for the past 2 years, I've been working on getting my bachelor's degree in CS. i can tolerate living here by basically ignoring my mom, pretending she doesn't exist, and leaving the house as much as possible. but i'm starting to wonder if the degree is the right path. my mom basically crippled me by not teaching me how to drive. a lot of internships need a car to get to. and i don't have any friends in this city because i came at a later age and no car. i will be getting 2 part-time jobs soon but it might not be enough to save up for a car + driving school. would love to have a regular retail job but they don't like hiring students (even tho they barely give hours nowadays).the only reason why i'm not getting kicked out is because she does that thing where after an argument, she'd say "you can always leave you know" and i did. i became homeless and almost died in the attempt. so now she just doesnt say anything probably out of guilt. since then i've been very patient working on this degree just so i can find a decent job that lets me live by myself. but i'm losing confidence that this is the right path. there's a really terrible tech recession right now. i want to be a software engineer but that's out of reach for someone in my financial situation.what are my options really? i just want long-term stability and independence. after i graduate college, i'm thinking of finding any retail job that lets me work full-time and then finding roommates to survive rent. then focus on building an SWE portfolio and looking for internships. not really confident in that plan.
>>34645790Like Sheldon Cooper says (Yes, I am going to quote him) "The only way to succeed at something is to devote 100% of your time and energy to it. Nobody gets anywhere with a backup plan.">i became homeless and almost died in the attempt.How did you manage to fuck that up? Do you have no survival skills? What happened the first time you went homeless? Where were you homeless? I know for a fact you probably did something completely idiotic.>there's a really terrible tech recession right now. i want to be a software engineer but that's out of reach for someone in my financial situation.No, there's a recession people pretend is not a recession (so a recession) AND we have this whizbang new technology called AI. I would be running the fuck away from a compsci degree and do something like Business Administration as a generalist. If I were a college student TODAY, my goal would be a degree that gives me entry into as many fields as possible, and a Business degree does that and isnt terribly difficult PLUS you can add a minor on top of it like say, computer info systems or HR or management> I'm thinking of finding any retail job that lets me work full-time and then finding roommates to survive rent. then focus on building an SWE portfolio and looking for internships.That's actually not completely retarded, but young people are increasingly involved in the gig economy, So ostensibly you could do shit like web design gigs or tasks on sites like Fiverr, make ends meet with roommates, and then study nights and get your degree.
>>34645951>How did you manage to fuck that up? Do you have no survival skills? What happened the first time you went homeless? Where were you homeless? I know for a fact you probably did something completely idiotic.No? If you've ever lived in a homeless shelter you'd know it's full of people carrying all sorts of diseases. that's what it means to be homeless. i got sick because people kept coughing around me. going to the doctor meant i had to haul my ass over there while i was in pain,get back, and spend the next few weeks laying in a bed that's not mine with no idea how to get food. im not gonna read the rest of this stupid comment
Are you on drugs?
>>34646011Yeah, that's why you don't go to them, dum dum, unless you are using their day services. I was on the streets for a year due to financial strife. Being homeless isn't that bad provided you aren't a complete retard. I just moved from my town to one of the wokie retard cities. They literally handed me everything down to the socks I wore and the tent I slept in. They had a little homeless outreach group full of liberal women who talked to you like you were a mentally ill retard, and I never took their offer for shelter unless it was fucking cold, instead taking their offers for free shit. Every shelter is full of Bed Bugs, disease, and people stealing shit. At least out on the street if some other tweaker bum tried to steal my bike I could beat him senseless. Cops wouldn't even do shit about it either, got no interest in solving crimes between bums.You're just an arrogant, lazy puff. "Won't read the rest of your stupid comment" Fine by me, no sweat to me, keep living in a shitfestival of your own creation. You really going to push away advice flat out like that?
>>34645790You really didn't try to get away until you sold all your belongings on ebay to try to fund your own place or car.
>>34646577that doesnt solve my issue. i am trying to not be homeless FOREVER. to get away from my mother would mean losing the only safety net i have. if im gonna leave i need some sort of foundation which is why ive been working towards my degree and tolerating her existence. on my only attempt at leaving i literally just packed some clothes and left not knowing what was gonna happen.
>>34646996You can't expect people to help you until you give it your all. SO fucking sell your pokemon cards or whatever gay shit you collect. Sell your Nintendo Switch. Buy a car. Get a job. Get a place. You are now out.
