https://x.com/alexanderbochan/status/2064883893451591794?s=46
https://youtube.com/@bigscum?si=5oJhv2r3sVGrbtaE

it's over.

I think I'm going to give up this time for real.

it's continuous

>>34642354
Dont give up

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Here’s the video I believe I submitted October 7th 2024 to the Snohomish and know I submitted twice to the Everett police department.
https://youtu.be/fiPi9A1Xacs?is=vysmS8_W9HdjF1UK
https://x.com/AlexanderBochan/status/1908619919652245746/video/1?s=46

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>>34642530

i hate women so god damn much. if a woman cheats she deserves to be killed.

>>34642567
Men emotionally cheat and so do women, does that mena they deserve to be killed? Both men and women cheat

>start a new "retire at 65" job
>all my coworkers are like 70

>>34642571
men cheating are just following their biological programming. women cheating are just doing it for pleasure.

also i hate niggers

>>34642573
I hope it changes in a few years

>>34642575
Stop lying

I can feel this body dying all around me

I wish things would go back to how they were before you started hating me. I want to snuggle and share our bed. Giggle and tickle. Have fun with each other.
I can't help but feel like I have lost you forever and it is tearing me apart

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I promised to leave this place. But doesn't it feel great to say hello once in a while?
I'll keep it short: I'm beginning to have options. I also did something people would consider cheating. But I didn't feel any remorse. Isn't that ironic.
Hope is like a seed that you plant in healthy earth. If its soil is disturbed, what good can grow from it? You believe I'm waiting for you?

>>34642760
>Cheating
What did you do? And no, no one is waiting for me. I'm forgotten and trampled on by those I believed to be closest to me.

Crying again. I'm such a weak bitch.
I'm so over being led on. I just want this to be over already

>>34642834
:,)

>>34642298
wish i werent so afraid of dating

>>34642834
Not crying and I don’t know if I’m being led on or not, but I know that feel. I’ve believed everything she’s said until recently, but I can’t hold out for her forever. No sane man would do that.

>>34642878
Ive already given up. No man really wants me, they are just want to just me and are playing mind games because I was honest and faithful.

>>34642891
Im healing. The inner child in me is hurting a lot, though. I need to work on only caring for myself.

I still feel anger towards you sometimes. The more I experience what love is really like with a person who actually loves me, the more I realise how selfish and mentally ill you were. Still angry that I took it and quietly left. Sometimes I wish I would have lashed out and told you what I think. Those disgusting and harrassing messages you sent were unacceptable. So childish. Should have known from the start that I couldn't fix you.
You know who you are if you read this.

i quit drinking, turns out you can have an extremely unproductive day while sober too

I was supposed to go on a date with a 38 year old woman tonight, but she canceled because she "sprained her ankle". My expectations are low for dating right now, but it definitely feels like she lied to go hook up with someone else. That's fine, but realistically I'd rather be told the truth. Which I was expecting from a 38 year old.

>>34643092
Call it a rest day!

>>34643122
There's a reason she's single at 38, anon, and it sounds like it's immaturity. Don't beat yourself up over it.

>>34643139
She's not single, though. She's polyamorous and I'm inclined to believe she's dating another woman. I was already upfront about wanting to keep it casual and the date was to get some ice cream, so I'm not that bothered. All the bothers me is that it feels like she's lying and just doesn't want to see me.

“Derek” welcomed me to sleep in the hammock hours ago however they just received a phone call and I overheard “tammy” asking someone to come and have me taken away and mentally evaluated again. I rang the door bell a couple times to see if I’m still welcome on the property but they didn’t answer so I left before the police shows up because I don’t want to be stuck at the mental hospital again.

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As the kind-hearted person, that I still am, I don't want to leave the stage without giving you at least one important piece of advice that you should keep dear: Fix your body odor. I don't know whether it's the weed, cigarettes, alcohol, or your anxiety seeing chad (me). It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that back then I didn't feel any sexual tension on my part. The scent just wasn't there. Keep working on it.
But to be honest, at your speed I don't expect this to happen before gta6 is released.

