From goodness of heart.
my cat was dying in the other room, and there's no way i could have saved her, but i still feel like a terrible person for not being with her and comforting her while she was dying.i left her alone because i thought she would like to have one more nice dream instead of being bothered, but what if she needed me there to calm her down? i hope she wasn't scared. i am crying every day over this.
>>34707778your cat is in a better place
I seem to have a magical way of always screwing things up...
I lack the inclination to kill myself so I will have to suffer, possible for decades to come.
Alcohol makes me feel normal and confident and social and not autistic I don't know how I'll ever stop being an alcoholic No amount of therapy or psychiatric drugs ever comes close to this
I suffer from debilitating rsd or something. It absolutely rapes me at times.
>>34707803I genuinely hope it's not over for me. I never had anyone who believed in me or rooted for me, expressly I was punished for nothing, people spit on my soul. When I receive a compliment it shocks me, because the belief I was made to internalize is there was nothing good about me. Not one good thing. Love is an awkward subject about which I alienate myself as a defense mechanism. I'm so raped.
>>34707819
>>34707823Why do u ask?
>>34707825Because you post hundreds of them every thread lol. I'm just curious. No judgement meant, but it's spammy.
>>34707827But hey, if you've gotta post for whatever reason, have at it I guess lol.
Miss you and hope to hear your voice soon. I love you, sleep well.
People have entertained the anti-christ as being AI for a while now, but when you think about it, that really is a shockingly realistic contender for at least something like that.
>>34707849Is “the anti Christ” biblical. Or are there simply various people who are against Jesus Christ because they don’t know him?
>>34707860Forgot a question mark. Unintentional.
I hope my dad dies by being fucked in the ass with nails-and-screws embedded in a dildo that he fucks himself with. I'm sick of this miserable and fatass bastard. He is a real retard.
How does it feel to have a taste of your own medicine. Faggot?
>>34707860There certainly is an antichrist that is "biblical". The bible mentions an anticrhist, and antichrists. The orthodox view is that there have already been many antichrists, but there will be a final antichrist that will embody THE antichrist. There is also the spirit of the antichrist, which isn't bound to a person. I'm not really the one to ask about that kind of thing though lol, so take it with a grain of salt.
>>34707890I don't think it matters what anyone says when you are just going to schitzo out at them anyways big fat lizard. faggot?
>>34707918Which verse are u referring to?
>>34707942John 2:18
Why the fuck do old people at work always act like they're the only fucking ones working and everyone else is goofing off
>>34707960Because my phone’s in my lunchbox.
>>34707959Perhaps “the” anti Christ is the one who drove nails into Jesus.
https://youtu.be/Zvq7pir6nOU?is=Ud2blweRNKkVA0oy
I got diagnosed with ptsd but it feels fake because I don't have any major singular traumas or anything I'm just really really bad at coping
Essentially our one line of communication really good job Mad
Not like I'll be able to write until I get Internet set up at newhome anyways but you were supposed to comfort and reassure me and fill me in through that...
Everything will be easy once we hear each other again
New diagnosis? Kitty cats on my bed cats on my bed kitty cats sleep while I can’t sleep.
My bed is the kitty kat klub It’s over for me but not for the kitties
i guess being left on read is better than being blocked or getting told to fuck off.. sigh i miss u
>>34707752I feel bad that I simultaneously feel bad for my ex and how much shit I feel like I've said about her.The latter isn't even on purpose I can just feel myself even writing this out wanting get reflexively defensive.I really wanted to love her
Goodnight. I hope you sleep well, better than I do.
Doing my best. Tonight has been a bit restless. Ran out of Benadryl.
Drunk and scraping messages from Discord then feeding them to ChatGPT to determine whether I am completely right about my girlfriend's loyalty.Fucking kill me lmao
why the fuck was i even born?fuck my parents
Boy, come get that throat fucked again. Remember the chain? Hmu
I'm almost having an anxiety attack, she negged me months, made me feel totally insecure and when we kissed she said I didn't know how to, and the next week she was with someone else. All my insecurities have been confirmed, she would compare me to other guys, this is breaking me in pieces. I just wanna fucking kill myself, why did I ever think I could be normal and intimate with someone, I've never received physical touch and affection in my life. It hurts.
>>34708154Bruh bitches do this shit on purpose. Insecurity isnt real, just cancel that bitch and get a new one
I hope these mutts will grow up quick so I can eat them. Jk but they need to so I can get the fuck out of this worthless hotel room. I hate being near my father.
>>34708166She wanted to keep me around to simp her, I cut her off. Still I have problems with rumination and obsessive thoughts.
i always fuck up without fail how can i be so retarded holy shit man
Wasn't me but same diagnosis Can't be over for you tell me it isn't so
Men be like I'm in love with you and I have never felt this deeply about anything or anyone in my life before. And then give up on you
>>34708072I miss you too. I read all your messages btw. Often I am sitting there with it open and I can see your typing ellipses. You often type for a long time and then go back and erase everything, I'm assuming. I wonder what you wanted to say to me
Feel sickIs this my faultNeed youThe free you
>>34708255Only you can free me from this
Mine, not theirs...
I want to go home......with you.....
Shed your bindings and come save me......
>>34708231Same
Frim. This empty loneliness. Ache pain aginy
i don't care about anything else tonight. i just want to...DANCE!!
Hear me wailing my need for you.... we'll win, we have to, you promised.......swore it...
Why does it feel like I bother people or like even my friendsIt just sometimes feels like this, I know I am not...
When I think about how subhuman I am compared to everyone else and how I'm a 35 year old virgin with nothing to offer, I start getting chest pains and feel like collapsing. I think it's over
I'm angry all the fucking time. Why is everyone else allowed to have normal lives with friends and romantic partners but I don't exist anymore once I leave the room. I have absolutely no plans to stick around after my parents die. I am not spending my entire fucking life alone working a dead end job.
