant to meet your family for the first time in the next state over to hangout with a guy she had been spending all her free time playing Minecraft and drinking with, just cut your losses, take all your valuables and leave. I mistakenly thought it could be saved but there was too much resentment at that point that kept building and just lead to the greatest and longest crashout of my life. I turned myself into a lolcow for another lolcow. I should have taken the dog and if you wanted him so bad you could have taken me to court but I know you wouldn't have. Mistakes made.

>>34639299
On a related note, don't date a girl who's stuck on an ex even if you know you're better than him in every way.

>>34639362
If you were better she wouldn't be stuck on him.

>>34635244
I fantasize about committing horrific acts of senseless violence, but my deepest wish is for world peace. I would never kill or rape anyone. I hope we can create a better, more understanding world.

File: 20260619_135044.jpg (700 KB, 2087x1630)

700 KB JPG

I just saw a nymph praying mantis, and I feel lucky because I've never seen one this small before, and it also means the other larger mantises will be coming out soon, I think

File: 20260619_140014.jpg (1.82 MB, 2283x2894)

1.82 MB JPG

>>34639409
Size reference of the same piece of shop towel. It was a really tiny mantis

On my own. Feel sick. Stuck. Alone. Helpless.

I just wanted a fucking hug fuck

I've gotta stop giving a shit about you. It's not good for my mental health to have any hope lol

You were never mine

I hate how deeply I care for you.
I hate that I cannot even pretend you are anything less than the center of my thoughts.
I hate how helplessly devoted I've become.
I hate being a dog.
Because when sleep takes me, it takes you too.
But when sleep takes you, it leaves me behind, awake, and waiting in the silence you do not see.

>>34635816
Maybe you should just get over yourself and be with me.

competing for your attention is not fun.

>>34639423
>>34639466
I could've written these about her.

>>34639526
There's no competition. Most girls want nothing to do with me.

>>34639409
I love mantises and I think spotting one is good luck too. Very cool!

File: 1f92a.jpg (34 KB, 512x512)

34 KB JPG

>>34637962
Try being creative and laughing at things rather than taking everything seriously.

I wish the "One More Chance (remix)" still had "I got that good dick, girl, you didn't know."

>>34639548
I wish people would let me be deep without assuming the negatives all the time.

Where was the helpless devotion before all of this?

>>34639591
I didn't even know you existed.

>>34639591
They probably thought they'd overwhelm you. The hardest part of relationships for me (especially the early stages) is holding back your true feelings.

>>34639418
https://youtu.be/kQVIIWq9gIQ?si=kVexYEbgyVYY5WhV

I’m done with my family. I don’t think I even love them. The only thing they have that brings them together anymore is treating me like garbage. They scapegoat me because they’re insecure about their own trainwreck lives. They’re rude and cold to my girlfriend. Not interested in having a relationship with her. I don’t think they are even interested in if I have kids or meeting them if I do. I’m gonna have to tell my kids they don’t have an extended family on my side because they simply don’t give a fuck. Even my girlfriend hates them.

>spend some time away from you
>all mental illness goes away
>become a kind, funny, extroverted person who is happy and optimistic all the time
>am liked and make friends everywhere i go
>am focused and motivated on achieving my own goals
>don't have low self esteem, don't doubt myself, don't have intrusive thoughts and ruminate all the time about why life is so bad and why i'm not good enough
>life improves exponentially

i literally don't have a single bad thought run across my head whenever you're not around. i'm just happy all the time? by default? holy shit

>>34639627
i've seen this post before or a very close variation of it.
posting it over and over won't make it true.

>>34639680
nah i'm a different anon. your post is confirmation that i need them out of my life for good though if this is happening to other people too.

Texted his dad award

My extreme shyness has led to me growing isolated from the few friends i made at uni. I have an extrovert friend and feel extreme envy watching him continue to get invited to stuff like birthday parties whereas I struggle to get replies back due to my poor texting and general awkwardness. He has a gf though which I think makes women more comfortable around him and hes more social. We had a lot of mutual contacts but he was closer with the more normie ones whereas I was closer with the nerdier people, who ended up off the grid or disappearing post-uni.