Maybe one more thing. This one is for free: Next time you flirt with someone get that Sh1tt3r out of the frame. You cannot imagine how utterly disgusting it is on the other end of the chat when an ugly pig is literally grunting and breathing warm air on your fucking neck from the side.

Wanna tell me again how it was all my fault back then that things didn't work out for us? My senses allow me to perceive things on a deeper level. It's both a curse and a blessing.

>>34643209
I miss the way (he) smells

>>34642729
Why did they start hating you?

>>34643292
because i was honest and transparent in the relationship

I hate that a lot of stuff I think or say to myself comes into existence. Like I'm some seer or something. 3 days prior to Chris Chan's release, I joked to a friend that he was freed and then it happened. I predicted the break up of someone I'm close to and exactly how it happened.

One time, I was on the bus heading home from work and I saw this crackhead dancing on the sidewalk and said "man, it'd be funny if she flashed the bus" and then she did.

The mere concept that sometimes manifesting something into existence is scary. Especially when it's done often.

>>34643209
Bejitabro thinks hes a chad kek.

>>34643305
What were you honest about, though? You know, honesty is a virtue, but being honest about doing or thinking or saying something bad doesn’t mean it’s not bad.

Fuck this heat man, It's 1AM, I really should go to bed and the main reason I refuse to is because the next 2-3 hours are the only time I'll get to enjoy some cold wind until it's back to hell in the morning again

>>34643339
How is life in uhhhhhhhh Italy?

Had to use someone else’s telephone to call the house and ask Derek why they welcomed me to sleep in the yard and then requested for the police to haul me off again and they welcomed me back into my room without having to agree to anything. They said they’re not going to call the police again unless start yelling. Ok now I’m back at the house again and the linked video is their response. Just uploaded to my YouTube account but I can’t get a link on “shorts”.
https://x.com/alexanderbochan/status/2068470666882621723?s=46

You're probably quite comfortable. Enjoying the home alone, peace, no one to care for but yourself.

>>34643343
Bit further north, I'd imagine it's actually a bit cozier in Italy, since I believe most of their houses have been build with ACs and warm weather in mind. Over here the main problem was keeping in the heat in winter until a decade or two ago

>>34643351
It's pretty comfy ngl. How about you?

total reddit death

Someone just called and I heard “tammy” explaining how hard it is to get someone removed from an apartment and this is what I filmed while during the phone call. I have left the house again. New video in the link provided as well as my YouTube account.
https://x.com/alexanderbochan/status/2068475196248604714?s=46

Caught my wife going through my phone after she (again) brings her younger friend around that we use to fuck (24 to our 33), and (again) says she'd like the three of us to do the polyamory (polygamy for libtards) thing.
The funny thing is that I don't "have" to fucking sneak around. It starts with this girl grabbing at my wife's ass because they're totally gay, then I act offended so she grabs mine, and then I grab hers, and then we're all back at our place and just figuring out whether we're going to act on the itch or not, because the last time it really did just devolve into me routinely fucking my wife's friend in front of her.
This time was a "no", first time we've met in a while, so then my wife sends her a message saying she wants to explore that stuff again, and I'm not going to lie, if she comes over here and my wife leaves the room, that's exactly what's going to happen. What I don't get is the fucking lunacy in doing all of this and then looking through my phone. I haven't sought this girl out once. My wife keeps inviting her. Is she a cuck? Is she insecure? Are both of them fucking crazy? The way the two of them talk sometimes I think they could end up in a fucking Final Fantasy house situation if they didn't have an actual autist there to ground the conversation.

Fat tits hoe

>>34643351
Quite lonely, really.

I'm glad that the Mother of God has my back right now

talk about a glow up. damn.

Uninstalled my dating app profile and deleted all my pics off of it. Not even going to look and see what my ex hookups messaged me even though the one was really cute. It was supposed to be just fun but I lowkey had a small affair. Nah, pumping the breaks. I just can't handle it after all. A one man woman is what I need to be.

