hello. i was telling my bf about this thing i saw where someone was getting upset that their loved one doesn’t use soap. and then i said it’s probably a woman by the sounds of it. and then he went “oh no my steak is too juicy”. and then i asked him, well, if you like that, would you prefer if i stopped using soap. and then he said “you don’t have to if you don’t want to”. i then got a tiny bit in my feelings and said okay, i guess i can’t shave anymore then. he proceeds to say “well…” and i tell him that’s soap, so i wouldn’t be able to use it. i said how i was planning to take a bath today but i can skip it.i kinda stuck to myself a bit and then he hugs me bc he can tell im a bit upset, and he asks what’s wrong, and then i tell him, it just sounded like you didn’t want me to use soap anymore. then he gets really angry at me and says fuck it, and i tell him i didn’t mean it antagonistically i just thought that’s what he meant. he gets more angry and says “i don’t what the fuck to say then”. and i just go okay, im sorry. and now he is lovebombing and now i really don’t know what to think.i dont want to not use soap. its even weirder bc i clean the house every day and that would basically mean no laundry or washing dishes or mopping etc. i am starting to think we may not be right for each other bc if thats what he wants i dont think i have it in my capability to give it to him bc its just disgusting to me. i like being clean and cleaning the house. but he is a person who doesn’t really take showers for weeks, but i never pieced it together i guess? i don’t mind him not showering, i love his smell, and he loves mine. but at the same time i love keeping myself and the house clean and i love shaving my body and all that.i don’t really know how men think and i am very confused on how to feel after this. i overreacted and got more upset than i should’ve, i know, that’s my fault. i’m dumb, i regret it.
sorry for the wall of text but essentially i just am very confused on how to feel after this. i would feel way too disgusting if i stopped washing. but now its stuck in my head that thats what he wants, so… idk…
>>34705628WTF did I just read.Your problem is you are mentally ill. Just relax and forget about whatever it is you are rambling about. Think about important things instead, like school/job, healthy lifestyle, money, hobbies etc. Whatever it is you are talking about is retarded and pointless and the solution is to forget about it and think about something useful or positive instead.
>>34705628He was about to reveal the fact he likes how you smell when you are sweaty and unleashed but he was too shy, then you asked about leg hair and he was going to tell you politely he doesn't want that but he hesitated because he didn't want you to feel self conscious, he was only wanting to admit he likes your musk and sweat and female scent. He should have been more direct and honest and you should not have made a big mental deal out of it. You did the thing called "making mountains out of molehills" it's where you take a small piece of info and then you magnify the potential consequences of that x100 times and overworry that you have to change your whole life lol.Chances are he didn't want you to even do that. He would probably have just wanted you to show yourself off after you exercise or do housework when you work up a sweat, would excite him. He wasn't being literal about the soap, he was mentally referring to the soap as a symbol for being clean (just out the shower) versus sweaty (just after exercise or physical task). He finds you very attractive when you are working hard. The end
>>34705717>Unleashed Unwashed* And the reason why some men can develop sexual arousal from a woman's natural scent or sweat is because when you love a woman, her smell becomes a familiar scent that triggers fluttering emotions of excitement, arousal and even love or comfort. It's a sensory connection to the woman he loves. It's a good sign, a very good one. Is it weird to some? Sure but who cares. The relationship is about you & him, bit you & public opinion. Ask him if he enjoys how you smell after you get busy and sweaty with working around the house and you will notice he starts getting all quiet and stumbling over his words, because you made him blush on the inside.
>>34705720Bit you*Not you and public opinion. Fuckin typos today lol. Anyway even if you didn't entertain this out of self conscious embarrassment it's not going to sink your relationship, it's not going to make him love you less, it's just a small miscommunication over him being too shy to be direct
>>34705628And he got angry because he was mostly angry at himself for potentially making you withdraw, if he is an impulsive type of person that can happen when they feel socially awkward and feel like they just offended someone it's a self frustration thing. You may not have been actually offended but he probably thought you were when you said "I guess I can't shave anymore then". He probably misread that as cynical sarcasm/cold disapproval. Hope this all helps
thank you for the long replies. i am a bad over thinker and i realize this was a case of that. it is stupid but not without precedent. he’s said before he doesn’t notice my body hair, but then other times when i shave he’ll rave and gawk about how smooth i am when he’s touching me. so it just is a lot of… mixed signals i guess that is crossing my wires and makes me think different things. he is pretty adamant about liking my smell, i do know that bc sometimes he’ll bury his face in me (or… parts of me) and inhale, which you know, i’m perfectly fine with i think it’s cute i guess my brain is just jumping around trying to figure out what to do since i definitely don’t want to stop bathing or using soap or shaving or anything… i’ll try to do your suggestions of showing off after i clean the house.>>34705730i see. i do withdraw quite a bit when i am thinking and i could tell he was getting frustrated at it but at times like that my brain just freezes up trying to piece things together. not an excuse of course, but ive told him if im silent im just trying to figure stuff out and figure the proper things to say and that it doesnt necessarily mean i am upset with him. regardless i need to get better at that, bc i certainly can understand how that comes off. i can see why he got frustrated i dont blame him.>>34705690thats why i wanted help :( i wanted to figure out what to do and i know im thinking a bit illogically here. i don’t think im right and i want to know what i did wrong and how i can further this situation in a healthy way.thank you for your help again. i really appreciate it.
