>>34716292
My male perspective as an older married man is this:
Men hate chores, we hate it. If I have to clean dishes, I hate it. I hate cooking, I hate cleaning rooms and doing daily housework. It feels like scratching nails on chalkboard in my soul. I am so confident in this I will speak for all men on it. I will denounce any man claiming the contrary as a posturing fool who is trying to look good in case any woman is watching him. We all hate housework it bores us to tears, like when we have to go shopping with the woman and we're standing around looking at her purchase girl clothes and makeup and the latest fashion trend item while we staring into space wishing we could go home.

But, even though we hate it, when we see our women need the help we give it, if she's sick or her period is really bad that month, we lend a hand. If she is pregnant we make sure she isn't doing shit except relaxing, the home is now a hotel for her, because her body becomes hard work for herself and we will honour that.

He is allowing it to happen because he knows his male instinct is kicking in, he actually wants to see his woman take the full maternal role as a homemaker. Which is a very hard and impressive role a woman can take, it's a full time job for women. Men who love their woman adore this and don't take it for granted.

I say let him back out of cooking. The reason is because there's been studies in this, in homes or relationships that the to do the modern 50/50 thing. Chances of divorce increases, because it goes against the traditional attractive roles of gender. Men are the labourers for the world, women are the labourers for the home. It's always been that way up until only the last century. When man and woman try to be the same in role at home, it creates a "cohabiting" dynamic, where you act less like lovers and more like coworkers. It kills romance over time.

So don't feel guilty for taking his cooking role. Just let him do it when you're unable

>>34716344
Cooking is something very different from cleaning... The best chefs in the world are men.

>>34716292
Talk to him and tell him you want him to cook. If he's not a lazy piece of shit he will continue to do it.

>>34716344
wow, such an in depth response!! thank you so much! i like to think you’re right on the first thing, doing housework brings me unbelievable joy knowing my man can just do his thing. plus you know, wear something skimpy and he just goes crazy knowing a girl is doing all the house stuff in a cute outfit. makes me happy. he certainly is extremely grateful, i’ve told him before he doesn’t need to thank me but he always ends up expressing his gratitude in some way whenever i take care of something. understood on the cohabitating thing, i’ll remember that.

personally i’ve always wanted to cook for him, but it just seemed like he was very intent on doing it himself. now is the time to shine tho! maybe i can even make him some new stuff too. i will do it and ill do it with a smile on my face. i’ll just remember to ask him if he can if im ever out of commission (which isn’t too likely honestly).

thank you so much i greatly greatly appreciate it!!!

>>34716368
well, i don’t necessarily want him to cook or anything, i wanna do it. but i just didn’t want to feel like im taking something from him you know? i don’t want to be the cause of accidentally ripping it from him. but thank you, i’ll keep it in mind

>>34716359
god honestly the food he’s made has blown my mind. you have a point there. im no slouch whatsoever in the kitchen, and i have always been very passionate about it but his food is on another level.

>>34716359
>Cooking is something very different from cleaning... The best chefs in the world are men.
Yeah but there's being a chef and there's being a home cook. There's no such thing as being a 'best cook', food isn't an innovative field. You cook, boil, fry, stir, mix. Anyone can replicate the best chef's dish so long as they have the same ingredients and follow the same cooking requirements. What's actually being said is the males are the most acclaimed chefs. And they're acclaimed because they happen to be good at competitive business and running a tight kitchen full of staff, which requires assertiveness and crowd control and stern leadership, and men are best at that.

When it comes to food, psychologically speaking the experience of that food determines your enjoyment of it, if the restaurant looks nice and cozy you will think a regular burger is the best you had in years. You could go into a different place serving the same dish same ingredients but if the place is a dump and waiting time takes forever, you think the food sucks.

So when you're at home at rest and you have a woman you love serving the food, it tastes amazing, like a bit of her soul is in there. I've tested this with my wife, I make the same dish for myself I eat it, it's whatever. She makes it, the exact same one, and I'm licking my plate.

It's a psychology thing, when women make food for the man it makes us feel things. That's why the old saying is "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Because it's true.

>>34716431
Then you're considered extremely high value among the men and your man is going to think "diamond ring diamond ring diamond ring" every time you make him food.

>>34716292
you're not worried about doing a "disservice" to him, you're worried because you realize you're doing more work than him and that upsets you. the title of your post is "bf has gotten very lazy". thats what your concern is. tell him to get a better job where he works longer hours and you won't feel as bad about doing all the chores.