I’ve been keeping my paralyzed cat alive for over a year and I just found out she has bed sores. I swore to myself if there was ever evidence she was suffering, I would euthanize her. But my cunt mom is guilt tripping me about it. She doesn’t even care about the cat, she just loves making me feel worse when I’m at my lowest point. I cry my eyes out every day that I have to euthanize Cakepop. I don’t want to euthanize her. Why does my mom have to make it 100x worse on me? She says whatever it takes to hurt me at the deepest possible level. I’m cutting contact with her.

I actively encouraged my college ex to self harm because I found it sexually arousing.

>>34643487
I’m not going to pile on anything else, but I hope you know that you actually have to do it, no matter how shitty your mom makes you feel. You know it’s the right thing to do, and if you don’t do it you’ll have to live with your weakness for the rest of your life. Free yourself from her thumb and don’t make that poor animal suffer any more. I know you have it in you

>>34643084
Literally doesn't matter, I'm gonna be out of your hair soon enough.

>>34643084
Moving out of the guy I was dating house and getting my life back to where I lost it was the best thing that I've ever done for myself. I wish I hadn't left what I had to lose so much time to that waste.

>>34643242
Hilarious that (he) is who wrote this.

I skipped 90% of school days and still ended up graduating earlier than my peers lol Kinda crazy in retrospect

>>34642298
I am 27, male, and I have a conviction that I refuse to date any girl that is over the age of 24, 23 even at best. I feel like this will stay even as the years go by. The thought of dating someone my own age on theory sits right with me, yet I just know the older they are, the greater chance that they are 1)Used up, 2)Have a baby (negro baby at worst) or 3)Have a std. It's not that I'm not attracted to them, it's all factors outside of it. I'm not one to hit it and quit it and I've only been in two relationships, yet I don't really know how to feel about it either way.

>>34643656
>they are 1)Used up

I hate to break it to you buddy but in 2026 most girls are sexual burnouts by the time they graduate high-school. You will occasionally find one or two who have lower than normal body counts but its still rough. Every guy I know in the 20-29 age range who is in a long term relationship with a woman is dating a woman with not just one or two bodies more than them, but multiples of their body counts. My girlfriend has double my body count albeit I wasn't super active before her and my close friends gf has I shit you not 4x his body count and unlike me was sexual active on a regular basis since 16. Both me and my friend knew this about our partners ahead of time as well.

>>34643671
True. Honestly the thought of dating a girl with more than three sickens me. I know it's niave, yet I'd be comfortable with a high-school boyfriend and maybe a short lived relationship during or after college. Lol that's like asking for a unicorn. However, I will say having a nigger baby is far worse than a 10 count body. Even if it was just her first. Disqualifying.

>>34643671
Excuses. Not interested and turns out there are loyal girls out there whose resume doesn't include Subway and tuna sandwiches

>>34643683
Cuck mentality.

>>34643692
Could be where you live, but I grew up in an area known for extreme promiscuity. My closest female friend in high-school admitted that she had a body-count of 8 by the time she turned 16, and I personally knew 3 different girls who had body counts north of 20 by the time they graduated high-school.

My girlfriends bodycount is still in the single digits, but she claims that almost every sexually active female member of her family is in the double digits.

>>34643696
What's cuck about that? It's not a fantasy, but a reality. I'd like for her to be new to everything, but seeing how that is ever more rare, what I described is honestly the best bet when it comes to modern women.

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>>34643705
>I knew high school girls that were fucking on the regular

>>34643710
Exactly why it's a cuck mentality. You are so cucked this has become how you view normal. Honestly disgusting.

>>34643705
Unfortunate. Where I am girls like that end up with nothing and high achievement men don't give them even a glance. They end up with losers.

>>34643710
>What's cuck about that
Goes on to say more cuck things.
Its over.

>>34643713
What's the solution exactly? Fuck newly 18 year olds in high school even into my 30s? You're either retarded or being disingenuous.

>>34643725
You are too far gone it seems. My girlfriend just turned 21 and Im taking her virginity this week end.

If u know where the other tammy’s and dereks are or what they’re trying to accomplish then why are u leaving me to live in terror and misery until i’m attempting suicide? U don’t know what they’re trying to accomplish yet? You’re not investigating? Why am I still left to wonder? I know this bitch in the house isn’t the same tammy as tammy from the vet and you’re not going to fool me otherwise. So what the fuck? U just want my life to be fucked up no matter what?

