I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve had and I obsess over my sins for hours a day. There’s millions of youtubeslop videos talking about people like me and dissecting me perfectly but nowhere is there actual support or help. My BPD is quiet so I’m not taken very serious Right now I am dating the perfect girl in an LDR. She is so precious and perfect yet I cheated on her the entire time whenever I felt too lonely or not desired. I can’t explain enough how much I regret it and how perfect she is for me, yet I keep sneaking unto the apps and talking to back-ups. I’m constantly showing interest and then ghosting these other people based on if I’m lonely or not. I’m just constantly so afraid our relationship might suddenly disappear. The worst thing is that cheating made it much easier to sustain the relationship as it made me less needy and pathetic. Will this magically disappear once we close the gap?
>>34635453>Will this magically disappear once we close the gap?No, you're going to have to learn how to be a good person. There are no shortcuts. The first step is to refuse any and all impulses you have to hide behind your "diagnosis". You are responsible for your behavior 100% of the time. If you do something wrong or stupid, it's entirely on you and it's entirely your responsibility to fix that pattern of behavior. Blaming the label instead of yourself is the reason why so many people fail to change. The second step is to work on negating selfish thoughts. Ideas like "i have to do this because otherwise i might get lonely" are entirely selfish. You're putting your fears, your wants, and your insecurities before the well-being of the person you're with. Which, self destructively, is actually one of the reasons why you feel an emotional distance and loneliness. You can't be close to somebody unless you love them, and you can't love them unless you're willing to put them before yourself. So, stop defending yourself and start abnegating yourself.
>>34635472I’m not hiding behind or blaming a label, I’m giving context who the anons here are dealing with. I know I did it. I hate myself for it.
>>34635453Bruh, BPD is a female personality disorder.
ldrs are not real relationships anyway so you're good
>>34636181Not true.OP have you considered not using cheating as a coping mechanism and choosing literally anything else?
>>34635453Get DBT from a certified therapist. You need to learn how to sit with discomfort rather than acting out of selfish impulses. Closing the distance gap will not change anything. This is an intrinsic thing YOU need to change. If you can't handle the addiction yourself get help and accountability from a professional. Just make sure not to lie to the therapist too... The sheer amount of people who self-sabotage by lying to the person trying to help them, and thus not receiving the correct help is insane.
>>34635453You unironically stop cheating by choosing not to cheat. Cheating is ultimately a choice. You either cheat or you don't. But you have BPD so your sense of choosing is obviously gonna be damaged. Your sense of agency is caught in a whirlwind loop of behavioural patterns and intense emotional reactions that got burned into your brain since you were a kid. That's why every time you try to stop, you get all foggy minded and dissociative and your life goes on autopilot. You need to find out the main trigger behind those dissociations. And for BPD it's well known what that trigger is. Relationships. That's ultimately what BPD boils down to. It's just PTSD but human relationship flavoured. You simultaneously crave the trigger but hate the trigger. You love it abd hate it and the foggy in between us where your mind goes to disappear along with your sense of control. Relationships are the fuel that keeps BPD burning. If you want that fire to finally stop and for your BPD to go into remission you need to stay out of romantic/sexual relationships for a while. Could take a year could take 5 years. But enough time needs to elapse so your brain can forget the neural pathway pattern known to you as "BPD". Then you go back into relationships just fine.When a BPD goes into a relationship all that happens is a recreation of their fucked up childhood. >AHH caregiver is so abusive>Ahh caregiver is so nice >AHH I gotta appease them or else horror happens>AHH the horror happened I gotta run away Over and over. The BPD dates someone and then the BPD still has old programming that says "you need to idealize this person to avoid pain."And when their idealised person shows any signs of character flaw or negativity "Run run run away find a new source of attention or care, the favourite person has turned evil! It's happening again AHH!"
>>34638439>The sheer amount of people who self-sabotage by lying to the person trying to help them, and thus not receiving the correct help is insane.True. But it's understandable. If you grew up where telling the truth got you abuse, you learn to lie as easy as breathing to stay sane. Eventually you get stuck like that, lying to everyone even people who never crossed you. It's a cycle where shame begets a fear of punishment. BPDs typically lie and compartmentalize because that to them feels safer than facing vulnerability. And also BPDs find it difficult to know if they were lying or telling the truth, even to themselves they can't identify their own intentions. This is because things like intention & self identity gets drowned out by the emotional noise, the internal aching emptiness and blistering searing agony of intensified emotions that are cranked up to 200%.A BPD is a bit like a lion with a thorn in its paw. It gets angry and mauls people. The villagers think it's a monster who hurts others for no good reason. To the Lion, the villagers are people who hurt him for no good reason. In reality, it's just a thorn in the paw causing the problems. Aka trauma mechanisms
I'm a woman and the same as you but no BPD. Cheated with college guy last year, then a couple guys about a month ago, and then just three more guys. And still acting like the faithful loving girlfriend. Same as you it makes me feel less needy and neurotic. He was ready to break up with me because I was being so clingy a month ago. I am going to recommit again, my nerves can't take it and the juice isn't worth the squeeze. 1. Cheating isn't worth risking my relationship. 2. Unfair to risk our health or bf/gfs. 3. Sex with him is better anyways4. You need to learn to self regulate without always having a pleasure escape hatch on standby. We are making ourselves emotional midgets by not facing reality headon. Affairs are an escape like drugs or alcohol or video games even if we truly cum and enjoy them. It's not good for mental health Also, perfect girl in ldr? Idk op. I think people like us need physical touch. Make a plan to be together soonish or break up.
