When it comes to dating and I guess relationships, how fast should they realistically be moving? I have never been in a relationship and I am a male however, I do have many friends who have been in them and/or dated many women. One friend basically told me "If you aren't at her house or she is at your house by the 2nd date, stop talking to her because she isn't going to have sex." And this advice sort of matched with what other people told me. Basically "If the second date isn't ending in fucking, then its over." However, I will admit I don't see myself as a casual sex haver. What I truly want? I want normal progression. We go on dates until it naturally gets to the point where maybe sex is had. I have never felt comfortable trying to speedrun having sex. Hell, I have never even had sex so I am already very cautious about that. So in your opinion, what might be ideal for me? My friends also told me that if I don't make moves, then women will get bored of me. So I feel trapped because if I don't make a "move" by the the second date, she will apparently get bored of me. If I try to force some sort of casual sex situation, she may not be into it. So I don't want to bore women but I don't want to speedrun casual sex either. What can I do?
Well man, once you meet a girl on a date you immediately know if you wanna fuck her or not. Then during the date she may do or say something that turns you off.So by the time you go on a second date it means she passed the bar for sex, which means you'll find it hard keeping your hands off her.So once you start making out with her, things progress naturally. I don't know how to explain this logically. You're making out and grabbing her everywhere, how does that not lead to sex? Your cock is hard, you feel the heat, how do you not talk dirty and start taking her clothes off?And why hold off on sex anyway? A relationship is mostly about fucking.
>>34641915OP here. The last woman I dated actually kissed me on the second date. Which surprised me. I did like her all around in general. She was nice and looked nice too. I think she stopped talking to me because I bored her. I just don't want to bore another woman. However, I am not sure what I can do because I don't want to compromise my own feelings about sex too soon. I would consider myself as a person with a sex drive but sex isn't strong enough to overwhelm my logic. I have met people who say "Yeah I just couldn't resist having sex with that person." and I will say that I have never felt that way. I can always resist real life sex. and I think that hampers me because I think most people when they are pursuing sex probably aren't thinking clearly anyway. In a perfect world, I probably wouldn't have sex with a woman until after maybe like 10 dates. Is that too extreme? I just don't have any points of reference for how many dates is widely considered "normal" to have sex by.
>>34641960You either have very low sex drive or are asexual. To be clear, I'm not trying to insult you, just trying to help.Do you watch porn? Do you masturbate? If you don't, there's a very high chance you're asexual.>I would consider myself as a person with a sex drive but sex isn't strong enough to overwhelm my logicThere's nothing illogical about having sex though. Do you have hobbies? Most hobbies are illogical through your lens then, meaning there's no material gain to be had, yet you perform them.>The last woman I dated actually kissed me on the second dateKissing can only be an innocent thing when you're an inexperienced teenager. When you're an adult, It's basically foreplay.>I probably wouldn't have sex with a woman until after maybe like 10 dates. Is that too extreme?Yes, absolutely, unless you're doing it for religious reasons or something. A girl would think you're not attracted after the third or fourth date and no sex.
>>34642003>Do you watch porn? Do you masturbate? If you don't, there's a very high chance you're asexual.I watch porn and masturbate. I was actually strung out pretty bad on porn and had to taper it down. Now I only use porn one day a week and masturbate maybe 1-2 times a week. Before that, it was like 4-5 times a week. So I don't think I am asexual or low sex drive. I think I am just very very cautious about sex. I have seen it ruin lives for sure. A lot of my friends got the wrong women pregnant etc.>Yes, absolutely, unless you're doing it for religious reasons or something. A girl would think you're not attracted after the third or fourth date and no sex.I am not doing it for religious reasons. More importantly, if I am going on the dates with a woman and planning them out etc, why would she think I am unattracted to her? What guy would go through all the effort of date planning and structuring to date a woman he doesn't even like? I would think women would be able to put two and two together right? I wouldn't be on the date if I didn't like her lol.
>>34642008>Now I only use porn one day a week and masturbate maybe 1-2 times a week.I think you have very low sex drive then. Most healthy men masturbate once a day, maybe skipping a day or two. Healthy men with partners want sex pretty much every day and this can be an actual strain on relationships because female sex drive is lower.>I have seen it ruin lives for sure. A lot of my friends got the wrong women pregnant etcSimply use condoms. Regardless, anything worthwhile in life carries some risk. You low sex drive plus extreme aversion to risk makes me think you have hypogonadism. You should seek an endocrinologist.>if I am going on the dates with a woman and planning them out etc, why would she think I am unattracted to her?Because in her experience, when a man is attracted to her, he finds ways to have sex with her as soon as possible instead of trying to put it off further into the future. Feeling desired is extremely important for women.Usually women are the ones pushing back against sex, not the other way around.
>>34642008You're looking for a prude. You'll find women like that in churches usually. Good luck.
>>34642008>"Hey, I'm absolutely attracted to you but I like to take things slow. Are you cool with that?"Women are humans bro, you can just talk to them you know.
