>>34705534
Teen-style "going steady" is just one model of romantic relationships, and while it may be the most common where you live, it is not universal.
Some people are comfortable with dating more than one person at a time, and dating people who are themselves non-exclusive.

The older you get, the more likely it is that you will have one gf who shares your love of dancing, one you play tennis with, one for fine dining, etc. As long as everyone knows what everyone is doing, there is no disloyalty going on.

>>34705534
>Why the fuck it is it like this?
Because of signals you unconsciously put out, and because of the impulsivity issues of the cheater. You'll always socially gravitate towards each other due to desperation (no offense) crashing into necessity. The cheater has an itch to scratch (sex/attention) that usually rears its ugly head when they encounter stress or boredom in their primary relationship (arguing or emotional distance). The cheater needs an outlet, and they either consciously look for that, or if they encounter the opportunity unintended they tend to take it with little resistance. The cheater usually never wants to leave their primary partner due to fealty or loving them. The cheater will tell their outlet (the person they cheat with) a story that their ex (who isn't an ex) or current partner was mean or abusive or mistreated them (could be a lie, or half truth) but the point is to protect their image so their outlet person (you) doesn't see the red flags and run off. It's also a way to soothe their own conscience. So you and them bang, and bang or whatever the affair takes form in, at some point you either ask for something more meaningful and they bail. Or their current BF gets suspicious and they bail. Or their current BF patches things up with them and gives them love or sex again and they feel guilty and they bail.

And the reason you keep running into them is because they identified that you are the least likely to 'kiss and tell' aka easy to either fool or play with your empathy to make you feel sorry enough not to tell on them.

>>34705654
>Cont
So when you find out you have three options:
Move on
Tell on them (reveal the affair to their primary partner)
Confront them (tell them you know)

The most sensible thing to do is walk away, move on, work on self respect or boundaries or esteem or whatever it was that was sending out those social signals.

The most merciful thing to do would be to just confront the cheater and have a direct and calm discussion about what you learned and advise them to take their own issues seriously and you wish them well and amicably assure them you won't bother them and just hope they figure their own shit out.

The most destructive thing to do would be to tell in them, because it puts either the cheater or even the partner in a sudden snap event if escalated anger and fury and hysterics where either one could hurt one another, or socially ruin the other, and it doesn't actually help the cheater get better, it either makes it worse or drives them to self destruction.

It's only safe in teens or school years to tell on them but in adult works things are more higher stakes and even if you get a sense of vengeance, other people around you will see you as a loose canon and not want to date you even if you felt justified, it scares people off.

So my advice is go with option 1. If you wanna be a bleeding heart, option 2. If you want to go down a spiral of self sabotage option 3.

>>34705534
You sound retarded as fuck. If you're not looking for a relationship or aren't a moralfag then who cares? Nigga almost no taken woman is fully happy, if it's not you then she's probably getting a buzz talking to some other dick. Some guys just fall into the camp of always being the side dude, just own it or stop talking to these women all together. And tighten the fuck up. You're losing gains and routines because of some bitch you're not even seriously with? Get real man

>>34705745
>Huh you smash hamsters as a hobby?
>Not a problem, I don't have any hamsters
Fucking pathetic
You that desperate to get your dick wet? I don't want to compromise my morals so why would I like being with someone who doesn't meet them??

>>34705745
>Nigga almost no taken woman is fully happy
So then never get into a serious relationship? Because it feels like one day OP will be the other guy and some other person will be in his position.

>>34705534
Hahaha who gives a fuck bitches will do what they want to do if they want to fuck me I'ma let them if they got a problem with it come pull up and I will give u a fake address

>>34705654
>So you and them bang, and bang or whatever the affair takes form in, at some point you either ask for something more meaningful and they bail.
Nta but one of my co-workers went through something similar a few months ago. However it wasn't that the girl was trying to cheat with him. It was more so that she was well aware he was taken but was so desperate for attention and some dick (per the coworker she kept feeling on his crotch despite being repeatedly told he's not interested) that she'd makea fool of herself to get the attention. She wants dudes for attention but seems to not want to actually be in a committed relationship long-term. She known for "getting around" and fucked a separate coworker after hours but then basically ghosted him the moment he showed genuine interest in her romantically. Women have been convinced and always convince themselves they "need" constant attention and that if they don't get it there's something wrong with them or they're not good enough or something. Hence the cheating. The "whores" sometimes aren't always suggest "whores". They're just very attention start and are desperate for it even if it means letting a guy fuck.