>>34705628you sound like a stupid bitch who makes problems out of nothingyou should kill yourself
>>34705837no, he should get topped on grindr
>>34705788>he’s said before he doesn’t notice my body hair, but then other times when i shave he’ll rave and gawk about how smooth i amHaha classic. He reminds me of me, maybe it's just a guy thing. Okay so here is why there is contradiction:1) He is a guy. He was told by society women are self conscious about their own bodies. He knows you are a girl, he does not want to make you feel self conscious so he most likely does notice the body hair, and he doesn't say anything. He most likely doesn't even find it unattractive, he just doesn't mind it, no opinion one way or the other so he just doesn't bring it up.2) You shave your legs and he touches it and it feels smooth, that's sensory satisfaction, and he gets excited. It's not about appearance it's about texture, he just enjoys the smoothness. But it doesn't mean he dislikes when your legs have hair, he just will be neutral about it. Make sense? >i do withdraw quite a bit when i am thinking and i could tell he was getting frustrated at it but at times like that my brain just freezes up trying to piece things together. not an excuse of courseIt's not a problem you're not at fault, neither is he. My wife is similar, she freezes up to process things. Me and her worked out understanding, it takes time to build that so don't worry if he is still reacting the wrong way, he will eventually get it. The reason why he may perceive your silence as you being offended is because he is watching your facial expressions. He can't see into your thoughts. He uses your facial gestures to try and tell him what your silent thoughts are. If your facial expressions seems to display a discomfort or blank and neutral, he will wrongfully assume you are thinking negative about him. Because that's exactly what normies do with their face gestures. If you are neurodivergent then what he is doing by mistake is he still uses the old expectation of dealing with normies. Hence the misunderstanding. It's neither your fault or his
>>34705849>>34705788So here is a solution to bridge those miscommunications:Send him a DM in text even if he is right in front of you to express your thoughts when you feel frozen. Very simple very effective. He will be amused by it and think it's cute.
>>34705628>>34705690>>34705788Okay, you want to know what you did wrong: First thing you did wrong was start a conversation with your bf about some brainrot social media discussion from about how someone else was upset about some petty and mundane nonsense.Second thing you did wrong was reacting to your boyfriend's funny quip with more pointless neuroticism. After he said, "Oh no my steak is too juicy", you should've said "ha ha, you're right." Maybe think of some other funny thing to say.Bring the conversation UP, not down. Be playful, fun, confident, instead taking out a magnifying glass and fine tooth comb looking for something to invent to feel insecure about.Behave and communicate from a space of self-confidence and self-validation instead of being a crab bucket person.The way you're acting sounds like quiet BPD something, improve your mental health holistically, think more big-picture instead of digging in obsessing over incidents.
>>34706010That's not BPD, that's autism. There's no problem just a communication error from both parties. It's not that serious. You say it was not serious yet you are making it seem serious in your rebuttal.The "Oh nooo my steak is too juicy" was a sarcastic dog whistle, a social signal. He was saying "this person is stupid for not liking what I like (body sweat/smell)". He was saying that in front of OP as a subtle hint that says "You are my juicy steak ;)" Hope this helps!
As a man I think one of two things are going on from what limited knowledge I have of your relationship.1. He is ashamed of his own lack of hygiene or when he sees how clean you are it makes him feel like he shouldn’t be so dirty and it makes him upset but he probably has no interest or want to be cleaner himself. 2. He’s trying to say he has a fetish for stinky women or something? That’s weird to me but he could just be a weirdo.
>>34705849>>34705859i see… thank you so much! you are so helpful. this is all very good insight. stuff like that is stuff i wouldn’t be able to get out of him naturally so i really appreciate it! it all makes a lot of sense. very helpful to have someone else’s perspective. i’ll remember that about the body hair thing, it was hard to discern his feelings on it, but that cleared it up. i have thought about doing the dm thing honestly, it just seemed like a good idea, but then i think if it would be better said irl, if that makes sense. i dont want it to feel reductive. but i think i should give it a shot if you think thats a good idea. if something like this happens again and i need to communicate properly without my brain freezing my mouth functions.thank you so so much. i really appreciate how helpful you’ve been. means a lot.