>>34708113I ended up just being fascinated and not really threatened or mad or anything, tbqh
>>34708255>FINTwhat did he mean by this
>>34708068Happy kitty cat day
He’s so lucky to share the same birthday as kitten day
>>34707790It is okay to suffer, I believe suffering is hardcoded into our brains. There will be times when you will see life very differently.>>34707792My condolences. Alcohol makes me super depressed, otherwise I would be an alcoholic already. Try theanine, that stuff is too good to be true.
>>34708231I was in love with a BPD woman and had to leave her, she destroyed me.
>>34708366I've been there my friend but she never loved you. They're helpless and need to use people to get through life.
>>34708255You called?
>leave home>get my own apartment>moneys tight, apply for food stamps>deniedDammit.I’m ashamed I asked for free gubment bux in the first place, but a little extra money for groceries for a couple months really would have helped.
>>34707960Because it's kind of true sometimes, just look at it from their perspective, put yourself in their shoes.
>>34708389They act like every single person with the external appearance of a 20 or 30 year old is goofing off
>>34707752Almost cheated on my gf with a 550lb barely mobile black single mother one time. Didnt go through with it but im glad I quit drinking so much
Victory doesn't feel very sweet anymore....falls flat without what's mine also winning...
Stop using my nametag, buttwipe.
Back the blue.
>>34708607>>34708612Stop using my nametag.
>>34708214Stop using my nametag.
Everything is so clear today. I love being a part of this thriving, normal society. What a beautiful day to appreciate local law enforcement.
>>34708292Who are you writing to?
>>34708268>>34708276Is this to the same person?
I'm going to be sick>>34708677Who else but you? Ahhaha
>Stay mad byeI mean, if you want me to. I don't understand why you would.
Got a interview for a job I didn't outwardly hate and immediately my new laptop starts fucking up for the first time ever as soon as I start the online Google Teams interview. I can't catch a fucking break
>>34707778your cat is good dont worryshe in heaven now and looking over youshe doesnt want you to bully yourself over ityou had a great life togethershe knows it
>>34708729Someone should be sued. People should expect more.
>>34708698If it's you, you know I care and you know how to reach me off of here.
>>34708729Hey awesome you got a new laptop. What laptop did you get?
manifesting my sweet boy back into my life <3 ⊹ ๋࣭
im back
>>34708852He was never yours, it was just your turn. And i'm in his shirt in OUR bed
>>34708852I hope they reconnect with you soon anon. You sound like one of my friends going through the same thing currently
>>34708860girl, you dont know him>>34708864i hope so too. praying for your friends situation. we will get through this!
insane how quickly you can destroy your life when you use grief as an excuse to stop giving a shit. I'm honestly not even upset that i got ghosted anymore, look at the loser i turned myself into. it's gonna take so long to build myself back up.
>>34708878>girl, you dont know himyou would be suprised
Fuck this is all my fault fuck
You’ve opened up more to strangers online than you have to me. Maybe it’s because you care what I think, and you’re afraid of what I’ll think about the “real” you. But I already know, and the longer it takes for you to tell me yourself, the more I assume you aren’t interested. I’d like to wait forever, but I can’t.
>>34708894And by the way, the real you is beautiful, I just wish you wouldn’t keep it a secret.
I don't feel I need to say the words you already know. I love you.
I had a dream last night about a burned womanI remember vividly how grotesque it wasThe flesh was completely burnt off her legs and skullShe was just a bunch of organs in a burnt skeleton The detail was horrifyingAnd I remember thinking "this should not be alive" but it wasAnd I was standing there watching this...thing...writhe and sufferAnd having woken up I remember it in such detail, right down to the scorched bones and twitching flesh
>>34708894I don’t open up to certain people not because I value their opinion about me, but because they are an untrustworthy person who can’t be a safe space. If this is the man who’s been obsessed with me for years— you are a narcissist and I don’t like you.
The image of her fucking some other guy randomly pops up in my head and it sends me into a an anxiety attack, and I start disassociating.It feels like I'm traumatized.
It makes me sad to be treated like that by a fellow Christian. I don't think she takes her faith very seriously.
I'll be there afterwards sweety, sweaty and exhausted
>>34708953Larp post attempting to twist perception of meSorry you have to deal with that twar maria
What's great is I love you for you maria. I know and see all of you, accept all of you, just as you do me. Just as we last looked into each other's days and said I love you more. That excitement, how our bodies felt. I dwell there with you and don't allow the asshat larps here to harm how I perceived you. Do me that same courtesy. Faith, hope, and love in each other.
>>34708973Swallow your own poison. That's your story. Not mine. Good luck with that shit
How could a woman who says she loves the Mother of God act like that? Did she just say that because it sounded cool?
>>34709247From my understanding God has his own rules for each of us. What is okay and what is not is inherent to how he's written our life. The Bible is a recollection of God's rules for those individuals (tainted edited by history, politics, etc)It's a good reference, but communicating with God directly overrides all else.
I was recently diagnosed with a ischemia in my brain and referred to neurosurgery, I don't know what they're gonna recommend and I'm afraid of dying bros
I can't believe I spent that much time on a woman who didn't even ask questions about me or make plans with me. I really hope I don't make this mistake ever again.
>>34707752I will never fall in love again. The only two women I cared about are long gone from my life. I don't even know if the mob raped killed them.All I can say is I hope that Asmodeus will visit the rapist tonight and analy rape him so bad his guts fall out
I'm completely in awe of you and I've only seen you three times. I want to be a part of your life.