>>34706384
It's because of how women usually are. They use sex as a grappling hook to try and win a man over, in the hopes he will fall for her. If he falls for her, she gains a male. If she gains a male, she feels secure against social or physical threats. It's a reptile brain thing in action and how women view sex at the start of any relationship, casual or otherwise. It's a 'foot in the door' to try and win that man because she seems that man as a means to self security.

This is why she was hitting on the taken co-worker. Preselection bias was at play. Men who have a girlfriend or a wife have passive social proof that he can provide security, the female will target him to try and win him over because he has proven social value and prospect of providing security. The security can be emotional, financial or physical, it's often emotional and physical based, financial is a bonus.

If she fucks a man and he fails the security shit tests, she ghosts. But a married or taken man requires no shit testing, he passed the test by getting to marriage. That's why she wishes to covet the man.

Think of it like being in a car lot, there's 20 cars, you know 50% are broken. There's a tornado coming and you need to find one and get in and get outta there for safety. The woman could waste her time searching each car and trying the engine (turning it on, get it). Or she could locate one that already has the engine on and a man at the wheel. If there's a female passenger already inside, she will try to get the man to evict her so she can take her place. Because to women, at the very start of meeting men, she sees a vehicle. Emotionally speaking.

That's how they are on a reptile brain level. But not all women allow that to pass, since they mature and have higher reasoning just as how men can override reptile brain aggression.

Women can regress into that state when they're from some shit upbringing or in a state of desperation. Which we would call "whore".

>>34706430
>Women can regress into that state when they're from some shit upbringing
Unfortunately both of these characteristics apply to the core occurring was talking about (the one touching the taken dude's dick). When we were at lunches I recall her bringing up out of nowhere that she grew up in a somewhat poor household and that her parents were kind of shitty to her and that she only still talks to them out of a feeling of obligation so that she can still have contact with her niece and other family members she actually likes. I don't want to get too detailed but I've had multiple people mentioned she's had mental health episodes that would normally get anyone else sent to the nut House but they sort of slid it under the rug because she was essential to her part of our job. she's also for lack of a better term the work "kid". I don't quite know how to describe it but she kind of treats the older dudes at work like Father figures and they sort of treat her like she's their kid almost even though she's a grown woman. It's not that she acts childish, it's that she treats them like family and vice versa.

>>34706454
>>34706430
Also forgot to mention she lied through her teeth to me and someone else claiming she was still a virgin when that very obviously wasn't the case and the guy we were with even called bullshit on it. Though this was before I found out about her past history with other co-workers so I'm not sure why she would say that. I guess she *I* didn't know but who's to say the other guy didn't either?

>>34706430
With this logic in mind, things start to make a lot of sense:

A virgin girl will want a man with a body count. (Body count is social proof of going through females without killing them or hurting them) This way she gets to maximise her chances that her virginity isn't wasted and she gets to secure social status as being low body count (they know virgin females are high value. But they also want a man who has experience to maximise odds of survival. Virgin man is untested socially and they pass).

Another one, when they seem the least likeliest to initiate relationships (asking a guy out) yet if she gets into a relationship, she is almost always the first to push for moving in together (that's the goal, getting to live in caveman's cave where it is safe and secure. Sometimes she also wants to test to see how he is when sharing a space with a woman).

Their modus operandi is passive aggression so it means the moves they make are always low risk > high impact or high reward. They want to take less risks but will expect higher rewards so that they get to keep social status on one hand while gaining physical security on the other.

>>34706454
>>34706460
She is desperate to find a new safe family for herself, that's why she's knocking on dude's dicks like a doorbell. In the meantime she wants the emotional illusion of already having that family she never had, one of safety. So she casts an emotional spell on the men and they do t think twice, they just think it's cute or if they find it weird they say nothing because if they kick up a stink, people side with her because her social image is one of being all "innocent".