>>34706032ohhhhh… this actually makes a lot of sense. i don’t wanna be the “teehee i have autism im quirky” person but my friends have told me i have it and i do sometimes have a disconnect when it comes to that. when you put it that way it seems so much more obvious. almost so that i seem a bit upset i didn’t realize :I thank you.>>34706086i wouldn’t doubt the first thing. while he is pretty proud of his smell (and believe me i love the smell of a man too) he does sometimes tell me he needs to shower more. i probably don’t help that matter when i tell him how good he smells. as for the second thing, he does love my scent, but i don’t think he’s ever caught me when im fully “stinky”. the closest is inhaling me when he’s going down on me. which i mean… he does love doing that. the rest of my body doesn’t sweat nearly as much but i mean, obviously that’s the case for most people. maybe i should try not using deodorant…? i don’t know. i appreciate your input thank you for being nice, there’s a few people in this thread that don’t seem to understand i am trying to move this forward in a healthy way and not just bitch and moan and pretend i’m right.
>>34705628Wtf are u even talking about ?????????? Shut the fuck up ???? None of this makes any sense take care of your hygiene this is mental illness
>>34706524i do retard it’s the man in my relationship making me second guess it bc he’s freaky deaky and i knew he was into my smell even before this which led me to this whole debacle. he showers like once every two weeks and that’s a generous estimate while i bathe constantly and always make sure im prim and proper. try using your brain for once in your life
this thread is imagine the smell tier disgusting. good lord. i want to take a shower right now and i already had for the day, i'm not smelly at all. but i FEEL smelly after reading this thread.
>>34706660idk, i personally really like my man’s smell and he’s on stimulant prescription so it gets really really stinky. me on the other hand i don’t smell much at all. he’ll bury his face in my armpit and tell me the only thing he smells is deodorant. i don’t blame you tho i don’t know how he doesn’t get people at his job telling him about it.
>>34706476>ohhhhh… this actually makes a lot of sense. i don’t wanna be the “teehee i have autism im quirky” person but my friends have told me i have it and i do sometimes have a disconnect when it comes to that. when you put it that way it seems so much more obvious. almost so that i seem a bit upset i didn’t realize :I thank you.Yep. And you said he's on stimulant medication. I presume for ADHD right?
>>34706452>i see… thank you so much! you are so helpful. this is all very good insight. stuff like that is stuff i wouldn’t be able to get out of him naturally so i really appreciate it! it all makes a lot of sense.No problem. Here's some more mind blowers: If your man has ADHD it is not surprising you attract each other, autism x adhd is a magnetic pairing and is noted to be frequently common, for lots of reasons. It has good synergy. If your man has adhd (you mentioned stimulant medications) here is the reason why he struggles to shower & why he likes your smell:1) People with adhd have time blindness and poor executive function. He will mentally in his own head, overestimate or underestimate how much time a task will take, such as a shower. And the poor executive function means even if he did try to focus his willpower to go, it freezes up. (Exactly like how autism socially freezes, adhds cognitively freeze. You may have seen this when he delays beginning tasks, he is in freeze mode, only it's not speech but it's focus). Showers are notoriously annoying for adhds for god knows what reason, but they are. This can be something he gets better at the more it becomes habit.As for smell, adhds require.. stimulation. That's why he is on stimulant meds. They have a heightened olfactory system, they lock in in smells that trigger dopamine. This is because dopamine helps unfreeze their focus issues so they can feel mentally stimulated. Strong smells of any variety not just the body, can do it. But if he has associated you with love and comfort, well at that point your smell is like a drug to him. He is deeply addicted to you. It's been suggested that people with adhd are more like humans of the hunter/gatherer era, and are very primal minded. So you have a 'Tarzan', and you would be his prim & proper and well read and intelligent 'Jane'. So congratulations on a psychological level you two are a perfect fit.
>>34706874Oh and as for why he seems reluctant to be direct and straightforward about what he desires, it's because he is worried he'll be seen as weird, but more importantly, adhds have a trait called "RSD" (Rejection sensitive dysphoria). Which mentally causes them heightened distress if they perceive an incoming rejection, any rejection, which makes them reluctant to 'open up'. This is because when adhds are young and undiagnosed, the people around them don't know why the can't focus or pay attention or why they are constantly distracted. Parents or caregivers will often shout or scream in anger. To the adhd child who doesn't know about their own disorder, they think people hate them/reject their existence. In schooling it is especially hard, due to being unable to focus on schoolwork, teachers single them out and discipline or scold them, typically in front of the class. Other kids laugh, other kids see a troublemaker or something. To the adhd, they are trying to focus but can't and they deeply believe they are defective or stupid, and the self anger burns deep. So when they are older, whenever they want to speak up on what they want or what they feel, they 'bite their tongue' and struggle to do that because of imprinted fear of being ridiculed or rejected.