Resignation. There is no Good Ending. Selfish and delusional to think otherwise. Sorry.

It's over, for both of us. Entire life trajectory in flames.

i fucking HATE HATE HATE women so GOD GOD GOD damn much

Do you wish we had never met now? As I did?

>>34643781
Yup.

I guess the life-ruining was mutual.

Doesn't make me feel any less sick over it

>>34643801
Yup.

women are fucking evil. anyone who likes that actress with no eyebrows is a cunt.

>>34643816
You talking about Jenna Ortega?

>>34643754
The good ending is the one where I can't change we met but I can remove every thing if you and go back to the life I had before where I had feelings I have not felt since.

>>34643769
No, only for you. Course correction saved my ass from wasting the rest of mine on you.

>>34643781
I wish you hadn't distracted me from who meant the world to me. There are years I'll never get back because of you

Nothing is worse for your mental health if you are mentally ill than narcissistic bitch with a savior/god complex who does nothing but cater to your worst traits and calls it trying to fix you. Then seals your fate living in eternal distrust of everyone and everything around you. I'll give you what you want bitch and kms. And if eternal damnation awaits me, when karma finally swings around and takes everything from you like you've taken it all from me, just know I'll be looking up laughing. And when your body ceases functioning, I'll be waiting to pull you down with me.

>>34643848
If you think any of this was on me and I was not just conned and lied to by you then you are mistaken. In either case, GOOD

Thinking of that 1 thing keeps me going. No matter how bad things get.

My ex's love

>>34643877
That's a good thing to have. I've got a few things that always snap me out of bad moods, but I'm not sure if I have one thing I can think of that gets me through anything.

I am incompetent and will always be one

>>34643900
Hence the bottle

>>34643781
You're obviously not her, but I still think there's a reason I met her when I did. It's just not what I initially thought or hoped for, and I haven't figured it out yet.

I looked at a photo of you today. It felt like recounting a dream, someone not real. An amalgamation of traits floating separately from each other. I'd not be entirely convinced you ever existed, were it not for her.

Almost out of this house.

>>34643930
Same shit, I'm moving in a month and I'm psyched for getting the hell out of this dump

>>34643926
Words, words, words

That fog of dissociation is a blessing, and I've come to be grateful for the pills for that, even looking forward to the dose increase. I need to be as far removed, cognitively & emotionally, from all of this.

I still need to change my profile banner, pic.

I'll try to stop asking for reassurance or signs of care. It's been unfair of me. Do what you want or must, I'll stay quiet and out of your way as much as possible. Bon nuit.

I sill haven't said, and in turn heard the words I need, but I will soon and maybe then you will make these dreams true. I miss your voice and smile. Fortunate I have that one video to watch and spend time with you.

2 months and half in and I finally hear something of you. You are still teasing me, I would understand one week in...you are hurting and you are mad but after this much time? I been praying all this time for it to not come down to this. I want you to be okay, to be happy. I still think of you every hour of my day. Are you doing this because this is the only way to grab my attention? Or is this some kind of sick coping mechanism? Will you reach out although you promised not to? Am I going to be strong enough to let you go? How can I let you go If im still in your mind? Love me or hate makes no difference. I miss you B

>>34643941
I need a new profile pic

Sure you will. I've heard that before and this is the result. You have never meant what you've said a single time, only words to trick me into saying what you want to hear, want me to do.

>>34643969
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry

When we meet I thought this is a mistake. I said yes and thought this is a mistake. Every day with you is out of obligation and somehow the life i dreamed of, the one I lost, hasn't chosen another. I wish I could have the years back but the tomorrows will do.

You not sorry. Just admit you are lying and saying that. Admit that lie that you continue to lie to me every time I question you if that's what happened. The one that took me away from my dream I was about to live.

I forgive you.

>>34644045
I never will just as I will never get these wasted years back.

>>34643986
It's too late for that.

>>34643752
No answer. More bait. Rinse, repeat a million times over why the fuck do hope otherwise?

What really controls my mouse? The Pinky and The Brain...

