> Be meDidn't have the best childhood. When I was 14, I found out that my mom had a really rough childhood. Growing up with abusers wasn't something easy for her to process and get over.I also got abused to an extent, took some beating here and there which I truly despise my dad for. On top of that, he's really damn weird. Sexual remarks and touches towards me as a kid, something that will change the life course of anybody. It's kind of like I projected what had happened to my mom over to my life, and the pain of it doubled.Damned underachiever. Grew up the top of my class, recognized by teachers and peers as the smartest kid in class, proceed to fuck everything up past freshman year.Unimpressive academic achievements, I couldn't keep up with the educational framework, too damn lazy to learn what doesn't interest me, too much of a procrastinator. I got my shit eventually figured out and pursued tech as a career, I'm pretty good at it.Loneliness, crippling fucking loneliness. Not entirely alone, but if I had an accident right now I wouldn't know who to call. Never had a birthday party, never was part of a friend group past age 12. At that point I had decent friends at school but decided to cut everyone off during Covid. Never had friends that close ever since.Luck is the part missing in my life. If I had more of it maybe things wouldn't have been this bad. But I can still recognize that I haven't lived enough to determine that yet.I just haven't come across the right people maybe, because I really am a decent human. I'm kind, helpful, genuine, easy going and engaging. I beat myself down pretty often, but I know that my character is pretty decent. Yet everyone I get to know seems to disappear from my life after a short while.Unlucky, the randomness of this life didn't line up in my favor, and in many different ways. Enough to be significant. Maybe this will help me get over the fact that I'll vanish one day. There will be an end to it all.
>>34718320Damn, sorry to hear you're unlucky