>>34705628You have autism and this anon >>34705717 is correct.
>>34705628> then he went “oh no my steak is too juicy”.Uh, what?
>>34705628learn how to write non-gibberish train of thought garbage.
>>34705628Too many responders are neglecting the fact that she just needs to STFU, smile and be pretty, instead playing out textbook personality disorders over and over again.It's so sad it's 21st century and people don't know how to STFU and just be pleasant and get along with people and know when to drop conversations that don't matter.This is the kind of person who causes life-ruining trauma just because their ego is both huge and fragile. Seriously, imagine this fool having children and henpecking them into more personality disorder, autism, and trauma.
>>34709409You seem to think that the text written on a post is commensurate of what they actually said IRL.
>>34706683Y'all both have autism
Fuck this thread and the time I just spent reading it. Aspies overthinking their overthinking.OP doesn't want to stop using soap.B/F never wanted her to, he just said he wouldn't stop OP if that was what she wanted. Which she doesn't.Now for fucks sake just forget this ever happened.Oh and for the love of God don't ever have kids, we have enough tards in the world already.
You are so lucky I WASN'T one of the first people to find this thread. It wouldn't have evolved into this lovey dovey actual good advice thing, I'd just rip your asshole apart and make you regret ever coming here for advice.But now that I've read everything with context I can say - nice read. Most believable girl of 2026 probably, if the replies aren't manufactured by you. Which COULD be the case, this is 4chan after all.Anyway, I wish I had your problems girl And to the dude who explained ADHD stuff - it all so sounds like me, save for the not being able to focus on stuff thing. I focused just fine throughout my entire life. Generally good at locking in. Just recently with my loneliness it became harder, but yeah. It was a very insightful read (to the adhd explainer), thank you very much
>>34705628If you don't use soap then you shouldn't be within 6 feet of any other human beings.
>>34710423>It was a very insightful read (to the adhd explainer), thank you very muchNo problem, and nah I'm not manufactured by the OP that would be some 200IQ shit if I could play the thread like that. I just happened to notice a pattern and swooped in to explain/advise her, I'm extremely confident this is a girl with higher functioning autism with an adhd boyfriend. I enjoy helping out autists in particular since their bluntness gets misread all the time, their intentions are often very pure. What you may think is her being judgemental of her boyfriend is actually judgement on herself, autists often worry whether or not they're good enough to make others happy or attracted to them. And the good news for OP is based on everything I read I can promise her that her adhd boyfriend there is deeply in love with her. It might sound crazy but I am convinced people on the adhd side of the game have the ability to literally sniff out their 'one'. Adhds are primal coded, beast like in a good way, hunter brained. But not bad people, often hellbent on doing the right thing if the right thing is revealed. Very sensory based thinkers who think with their body, external processors etc.Maybe it's not even an adhd thing perhaps a man thing, or both but people overlook the sense of smell when it comes to love and pairbonding. They've done experiments where a man would be blindfolded and he was given 20-30 articles of clothing belonging to 20-30 different women. Only 1 belonged to his fiancee. He could instantly pick out which was his woman's and it wasn't from perfume it was from body scent, and it was the only one that made him smile and his heart rate pick up when identified.So for some men it's not simply a fetish thing, it's a sensory pair bond. She's probably the only girl whose smell makes him excitable like that.
>>34711069That’s actually pretty impressive knowledge anon. How do you know so much about adhd/autism pairings?
>>34711106Too much time on my hands, hyper focusing the shit out of studies and personal experience feat. pattern recognition lol. My previous ex gfs their natural smell either didn't appeal or even gave me ick. My woman im with now her smell is absolutely divine.
>>34711143Is this because you didn’t love them? But since you love your current woman, her smell is different?
>>34711172Yep, precisely. If a man seems to be excited by a woman's natural scent it's definitely a good sign. Later in life I read somewhere it's because it's a deep biological hormonal signal for comparability that humans can tap into but many don't.
>>34711268Compatibility*
>>34705788You're jujst way in your head over this. Stop showering for a few days , get sweaty at the gym or doing whatever and watch him nut his pants once you get into smelling distance. Probably. If we're wrong, showering takes five minutes.