>>34647088you probably sound really cool in your head typing all that but you clearly didnt read anything i typed
>>34647111There's no safety net to replace mommy until you take the risk to get out and established with a job. Then there is unemployment coverage, welfare, temporary assistance, food pantries, charities, loans, what have you depends on your area. But you need to not be a retard who makes no effort to do shit and keeps posting the same thread every month for literal years. Get a car however you need to do it because it's a step in the direction you need to go. You can learn how to drive by backing up and going forwards in the driveway or something. When your neighbors ask what the fuck you are doing tell them you need someone to drive with you for your learner's permit. jesus christ you are a faggot.
>>34647161reread the first paragraph of the OP.
>>34647186I don't envy your family having to deal with your dumb ass
>>34647186I re-read the OP and I think you should do hardcore drugs to cope with the fact you are a useless hopeless faggot that can't stand the family that is supporting your stupid ass and won't even sell your pokemon cards to buy a car
>>34647334do you feel better after having said that? at this point im just coming back to this thread just to vent. dealing with toxic family members is something that happens to a lot of people and I know this because I met a lot of runaways in that homeless shelter. whether or not people take me seriously doesnt concern me. i know im allowed AND justified to feel the way i do.
>>34647377I'm trying to help you, maybe i'm not superficially much different than you. I'm trying to drive the point home of how important getting the car is. You wouldn't have needed a homeless shelter for example you could have slept in it. It is possible to save up a few thousand and sell some belongings to get it.
>>34645790I get that your mother can be an ass, but stating that she is a cause of your trouble because she didnt thought you how to drive is just stupid. You can tell yourself that you shouldve been rised better, but no parent is perfect and puting the blame for similar shit on her just sounds like you need someone to be responsible for your shortcomings.Maybe you omited some shit, maybe your mother is toxic and bad to be around. Still she lets you live with her despite you being an adult, so she somewhat support you. If you want to move out, than do everything that needs to be done.You should probably work when studing so you can just fuck off faster, at least you should get some money for driving school if thats a problem.
>>34647652>but stating that she is a cause of your trouble because she didnt thought you how to drive is just stupidi didnt say that. i said she crippled me by not teaching me how to drive. your reading comprehension is what made you think that. it would take me a whole hour to list down all the shitty things my mom did to me growing up that led to me dealing with all the mental issues that I had to spend the past years learning how to unlearn.not knowing how to drive is so essential to living in my city. it is a serious oversight in parenting for anyone to not teach their child how to do it. because it is so hard to learn once you try to do it as an adult. i think you are just used to thinking of families as picture perfect scenarios where the child is always spoiled and parents are allowed to make mistakes. NO. being a parent is the ONE JOB you CANNOT fuck up on. that's why so many people turn out fucked up nowadays. there are so many junkies and crackheads roaming the streets because their parents failed them. im lucky in that respect that i didnt end up like them. parenting is the one job that needs a mandatory competency test before prusuing.
>>34647671everyone can read your shit bro you just don't want to hear their advice. It is NOT hard to drive. Children can do it. Go fucking drive a go kart or a dirt bike or something.
>>34647743>It is NOT hard to drivethat is because you are used to doing it. people cannot comprehend what its like to learn how to drive without anyone helping you. for example, to get a car you need to register it which is a process that requires a license. you can technically own it by registering it as PNO but then you are legally not allowed to drive it. in order to practice you essentially already need a license UNLESS you have someone that has one to practice with you with a learner's permit (which i don't). i also need to afford paying for insurance on top of it. a lot of people here have barely any formal driver's education which is why i see retards not stopping at a stop light before turning right on red. it's a serious issue that this state isn't addressing.sure, you can just drive without a license. ive seen a lot of people do that. but im not risking killing someone or totalling someone's car to practice driving. my only option is to enroll in a drivers class which is about $2000 dollars to enroll for 10 hour lessons. the actual car itself would probably be about $3-5k. With a full time job, I could probably clear about 2.5k per month. 500 on rent and maybe 2-300 on groceries. to ride the bus is about 80-100 dollars. i have to set aside money for an emergency fund too since i had one once and any extra tuition fees. maybe i could save 1k a month. realistically, learning how to drive would take more than simply 10 hours. the handbook recommends 50 hours before even attempting the test.
>>34647796You are not taking any steps forwards because of imagined hypothetical barriers from the very specific requirements you have set yourself. There is not one set path. It's a really bad attitude. Don't live in fear just take one step at a time.
>>34647983no, i am not taking a step forward because i am in college full-time and no retail job wants to hire me for 32 hours a week so i can save up for shit. im sure these statements sound really cool in your head but reality does not work that way.
