28, 6'4 male sick of coworkers at every job I've ever been at telling me what to do and for some reason listening. Also, to a lesser extent, getting called "buddy" by other men that aren't close friends. I think this was caused by my father having anger issues growing up, screaming at us and blowing his top over little things, so I learned to be as agreeable as possible in order to try and avoid making him angry. I can't do conflict. I have trouble formulating my thoughts in heated conversations, and I always apologize and concede. I always rationalize it by saying that keeping the peace is the smart thing to do. How do I break out of this shitty mentality? I want to stand up for myself. I want to be the kind of man who people don't feel like they can order around.
>>34649395You are 6'4" nigga, just get jacked and learn to say no. Read "no more mr nice guy" as you lift weights or some shit. Easiest fix in the world. Note that some people may try to still pick fights with you if you are really tall/handsome/whatnot because they are petty. Don't become a dickhead just stop being a doormat.
>don't become a dickhead just stop being a doormatThis is the part that's difficult for me. How do you say "no" without coming off as a dickhead?
>>34649405By saying no and not catching an attitude over it, literally just look and them and say no
>>34649405Why do you think that saying no equates to being a dickhead? Genuine question. Have you ever been told no? Did you think those people were dickheads?
>>34649395what this guy said >>34649401 but you legit don't even have to say no, just learn how to have a neutral expression and ignore people when they talk to you and you will be easily able to intimidate anyone.>>34649405the secret is that whether you are seen as a dickhead or not depends entirely on how other people want to see you. a direct rejection is normal and many people will treat that as normal, many others will treat it as a personal insult. you can't afford to care about that unless you want your decision making to be hostage to others.if you want to diplomacymaxx you can just add as many polite words as possible and express yourself as softly as possible while making it absolutely clear that you won't do the thing asked for.example, someone invites you to a party and you don't feel like going."nah i don't want to go" is totally reasonable.but you could also say "sorry man, i'd like to go and i appreciate you inviting me, but i am afraid i am too busy with some other stuff, don't have the time. hopefully i'll be free enough to tag along sometime soon, or maybe i'll end up inviting you next time."
Too add onto what >>34649513 said you can be a gentle giant and only escalate when needed. Your size and (newfound) confidence should minimize the amount of times you will need to deal with extreme conflict. Just be firm yet polite and everything should be fine.
Other anons had good advice, but I'd also add to internalize to yourself that nothing bad is going to happen if you disagree with someone or have conflict. I was also a big people pleaser with a similar background to you and this was a big issue I had that gave me a lot of anxiety because I innately feared what would happen when I got into conflict. Once you internalize that nothing is wrong with turning people down, the anxiety goes away and you can say no easier.
>>34649405>dickheadPeople will assume you’re a dickhead for agreeing with everything too. Dickhead.