I have a weird thing.Everytime I am frustrated with someone my mind makes up a scenario where I argue with them and get mad.Whenever it comes up, I don't know if the other person can tell, or if I change my demeanor somehow, things go alright and I don't get into an argument.The only arguments I have come out of nowhere, usually.
im actually really cool and desirable but suck at networking
>>34707752How the fuck do people afford to travel, buy nice things and do things they enjoy so much?!I'm a CS grad and if I so much as think about buying something nice for myself I end up owing more than what my monthly salary gives me.Now I'm not going to claim I'm a saint, but I also don't spend that much on shit. I spend maybe $140 on 2-3 Hololive card boxes every 2-3 months, $40 on online cards every 2-3 months and that's about it. I never have money to spend on video games. I don't travel at all and I can't save on traveling at all. Now there'll be a concert in NYC in August I won't be able to even consider going with my $1000 salary and there's nothing I can do about it.It fucking sucks. I don't understand how friends my age can travel around the US, going to baseball games to get One Piece cards and shit, yet I can't even think about buying anything without going over my salary.It's frustrating, bros. When did the world get so expensive?
I thought maybe I could hide my autism but I really do look autistic. It makes sense now
>>34708607>>34708612>>34708645>>34708651>>34708664
Anons, I need to be identifiable for a very serious criminal investigation that is supposed to be taking place so please refrain from using my name tag.-Alexander BochanThank u
I don’t think there’s an investigation. They’re probably just trying to get rid of me.
Why the fuck, dude
>>34709433The majority of people are awful with money and are probably struggling more than you realize (and more than they realize too). That guy with a nice car is probably spending most of his monthly pay on the lease, that guy taking a luxury vacation every year is probably emptying his savings every time to do it, and a lot of those people don't put anything into retirement accounts at all.If you feel like you're not getting the most out of your money, focus on yourself first rather than comparing yourself to everyone else because you don't know their full financial picture. Focus on little ways you can save money here and there, and if you're not happy with your salary, consider looking for a better job or upskilling to find a job that pays more. Companies are really stingy with raises nowadays, especially in software (I'm a software dev myself), so the best way to get more money is to job hop every few years. And yes, everything is getting more expensive thanks to inflation, but start by looking at ways you can improve your own financial situation before you start taking on the people responsible for the shitty economic outlook of the world (unless you really want to).
I spend most nights alone in my room ruminating about lost opportunities and "what ifs". I think I live more in my own head than in real life. My existence so far has just been commuting to work and staying at home and playing games and scrolling. When I'm not doing anything else I just sleep
>>34707752Could people that minimize everything get me k*lled?
>>34709829Analyzing your life is the first step. The second is to stop thinking so much, especially about the past. Understand that there is no downside to toxic positivity and that the word toxic was attached to positivity by people who were not trying to be positive in the first place.
>>34709829this is me except I removed gaming and scrolling and now i only work and sleep in hopes my restlessness is solved with 12 hours of sleep. it didn't work.
>gf bringing up stuff from 5 years agoIdk if shes joking but its annoying.
>>34709888my ex would do this bringing up times where I was struggling in life as if it were my fault I was behind in milestones that she could leverage. they do it on purpose to upset you.
>>34709915Things from before we were together in childhood should not be used as ammunition. That is as cruel as bringing up how she was sexually abused as a child is a detriment to us. Go fling shit elsewhere MM. The world is better off with compassion instead of this.
Hey M if you ever feel like it you can send me a message. I understand if you won’t though. I really miss you.
>>34709995>>34710005You know nothing about me and are looking for someone to throw words at. cease your reply.
After searching for something on my computer mid 2023 with the results being “my dad beats me” while my search had absolutely zero correlation to that result I had realized that there was still something wrong with my computer. Phone has been acting funny for a long time too. “Algorithm” has seemed kind of off for years now.
I should have believed it was possible. Even if everything suggested otherwise.
Quick! Motivate me to clean my room!
>>34710057if you clean your room the current or future man or woman of your dreams will respect you for it
>>34710057You have family arriving in 1 hour.
Switched to my alternative YouTube account last night to find this sitting at the top. Took me a few seconds to realize that I should probably scroll to the bottom as fast as possible so I did. I made sure to screen record the results.
>>34710057Just do it you dirty loser. You will have a visitor when you least expect it. At least do some cleaning, make an effort. Have some respect before yourself and others.
I really did ruin everything. My sincerest apologies my friend. I hope you’ll get to be happy.
There is no happiness left to gain
Strategic view count
To Comfort (Lion) Fag, his elder Jew handler, and their merry band of judeo-satanists who have been spamming this thread since Covid:You're all pathetic. Every last one of you. Weak, pathetic bitches right down to the last. All of this instead of not being a bitch. Really? God's chosen, truly.To any mods reading this:I highly recommend permanently deleting this general. Once the beating heart of this board, GIOYC has now become a piss bottle for this judeo-satanic cult. In its current state it serves no advisory purpose while putting in danger anyone who exposes their vulnerabilities here. To anyone else reading this: You should probably stay away from this thread. I'm not going to go into detail about what these people are capable of, but trust me when I say they are capable. Unfortunately in 2023 someone from my past doxxed me to them right here in this very thread. Since then these people have been a perpetual thorn in my side. They've threatened to kill me a number of times, not just in this thread but other places as well. I've had to shutter just about every online account that I have. Even accounts I forgot I had they ended up discovering. One of them even showed up at my place. If you frequent this place you would be wise to leave it. If that's not enough to dissuade you then at the very least do not provide even an ounce of identifying information on here. These people are not just vicious, they're highly obsessive and they will keep at it for years if you capture their fancy. They are well-organized and work relatively well together, you're not really going to want to fight them by yourself. While I don't have direct evidence of it, I think they may be apart of some Epstein-level cult. Expect to deal with Palestinian levels of bullshit if you end up on their shit list.While I'm sure this will change nothing, going out quietly just isn't my style.I have nothing further to say.