>>34716533
aw! that’s so sweet.

>>34716683
i do not mean lazy in a bad way. that is you taking it that way and assuming. i WANT my man to be able to lazy and i want to make sure he has time to relax. being lazy is good! genuinely if i could make sure he never had to do any house work ever again i would make it be that work i get upset whenever he does something bc that’s my lane. i dont know where you’re getting money from either, i would do this is he didnt have a job. it just makes me happy and thats that. dont know why you are getting so uppity armchair psychologist over this, if i wanted an armchair psychologist id go to reddit. i came here for a reason

>>34716754
i completely butchered that last paragraph but you get the idea

>>34716292
>he is particular and he loves cooking for me.
>I told him ill start cooking and he seemed a little apprehensive
>why he seemingly is scared im gonna blow up the kitchen
>last night we got chipotle and this made me start zeroing in on this.

He told you he enjoys doing something for you, it makes him feel needed. You told him you didn't need him and he tried to push back. Now he's given up because you have made up your mind.

>>34716442
> i don’t necessarily want him to cook or anything, i wanna do it.
Having a relationship means compromising. If you like cooking and he likes cooking why not cook together? Cover each others weaknesses in the kitchen and turn it into a moment of relational bonding. If you just dismiss his talent and what he enjoys it's a lot easier for him to just dissociate and fall into escapism (watching movies, going out more frequently and ignoring you)

If you want to take over all of his current roles, expect him to be dejected from homelife. If you want him to be a part of it, then invite him to do things with you. Men appreciate feeling loved and needed.

>>34716344
>Men hate chores
Depends on what you consider a chore. If you enjoy watering plants, repairing fences, cleaning etc it stops being one.
>Men hate shopping
No, men enjoy talking and considering their purchases as well: see Home Depo. The problem is being excluded from that environment. Your bored because you don't know anything about dresses, handbags or makeup and feel learning about them makes you less of a man.

>when we see our women need the help we give it
Agreed. 100%

>I say let him back out of cooking.
I would say, let HIM decide if he wants to cook or not rather than taking the role for yourself.

>When man and woman try to be the same in role at home, it creates a "cohabiting" dynamic
Ever been to a marriage retreat? All of it's based in communication exercises and shared experiences which foster deeper connections.

m.24

>>34718465
>Having a relationship means compromising. If you like cooking and he likes cooking why not cook together? Cover each others weaknesses in the kitchen and turn it into a moment of relational bonding.

Nta I'm the other guy: >>34716344
This is good advice too OP >>34716292

That anon has a good point I didn't consider, making it a cooperative task can be fun and bonding where you both are working on the same dish.

>Depends on what you consider a chore. If you enjoy watering plants, repairing fences, cleaning etc it stops being one.
Watering plants is fun, repairing, fences, painting walls or doors, DIY are all man friendly chores imho. Things that require foresight or use of the entire body or problem solving gets men going. I enjoy all those.

>Your bored because you don't know anything about dresses, handbags or makeup and feel learning about them makes you less of a man.
Not exactly. I learn about them and I don't feel less of a man for knowing about woman's trends, I know about it but it still bores me to death.

>Ever been to a marriage retreat? All of it's based in communication exercises and shared experiences which foster deeper connections.
Been to a marriage seminar, we did the communication exercises and love style theory. We weren't taught to split domestic roles 50/50. They didn't touch on that since they leave it to married couples to do whatever they want. All I'm saying is instinctively men typically don't enjoy domestication as far as cleaning repetitively or wearing the apron, not because of feeling less of man just that men's efficiency requires more complex problem solving skills to be exercised, that or tasks that use our body. Like DIY or going to bring home a huge shopping haul. It taps into our hunter gatherer modality

>>34718465
well, the whole reason i wanted to cook for him since we got chipotle was bc it had been a while since he cooked. he isn’t the type to go out to eat constantly and it’s usually once-ish a week. i don’t want him to feel dejected but we’ve had a lot of food in the fridge just waiting for meals that we’ve had since our last grocery trip that hadn’t been touched and i wanted to use them. he also got a new game recently and has been really into it so maybe that might mean something? i hear you tho, i dont want to make him feel like im taking something from him. thank you for the post.

fwiw, i made jambalaya last night and he helped me with opening a can and
pointing out steps of the recipe and wrote down what he changed about it and it went really well! he said he prefers it a tad bit drier than how it came out but he definitely loved it since he was scarfing it down and he’d just tell me how good it was. it was different to how he makes it but he was scarfing it down fast so i think i did good. he seemed happy, told me later on how he loves how his woman made a meal for him. i’d send a picture but idk if that’s weird or not it came out great.

i want to find the best solution for both of us so ill keep trying tho.

