Since 12 I haven't really had any real friends. Mostly only guys who I would hang out with at school, but they didn't seem interested anything beyond that.In high school I made new, better friends, but then after a year the same shit happened, we would occasionally meet outside of school.They were simply anti-social and didn't seem interested, not in me in particular, but the entire friend group to each other.Before 12, we were moving every 2 years. None of my friends lasted longer then that, and we lost contact afterwards. That fucked me up, without me realizing it. Most people know their close friends at least for 5 years or so. And I make friends, acquaintances really easily, yet I or they move away within 3 years, losing contact, or just drifting apart.There's no depth to any relationship, no reason why person A is my friend and not some random guy from the street.Soon I'll be in college, probably keep contact with my high school buds for 1-2 years before we inevitably drift apart. There wasn't any depth to begin with except stupid jokes and convenience.I've tried all the shit about joining clubs that interest me, made nice acquaintances, nothing deep. One good friend I met, got sent to a boarding school a year after I met him, that's the last of him.Honestly, it seems like most people don't even have any depth, except maybe superficial interest in video games or music, nobody seems to have any real hobbies. This is not some kind of "omg I'm so different and deep", I've given people the benefit of the doubt for 10 years and I don't think I even want friends in college.My parents and I are emotionally distanced, no siblings. I don't look forward to having a partner or spouse of family. If it happens by chance it's fine, but I won't channel all my energy towards dating.Having no friends from the ages 12-16 really makes me angry and sad. Even now, no real, lifelong, close friends.I'm just tired man, I just wanted a friend,
>>34638606Idk man. But what I do know is that when you become fully adult, after the age of 25 or some shit, friends just naturally drift away. People start their own businesses or families or whatever it is they wanted to achieve. You will notice that too, look at people aged 40+ around you. Notice they ain't seen with a group of buddies in their free time? At best just colleagues during lunch hour? Notice how older people just hang with their spouse and their own kids and other few family members? Friends and friend groups are something for the youth. You can still have friends at any age, I know when I'm 80 I'll still say my childhood buddy is my best friend even though we ain't talked in 10 years. Life just separates people and you eventually realise family is everything. When all is said and done, your friends ain't gonna be calling the ambulance when you get old and sick. It'll be a family member. When you're on your death bed, your school buds ain't coming to visit. It'll be your wife and kids. My point is, the concept of friends and friendship is something you let go of as you get older. You just settle for people who are trustworthy and won't cause you bullshit and that's it.
I want to clarify, I love people, I love laughing with people, and I love talking with people. But people have pushed me to misanthropy and reclusion. I want to care and will, but if there is no one...I also don't think many people had good and close friends, many people seemingly don't want such close friends. I also didn't miss out on the teenage experience or anything, there simply wasn't much going on.
>>34638631If this is it, then fuck this shit, I'm moving to Bolivia or some place where the population density is lower than 1 person per square kilometre and living out my days in peace.I don't particularly want a family, and the way the things are trending, most young people don't/won't have one.
I am just going to lay it out to you bluntly after skimming your post: most friends you make arn't going to last.But you will eventually find the one guy, it happened to me. Spend enough time with a friend and the familarity will do the work for you. None of my friendships from middle, high or college have lasted. But you know what has? Some rando who was local that I met through fucking /soc/. That started off surface level but it's been like 5 years now and he's helped paint my first house, we have both coached eachother through our breakups, tried helping eachother with employment and all of it just started with meeting at a bar once a week to shoot the shit. That's the case with a lot of people I know too. My step father and my mother have peeled away all of the other friendships bar 1 person. Meanwhile, my biological father is a diabetic alcoholic who has never made friends because of how much of how of a misanthrope he is, to the point that he has daddy issues over his own father having to tell him growing up he needs to make more friends, only found what he'd consider friend in his mid 30s.You will get there OP. Don't beat yourself over it like I used to do or you will just make yourself a shut in.
>>34638688Hell, you might even be just a guy who learns to enjoy his own company. That's a thing to some people just fall into it.
Its tragic, the people who I have truly resonated with throughout my life have been my 95-year-old neighbour, a 76-year-old man, and another guy who's 9 years older then me. None of these have been in any sexual way whatsoever, don't think that.But they have been too old to truly make a lifelong close friend, maybe the guy who's 9 year older then me will remain my friend, we see each other rarely, but we do, on occasion, have a deep conversation about real stuff, about life, and resonate with each other. He's also a lonely guy, who works most of the time and lack free time. He says that's simply how life is.
bump
>>34638606I don’t have much to say, mostly because the other replies kind of spelled it out, but god damn this hit close to home
>>34638606People romatize friendship. Just like with bf/gf, we project our expectations and expirience letdown after we come to realisation that tge reality is diffrent from our assumption.I never had trouble with befrending people, but I wasnt like a popular person. I was in a dozen of friend circles, but I always felt like im on the edges of it, despite finding a dozen real friends in my life. After awhile in most of said cases it become apparent that those close friends couldnt care any longer for our relationship. I still cant say if the whole thing was worth it after the fallout and bad feelings that came with it, but I know I would regret if I didnt try - to befriend them, to have good memories and to fight for said relationship.So even from the group of said real friends (lets just say I have around 10 of them in my life) that were hard to come by, 9 of them drifted apart, ghosted me or just have other obligations. That one friend that I still meet, care despite that we dont have a lot of common, I know for 24 years and I didnt like him when we first meet.Its rare to find a good partner for your life, its even rarer to keep a good friend, because you dont share that many areas of life.
