Currently feeling guilt for how much I think about sex and I want to want to change but I don't want to change>Remember being into weird stuff like octopuses eating things at 3-4 years old, to the point where i'd ask people to draw it. Felt wierd and fuzzy at the idea>Female cousin made me play doctor with her at 5 years old and had me go down on her>Remember becoming extremely sexual from that moment onward, getting fantasies about getting put in vaginas, etc>Eventually diagnosed with autism>Find out my DSi can connect to the internet and discover hentai>Find specific artists that I still follow to this day>Spent my teens reading erotica about monstergirls and watching ecchi (not all that I did but was a significant part)>Continue up to now at 24 years old but have the feeling that all of this is wrong since I now have very fucked up fetishes (vore, /ss/, futa on male, etc)>Still feel a deep sense of nostalgia for hentai and a genuine interest in the community and history, and the way drawn porn has progressed in an almost anthropological way>At the point where I know I don't want to leave it but I want to want to leave hentaiI am embarrassed at myself. When I think of marriage, I don't think of an IRL couple walking down the aisle, I think of anime characters doing it. I don't know if I have it in me to go to a sex therapist to talk about my hypersexuality?Im agnostic and am realizing through therapy that the only reason I was religious was from OCD and childhood instilled guiltWhen it comes to irl porn I watch, I usually watch solo female content. I almost never watch anything that has a man
To add onto this, I often wonder about how this will probably make it to where it will be years before I am even capable of finding a wife with all this mental baggage and fetishes that are with me. I don't know if there is a way to rewrite the brain at this point. Im not the kind of person who buys hentai mangas and anime dolls and body pillows but I feel like one of the biggest degenerates
Stop jilling to porn. You're addicted.
>>34679699Oh wait, you're a guy. Still, stop masturbating so much. Take a couple of days off.
>>34679740Ive gone months without masturbating, and months staving certain fetishes, and they all were still there
>>34679670unironically sounds pretty normal to me? it's not stuff you'd talk about at work or to your parents, but half my female friends were into way worse with all their fucked up eroticas. maybe just don't feel guilty about it?
>>34680685Really? You think all those fetishes are fine?
>>34679670>>34679699>years before I am even capable of finding a wifeI don't think fetishes will necessarily get in the way of sincerely and genuinely caring about another person. Building a meaningful connection to someone doesn't necessarily need to involve every last weird detail about one's self. It likely should involve a good bit of it, but to what extent you expose that part of yourself is optional. Furthermore, in the context of a long-term friendship / relationship, many people slowly develop an openness about lots of things even if they aren't something they expect sympathy on.What I just said there isn't limited to sex, kinks, or fetishes btw. It also includes personality quirks and friendships. As long as you can meet someone who you can meaningfully connect with on some level, then the niche things can be worked on as well. In other words, you can talk with that friend / lover and slowly inch into being open about weirder aspects of yourself.Some people might not like all of you, but at that point you may just want to prescreen by being more forward/open about it (revealing something weird on the Nth date, for example). With concern for viability, it's a numbers game (so you may as well start sooner rather than later).>>34680982Sure, they are weird, but as long as they aren't the flagship of your personality, you can likely find people who would be comfortable engaging with you on those weirder topics as well.
I don't really get what your question is. Since you mentioned marriage are you worried your hentai fetishes would affect you during a real relationship?Answer this: would you be able to engage in normal vanilla sex with a woman in a normal vanilla relationship? Or you feel you're too far gone? If the former, just try to indulge less in which you feel are the most fucked up ones, and hide your power level when in a relationship. If the latter, yeah seek help.I've been married for 10 years and still fap to futa on male doujin from time to time
>>34681077That's the thing. I never have been in a serious relationship. Whenever I had a one night stand, I felt so anxious post nut and the fear of possibly getting them pregnant and the commitment terrifies me. Whenever I match with someone on tinder and we get off, I get the sensation of dread at the idea of having to talk to here every hour and never have days where I don't say anything>>34681078I can engage in vanilla sex. Being into all of that has not shaped or hindered my ability to find irl women attractive. I love average looking women, cellulite, pubic hair, stretch marks, and a lot of shit that would turn off guys who were raised on irl pornI sometimes feel too far gone because I have been sliding more into age based fantasies. I fantasize about /ss/ and recently have found myself disturbed at how I reacted to loli art that was posted on /v/ and I am afraid of falling down that ladder
>>34679670Update: Just got done masturbating to an AI chatbot where I played a shota getting fucked and filled by a male scolipede and I feel dirty. I kept saying "this is wrong" as I was touching myself and said "sorry im so sorry" as I came a lot. I feel the morals instilled by my childhood and religion haunting me ever since my OCD was heightened by an episode of religious psychosis induced by drugs. I have been clean for over a year but this keeps getting worse
>>34682147Maybe use AI to explore and ask why you like the these
>>34682147is it possible that the guilt makes it more arousing? if so you don't really want to fix your guilt, do you?
>>34686063No. I always loved size difference and fantasized being gently raped as a boy. After trying buttstuff I realized how nice that feels so it went from pegging to futa to feminine and androgynous males fucking
Doesn’t it get old for you?
Have you ever been with a partner?
If I remember correctly I broke a lot of my REALLY weird fetishes and kinks just by growing up and experiencing different things. Almost like a realization moment if you will. As you get older you realize there are other things to your life that constitute who you are as a person. If you're living your life correctly these things should naturally become less important....unless you start investing in squid shaped fleshlights and anime dolls.
>>34679670>Still feel a deep sense of nostalgia for hentai and a genuine interest in the community and history, and the way drawn porn has progressed in an almost anthropological waySo then document this stuff then move on.
>>34679670>>DSi>>Follows artists>>Genuine interest in community and history of hentaiI think you'd have fun making some hentai in Flipnote Studio. to me it just sounds like you're not finding as much joy in consuming art that other people make anymore. Why not put out and make some art yourself to share with others? Picrel is something I made in Flipnote. It's a nice program to use, and even if you don't have a DSi or a 3DS to use, there are alternatives like Clipnote Studio for PC. I would be interested in seeing what you make.
>>34693662I’ve been with women
>Im agnostic and am realizing through therapy that the only reason I was religious was from OCD and childhood instilled guiltTell you what, OP. Maybe I'm asking a lot, , and maybe your faith really was merely something shallow, but why don't you try reading through the following, whether some or all of it, and decide for yourself if there's nothing to be reconstructed about that faith? https://stmarys-waco.org/documents/2016/9/theology_of_the_body.pdfYou very much sound like you want yourself to be freer of what's had its hold on you for so long, but have some chains holding you down, and it very well may be that a proper escape is impossible without extra help. I say this as someone coming from a similar, almost certainly worse direction as you, who still very much has their own struggles with recalling what they've been involved in but would be a lot worse otherwise.
>>34702950What do you mean there’s nothing to be deconstructed? Having faith built on ocd isn’t healthy and means you wouldve been faithful to any religion pushed onto you as a kid
>>34706025Reconstructed, not deconstructed. I mean that, the shallowness of how it may have been implemented doesn't mean that can't be anything deeper to find if he looks.