>>34719293
>it was different to how he makes it but he was scarfing it down fast so i think i did good. he seemed happy, told me later on how he loves how his woman made a meal for him
NTA in the other one but
See what'd I tell ya? When the woman makes the food, it hits men right in the soul. Don't tell the other femanons the secret cheat code keep it a super secret

>>34719364
It's the same when a man makes it for a woman. I think everyone loves food from their partner.

>>34719398
I wouldnt know im not a woman, but my gut feeling tells me they love breakfast in bed yknow with the food tray and the hot drink + breakfast and a kiss on the head and a good morning

>>34718686
>just that men's efficiency requires more complex problem solving skills to be exercised.
You could extend that into house work as well. You don't have to wear an apron while cooking, just as much as you don't have to wear one while welding. Repetitive tasks can get boring depending on your personality. If your big into DIY, then you can use that mindset when improving your routines.
>What's the most efficient way to collect dust?
>How do you organize your clothing for the easiest access?
>Is there a faster way to collect and rinse the dishes?
Those are more "complex problem solving tasks" that can be improved with a do it yourself attitude to making new things. Note that it's perfectly alright to not enjoy something. Just saying some men do, others don't. You aren't gay for enjoying housework.

>>34719545
>You aren't gay for enjoying housework.
Nah of course it wouldn't make a man gay, it would just make him a domesticated style of guy, a society guy, different strengths still manhood. I know guys who enjoy housework because it's therapeutic for them to declutter. But I also happen to know they'd need to find their proper counterpart because I see lots of women complain when the man robs them of things to do in the house they get bored without it.

>>34716292
>i started taking up all the house work
So you aren't actually his GF, you're his mom. Dump his ass and find yourself a real man.

>>34719643
>Please get rid of your mate guard, get rid of your reliable male protector. I am a horny street rat and want to fuck.

>>34716359
Yes this I like cooking hate cleaning. Of all the girlfriends I ever had only one was a good cook and even then she would have me cook certain stuff like steak because I was better at it.

>>34718686
Are you the same guy who was responding to the thread few months ago about a girl who was "studying" with her male friend which was causing her to have arguments with her boyfriend?

>>34720771
If I am I might not remember, can't recall threads from that long ago. Why what happened with that story?

>>34720784
Nothing important, just thought I recognized your writing style. You seem to give articulate responses.

>>34720771
I remember that thread
what a stupid ass bitch

>>34716754
>>34716760
im not being an armchair psychologist, im telling you the truth about what you want because you don't know what you want because you're a woman. im not getting uppity, you're just getting insulted because you're hearing a truth you don't want to hear. you sound insufferable. have fun being unhappy forever.

god you cucks are suck simps. "oh my wife does my dishes she's the best". how retarded can you be? dishes take 10 minutes tops without a dishwasher, with a dishwasher you literally just put them in the machine. same with laundry. cleaning ladies cost $20. women doing chores is the bare minimum and doesn't make them anything special at all.

>>34721077
>>34721087
You're angry at other people's joys.

>>34721087
Then why aren't you the one doing them?

>>34716344
>Men hate chores, we hate it. If I have to clean dishes, I hate it. I hate cooking, I hate cleaning rooms and doing daily housework. It feels like scratching nails on chalkboard in my soul.
This is 100% true.
My gf grew up poor and she really doesn't like the idea of not working, even tho she does house chores also, but naturally has less time because of work. She said she feels like she's not contributing. My argument against this was: when I come home from work and I need to do the dishes I might as well just kill myself. Her being home and keeping it neat is a much greater contribution than any kind of money she could bring in. Me coming home and not having to deal with ANY of this bullshit is what keeps me sane and good at my job and able to provide for us both. She can work and not go insane, but I can't do chores the same way. It's the highest form of contribution to our household because it compliments the things I am less capable of doing.

>>34716292
Ur not doing him a disservice it just shows he's a piece of shit. A real man would see what ur doing and then help in his own way.

>>34716292
Have you tried getting obscenely fat?