I'm a 32 year old anxious/avoidant former loner. Half a year ago I started going to a mental health facility that acts as a social space. There is one staff member there who I was immediately infatuated with, and the feelings have never gone away. A few months ago she started playing music with specific themes, some examples of the lyrics are "our love" (she sang this part out loud quietly while standing beside me), "baby don't leave me" after I confided in her about my plan to kill myself, and more recently she played a playlist that revolved around love songs, heartbreak, and being used/played with. It seems pretty obvious to me that she's using music to communicate her feelings. Staff and members aren't allowed to be in relationships so I don't know what she wants or expects. I asked her to stop, and she denied everything. After that she stopped for a month or two and then just recently started again, with the playlist that I mentioned, after I was talking to another staff member about starting to use dating apps and the fact that I had a date. I've seen some red flags (extremely impulsive, gets jealous of me being friends with other women, and bitterness), and as someone who is incredibly insecure/avoidant I don't want to be with a person who plays games and isn't able to communicate openly. I still have feelings for her but I don't want to be with her, I want her to find someone who makes her happy, and I want that for myself. I don't really know what to do beyond just being friendly while maintaining an appropriate distance. I have left for a week/month at a time but I don't have much else to fill my days and it's the only place where I can socialize. I've tried getting a job with the help of another staff member there but so far I've only been turned down.
>>34682675I enjoyed reading your story, so I will bump your thread. Why wouldn't you want to be with a girl who infatuates you? Is it because she's ugly?
>>34683462I don't trust her. The red flags I mentioned seem like the personality traits of a cheater, and I don't think she is as nice as she presents herself to be. She has basically taunted me and tried to hurt me emotionally when I haven't reacted to her advances in the way that she wants me to. Like I said, I'm extremely avoidant, and also insecure, and I don't want to be with someone who is also insecure and unable to communicate like a normal person. I don't like to play games, the whole subtle hinting thing makes me uncomfortable, and the type of women who expect you to know what they're thinking and what they want without telling you are the complete opposite of what I need at this point in my life. Last but not least, the relationship would have to be a secret and it could completely fuck up my whole social situation as this is the only place that I can socialize and make friends. If something goes wrong she could start spreading rumours or otherwise push me out of my only social space. I've reflected on it a lot and I don't think I like her as much as my feelings make it seem, it's just an attraction to her physical appearance, style, and personality. From my interactions with her it doesn't seem like we are socially compatible. I will be talking about this with my therapist, on second thought.
>>34683607>I don't think I like her as much as my feelings make it seem, it's just an attraction to her physical appearance, style, and personalityWhat else would a person need in a relationship besides the 3 attributes you mentioned. >From my interactions with her it doesn't seem like we are socially compatibleSounds like something a loner would say about a lot of people. Maybe that line of reasoning is preventing you from experiencing things you desire. That being said, I have a bad habit of encouraging people to do things that can't be easily walked back. So realistically, I trust your judgement that she isn't a good fit, I only make these hypothetical claims because I like playing devil's advocate.