And she lies about being a virgin because she knows chances of winning a full term relationship with a man dwindles to 0% the higher the body count. So every new partner gets the same story "I'm a virgin".

>>34706494
>because if they kick up a stink, people side with her because her social image is one of being all "innocent".
The guy telling us all of this "I guess it's accurate to call him the victim" mentioned that after he softly rejected her a friend of her started acting very coldly and treating him like shit and that he's like the devil or something. The boyfriend of the coworker that treated him like shit (I know I keep adding shit to the story but bear with me) even agreed that she likes to twist things in her favor. They were jokingly say that I should get with her but I made it clear I wasn't touching any of that with a 10-ft pole. The dude had to basically threaten to end their friendship if she didn't stop pursuing him and I guess that scared her into cooling off because she hasn't done anything like that (to him) since.

>And she lies about being a virgin because she knows chances of winning a full term relationship with a man dwindles to 0% the higher the body count. So every new partner gets the same story "I'm a virgin".

I still find it all she will even say that to us though because the other guy you were conversing with is a married dude with a kid. Maybe it's my lack of social awareness but perhaps she was trying to settle a signal to me "hey I'm available tehehee" or whatever. She abruptly start interacting with me for a while only to start back talking to me a lot again and even went out of her way to act silly and funny at one point to make me laugh (it worked) so I find it difficult to read her.

>>34706513
>The guy telling us all of this "I guess it's accurate to call him the victim" mentioned that after he softly rejected her a friend of her started acting very coldly and treating him like shit and that he's like the devil or something.
Yes social aggression at play. It means in DMs or in private she told the girl a false story or false allegation. Even if the other girl doubts the truth of it, she has the automatic reflex of being cold to protect herself because "what if?".

>They were jokingly say that I should get with her but I made it clear I wasn't touching any of that with a 10-ft pole.
Good. Don't touch that with a 100-ft pole even. They want to saddle her on you so she will stop being a witch.

>The dude had to basically threaten to end their friendship if she didn't stop pursuing him and I guess that scared her into cooling off because she hasn't done anything like that (to him) since.
Yes because married men carry higher social status and their word has a bit more weight than hers. More importantly she knows what his wife (or GF not sure if you mentioned if he was married) could do. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." The man's woman possesses all the same social aggression and knows the tactics too. And she has higher social value, and she could orchestrate a social blood bath in revenge. (Making sure she loses everything).

>so I find it difficult to read her.
That's the point. That's their skillset, they know how to make moves and then sow doubt to make you question their moves. Women are a lot smarter than men realize, their intelligence is social, and it's their version of muscle. We survived as men in primitive times using brute force. The women survive using social force. For men, we throw a punch. For women, they strategically say the wrong thing to the right person to make sure their target loses a job or a home or a partner.

>>34706513
>>34706533
So currently in her PoV: You're an option. If you reject her or don't make moves, she will talk shit about you behind your back. Or not. She ghosts for a bit because she is trying her luck with married man or taken man or some target. She will check back in on you and be nice or funny, like checking in on a worm to see if it's still on the hook. If the worm is appearing like it's a out to wriggle free she will flirt, get back on there little worm, she thinks. And then she fucks off again to try her options with men with more proven social security.

She is what's known as a "homewrecker". Other women hate women like this. You can see them in videos thanks to doorcams now. They will wait until wife or GF is gone and she already knows the times where hubby or BF is at home and she just rings the doorbell with some weird angle.

It even happens online too. If you go on a discord server for example that's densely populated, and you mention in general chat that you are happily taken or married and talk about having a wife, give it a few weeks and randomly you're getting friend requests from e-girls. Even if your message was months old. They will enter in the search message bar "married" or "girlfriend" to find the taken men to try to pick the lock of a relationship.

