>>34649253
the worst part is that i don't even want to meet people anymore. i've had so many bad experiences i literally don't want to. whenever i have a chance, i just keep reminding myself how it's not worth it and of previous experiences. i feel very bitter and i don't trust people at all. i see the worst in people. my only wish in life is to make enough money that i don't ever have to deal with people again. i'm tired of being hurt by people.

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>>34649254
>whenever i have a chance, i just keep reminding myself how it's not worth it and of previous experiences.
Pro tip: stop doing that. You can't actually know if it is worth it or not, it is not possible. You telling yourself that is crippling you.
>i feel very bitter and i don't trust people at all.
Fair enough. But you sound young so hopefully this will improve with time.
>my only wish in life is to make enough money that i don't ever have to deal with people again. i'm tired of being hurt by people.
That's also fair, but if you do get what you want, you will eventually get bored and lonely enough that you will be ready to seek relationships with people again. Sometimes, that's how a healing journey has to look.
And I should point out that even now you have come to this board with its gutter trash human beings, and you have chosen to look for company and understanding here. So clearly you are not as asocial as you believe yourself to be.
Not sure what else I can say. I don't know enough about your situation to really give helpful advice, and sometimes advice alone doesn't solve a problem. So the best I can say is, find the resolve to heal, and keep to it, and believe in your ability to heal, and to eventually find people you like and joyful times.
Happy Birthday anon.

>>34649281
i've been completely isolated from society since i was ~14, i didn't have a single friend my age and i probably spoke less in a decade than people speak in a week. that's why i prefer typing. my issue is that i have learned about people way more than i would if i wasn't isolated, because i can approach it objectively and see people for what they are, what they really care about, and see how unconditional love is bullshit, how friendships are bullshit and how even love is bullshit. even your own parents have a point at which they will abandon you, and people will not care about you if you are any different from them. people will hate you.

>>34649281
it is precisely this objectiveness, this understanding of why people care about relationships and what makes them "like" you temporarily, that fuels my detachment and bitterness. it is not an edgy phase, but rather a painful accumulation of an absurd amount of experiences and observation of other people.

this is why i prefer animals, because while your cat might only like you because you give it food, at least it will not run away from you because you look like x or your personality is y or you diverge from the norm in z. it is a pure relationship, a pure kind of love, where in exchange for affection you protect and feed the organism that has quite literally evolved for that purpose.

that's why i wanted to get a cat for so long now, but i'm always scared of being unable to give it a good life and on top of that my family member is allergic to the protein they produce, so i am simply unable to do this.

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>>34649301
To see things objectively, it is not enough to see clearly, you also need to see completely. Do you really know everything there is to know about love and human relations? There isn't even one possible thing that you may not know? That doesn't sound likely.
This world is full with all kinds of things, many very good and beautiful things, and many things that are very ugly and horrible. Some people will go out of their way to help you, others to torture you. This world is home to all of them. It is not an ugly world or a beautiful world, it contains both. Usually, we see each side of it at the allotted time. But if you tell yourself you don't want to see anyone, and that everyone is evil, it may take longer to see anything else. If you think 'this person is evil and that person is evil', well, you know best, you may be right. But you don't know all eight billion strangers out there. So give us the benefit of the doubt. (Maybe not on 4chan though.)
I have not had much luck with people, a lot of people enjoyed hurting me in the past, and a good number do so even now. But I have also met good people. I used to think I was alone in being a good person, but that wasn't true. There are people who are kind and good and of pure heart. So don't lose faith, and don't let yourself forget your own nature and your own heart.
Life is hard. Make sure to celebrate your hard work and endurance in managing things fine up until now, and continue to do so in the future. Much depends on us, but much also depends on what's next on the menu. Sometimes it's something bad, something something good. Hang in there through the bad times, and enjoy the good times. Try to be confident in the hope that things will change for the better, if possible. That, and a little bit of luck, can go a long way.

>>34649327
"evil" and "good" are human attributes and explanations for actions, that are therefore also subjective. morality itself is of instrumental value and is simply a tool for a tribe to agree on something that benefits that specific tribe. there is no "universal morality", and there is therefore also no "evil and good".

if you look around you, you will see that the universe is worse than indifferent to our understanding of "evil" - it encourages it. to survive, complex organism must kill other organisms. people will seriously look at you in the eyes and talk about people being evil, while they stuff their faces with meat from animals that were literally bred to suffer and whose entire existence has been suffering, and whose entire purpose has been to serve as food for a superior life-form. this universe is evil, it is not a mix of two, and there are not really any inherent differences between "good" and "evil" people, just whether they were indoctrinated into your set of morals or not

>>34649343
that is to say, even the "good" people as you say, are biologically still prone to the same rules as the "evil" people, the only difference is in how morality shaped this behavior.

if you are objectively unattractive, you will be unattractive to "evil" and "good" people equally, and the end result of your treatment will be the same regardless of the paths that lead to that - a "bad" person might make fun of you for it, while a "good" person might simply avoid you - your end result, or destination is just about the same either way, exclusion

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>>34649343
I apologise. I was aiming to console your heart but instead it seems I have hit at your mind instead, since you seem to be elaborating on your intellectual views now instead of focusing on your own life or feelings. This is probably because I am not good enough at talking from the heart.
In any case, I wish you all the best. I hope that you will find the joy, peace and positive experiences you seek.

>>34649371
no, it's not your fault, it's just that there's nothing to console. i've cried so much that i don't cry anymore, i just feel an underlying sadness about the reality of life. it's why i say, i don't even want relationships anymore. if i keep getting money, and signal it to other people, then inevitably i will finally be given a chance to have what i have wanted my entire life - relationships with other people. sounds great? except it's not, i don't want relationships anymore. i don't want to hear another person speak again anymore. i know that i will have chances to have relationships in the future with people, yet i do not want them anymore. ironic, isn't it?

my memory is getting significantly worse, sometimes i do not remember the day before, and sometimes even days before. i detach, depersonalize and derealize a lot.

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>>34649343
>"evil" and "good" are human attributes and explanations for actions, that are therefore also subjective
I've been struggling with this for the past couple of months now too. Most people either don't notice, or they choose to believe life has some greater purpose that justifies all of the cruelty. Or they abandon empathy and pursue a selfish lifestyle instead. I have no advice for you, because I am currently a hopeless nihilist myself but I can recommend something to pass the time. If you don't mind anime, give Puella Magi Madoka Magica a watch; it grapples with moral relativism as one of it's themes.

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>>34649518
Oh and happy birthday too, I forgot to add that to the post. It's funny how everybody's a little different, I personally don't care much for birthdays because saying happy birthday to someone always feels trite.