>>34712366
Those girls weren't odd/vulnerable, a lot of girls know who the taken guy is and they fuck him anyway. His GF (presumably ex) added that description of the girls when telling all of the friends to destroy his social standing out of vengeance. The goal is to make everyone think he is a psycho or a predator, and it kinda works, because here you are pondering a psychiatric condition as if he were ominous or dangerous. What you have just witnessed first hand is his some women retaliate when you fuck them over. She told all the friends, and those friends tell friends, who tell coworkers, some tell their own partners or spouses. Word spreads and the result is over time, the guy's reputation is obliterated.

The guy most likely had a sex addiction and that's about it, maybe some hang up from childhood where infidelity has been normalized. Either stumbling in a cheating parent or even a divorce can trigger it, watching dad get a woman who isn't mom. Or mom hitching up with a man who isn't daddy, doesnt matter if it's a legally clean divorce, kids don't see nuance they see mom is with someone else, or dad is with someone else. That's where it usually comes from.

You will find that truthfully both of them were meant for each other both dysfunctional. A functional person doesn't go on a character assassination campaign after being wronged in a relationship, they are supposed to move on.

>>34712405
>His GF (presumably ex) added that description of the girls when telling all of the friends to destroy his social standing out of vengeance. The goal is to make everyone think he is a psycho or a predator, and it kinda works, because here you are pondering a psychiatric condition as if he were ominous or dangerous
I appreciate your input, this has been on my mind too. She was also complaining about him watching porn or buying too many videogames... so what? Why wouldn't she say something when they were together if it was such a big deal?

>The guy most likely had a sex addiction and that's about it
This was my initial thinking too, but I suppose this can also be paired up with other psychiatric conditions?

>A functional person doesn't go on a character assassination campaign after being wronged in a relationship, they are supposed to move on.
Even if you're wronged and mistreated like that?

>>34712467
>She was also complaining about him watching porn or buying too many videogames... so what? Why wouldn't she say something when they were together if it was such a big deal?
She either had no social filter and wasn't malicious or she was trying to deliberately socially punish him by badmouthing him because he wasn't Mr. Perfect. Healthy couples also have problems, since there exists no perfect couple (that would imply perfect persons exist and they don't). But what healthy couples don't do is they don't let the public in on their problems, they respect each other enough to figure shit out together.

>This was my initial thinking too, but I suppose this can also be paired up with other psychiatric conditions?
Could be yeah, but when we do that we just throw people with the same disorder under the public opinion bus lol. Common ones people yap about are NPD/BPD but believe it or not, not every one of them use cheating for self sabotage. Also they're 1% rarity so people who get cheated who instantly run to the 'theyre a personality disorder' are irrational. Understandably, they got hurt and people don't think logically when hurt.

>Even if you're wronged and mistreated like that?
Ideally, yeah even if you got serial cheated. I got dealt with one in my past. I was tempted to go tell everyone about what they did, I stopped myself because I understood that my hope was they change as a person. And they can't do that if I've destroyed their personal life like that. Didn't want to be a hypocrite to my own values.

>>34712510
Not him but if someone asks would you say they cheated or just say "it didn't work out"? Because maybe you tell someone and then they get revenge or whatever for you.

>>34712366
serial cheaters come from lots of different backgrounds and reasonings
but since cheating is principally 'acting on x over exclusivity at the cost of trust' understanding the common reasons why x is more compelling than exclusivity is a gud way to grasp it

some people have sexual impulses that they find very challenging to control, on some spectrum of sexual compulsion/addiction
some have a deep drive to be validated by more than one person, or find earning new validation from someone more rewarding than maintaining established validation
some view multiple relationships as normal in their expression of love and have issues communicating that out of fear of some adverse reaction from their partner, whether due to changing ideals or being together for a long time or general fear of conflict

id say some combination of the three above are the main culprits
for serial cheaters that have had numerous unpleasant consequences from their actions and still cheat, they may have a deeper psychological issue such as low self-esteem thinking they deserve cyclical punishment or callousness due to utilizing apathy as a coping mechanism for the pain


anecdotally i never cheated on my partners but i did exchange flirtatious messages and pictures with a mutual friend of my exes once and felt pretty terrible about it after and told my partner
nothing was wrong in our relationship
i was just horny and things got carried away

i was also the other man to another ex of mine for a while on and off
the relationship she had with her new guy was not great but still feel bad about that one too
my reasons for that were more nuanced due to how we ended

but in both cases i was in the wrong, morally felt repugnant after and still succumbed in the moment
and for me it was always a mixture of horny and/or feeling love and sexual expression does not need to be exclusive