>>34710179> whining that it's such an issue the gf confides in you about her last trauma is complete dog shit behavior.You continue to look at sentences with malice directed at me. Read that post again, it is saying how digging up past events, such as trauma, to be used against as partner is not how compassion works.As for the original post, Gfs will simply bring up things in the past with the purpose to upset you, regardless of how big or small the event or if it has been solved since then. You need to find other ways to reply instead of defaulting about how selfish and shitty people are.
I know you can do it.
I’ve been itt for years. Possibly since 2020. Prior to 2023 I probably posted less than 5 times. I was the anon saying that I was planning to kill myself and give everything to my “parents” after my portfolio reached 40mil because that’s what I genuinely expected. Then during 2023 before I came to the realization about derek and tammy a grocery store employee came to help me with a transaction that wasn’t working and in a very low tone told me “try it again and go back to the system” or “try it again and get back in the system”, something like that. I thought it could be a threat so I threw my hardware wallet into a lake and burned the seed phrase. Here is an xrp address that will never have a withdrawal unless someone has my seed phrase.r3ErQ1UgG4enTtNxCXQWQtcf6pQpE1Lezw
>>34710295I was thinking about how Nate told me he threw his cell phone in a lake wondering if he was reading scripts to me in the 8th grade.
She slept on me today. Had to wake her up after only a minute or two or it would’ve ruined her schedule but it felt so nice. I want so badly to hold her every day. It hurts.
>>34710306Your reading comprehension needs work.
college is awful! I realised this isn't what I wanted to do but it's too late to back out now and family already put so much into it so I'm stuck.I just said I wanted this career path because I thought it was what I was by obligation supposed to do and it would make everyone think of me better if I picked something fancy and respected ig and I just stupidly assumed it was all black and white and I'd just magically find purpose in fuckig law out of all things!yet I'm miserable and I can't say I'm miserable and I can't run away but I feel like I can't stay and it's upsetting :(ig the worst part is that I know there's no easy fix so I suppose it's better if I just find a away to shut myself down and wake up when I'm close to retirement like a few decades from nowthat's just life I guess
>>34710295>>34710297wtf are you talking about
Transcending to post post modern chudceldom to realize that I don't even hate women I just hate myself and I voice mogged the taco bell employee at the drive thruare you actually suppose to do something for when you hate yourself? I did therapy back in January but that social worker fucking sucked and only wanted to push medication on me
You made everything about money. Stupid, money is easy to get love is hard to keep if money and status progression is all you think about.
>>34710389I'd rather die alone than give you the leverage to treat me like the bum you think I am. Just stop.
>>34710409i only ever supported you. you treated me like a bum
>>34710440How?
I'm visiting Tokyo for a couple of days (I'm an exchange student) and my heart feels weird, idk how to describe it. I don't want to waste my vacation in an hospital, especially if it turns out it's nothing, but I'm worried, since I'm fat and not that young anymore (27). I'm really upset right now, can anyone help me?
You literally treat me like I'm nothing every time I don't 'bend reality' to be famous because I don't fucking want to. You treat me like I was never shit.
i run from my problems with sex. and sex doesn’t even feel good anymore. but i hate being alone and not having someone want me. i know he doesn’t even like me for me, he just wants the sex. and im glad for it even though it hurts and hes mean. but its better than the alternative where i just keep repeating the same patterns
>>34710382Also dropped about 12 racks to accumulate 600,000 beyond protocol tokens before Jonathan Manzi was sentenced to prison but derek threw away my metamask password. Not that it will ever matter anyway.
would you rather wait a year and possibly save 10k or pay the 10k now and get what you want?
>>34710459I'm in default Asexual. I just think that sex is important to you.
This is what I have now
Heh
>>34710452Heybabe how u doin :*
>>34710452Would help you if I could.
>>34709389Simone
>>34708237https://voca.ro/1aB2jZr68GUb
I hurt everyone that loves me because I feel like I am inherently unlovable I am shit
>>34710511Ooof right in my chest
>>34710468Do you want to gamble or know the outcome? Take the safe bet.
I really want to text her, but it feels like there's a 50/50 chance she either responds immediately and starts a great conversation or sits on it for days and gives a lame response.
>>3471052010k is a lot of money
>>34710320Hey :*
>>34710489I don't know if I'm dying or just an idiot
>>34710468$10k for what I absolutely want more than anything in life right now? Absolutely, what a steal. $10k for some temporary vice that I'll be over shortly? No way.
?
>>34710545:* muwah
Fuck those fucking cunts and especially that fake bitch that pretends to be nice but shes not. Fuck you
>>34710547It is for a trip that will last 10 months. It will probably cost more than 10k
>You ain't shit without me>You without me = ShitEtc.
>>34707752Hey gum guzzler
>>34710557Omfffgggggggg yesssss rape me
I can't believe she made me respond. This is bullshit.
Debo
>>34710560I'm a bad influence on my friends who ask similar stuff but if it's a trip you really want to take then go for it. The stars don't always align timewise for that kind of thing, so if you want to go and you have the money, I say do it. Those memories are worth far more than $10k. But I wouldn't recommend bankrupting yourself for it.
And then you wonder why I don't just stop what I'm doing for you.
I manifested love and two people reached out to me. Dam i hope asuka(she calls herself that) and i live together or we have eachothers coms
>>34710459Dump him and be with someone who fucks you and makes you happy because they actually love you
>>34710240> whining that it's such an issue the gf confides in you about her last trauma is complete dog shit behaviorAGREED
>>34710642Oh boy, you're slow.
>the inability to let go
>>34710677You don't want me to let go, you wouldn't make posts about me if you did.
Do u believe in karma? What is karma, anon?