>>34706215
>trying to thugsignal on a mongolian basket weaving forum
ain't seen anything sadder

>>34705654
>they identified that you are the least likely to 'kiss and tell'
Completely agree. I'd like to add they want to have a good time, not kiss and tell (blow up their relationship) and no strings attached.
Women are excellent at compartmentalization. A sexual romp with another man she barely knows is separate from her relationship and family life.
For the last 5 years every woman I fuck has been married and they made the first pitch. The number one thing that keeps the panties on of many married women is blowing up their life. They have a man they partner to achieve their dreams and have children. Most love that man and know building something is hard but rewarding, secure and comfortable. Then there is the sexual side of all women. Some repress it and miserable. Some have no idea what they missed but curious. Some know and want to push sexual boundaries. They find it difficult with the man they share their life with, afraid of judgement.
If they perceive you to be experienced giving pleasure, have no interest in an emotional entanglement and not do anything to fuck up her life (ie text or call for a hook up, public displays of affection, inquiries about her life and family) all the pussy and freaky fucking you can handle is yours.

>>34705611
This is my experience too. I thought sleeping around was for slutty theater kids, but I’m in my late 30s and now discovering that most of my friendgroup are some variation of cucks or playboys or swingers.

If you really want to get locked in to a longterm monogamous relationship, I’d recommend joining a community where that’s baked into the ideology. Maybe a church, though even that’s no guarantee.

>>34708383
>If they perceive you to be experienced giving pleasure, have no interest in an emotional entanglement and not do anything to fuck up her life (ie text or call for a hook up, public displays of affection, inquiries about her life and family) all the pussy and freaky fucking you can handle is yours.

At a cost. I'm unsure if how married men who cheat operate, I don't cheat but I'm messed up in different ways as a man, but I've been friends with male cheaters, yet never been friends with female cheaters, and it wasn't just because of my biases or preconceived judgements or personal morals. I could share a drink with male cheats, neither of us dissing each other. If a male cheat asks for help or advice, I give it but otherwise I don't intrude. For women who cheat though I always got this gut instinct to stay the hell away, even if it was only for acquaintance or something. Then you figure out that the married woman who cheats more or less kills the social life of the man she cheats with through extensive targeted gossip to define and character assassinate even if he agreed to silence, she already does that either shortly before the sex or after. Because their instinct to preserve social status kicks in, and it kicks in very hard. She wants the affair partner's entire life to be seen as ugly and untrustworthy as possible and socially engineer via gossip to make sure others to already reach the conclusion that the man who fucked her is a leper. So that if she is ever found out, she's socially protected and the man who banged her is cast out. So that her husband's anger goes to that man and never her. It's mental.

>>34708603
I noticed this when I was cheated on as a man, not in a marriage thank God. But I wasn't stupid. Before confronting I watched and kept track. Every man she initiated with, she would tell others behind the scenes he is a stalker he is weird he is creepy something isn't right about him. Yet privately would initiate with the guy. Then when I confronted it was all tears and wailing telling me she was sexually harassed, thinking if I even were to ask around she was confident the people she lied to would corroborate her story. She was banking on me being pissed at the guy and I didn't take the bait, we just ended things and that was that.

>>34705534
I took the high road when I was younger and didn't steal girlfriends and wives but looking back I would have just gone for it. Especially when I was on the west coast USA like every girl into me was not single.

>>34705534
I found this out as early as elementary school when some girl was trying to explain she has a bf but likes me, it didn't get better with age. The nonsense starts early and it's not like their parents can correct it.

>>34708383
>Most love that man
There is no actual love in a relationship with cheating. Or at least it's a bastardized barely significant version of the word. If you can't trust or have sex with them it's not much of an actual relationship. You're just larping for profit at that point.

>>34709365
Nta but I ain't cheated I got cheated on and obsessively looked into the pathology of cheaters. The surprising fact is they do love their partner who they cheat on. That's kind of why they take effort to hide it, because they don't want found out. Being found out means losing them. Cheaters are usually people with a sex addiction

>>34709383
>>34709365
What's also interesting about cheaters is they often report that the sex they have with their main partner is better and more satisfying than the sex they have with their affair partners. Which begs the question as to why do they need to cheat in the first place. One thing that stood out is they have an addiction for "meaningless sex" casual sex, sex without feelings, like junk food sex basically. And they keep the loving romantic sensual kissing and 'i love you' sex for their main partner. They could easily do both with their main partner but they have this hang up where they feel it would be too degrading and too disrespectful to their main partner, they prefer keeping the two separate.