>>34712551
Depends on the confidentiality or social distance. If it's anonymous or under aliases, sure talk about it. With a therapist or whatever, sure talk about it. Family or trusted confidants? Sure. But telling people beyond that is just malicious gossip at that point imo. Even if the word is true, it just creates drama which just keeps yourself stuck in the mud and delays moving on

>>34712564
>>34712551
Here's why it's a bad move to gossip:
>5 years to by, you change and your cheating ex changes
>The cheating ex tries to do things right
>Gets along with a girl
>Some guy who wanted her too, or some other girl who wants him learns of his past. They messaged the girl he likes "He's a serial cheater. He targets vulnerable odd girls". And that's that, his chances of redemption get fucked.

It can get viciously out of hand for ex cheaters or recovering sex addicts to the point they're frequently attempting suicide

>>34712581
you should own up to your past
letting your current partner know you cheated in the past is important to me at least

>>34712597
Yeah I agree. Imagine how that goes down though, you sink weeks or a month in to a new relationship and you're both emotionally invested and you hear "oh by the way, in the past I was uh, a pathological liar, a serial cheater, and I used to be capable and willing to deceive others. I'm still capable but I no longer am willing since I've changed. So uh still wanna date me?"

Not an easy type of thing to admit if you're hoping to turn a new leaf is it lol. I think realistically they would admit to cheating 'an ex' but they probably don't go into the details of who they used to be I suppose.

>>34712632
for me id bring it up once we got into past relationships
there is a natural way to bring up that information and if it doesnt vibe with what youre gunning for with that person then the hopes being squashed sucks but thats life
better live an honest shit than a happy lie

>>34712366
It varies. But in many cases they just have difficulty saying "no". Ex-incels, for example, are usually serial cheaters: they've spent so many years desperate for sex that, when an opportunity to have some comes along, they simply can't bring themselves to turn it down, even if it means cheating.

>>34712654
>better live an honest shit than a happy lie
Wisdom. I think this is why the boomers usually say to us to don't bother with relationships till at least 25 or 30. Cuz most of this crazy shit pops off right after high school age. Lots of demoralising shit nowadays like everyone's ex bf is a narcissist now and everyone's ex gf is a bpd lmao. I've had friends who serial cheated and people to this day still say "a cheater never changes his/her spots". And that's true, but that's because they don't change their spots, they fade them out slowly. Lotta people don't understand that making big changes to character takes time. That's why if you're cheated once, it's over. Because the "I can change" shit is just wishful thinking. Takes years for real change to happen

>>34712681
yeah cheaters can for sure change
the reasons for doing anything that morally fucked need serious reckoning with and since its often in the shadows it can be a 'sticky' qualifier
but its less 'every cheater is more likely to be serial' versus 'cheating synergizes with seriality'

dating when you're young is the bees knees tho
get it out while you're young
its better not to commit to anything until you're older yes but have fun and go crazy before and as part of the process of figuring yourself out

>>34712510
>She either had no social filter and wasn't malicious or she was trying to deliberately socially punish him by badmouthing him because he wasn't Mr. Perfect.
There was definitely some of that, but also some of the things she said were on the line of "I'm telling you this because he's sick and he needs your help". She did genuinely love him so I'm sure she does care about him, but she was also very bitter and wanted to make sure everyone knew what kind of person he was. I can't blame her.