>>34710682Karma is the get back of beings who think "you deserve it."
>>34710681>>34710682>predictionU won’t answer this
>>34710686Already did. Now what the fuck is your issue.
>>34710686I stand “corrected”
>>34710681U need to let go
>>34710693Will do it when you do.
>>34710694Let go of what? Life? Let go of what, anon?
>>34710696Stop posting about me.
>>34710647No, you are just a narc.
>>34710699If the shoe fits
>>34710701I'm a Narc, but she just said she had problems with even liking sex. You suggest she should have sex with you. You're slow.>>34710702Whatever.
>>34710642This is the ultimate.
>>34710705
>>34710706Why are you doing that? Just to start shit?
Damn, y'all was really Island hoppin' back thenHuh? Now your names got redacted...
>>34710705You are retarded if you think that's what was said. What was said is>Dump him and be with someone who fucks you and makes you happy because they actually love you>>34710706Yeah it's the perfect life. >he doesn’t even like me for me, he just wants the sexYou are wasting your life on a future break where you will be abandoned and too used to for anyone to actually love you. >better than the alternative where i just keep repeating the same patternsStaying with someone who doesn't love you for you is repeating the same pattern. Get your shit together and leave. Hopefully you still have something someone will still love you for
>>34710721>too usedWhat in the fuck are you talking about? And you say I'm a Narc...
>>34710720I have memories of going to “saddle bag island” as a child. Nothing bad.
>>34710725You are taking a couple words to spin defense from her getting actual love in this life. Fact is >>34710721 is right>>34710706Yes, Love is worth it!!!
>>34710737All I'm doing is pointing out the fucking logical hiccups. It shows he knows nothing about Love, but your glasses are so rose-colored, that you don't care.
>>34710735More like three memories intact but yeah.
And I put that on citas and the boulevard...
>>34710057You guys suck at motivating.
>>34710752If you don't clean your fucking house, you can be kicked out, even if you own the damn house. Look it up.
>>34707752my mom was over today and i started working out and she kept walking by and talking to me and making my pause the video i was following. I ended up snapping and getting super angry and i yelled at her. then she left pretty much immediately and i felt like shit for hours
Another night alone, trapped, hurt. It’s hard. I did what I should’ve. I protected. It hurts. Years wasted? Aha, I picked love over my mission again. Just like back then. People don’t change.
i lost my callouses again.
>>34710756In what country?
>>34710785In whichever countries kick you out for making things a health hazard, do you even know why houses get dirty?
https://youtu.be/8B82J7W0t-U?is=AhaWzgcDC3PkveUb
>>34710740No, what is looks like is you know nothing of love and even she recognizes it and wrote that. >>34710765>alone, trapped, hurt.That's not love. Sorry that's what your life is like>Years wastedAt least you recognize you lost time that mattered choosing what is not loveSounds like you are coping because you recognize how much you messed up
>>34710793Okay, let him love you then, don't come back to me when he disappoints you.
>>34710752You suck at cleaning. Prove me wrong faggot boy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBFBMTq0334
Well, I didn't get as far into cleaning as I wanted. But I should definitely be done tomorrow. I'm tired and I think I'll go to sleep.
>>34710861Mmm, okay, well. Next time you need to clean, think about what I said.
>>34710867I won't.
>>34710869Then I'll remind you. If you want, anyway.
>>34710799Sounds like she is miserable and feels alone,trapped, and hurt now. She would never want to go back to you once she is with someone who actually loves her.
>>34710884I was never with her. She doesn't know what it would feel like.
I only feel free next to a bottle. Who cares?
>>34710898I do.
>>34710899This drink is for you
U just won’t do anything about derek and tammy and u think it’s ok
This isn’t a movie
>>34710925Then stop trying to be the main character, gawd.
It's funny, innit?
How the fuck am I a bully? Can you give me a reason?
>>34710887That post reads like it's what she is saying about who she is with >>34710765
>>34711037She probably loves me, but it doesn't mean that we're together. We never got to that part, she was too worried I would look for someone else, so much so that she looked for someone else. Get what I am getting at?
>last beergrim.
>>34711040No, if she did love you and she did that then shes retarded
>>34711112I just go by what she said. Maybe she didn't, but I'm not gonna argue with her about it.
>>34711083Last beer I had was a modello. It's okay. I like lighter beers more.
Indescribable sea of emptiness
>>34711120You have someone to fill your heart. Why would you feel that way?
>>34711113I didn't say to argue. I said that if >>34710793 then she recognizes she messed up and is unhappy with who she is withIf >>34711040 is the case she did then she's retardedIf >>34711113 is the case and she didn't but says she did then it comes down to what actually happened, what she does next, etc.
>>34711117I think I need to switch to hard liquor. A six pack doesn't do it for me anymore. But I've never tried modello.
I know the way a nigga livin' was whackBut you don't get a nigga back like that...
>>34711130Bee...
>>34711146Idk what you mean by that.
>>34711147Bee urself :)
>>34711125It's always been a social thing for me. Alcoholism daily drinking is really quite a turn off.
>>34711152Buzz, buzz, baby.
i have one drink and all i can think about is you and how i wish i was with you right now and i dont care about anything else and life is a waste of my time without you in it okaaaay
>>34711153Well, I wasn't drinking to be attractive in the first place.
>>34711160I wish this was for me. Drinking distracts me enough that I don't have to overdo it.
I'm in Hell. I've always been in Hell. I never had a chance. I want to cry, but the tears aren't coming.
>>34711168Sit in silence for like 20 minutes.
I don’t think I can cry anymore. I almost did a few times when I held her but had to lock in. I just feel empty. Anger sometimes, a deep feeling from when something that I loved was threatened, but with no outlet. Defective? I thought my sense of justice was the one functional thing about me.