Some point to this Madonna/Whore complex thing but that to me seems like an outdated and inaccurate reach. I think it's just to do with associating shame with one type of sex, vs. love in another, and they don't wanna bring shame to the marital bed

>>34709383
It's not love that should be respected in any meaningful sense. Love implies deep care especially in these relationships. That you want to treat them right. If you fail at offering the most basic parts of the relationship then you can't say it's love without looking dumb. They hide because there's things the person offers in the relationship that they won't get with casual sex partners who more honestly see them. Rather than truly caring about or for someone they want to unfairly use them. If your definition of love involves exploitation then sure it's very loving, but everyone knows the love implied or hyped up in these relationships is supposed to be beautiful and more meaningful.

>>34709451
Well we're outsiders to a cheater's relationship, I don't think our respect or disrespect should define the love between what a cheater feels for who they are with. That's only for the cheater and their partner/spouse to figure out if we wanna keep it real. I don't like cheating either, but we gotta draw some line and admit the idea of trying to tell others what their love means is kinda absurd. Only the person who feels the love can know that lol.

All you can do is look at the common patterns of self professed cheaters who speak of their motivations. Huge majority say the same thing, they love their partners but have this compartmentalizing addiction to cheap sex. They never love the affair partner. And if a majority of them report the same pattern to me that suggests a reality

>>34709443
The reasoning doesn't really change what it is. It's obviously not meaningless if you value you it enough to betray someone deeply and repeatedly. That depth to sex in general is part of what makes the betrayal hurt so much. These people aren't capable of the love that means much or can be respected or trusted. "I love you except when I fuck others behind your back" is obviously just stupid. The "love" you're talking about is pretentious garbage.

>>34709473
You ever had an addiction? Cigarettes or something? If a partner tells you to give it up and says to you if you don't, they will break up with you, and you lie and say you will only to keep smoking again and again, yet the addict still loves their partner and they know they shouldn't smoke yet do it anyway, can we say their love is fake? Cuz addiction is addiction, whether it's a cigarette or sex with a stranger they meet. When you're beholden to an addiction your reasoning and agency takes a hit.

>>34709465
It's not just our respect it's their complete lack of respect. It's absurd to fail at offering the bare fucking minimum for a functional relationship and act like your love is totally valid. It's like saying a twig has the biggest muscles around because they wear a muscle suit to impress. You don't want to accept these people are incapable of offering the love that people talk about all the time.

>>34709481
Cigarettes and lying about not smoking them are nowhere near as bad as destroying the bond you had with someone to make a twisted bond behind their back. It's infinitely more personal which is why people get much angrier. It doesn't matter if you have some sex addiction or whatever because you're still incapable of offering the most basic care expected and promised in these relationships. If you can't offer that care then you literally can't love them as they need or deserve.

>>34709487
>It's absurd to fail at offering the bare fucking minimum for a functional relationship and act like your love is totally valid.

The thing about them is, they cheat because many of them think it helps their relationship to function. When they're feeling the urges to cheat they try to suppress it and they're typically emotionally checked out, irritable, withdrawn, which is an ignition for arguments in the relationship or just cold distance. Many cheaters report that after having their affairs they feel like they got it off their chest and return to the relationship with renewed energy and devotion to their main partner. Which is why I make the cigarette analogy, because when you do not have one you are the most irritable person in the room until you get your fix. That's why sex addiction is commonly cited among cheaters. And it's possible to love & nurse an addiction at the same time, thats what compartmentalizing entails, being able to switch off emotions during an affair and mentally categorizing it as not an attack on the partner. Don't shoot the messenger btw I'm just trying to speculate and list off what I privately researched. I'm not trying to justify cheating, just sharing what seems to be an obvious pattern.

>>34709513
I think they're capable but they're mentally saddled with an affliction that gets in their own way. Think about it critically, if they didn't love the person why bother hiding it? Why not just start a relationship with the affair partner? Why cling to the main partner? Many cheaters aren't even financially dependent on the main partner and have higher social status. They could just trade up or break off and find someone else to try to love. They cycle through so many affairs they have a large roster to choose from. Yet they choose to stick with the main partner and risk everything if they get caught. Why would that be?