>>34643754
I don’t give a shit how many people have to lose their jobs to make sure that things are made right and this doesn’t happen again.

>>34644219
And if u lose your fingers for being fucking stupid that shit is not my fault.

>>34644239
Who the fuck are you supposed to be?

>>34644242
>They really think they're the only Universe in existence...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

pot-belly

>>34644354
Really? What kind of pot? A crock-pot?

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>>34644356
my belly
i consumed TOO MUCH

>>34644359
Isn't it really late where you are? Don't say the time, just answer yes or no.

>>34644361
>yes
My phone buddy is sleeping :(
I am slightly inebriated

>>34644363
You're drinking? What'd you have?
Phone buddy...

>>34644365
Vodka seltzers(i feel like they're the least unhealthy thing i can drink)

why? trying to dox me? that's against the rules, you know!

>>34644367
No, I'm not trying to doxx you. Don't you trust me?
>Vodka seltzers
Don't think I've ever had any. The only seltzers that mess up your stomach instead of making it feel better?

>>34643781
>Do you wish we had never met now? As I did?
No, I've come to a realisation that we were meant to meet and I can't hate you, even if you despise me now.

>>34644371
>seltzer particles
They make the alcohol get in queue for their inevitable osmosis into the collective that is me o algo
Sorry I'll talk normal now

I lost 220 lbs in 18 months through diet and exercise
Now I've gained 75 lbs back in 6 months

I know exactly how to get out of this but I can't find the will to commit like I did before
It's probably because becoming a normal sized person and attractive to women for the first time in my life did nothing to actually fix me mentally

>>34644375
No wonder it's called a line of alcohol.
>Sorry I'll talk normal now
As long as you're talking to me, I don't mind.

It has come to my attention that despite being Filipino, everyone at the local Mexican grocery store thinks I'm Hispanic and speaks to me in Spanish. It's kind of awkward but it also gives me a sense of community, I feel like I'm "one of them" when I walk into the store for chips, guacamole, and milk.

>>34644397
Nice.

>>34644383
How are you doing? (i may fall asleep and respond tomorrow) no pressure

>>34644401
I'm still trying not to become a useless alcoholic. Wbu?

Sometimes I just sit at the bottom of the shower and make believe the people I love aren't dead.

>>34644372
We were never meant to meet. That's just something you say to make me feel like your lies were okay for you to do to me. I do despise you and I do hate you.

>>34644438
I was only projecting, I doubt you're him. And I never forced him to meet me. You're passed at yourself for not taking account and action for your own mistakes anon. You still to learn

>>34644435
How many times do you think guilt tripping about your mom will work?

>>34644447
Both my parents are alive. It's crippling to me that people died so young. They deserved more time on this planet.

>>34644443
Wrong sex and I'm not projecting.
>Never forced
I wouldn't have if I knew the truth

>You're pissed at yourself for not taking account and action for your own mistakes anon.

Just like a narc to not only not take accountability for their manipulations and lies, they also say it's my fault I fell for them.

I have learned. You are and always have been a mistake.

>>34644452
Sure. You cry in the bathroom because people died young in the world. You are full of shit and I wish it didn't take me this long to know that.

>>34644453
Please take your meds and stop relapsing on your seething and coping anon. Keep projecting anon.

>>34644472
As a narc, Calling the other person mentally ill is your go to comment. Projecting is the next down. In reality you narcisim is a mental illness and you projecting a tactic to trick others into siding with you by dispelling your behavior on others.

>>34644490
Ffs call your psychologist or something. Your psychology buzzterms are annoying. Stop being an asshole troll.

>>34644407
oh jeez, im trying to just go out on the town. i didnt mean to bring up your thing. i didnt drink very much and enjoyed myself if that matters.

>>34644498
>oh jeez, im trying to just go out on the town
You like parties and outside activities, huh?
>i didnt mean to bring up your thing
It's okay.
>i didnt drink very much and enjoyed myself if that matters
I'm glad you're having a good time. Having problems with family rn.