I never want to be sober again
>>34711173I have.
>>34708612fuck copsfuck those blue faggots
>>34711187Were your thoughts also silent?
>>34711175>my sense of justice was the one functional thing about me.Good, then you recognize it being over is justice, as it never should of started. It starting was the injustice.
>>34711189Yes.
>>34711195What did it do for you?
>>34708664fuck the lawfuck e forcementenforce deez nuts on ur chin
>>34708852oh, hello
This Melatonin doesn't even work.
>>34711197Nothing. I'm dealing with a situation that people wouldn't believe. Thanks for your concern anyway.
>>34709357no get away pervert
...Just go on the internet and tell lies like that?
Been listening to nightcore Kek, went to the gym and hit arms tonight. Nothing fills the void. Made a billion burgers, gotta finish the potatoes tomorrow. Can drive up to the northern post to get cat food, both places in the south had none today.
Just fucking forget about me. It's that simple.
I know I'm going to see you soon, but every day away from you eats away at me more and more.
>>34710459nasty slutkill yourself
>>34711098>>34711188>>34711199I don’t know
>>34711164drinking removes any sense that its a stupid idea. right now all im hearing in my mind is instinct
>>34711242Whatever you're thinking is stupid and it's the liquor talking. So stop.
Again, Idk if niggas bustin' shots or if they throwin' fire crackers or some shit...
>>34711245yeah thats why im posting it here instead of sending it to them unless you mean i should stop thinking
>>34711251I'm saying whatever thoughts you're having aren't beneficial for you, if you have to drink to try and forget them. Especially if it has the opposite effect.
>>34711217No one knows who you are lizard
>>34711254Literally not "Lizard," bud.
Powerless. Knife at my throat. Worth it. Not much left. Losing myself. One hour of sleep last night, might just stay up all night tonight since I’m not monitored tomorrow.
>>34711253Or if you are making these posts >>34711217>>34711223>>34711227
Ah but I have a long drive to check and see if the northern store has food they’ll eat. Spoiled on rabbit for so long, running low.If I lose myselllllf toniiiiiight
>>34711259I made exactly ONE of those posts, I'm still NOT "Lizard." Get better aura reading skills, bud.
>>34711256Oh the alcoholic? Who made >>34711217>>34711223>>34711227
My strategic reserve calls to me. Romantic alcoholism is in my blood.
>>34711266Again, I made one of those posts. The one that says "Just forget about me." The other two aren't me.
The world is grey, and slightly too hot.
>>34711271There's someone that can give you color in your life, unless you like living in the classic era of film.
Give me the nails and I’ll hammer them in
>>34711269But you larped >>34711227Or was that the alcoholic who did that?
Okay, goodnight. *Nikki Freeman voice*
>>34711215Im not trying to lie about Alex. To me it feels like he might be gone. I found picrel posted a day ago after I had posted the screenshot. I tried comparing his ear with older pictures but it’s very blurry. I can’t help but feel uncertain and I hope that I am wrong.
>>34711278No, I didn't. That was someone else, who's probably a woman.
>>34711282Forgot picrel
>>34711278C made >>34711227
>>34711236dont know what!?
>>34711249dumb nigger cant tell the difference between gun shots and fireworks
I want to claim you again, and again.
>>34711294Boooooooooooooooo! Get a new personality.
>>34711299get some new ears
>>34711292If anon excuses themselves for using my name tag because of my suspicion regarding Alex.
>>34711303As long as they don't let me hear your bullshit all day, I'd welcome it.
>>34711306goodluck with that
She totally likes me and I'm stressing out over nothing. Again. Whatever, I know exactly how to sweep her off of her feet next time.
>>34711308Got a problem, vro?
>>34711294
>>34711253beneficial is subjective, and besides, I would benefit, its everyone else who wouldn't
Sending a prayer to the aether for my future wife. Hope you are doing well. Love you and cant wait to meet you soon.
>>34711316Why do you drink then?
>>34711311yes
>>34711324Okay, what's the problem besides me being a nig?
The large one sleeps on her clothes. The youngest and eldest sleep with me. The dark one in the other room.
The more things improve the more empty I feel.
>>34711335You have someone that wants you to be their future wife, don't pass that up. Maybe it's real, Idk.
Kek
>>34711336>future wife Im a dude so will adjust that comment to husband. I lost that endeavour along the way trying to gather the requirements of that path in life.
>>34711345>Im a dudeMy mistake.
>>34711348Thats okay
Do they miss me? Regret this? See my worth now? How much more? Why am I kept from them?
This experience with a BPD girl has been so traumatic to me I'm disassociating.I can't believe I lived that, all the love I gave, all that longing I felt, just to receive breadcrumbs, false promises, negging.I wasn't enough, all I wanted was to hold you, and be held by you, in private silence.Yet you discarded me in the end.
>>34711366Same... you have to keep running from them even after they end it and keep you in the loop
>>34711397Yeah I gotta accept, it was never real.She was with someone else two days later, most likely just to hurt me, and I remember suspicious moments after she had split with me before, where she was talking to her friend about some other guy sending her something.I decided to consciously break her heart so that there was no turning back.I've been sent into anxiety and panic attacks lately, it's been 2 weeks
>>34711406Mine would try to end things every year until the last time, and tried to walk it back but the damage was permanently done, that year was the roughest because of how they will respond and talk how they were previously, however you know it is an illusion. It doesnt get better but not worse the less you interact sadly, especially if they were one of few people you ever connected with.