>>34648028Ok then it's settled. You will not be able to avoid your family because you are unwilling to take small achievable steps toward your goals because it sounds like you made it impossible in your head.
>>34647671The whole post reeks of victimhood.I lost my mother when I were 11yo to cancer. My father was and still is emotionaly unavaliable academic which loves me but thought that parenting only have to do with material support.I can list how shitty he was parent-wise but I see no point in it and dont dwell on the subject because it doesnt change a thing. Menawhile you sound like a person that just want to bitch about your situation and dont make any changes in your plan.You assume that people got better upbringings than you just because they dont see you as a victim at least as much as you see yourself. How many yo you are? If youre not 60 and additionaly are form US, where everyone can get driving license, than I belive youre just a person thats looking for excuse of your shortcomings.People are just people, family, friends or not, in the end youre responsible for your adult life. Yeah, yeah you got it worse because your mom didnt put enough time into raising you. Guess what, therese a large poetion of population that didnt have any support or straight up were fucked in some way by their family and you dont hear from them as much.Its a bit of hipocrysy hearing you talking about being supported by family while you get higher education while being an adult and still giving shit to your mother because you cant drive.When you will get a stable job and maybe that DL travel mate, i think you can use a perspective, especialy some 3rd world countries, but some less devoloped areas in state will also do.
>>34648132are you done? i dont recall enrolling in the pain olympics nor did i ask for your life story. i wont pretend i know anything about your circumstances and im not gonna assume my life is any better or worse than yours. i think only one person in this whole thread actually bothered answering the two questions in the OP.
>>34648160You already assumed it in your post. I also told you the answers, but you prefer to devise excuses, beacuase real change would require you to change your life to much and youre a conformist, at least given what you wrote so far. You etheir cant read or dont want to hear answers.
>>34648199no, you would rather listen to what you THINK i am saying than actually listen to what i am saying. i literally just told you what i am doing exactly in the OP. i am not sitting on my ass doing nothing. i literally just told you everything right there. but somehow people are more fixated on the fact that i am openly voicing how much i dont like a person in my life who has done me wrong and happens to be my mother. she has set me back in many ways by not being a good parent and i am allowed to acknowledge that and react to how that person treated me accordingly. it is not "acting the victim." i am acknowledging that a lot of the shitty things that happened to me were out of my control and i can be lenient on myself instead of wallowing in depression like a lot of NEETs and hikkikomoris do. that is precisely why i am able to take responsibility for my life now and make decisions for my future.
>>34648215Acknowleding is one thing, making a post in /adv ane bitching that your mom didnt teach you how to drive is another.You want to segway into some other shit, but the OP was about you being in shitty situation because your mother didnt prapare you for adulthood.I dont defend her, i belive you tgat she is toxic, but at the same time you are an adult and she supports still supports you while you acquire education. You have a choice, ethier try to get some job in bigger city where no license isnt the issue and go from thereor just keep studing while relying on your family and thus tolerate toxicity. I belive you just want to vent and arent prepared to do 1st thing tho, thats what I have trpuble with., /adv isnt for venting.
>>34645790First make sure you're not financially dependant on them. Then, proceed the stage of acceptance, I didn't read your post because don't care but start accepting in your heart that you don't love them as much as you think you do, since they are toxic. Acceptance, tough, but need it. Finally, develop discipline to limit contact with them and create your own family as well as more friends and work relationships maybe. Good luck.
>>34645790I'll let you know when I find out.>t. 28 and still living with toxic family, probably will continue to do so for the next several years and/or until my mother bankrupts my dad and makes us homelessIf you are studying CS then do a good job and commit to the path, people will try to demoralise you but you should ignore them, you don't need the economy to be good you just need a fucking job, and that's a lot easier to get. Plus push come to shove you can do an MSc in ML and jump in on the AI bubble.>after i graduate college, i'm thinking of finding any retail jobUhhh maybe but try to get a CS job first and keep looking for CS jobs while you are working. Also, keep in mind that you can contact a recruiter agency and while they will pocket some of your money these people are also pretty good at getting jobs.Anyway I know this might sound crazy, but believe in yourself. You will endure what you must and you will find the way you must walk. Things feel hard and complex when you grow up in a stressful environment but often in life stuff will just work out for you. Hasn't happened for me but both of my bum parents got a ton of opportunities presented to them on a silver platter despite not deserving, doing, or planning for any of them. All it takes is a little bit of luck. So believe in yourself and keep playing the roulette of life. It's the only form of gambling that it pays off to keep playing.Good luck chief.
