to be direct, my mother in law died two years ago. This was a terrible thing for my family, she was an ideal grandma, cooked, helped with the kids, played, told stories all the typical grandparent things.However since she left us>Each christmas>Every birthday>Any family eventHas become this weird thing where my wifes family mention and talk about her being gone and how much she SHOULD be there.This was fine but my sons birthday in Feb and now my daughters birthday today, were turned into these weird events where the kids were told how sad it is grandma was not there. It was to the point the i noticed my daughters happiness at her birthday was dulled by people interrupting and talking about the late grandma, including some scenes of people crying and hugging. Something similar happened at my sons birthday.I am not unhappy in my marriage or with my inlaws but how the fuck do you make them snap out of this shit without a huge family drama? I just want my kids to have the best time they can without extended family bringing them down. My own mother passed away 5 years ago and i refuse to bring up that lose with my kids.
>>34720417There's an old saying, OP. It goes like this.>You can't change people, you can only change the people that you're with.What you're describing is pretty much a textbook example for why people move halfway across the home country to get away from extended family. They always feel compelled to manipulate factors in your life without necessarily being entitled to it. Usually distance is the easiest fix. It does move you further away from your base of support but usually extended family isn't as reliable as you'd think for real support, its more like having a pool of 'idea guys' that come around only when there's talking to be done. However, it does make it more inconvenient for people to meddle, since they usually have to get on a plane and fly halfway across a nation to interfere more than you can with a phone call.As for getting them to stop? I'm not really sure how you could. You could threaten them, but that places you in a position to either carry out your threat or allow it to become empty after they refuse to stop. You could just ask them, but a request is easy to refuse and also telegraphs what you want from them to be used against you if they're really trying to get under your skin. Its actually really difficult to change the behavior of people who have their minds set on something, which is why humans generally don't change much after they reach a certain age. When you need different people in a system, you incorporate new people rather than re-educating the old ones.
You still want your family around? Great. Make a step to tackle this head on. Get everyone together for a session where you actually talk through your emotions and process your feelings. Then it wont need to come out during happy events.
>>34720417You don’t always get what you want. It is not about that. What you want for your kids aint what they get, either. Stop acting like an asian woman.