>>34711366So this is about someone who broke up with you 2 weeks ago
I don't need their sick care, never did
>>34711425That's fucking awful, so many aspects of it are awful, knowing it's an illusion and all you felt was most likely just relief from stress caused by them, like an addiction withdraw but they hold the key to the next hit of dopamine.Hope things get better for you.>>34711429Indeed, I had to be completely unforgiving, wouldn't look her in the eye, refused the friendship gift she wanted to give me.She sent me an angry message, quadruple texted me in the span of 40 minutes, she insulting and gaslighting me, lying about how our first date went, (she promised me sex and intimacy if we kept going out and then 3 days after our date, she started avoiding me, didn't wanna talk, didn't wanna go out, wouldn't look me in the eyes, this went on for a months, I started ignoring her too, she got mad at me, guilt tripped me, I came crawling back, she accepted me, we made life plans together, then she started ignoring me again and not want to go on dates)Knowing she fucked someone else completely destroyed me.
>>34711455So it was all very short, but the break up happened after another date that went right, for me at least, where I got insulted the day after, that insult, after 7 months of negging destroyed my self esteem and I couldn't stand talking to her for 5 hours, that triggered her abandonment issues so she split with me.
>>34711455>you felt was most likely just relief from stress caused by them, like an addiction withdraw but they hold the key to the next hit of dopamine.When they were no longer overbearing everything they criticised me of not accomplishing, it suddenly became very easy to do. It sucks that it took for them to not be part of my life any longer because everything while it was good was just missing that one requirement. But also glad that if someone ultimately left during tough times, but risk free times it could have happened when risks were much higher. I dont know if I have healed yet, its been hard because I would like to have this person as someone I care about or maybe as a friend since being any closer is too detrimental but maybe thats the lingering past dependency keeping latched on
>>34711366Same but a guy it's been a few years tbf
had a vivid dream about them. I told them that I was going to look for someone else to date and that they should do the same. still felt anxiously attached to them in the dream, but overall it didn't feel bad.I'm thankful. Soon this all will end and I'll be back on track toward getting on my feet
Looking back, my Ex was extremely hot, I think it was the implication that if I left her she'd harm herself (again) is what killed the relationship and made me feel like I was in a hostage situation
I'd rather you keep your integrity, rather you go at your paceTold you to stop comparin' yourself, 'cause it's not a race
>>34711669Another one dealing with a crazy possibly BPD woman
>>34710509hi
>>34711533The what ifs of you meeting their requirements now, and that you thinking they could be in your life in some form, is a trap, you will never be enough for a BPD person, and they'll still chase you no matter what.
I don't have BPD but I learned my tricks from them
>>34711317Please come save me from my current bf
>>34710464answer the question faggot
>>34712130>NTAWho's your current bf?
If you dream of and desire to find someone else to be with, I won't stop you. I'm sorry I did the first time, it was selfish and cruel of me to make my pain over feeling so replaceable your problem. You deserved the woman you wanted, you deserve to feel happy and loved and valued. I want that for you. I wanted to be that for you, and I'm sorry I failed so catastrophically and hurt you this badly instead. Please take care of yourself.
Protecting her obvious lie is more important then our relationship.who is really the sick one?its not over until they all admit iteveryday will be miserable until they do
i feel like i have no friends these days, i miss my bf
>Ask my friend to go pub>Urhhhh I wouldn't like itIt's the footy... How could he say no to a good night out?I'm so raped. Where are my England slags so I can cry into their breasts?
I didn't lie, but they took what I said and greatly exaggerated, then threatened me with their confiscating what we made together, when I continually tried to correct and protect. If you tell me to recant and risk them, I will.
That name makes me sick to see, every time. Knowing what it means to you.
What was it that made me this way, so selfish as to demand another would love me, when I, who knows myself best, hates my self so deeply?
I know I bemoan the pain I carry all the time, but I would still take yours from you if I could. I would take it and leave so you would never have to see it again. Lean on my arm as you break my heart.
Not me, silly. The youngest opened up the closet and on the top shelf found her prized possession. Throwing it with her now.
I have no right to the hopes I still desperately cling to.
Stop being silly and thinking I’d abandon. Anytime someone says that it’s not me. I’m literally just throwing a toy to my cat.
If you falter, if you fallI accept all of youIts never too late for the truthI love you for it. Our Inherit forgivenessMy star above remembersTo dwell with meA dream of home Our first touchPromise fulfilled Just because you feel lost does not mean your compass is broken Remember, I love you. >I love you more
Should have let you and yours take her. Always so selfish. Thinking I could do good, do better.
I'm Sorry.I'm Sorry.I'm Sorry.A million apologies will never be enough. All the action in the world, as if I could even fucking do anything worthwhile, will never be enough. I'm Sorry.
I wouldn’t dream of abandoning anyone. Please stop thinking I would. I’m just throwing a toy to my cat. It’ll be ok, I promise.
You can't abandon what abandoned you first. It's good and healthy to shed parasites. You can and should go on to do good, for others, for yourself.
Nah. Gonna give them an exaggerated 50s husband kiss on the cheek and laugh about this.
This is no home. Has anywhere? Maybe those few, far too brief, periods of being alone. Felt good, to not be bad, for anyone close to me.
It's good that I didn't waste my creative potential on them by learning music or art. I'll save that for the right person.Of course, it won't have the same depth, but honestly, I never want to be back in this hole again. All that remains for you is to find someone, have children with them, and hope that at least some of the goodness buried deep inside of you carries over to them.
It will be ok. Eat some gummies and hold them tight. Clock is ticking, which is good.
I’ll be with you again soon, and we’ll get through this. I forgive. I yearn. I want.
If you've any self preservation you'll do that after choking the life from me.>>34712401The goodness never carries over, only the bad. It's amplified over and over, generation to generation. My grandparents ruined my parents. My parents ruined me. I will ruin my baby. Until finally, someone fucking ends all of us.
Nonsense. Utter nonsense. I’ll beat that out of you, not literally of course.
Try it. Maybe it'll actually work.
