For the things they tell you are your faults and wrongdoings, for your reactions to abuse (anger, sadness outbursts, "reactive abuse")What do you say? Do? Feel?
liam lynch wrote a song about thisthe scope is a little wider than abusers but in general he shares a way to cope, a way to survive and thrive through the challenges of imperfect but important interpersonal connectionshttps://youtu.be/KEjHJXd8bpU?is=tdRmCgRcRy23ia0J
>What do you say?Some variation of "Ok" or "Sure".>Do?Conclude it.>Feel?I can feel anything that I like, but what you do with those feelings make you. These are two entirely different things.Believe it or not, we can actually become decent dudes in indecent times.
>>34635346It depends entirely on whether or not it's true. Anyone can claim to be an innocent victim, and most people who believe that they are such actually are not. You'll just have to introspect and decide for yourself whether or not your behavior was ideal, no one can do that job for you and anyone who instantly rushes to your side because you used the word "abuser" is not a capable judge that you can rely on.
>>34635384I am not innocent. I have recounted to many people the wrongs I've done, and what they've done, they say I did not deserve what they've done, that it was abuse, in different ways. But what if, as people are saying, I am being emotionally abused and manipulated to believe I am the abuser. I can no longer tell what are my thoughts or someone else's
>>34635346>the things they tell you are your faultsare all - absolutely ALL - lies. The abuser is ALWAYS in the wrong, the victim NEVER at fault.
>>34635406You'll have to introspect and get to know yourself to untangle that web. The past and good behavior are both objective qualities, so that part doesn't depend on anyone else's opinion. You know what you did, and you know whether or not what you did aligns with honesty, compassion and integrity. The only thing you need to ask yourself then, is what your maxims were. Why did you do what you did? Were your motivations selfish? Intended to do harm? Meant to mislead? If so, then you should work on changing your maxims and your behavior.And ultimately, all of that is in the past and whatever's in the past can't be changed. So the most essential thing to keep in mind is living a better life now in the present, so that you can build a better future. No one else can involve you in their bad behavior, so as long as you focus on what you get to control, which is your own conduct, nothing can keep you from living well.
>>34635346Your life would be a lot easier if you let go of the weak millennial-zoomer victim mentality. "Abuse" is a word that has been overused to death. What is abuse:>Threatening you>Blackmailing you>Deceiving you at the cost of your finances, resources, social standing>Hitting you/Assaulting you>Raping you>Murdering youWhat isn't abuse:>Someone getting mad at you>Someone being stubborn and disagreeing with you>Someone raising their voice at you>Someone using cuss words at you Abuse is not a feeling, if we feel abused it doesn't mean abuse is at play. Too many victim-seeking pussies call themselves abused all because they are dealing with an angry asshole. They assume that because it feels bad it must = "Abuse".Total bullshit. What you should simply do is tell the person "I don't like you. Stop talking." And either let them move on or you move on by distancing yourself. No need for abuse Olympics.
>>34635346>SayYou may forgive but I won't forgive you.>DoSmile>FeelHappy and empowered to make him lose his shit.
>>34635346You refuse their framing and turn the script on them. Tell them you forgive them for trying to gaslight you. If you lack the strength then you need to lift weights, gain 40lbs and try again.
>>34635346Why are you engaging with them at all?
>>34635346You are still blaming others for your actions and calling it “abuse.” This will continue forever with everyone, until you realise that you are the one who is doing it.
>>34635384> Anyone can claim to be an innocent victim, and most people who believe that they are such actually are notIm skeptical of your statistics
>>34635384Abuser often think themselves the victim. It's possible that op is the abuser and sees his victim as the problem.>>34635406Sounds like perpetrator