>27 years old
>Virgin
>Fat
>Want to get laid
>Remember I'd have to lose weight and get into dating
>Give up for the day
>Repeat the next day
Idk where I'm going with this, I want to fuck but it's too hard. I think it's because I have ADHD but maybe I'm just using it as an excuse

>>34644492
Like I said
1.call the other person mentally ill
2. Project who you are on them

i hated school and always ditched because i was bullied. i was bullied because i was forced to wear the same old clothes for 3 years or until i outgrew them. i was himulated every day. my parents had money but they were penny pinchers. all the kids in school had nice clean clothes and haircuts because their parebts cared for them and did everything to build their self esteem. but not me. on top of that my teachers were racist and would always take my bullies side because theyre black. forced me to apologize after defending myself because of their bullying. it ruined my teenage years and my education. ruined my life

>>34643930
>>34643934
youll be back

>>34644639
At least you didn't shoot up the school. I'm proud of you for that.

>>34644644
why would i do that? im not a psychpath.
i recently found out 2 of the bullies died violent deaths.

>>34644575
Or sometimes they try to make it seem like the chaos they cause has some hidden virtuous reason behind it and it’s outcome dependent but they won’t explain. Sometimes they try to bait u into acknowledging it as virtuous just to trap u as well. And if their mistake is addressed then it’s caused by their ignorance that they insist on keeping and depend on. Whatever sustains their ability to deal the damage.

>>34644639
its been on my brain years after school years. its affected me so much. all i do is spend my money on other people. i never spend money on myself. i want to keep giving my money to others so they wont go through what i went through. ppl tell me i need to buy things for myself instead of buying stuff for others but i cant stop even when i try

Stupid fat slag manipulative witch. Only respond when it suits/benefits you. If *I* need something it's fucking crickets. I fucking knew what you were halfway through your second visit, this further confirms it. Manipulative crocodile-tears-ass bitch. I see you, and I'll make sure she never has to. Not good to be exposed to sneaky nasty manipulators like you.

Wonder if that forgiveness is conditional.

Sedation wears off and hate and sick and sad floods back in fuck I miss my babies

Thank you for my plush.

Cutting would go so hard rn

>>34644787
It's been a while since I cut

>>34644642
No I won't.

>>34644679
Yeah, thats the kind of person I've never wanted in my life.

>>34644750

Depends on what you mean. If conditional means having each other and not straying, choosing to be committed to each other, faithful and communicative. That's not a condition. You told me it's a given and I feel I've shown you that with staying for you for 5 years despite your distance and silence you created

I gave you a second chance. Please don't make me look like a fool.

I want to go back to my peaceful life without you.

In so far as governments are immoral and evil the only way to be moral is to be a moral antisocial which sounds like a contradiction in terms.

I cyberstalk all of your male friends, just so we're clear. Just in case.

I've told my roommate multiple times to stop leaving opened packages of food on the counter or else I'll start throwing it in the trash. Anyway they did it again and I just ate it. Thanks for the peanuts, you messy jerk

>>34644982
I wish she wrote this about me.

Far easier to bust ass for a year, than to suck ass for three.

>>34644858
Not with the right person.

My doubts and lack of trust are entirely logical considering your actions or lack thereof and I'm not willing to debate that or listen to you deny reality.

>>34645063
Its not denying reality to find out how you lied and where i was misled to this situation. I was truly happy with him and the years we lost lost with each other is due to you lying to me about him and masking to manipulate me. You are all lies. I wish I had gone home to him. I hope I still can. I'm going to make up for the years I lost with him. I trust him.

>>34645063
>or listen to you deny my reality.
ftfy

>>34645077
Nigga nobody's talking to you

>>34645086
First time here? It's /gioyc/ everyone vagueposts and larps here.

Reading my discord messages and journals of him from when I had who completed me in every way. It's been years but still I want now is to hear his voice and continue with him from where we left off years ago.

>>34642298
Saw obsession, now I'm having a mental break or a panic attack, can't quite tell. Weird.

I want to be loved

>>34645026
Why?

If I don't hear from you in 10 days, it's over.

>>34645150
Its already over. I want nothing to do with you. I finally don't have to deal with you bothering me every day. The past couple years have been a mistake I regret being misled into.