>>34641885As fast as the slower of you is comfortable with
>>34641885If you care about maximizing the stability and happiness of marriage, then the ideal is not having sex until marriage. This is true even controlling for religion--while the religious are more likely to do it, it's by no means exclusive to them.Your friends are also wrong. Very few women will get "bored" by you not gunning for sex right away, and the ones who will are the least likely to have a stable relationship.However, most women will have internalized modern dating culture to some extent (thanks to thirsty dudes like your friends), and they're likely to get neurotic/start worrying if a man isn't showing clear signs of interest. Some women will interpret a lack of sexual initiative as a lack of interest, and then preemptively nuke the connection--not because they're bored, but because they think YOU are. The solution isn't to start acting like a horndog. It's simply to remove the ambiguity and *communicate* both your interest/attraction and your reasons for not getting sexual so fast (obviously in a way that's contextually appropriate, not just repeating an autistic post on 4chan). Will some women lose interest because of this? Maybe. But given that you aren't interested in hookups, they're doing you a favor, and it isn't anything to be upset about.>>34642003>A girl would think you're not attracted after the third or fourth date and no sex.Absolutely deranged, see above.
>>34642113>If you care about maximizing the stability and happiness of marriage, then the ideal is not having sex until marriageThen you get married and realise the sex fucking sucks. Spoken like a virgin who doesn't know shit dude.
>>34642117It's almost like communication is a far better approach than having sex first and asking questions later.Name one issue that is neither vanishingly rare or solvable by good-faith communication before getting sexual/committing. I'll wait.
>>34642128Sex has way too many variables and people who never had it have no idea what they like and don't like, and those preferences are ingrained and immutable. You can't figure your way out of sexual incompatibility. Some people like rough sex some don't. There's genitalia compatibility too, there's vagina variations just like penis size variations. A man can be too big or too small for a woman, even if most people fall within the acceptable average.
>>34642135>Sexual compatibilityNta but that shit is so overplayed. "Sexual compatibility". Yes it's called a penis and it fits into a vagina. There's your compatibility, simple as. The details are just in the technique. If you want to increase compatibility, the man and the woman just need to tell each other what they want out of sex and then perform it. Unless someone in the bedroom is a cripple in a wheelchair, this should be possible to accommodate no matter who you are fucking. If Becky wants it from the back, give it to her from the back. If Stacy is asking for you to stick a finger in her mouth or a thumb while taking her missionary, do that. If plain Jane nerdy girl randomly gets surprisingly freaky in bed and demands you choke her or even use her throat like a fuck toy, go for it. Vice versa too if the girl accommodates your requests and kinks and whatever then sexual compatibility is 100% no matter who you are with.Unless that person is an unsocialized retard who can't speak up for whatever reason.
>>34642135>people who never had it have no idea what they like and don't like>those preferences are ingrained and immutablePick one. If they don't know, they don't have any frame of reference to judge "bad" sex, and thus their preferences are necessarily mutable by their experiences.>You can't figure your way out of sexual incompatibility.Only partially true. Compromise is an essential part of any relationship, and you'd presumably be motivated to do so if you already cared enough about someone to commit to spend your life with them. But for incompatibilities which are too impactful, too diametrically opposed, the question is whether you need to have sex to effectively discover and respond to them.> Some people like rough sex some don'tSo talk about your views on sex. Ask if your partner wants to get tied up and punched *before* doing it to them, which is solid advice even if you're sure they'd like it. >A man can be too big or too small"I have a gigantic/tiny dick"Or, if he doesn't know/just won't say, it's going to be obvious when the pants come off. That's grounds for annulment by deception and non-consummation if he somehow had a mind to hide it for years and bother getting married."Problem" solved. If it's such a worry and you don't want to get surprised, just ask. And don't claim it's too awkward. So is railing a woman with a 2-incher and wondering why she asked if it's in.
>>34642158... or you can just have sex before getting married. Absolutely the easiest and most rational way to figure all that shit out before you get married.I'd agree with you if sex carried unsurmountable risk, but it doesn't. Condoms exist if you wanna be conservative.
>>34642191>having sex is easier than talkingHoly cope.And you're still ignoring the demonstrable negatives of sex outside of marriage, the consistent result of any study on the subjectLess happy marriages. Less stable marriages. Even controlling for religion. And for those who value exclusivity, it's logically not even close. Sex outside of marriage destroys the possibility for the bulk of the population.
>>34642212Some things in life can't be figured out by just talking. I don't know what else to tell you bro, if that's what you believe more power to you.
>>34642218>ignores argument and just repeats initial pointOK?
>>34641885>One friend basically told me "If you aren't at her house or she is at your house by the 2nd date, stop talking to her because she isn't going to have sex."This is correct, but not for the reasons you think. It doesn't take very long to decide if you're attracted to someone or not: you know by the end of the first date. So, if she isn't attracted to you on the second date, she never will be; and equally, if you aren't giving her any signs of interest at that point, she will conclude that you aren't interested in her and move on. But there are other ways besides actually fucking that you can indicate to someone that you are attracted to them; for example, you can TELL THEM. All this is only a problem if you are incapable of using words to communicate. Tell her how you feel; ask her how she feels. It's not rocket science.
>>34641885If a woman doesn't fuck me in the first 3 dates I figure she's not attracted to me or is a prude. Women will absolutely fuck on the first date because I have done it and even fucked women I met that night randomly. This was all pre pandemic though so idk what the current tik tok brain poisoning of the week bitches are currently on.
>>34642008I'm 30. I cum on average 6 times a day. And that's taking into account days when I don't fap at all. They add up with the days where all I do is cumYour fapping frequency is the one I have when I'm in a relationship and having sex actively. Then I barely fap if we live together.
>>34641885go by what your heart tells you. a relationship can start in as early as the first date or the tenth. what matters is what you feel comfortable with. get to know her, assess whether you are right for each other, and most importantly make your feelings clear.