>>34712563
>id say some combination of the three above are the main culprits
>for serial cheaters that have had numerous unpleasant consequences from their actions and still cheat, they may have a deeper psychological issue such as low self-esteem thinking they deserve cyclical punishment or callousness due to utilizing apathy as a coping mechanism for the pain
Right, but in general one could think that it doesn't necessarily means there's a mental pathology behind cheaters? Or at least there's lots of alternative explanations

>>34712597
>>34712632
>>34712654
Would you take a partner who admitted to cheating in the past even if he/she claims they don't do it anymore? I wouldn't think a lot of people do

>>34712710
>yes but have fun and go crazy before and as part of the process of figuring yourself out
Works for some, I know for women that's typically how the process of building self identity goes. Typically for us guys, we don't actually figure ourselves out via relationships, not fully at least. For guys it's about experiencing hardship, tough tasks, immovable problems, doing things that require hard work or suffering through harsh odds, creating things or destroying obstacles etc. That's why back in the day at least guys would dare each other to take risks or go on crazy potentially life threatening escapades, sharing "Cmon man it builds character". Cuz it does lol. I think because of how widely spread internet is and how rampant technology is, that's why young men don't actually hit adult man self awareness till 30. It used to happen by 18-25 only a couple generations ago

>>34712727
it depends if you consider being a very shitty person psychologically disturbed or not
but if you people can maintain chronic bad behaviour without having some mental issue then yes

i would for sure accept a partner who admitted to cheating in the past as long as i trusted them not to be destructive like that in the future

>>34712727
>"I'm telling you this because he's sick and he needs your help"
Yeah I don't buy it. Idk man I'm older and jaded I know how meticulous immature girls can be when they want to socially drag someone. They always have a formula of [slanderous info] + [charitable tidbit that reflects good on themselves] sort of combo. That way their target is devalued socially while she either remains in good optics or even elevates her image in the process.

>Would you take a partner who admitted to cheating in the past even if he/she claims they don't do it anymore?
I'm a married man now but hypothetically yeah I would.

>>34712734
im a guy lol
you can figure yourself in regards to lifestyle-committed relationships without being in them but more experience tends to help
either way time tends to reinforce what you know about yourself and who you understand yourself as with confidence

there are a lot of reasons why young people in general have identity crises compared to before
but living in a more convenienced world is a big part of it for sure

>>34712761
Ah I see. Well I suppose it's a matter of upbringing then male or female. I had too much people involved and people drama as a kid, so I got my fill of people. It was a lack of actual experience and growth of my capabilities that needed sharpened. I could easily see a man needs to have relational exp if they didn't get a warm reception growing up or a cold isolated sort of existence.

>>34712769
most people stand to benefit from experience in something so lifestyle-affecting as a committed relationship for committed relationships
living in harmony with the expectations, wants and needs of another person who interfaces with your life daily and intimately is for most people learned skill versus intuition

sounds like you were speaking towards figuring yourself out in general when you say lack of actual experience though
understanding who you are has less importance in aspect of romantic partnerships than people normally depict id say

>>34712803
>is for most people learned skill versus intuition
For relating to the "other" yeah I'd agree there, i'd think that's almost all people. I was always intuitive with dealing with strangers, acquaintances, friends, colleagues, bosses, actual committed relationships needed work even for me cuz at first all I was doing was playing a psychological game of 'house' without knowing, aka recreating my parents style of relation which admittedly was not good lol.

I think the only people who are absolutely good to go right off the bat are people whose parents maintained a stable loving marriage the entirety of their childhood/adolescence maybe.


>Sounds like you were speaking towards figuring yourself out in general when you say lack of actual experience though
Like practical experience yeah, experience with money, life skills, education, problem solving with my actual hands. I think there's people who try to figure out who they are (requiring more relationship experience) and people who try to figure out where they fit into society (unskilled/under experienced at self sufficiency).

Tying it back to serial cheaters, only thing I noticed is growing up when they were kids they were usually the type of kid who 'lied about breaking the grandfather clock'. Or if they spilled milk, they lied it just happened like that. Or if they forgot their homework, their dog ate it lol. It's that type of kid that grows up to potentially cheat. And when you dig deeper you find out that they became pathological liars because how they grew up it was because they would be viciously punished for telling the truth. So they lie as a sort of reflex defense.

>>34712749
Yep, I can see there was a bit of that, she was very insisting on telling me all the stuff he did even though I told her I believed her story and didn't want to hear more about it. I suppose she also needed to vent.