>>34638606You do not make close deep friends.You make acquaintances, people you know well enough to say "Hi" to. Over time (long or short) some evolve to stop-and-chat level, and some of them to arrange-to-meet-up level, and some of THEM to real friends.
>>34641377Don't other people feel lonely? Are we some special class of loners who are looking for close friends, while the rest of the population doesn't give a shit?It can't be.People are getting married less, have fewer siblings than ever before, yet also don't want more, closer friends.It seems like most people only seem to have close friends on the surface, in reality most our just as miserable, but distract themselves with whatever addictions, be it drugs, tv, the internet, their job or whatever else.
Are people really content with their spouse being the only real emotional connection in their life with which they weren't born? (Aside from children, siblings and parents, with the former two being reduced drastically in the last decades)
>>34641422but in the end, these real friends are close and have a deep connection with you?
>>34641516Its hard question, but i think its like with our health. People see this as the issue only if they have health problems.I feel lonely, because beside my gf I dont have a person which I could talk to when it coms to my fripes with reality. I still have said friend which i mentioned, but we usualy just try to be optimistic so we can have good time.Other people tho?Some people are collectors, they collect frienda/collegues as pokemons, they have their picks but if thwy fuck up or get tired of you they can switch you with other people ans suddenly your not the prefered firend to hang out.Others got few frienss that they use for hobby stuff, because they need to socialize but they re unable to share/talk about serious issue and prefer to gey their fix/scratch the itch, it like killing two birds with one stone.I think people miss one important thing tho. I was dismissive towards some people which considered me as a friend because I didnt see them as one. People that tried to make some stupid friend circle where I only realy bounded with 1-2 people and just meet the other from the said group when we gathered.Lonelyness is what we all should prepare ourself for, because there comes a time in everyones life where its inevatable. It sucks but its still better than staying in relationship that isnt reciprocated.
i struggle with this immensely. to everyone saying that 'reality doesnt work like that' it does, especially among women, they bond at 5 and share a mind forever. its depressing, i think about it all the time- how many concepts, opportunities, new ideas or experiences am i missing out on simply because I didn't make this strive to deeper connection? i see you my guy
>>34641840I'm sure there are lonely women too. But every once in a while when I see a close friendship, or think about it, it makes me really sad. Not envious or jealous, they deserve to be happy, goof for them. Whenever you ask people "how long have you two known each other for?"and the answer is "since the 1st grade" or 5th grade or whenever, it makes me angry, I had to move every 2-3 years during my childhood, I literally don't know any people for longer then 3 (maximum 4) years before the next stage of life comes, they move away, I move away, different school/college/job whatever.I'm sure the chances of finding longlasting close friends is higher once I settle down somewhere, but I'm not sure if I will survive until then, because that's in 10-20 years. And the past years of making friends just to lose them again and again has made me really sad, just sad no other word for it.I've probably made like 30 friends and I'm 20. Nothing lasting till now.
>>34641819I've been lonely for a long time, and if things remain the same, I'm looking at an even longer lonely time.And I still haven't gotten over it or used to it, after every hang out, every Monday morning, I can't shake of the feeling, even though I don't look lonely, I talk and laugh with people, I'm incredibly lonely and have no long lasting deep emotional connection with anyone, no friends, no siblings nothing.
>>34642198Solitude feels really bad, especialy in hard circumstances. I have a loving father with onset of dementia, long term relationship with a girl that I love and one old friend and still gf is the only one that can do a deep convo with me on a normal basis. I think I should be happy that I have those few people, because its really hard to find connection that happens to be a real thing and not a projection. I really had my own share of bad expiriences, tp the point where I stoped looking for new friends. I cant see a point of investing my time, energy and most of all feelings, when I had +10y old friendship cut/ghosted for unknown reasons.Nevertheless, I see you anon, it feels terrible to be alone while the time pass faster and faster.
>>34638650>or some place where the population density is lower than 1 person per square kilometre and living out my days in peace>moves to third-world>population <1/km2>expects a life in peaceWake the fuck up, samurai!
>>34641886i am a lonely woman!!! im 19 and its been the exact same case for me, so many acquaintances but zero meaningful friendships, it's ridiculous. i hope you find people along whatever it is you're doing that are worth connecting with, and that don't disappear.