I am God. If you aren't God, you got severe skill issues.

>>34639701
how are you gonna do that?

>>34639466
that's it man I'm crying

Cry then. Cry like always. What else can you do?

All my bones are dust
Some people too damaged too much, too late
And my heart's sealed with rust

>>34639821
Destroy you as you did me? It's a thought.

>>34639709
My dad and I have the same name and I'm worried some girl I like is going to do this and my dad's going to text her back some dumb joke that gives her the ick and she's going to break up with me for it.

Soon soon soon next week maybe not maybe the next maybe next month or the one after that maybe never have fun rotting

I'm going to drop it. I'm changing my number, blocked and deleting everything related to you, I don't want this to go any further. It's just too late and it's too much. It's too painful. I raged out one last time sitting alone in this apartment. Coming back here was the biggest mistake I've ever made. It's over.

>>34639466
>>34639435
>>34639423
Same

Maybe I'm just drunk but I'm starting to wonder if she was jealous...

>>34639904
Of course, you have no flaws, you're perfect. She can't dislike you. It's impossible. /s

>>34639890
I'll ask for your number.... Sooner or... Later...

>>34639905
They're only passing thoughts. There's no harm in thinking

>>34639893
Going through the exact same thing rn

>>34639904
Call her

>>34639924
Just call her

Same levels of emotional instability and paranoia being back in here that I had while smoking even though I haven't smoked in 2 months. Maybe it's to be expected after every single day for 8 years and for a lot of it 1+ ozs a week sometimes 2 and my peak was in this place I am now so maybe that has something to do with it. Hope it goes away for good with time. Will never touch the devil's lettuce or piss again.

Had to ask a friend for what I was missing for rent. Finally starting work soon, but hell of a week cutting every possible expense and crying about the uncertainty of it all.

>>34639939
It's not like that

i tried 3 different food places after work

all three were staffed by the laziest, dumbest fucking dindu spear chucking moon cricket jungle monkey jigs

so of course i waited the two hours to eat rather than suffer another nigger for another second

File: black iq.jpg (135 KB, 1280x1280)

135 KB JPG

fucking 80 iq coons are incompatible with civilization

everyone fucking knows it but no one will act accordingly

File: child molestation.jpg (69 KB, 909x1024)

69 KB JPG

total nigger death

File: interracial violence.png (140 KB, 615x559)

140 KB PNG

now that that's out of my system

I fucking suck at getar when I drink. How did dimebag and James do it bro?

File: lincoln.png (109 KB, 801x667)

109 KB PNG

never should have been

File: rape3.jpg (376 KB, 912x1120)

376 KB JPG

happy total nigger death day

I knew I couldn't trust you. Look where I've ended up.

Once you free yourself, I fully expect you'll go back to hating and wanting to punish me, with the added benefit of ease because my word and image will be irreparably destroyed.

You think I haven't been used in this way to get out of similar messes before? Lol

>>34640095
What do you mean?

How do they know?

>>34640230
If it's a woman, it's because women are legitimately able to read men's minds.

>>34640260
They can't read what they can't see. I think it's only a coincidence. But I'm surprised. She has more twang to her than I ever thought

they don't know i detest yoga pants

>>34640287
They're overrated to be desu.

>>34640120
Hmm... doubt.

>>34640299
i have not cum in 5 weeks i do not need to see any of that fucking shit and these harlots should know to cover their shame

I want to ask this girl out and she will probablu say yes but I feel like I am not enough. I feel like I need to be funny and charismatic and whatever else to have any chance of someone liking me

>>34640344
Go for it. She'll probably say yes, and even if she says no, rejection is way better than sitting on it for years and wondering what could've been (trust me).

>>34640357
I am way more afraid of she saying yes

if this girl said yes 15 years ago i would be stuck with a fat lactose intolerant bitch that eats dairy without lactase

>>34640335
You get over it. It's nothing but show anyway.

>>34640360
Stop being a massive faggot and just do it anon.

>>34640370
as in, they're doing work?

don't act like i don't know what these same fucking asses look like in paper thin pajamas or skin tight dresses