>>34642298
A former boss of mine died today. They were very close in age to me and just a genuinely nice person. I didn't expect them to die but i also didn't think someone more of an acquaintance like this passing away would effect me as much as it has.

>>34645155
I can tell you’re not her. Happy to hear whoever you’re dealing with is out of your life though, anon.

Keep your head up high, J. You’ll make it.

>>34645150
Initial?

>>34644575
Fuck you, you mega troll

I grew up with an abusive father that would get home from work and look for anything wrong in the household and blame it on one of his children and scream at them. As a child you're intelligent enough to understand that the blame is way out of proportion. He also liked to get drunk and laugh at his children during family gatherings how I'm nothing and won't achieve anything. And so you also get passive aggressive back at this person, ignore and stop talking to him completly. After some days though he then always became mad and started shouting again why you're not greeting him, disrespecting your own father. When telling him the wrongdoings he did the last time, the only(!) thing he did was to become even more aggressive and start shouting at me that I have to forget it since it happened days ago. This behaviour of him repeated over my whole childhood at least once every month. His oldest son stopped talking to him 20 years ago. His pain is so strong that over time not only did he stop talking to his mother but also his siblings.

So if I someone fucks with me and then just tells themselves that over time I'll forget what happened, thinking that time will heal wounds, then I have to disappoint you. This pattern is engraved in me so deeply that it will have the complete opposite effect on me. I recommend you to go find yourself someone that allows you to endure this behaviour of you and your friends.

You should be thankful that I'm telling you these things. It will help you be better prepared with your future partner, which won't be me. It's better than what I get from you, namely to just suck it all up, whatever you and your friends were throwing at me. Nonetheless, I DO hope you go fuck yourself.

>His oldest son stopped talking to him 20 years ago
It's important for you to be aware of the dimensions I'm talking about

>>34645164
I don't care who you think I am. Your voice makes me feel sick and I'm so done with you.

>>34645180
No, i see you for who you are, a narc who does the same things over and over.

Trying to recall how that last week went, how it felt. Trying to reconcile that with your claims of love. You may as well have been telling me the sky was red, for all the sense it makes. Doom and panic morning to night, unable to eat or sleep. Sweating, hair falling out, hyper vigilant to movement, sound, footsteps and doors and cars in the driveway.

I hate the feeling of needing an explanation and apology, when I know it won't make anything less painful, only that much more confusing.

The explanation is he is a narc liar and washing myself of him and all the waste he's created of my life is so freeing. I'm going home to my shore.

My parents were kind of shit and my dad would freak the absolute FUCK out if we lost anything / broke anything. Even just losing the tv remote temporarily would cause my dad, a grown man, to have an explosive temper tantrum. Red faced he would shout about how we had to find it. I have no idea what mental health issues causes insane anxiety about lost items but he had it, as well as a sour personality. Hateful. He had narcissistic traits. I don't know what's wrong with him but he is super insecure. Easily jealous. Always puffs himself up as an expert. Even lies about his credentials or work skills. He once literally told me "I'm an expert at everything in my field" and never taught me his hobby because he thought I might be better than him.

But... Even today if I lose something it makes me upset. It's not the same as my dad's, but I definitely feel my heart race and I get really frustrated because I feel like I'm about to get screamed at again. Mentally I become an 8 year old again. Even I know nothing is going to happen that flood of emotions and fear is momentarily too strong.

I hate myself that my asshole father imprinted something on me. People say they love their dads, that's great, I struggle to remember times when my dad had a moment of connection with me. Or a moment when he gave good advice. I wasn't the son he wanted. And in some ways, I never will be.

I have only felt better the further away from c i am.

I never told you this but you were a rebound. I met you THE DAY this other guy I had a much deeper relationship with dumped me for another girl. I think it was a karmic lesson how you turned out to be the exact same kind of person he was. It was like I was still with him. Anyway I have closure now and I learned all the things I needed to learn from him/you. Hope I never run into a guy like this again in my life lol, I know all the signs now to steer clear.

>>34645227
>I hate myself that my asshole father imprinted something on me.
I hate this feeling. I tried so hard to not be like my parents and I still turned out like them. Sins of the father yada yada