>>34712742
Well my friend feels very low and he is taking psychological help so at least he's doing something to change his chronic shitty behavior.

Thank you all for sharing your perspectives, I've had a hard time getting my head around this.

>>34712877
>Well my friend feels very low and he is taking psychological help so at least he's doing something to change his chronic shitty behavior.

That's cool. Yeah just continue being his friend man, people have major flaws all of us do. Some people are shit partners but excellent parents and vice versa. Some are shit workers but excellent friends, some are shit friends but excellent workers. He critically fails in one aspect of his life, if you know he's been a good friend then I say trust that and be in his corner for support if he asks for it.

>Are serial cheaters sick in the head?
No, they aren't. They're just unsatisfied.
Women who regularly engage in morning sex, blowjobs, handjobs, boobjobs, cosplay sex etc, do not get cheated on.
It's really that simple.

>b-but if you're not unsatisfied you just leave!!!!
Lol. Most of the time you can't "just leave", if you've ever cohabited with a GF you'd know that women are fucking terrible with money, you can't just tell them to GTFO because they usually have no savings and have nowhere to go. Breaking up a relationship once you get to the point of cohabitation is incredibly complex and takes time.
Also if you try "talking" about your sexual needs with your GF she'll just tell you something along the lines of "ok, we'll start having more sex in the near future, maybe" and that future never comes.

At the end of the day these situations come to be because women get into relations with men they're not attracted to because the alternative is having to pay rent. They bait men into these relationships by giving them sex, and once they get what they want (cohabitation) they stop, and expect the man to not notice lmao.

>>34713349
It's because women don't want to initiate sex, they want the man to always do that. The only time women will initiate is for seduction, so at the start of a relationship to blow your mind to win your heart, or if she cheats and wants to get someone on her hook. At home in the domestic life the woman will always expect the man to just take her whenever.

>>34713356
>initiate sex
>"sorry i'm not feeling well"
>"sorry, I'm really tired, next week maybe?"
>"sorry, I'm still sore from the last time we had sex..." (two months before lmao)
>"I can't have sex because... erm... I'm mad at you! yeah that's right! you... you.... erm... you put this thing into the wrong shelf six weeks ago and that made me mad!"
Lmao

>>34713374
Trust me man I know. I know, man. I know. FFFFFFUCK.

>>34712366
Nice image OP.
>Is having a sex drive indicative of underlying mental illness?
IDK you tell me, foid.

>>34712366
People cheat for many reasons so unless you can pinpoint the reason(s) why you can't assume they have a psychiatric condition. I've cheated and it was mainly due to me prioritizing my own desires and interests but there was always a catalyst in the relationship that made me that way. I guess it has a "revenge" aspect to it as well since I feel justified when I do it.

For example, there's some bad things that happened to me in my current long term relationship that I found out was caused by my gf manipulating me, who then treated me like shit and blamed me for everything even though it wasn't my fault and it was all her doing in order to push her wants and desires. I found this out years after once she came clean about how she was like during the early years of our relationship. It broke me as a person but even at that point I still tried to make it work. Over time other stuff started coming out and it got to the point where I felt like an idiot who wasted 8 years of his life. She felt bad and guilty about those things but I can tell a part of her still felt justified doing things the more we talked about it. Once I realized that, it made me so angry I wanted to explode but then a feeling of hatred for her began and I stopped caring about those things she had hurt me with over the years. I'm pretty much going to use her for all she's worth while having my fun on the side until either I want to leave or she can't give no more. I feel like a faggot saying this but I want to be her karma for the fucking bullshit she did to me and our relationship. Maybe she won't ever find out and we live "happily ever after" but I won't change nor will feel any kind of guilt or regret.

>>34712563
>combination of the three above are the main culprits
you get it

I've been caught before and I kept doing it. I feel like a dog without self discipline or agency when I see a possibility to get away with it. I want to fuck different types of women and I love the validation that comes with them being down to fuck

At once point I had 2 gfs. I fucked them both on the same day without them knowing it

Some girls are attuned and can tell when a man's breath scent has been altered by another woman

other women are much less perceptive

>>34712366
unironically yes, they're sick in the head.

good thread