>>34709632
For a relationship to actually function and not just pretend to you need to actually act right not just pretend. Not just put paint over it like a slumlord. They want the benefits and appearance of a successful relationship that isn't just about sex, that's why they lie. If you can really love and care about someone you wouldn't hurt them like that. It's like giving someone cancer without them knowing because you felt like you had to get off. What you're doing now only validates them continuing to do this. If they can pretend it's real love then the cheating isn't that bad. They need to know it's not good enough and that the relationship isn't real. If you need to lie like this just to technically stay together it's fake. It really is that simple.

>>34709681
It's not so simple though is it? Humor the idea that they can love their partner. Let's say they had always been a sex addict, only did casual shit. Then a woman comes along and they catch feelings, they fall for each other and go long term. Logic says his sex addiction didn't magically disappear for falling in love, the cheater (who hasn't cheated yet) will suppress it to try and be worthy of this new relationship. The cheater eventually caves in and fails, they hide it and they go through the affair cycles blah blah.

So pretend you're them, and your option is you can either keep cheating and try to cope by telling yourself privately you can stop (but never do because it's an addiction). Or, reveal you had cheated, hurt the person you love (cheaters consider the exposure/reveal to be what hurts, not the act of the cheating) & then face social vengeance in some way, and everyone from the partner to the partners family or mutual friends all demonize you and your name is dragged and you lose what you felt was the love of your life.

If you were in their shoes what would be the most tempting path to pick?

>>34709746
The side of the cheater doesn't change what actually is. They're not trustworthy because of their situation so they can't offer what needs to be offered in these relationships. They can't offer the love that's promised or needed when "sick" or whatever. So the lesson should be sort your "addictions" or attachments to new people before getting in one of these relationships. If that's possible. If you already cheated and you want to minimize the pain while protecting your own reputation then just break up like you should have instead of cheating. They deserve the chance to have someone actually love them right. Everyone knows these certain simple things are needed for relationships so if you can't offer them that and you want to actually prove you're capable of caring about others wellbeing you should avoid being in a relationship.

>>34709802
Yeah that's the ideal solution. But that would require self awareness which for many people isn't fully matured until later in life, typically 30's. You're right though the basic if exclusivity isn't being met, what I am saying is the cheater feels it is. To the cheater they define love as an emotional bond, not sexual. If they pay the emotional exclusivity to the main partner, they feel they're still exclusive and committed. The sex they have with affair partners at that point is non emotional, so they don't feel there has been a loss of commitment.

Here's where it gets crazy. Women share a similar view, even non cheating ones. If you and a woman if they would rather:
>Their boyfriend have meaningless sex with a woman
>Their boyfriend emotionally bond with a woman, even just verbally
Ask them what is the greater betrayal and the common answer from women is it's the second one.

So what does that tell us about the nature of exclusivity?

>>34709922
It's just weak cope and both obviously matter though. They had my body but you still got my heart is a meme. You don't become a ghost watching your body cheating. I don't think it has to take until 30 for people to act right. I know there are women that think like that but there's no point to it. Sex isn't actually meaningless.

not OP, i have this female coworker that always disrespects her husband for me and even openly mentions it for everyone to hear, and in general she kinda often openly flirts in a way where everybody in the workplace can observe, choosing me or suggesting sexual interest. Oddly enough if iam alone with her she tends to be more serious, less agressive flirting and all of the sudden she wants to talk about her husband and family in a normal manner. Its not like the flirting stops completely in 1 o 1 situations but its less agressive than in public. What i also noticed she tends to get jealous when other females give me attention. Really odd behaviour always wanted to figure out what that is about.

>>34710125
She definitely wants your attention, probably does not want a relationship. For whatever reason she also wants people to know (I guess showing off that she is desirable).

>>34710195
playing out too long for attention imo, She doesnt seem to care about the other dudes. its the accelerating then slowing down but then trying to make me a way (?) or whatever that disrespecting her husband is supposed to do which is confusing me. But i guess from her perspective i am giving her breadcrumbs/ not a clear signal. Just wished someone explained me the mind of a cheater according to this behaviour lol