Love taps only. Caresses. Firm hugs. Where you can sob if need be.
Nobody's ever tried it before. Fuck it.
May my gods forgive me; as many boons as they grant me in this life, I tirelessly yearn for death. Selfish ingrate.
Posting here has become akin to a drug habit. Damaging need.
Forgiving yourself is important too. It’s not just forgiveness of others that I want you to learn from me. The former can be much harder. I know that well. We’ll do it together. We’re sticking together.
I fucked up bad. I opened up and told her how I was actually feeling. She canceled the engagement pictures until I "figured out what was going on" with me.
I'm so hung over fuck
>>34712529I feel you. I'm drunk on hand sanitizer right now and I know hangovers are a bitch. Take things easy. Maybe drink some sparkling water, because that helps me.
>>34712346God, same. I can't believe she's still willing to talk to me.
>>34712582>on hand sanitizerWhat the fuck
There should be a waterfall of Alcohol. Which liquor would you pick for it to be?
>>34712120That is why after the last time I had to be out of my character and ignore them for months until they got the message to move on, i am still in pain from this though
>>34712612Vodka. Most versatile - drink straight or mix.
>>34712746Love that you answered that.
Don’t give up, little one! It won’t be much longer! I’m proud of you!
I bet you thought that would make me hate you...
you already hate me otherwise you would reply like you used to
you said i changed but you need to realise you caused that change by pushing me to get things sorted by any cost without your support. you loved the me before harsh realities had to set in and now i am changed and without you so i hate myself.
>>34712843>>34712860It hurt me, what else would you have me say?
>>34712894we are all hurt, togetherness dulls pain or even simply acknowledgment of being someone known by another but clearly i am incapable of having that. instead isolation is all i have in my personal life.
>>34712905I'm not trying to hurt you, though. I apologize if I did. Or for whatever I did to make you react that way. Do you not want to talk about this? You might want to move past it. That's not easy for me.
Told derek a while ago that i submitted pictures and videos of my concerns to the police. They just had the designated crisis responder at the house again the other day and tried interrogating me about “who are we?” to try and set me up. I finally just told tammy about what I sent to the police and they won’t provide an answer regarding their awareness or if derek informed them. They just said they don’t care.
>>34712658At least you had the courtesy to give them last words, i couldn't bear doing that, not after she fucked some other guy to hurt me.
>>34712972I figured maybe they’re trying to build a narrative that I’m not doing my part and their ignorance of me actually doing my part is why they persist. So I had to risk doing something that may be disrupting an investigation because nothing changes.
>>34712972>>34712989wtf are you talking about
>>34712931i would like to talk about it but you probably dont want to because it will go back to times when you were also hurt, you seem happier at least on the surface without me anyway. my attempts to move past it only further pushed you away. self-fulfilling, at least you might be better off that is a plus. >>34712973there were no last words only the slow cycle out of attention, conversation and care. life got busy and they are no longer at the top of my list.
>>34712997Iykyk
>>34712518Can you sit somewhere quiet with her and talk about this more? Or have you already done this, and you're exhausted?
There’s a chance I already told tammy about submitting pictures and videos of them to the police but I can’t remember. I couldn’t attend court for assisted outpatient treatment without tammy monitoring it via computer either so there’s a good chance they were watching while I was sharing photographs with the superior court judge and explaining why.
Will text that number later for support. I promised her I would keep myself safe.
I FORGIVE YOU BAKA WAKE UP ITS GETTING BETTER ILL NEVER ABANDON YOU WE HAVE A WAR TO WIN YOU LITTLE PSYCHO I LOVE YOUUUUU
The way things ended was dumb. You took my attention for granted and I took too long to bridge the distance. I just feel damaged.
>>34713238I'll only be needed if they send another forward team. Why? What are you going to do?
>>34713291Are you sure it's over? And are you sure they took your attention for granted and didn't just have something else going on in their life? I thought this about someone recently but I was wrong.
>>34713072I tried to do this and she got downright histronic about it. She turned my problems into her fault and started sobbing hysterically and asking why we were even getting married if I felt like this. It did not go well and she was inconsolable.
>>34713414its pretty sure its over, it is like a reputation reset where once we were closely revered with one another and now we are known strangers. By granted they expected to still have unchanged access to my mind and time after throwing our relation away, i believe they expected me to be the same but i made myself unavailable to protect myself from any further pain. But in doing so i was no longer there to support during tough times for them so maybe they resent me for not being there. Nowadays i have no one else to give the same attention toward a guiding goal, everything i was working on for the last few years was in order to be with them.
>>34713508Maybe something to consider though... Why are (You) getting married? Sometimes writing out a Good/Bad list helps.
>>34712409Is this to me?
>>34713522I'll never give up on her ever
>>34713238Please meet up with me in person y i want a network ifyouknowwhatimean lets sharpen each other
Think about it, we could make games, move to japan, network with imaishi and mariel, and live nice lives, thats my dream now
>>34710295Actually I started posting around the end of December 2022. Basically 2023. Excuse me.
>>34713660We are in an otherwise very happy and very stable relationship. We have good chemistry and fit each other well. We share values and have planned a future together. The issue that has caused flashpoints before is that she feels too much and I don't feel at all. The current issue came from me not being enthusiastic enough about getting the pictures because I was going through a bout of depression. She crashed out about how I didn't care and that me opening up about having depression made her feel terrible because she feels like I don't care about her if I am having thoughts like that.
>>34714177I also remember 4chan leaving the suicide hotline number at the bottom of every post box right after I began posting.
>>34714211Was that on April 1st? You weirdo.
>>34713095This is terrorism
>>34712604I forgot they put methanol in that shit in 'Murica. Don't drink if it has that or "denatured alcohol" in it. Ideally, don't drink it at all.
