>31 Husband; 25 Wife >moved out to the countryside >house is a live-in remodel basically, so there’s active construction in some areas of the home always (I’m doing most of it all by myself)>wife becomes a chore Nazi like six months ago and wants to micromanage every aspect of our lives with apps >Get in an ‘argument’ over chores >I tried to keep it cool, calm, rational, conversational, etc. >She goes into hysterics, shutting-down, throws tantrums, etc. claiming I’m trying to use ‘lawyer speech’, and that I’m “overly concerned for the truth”, that I don’t listen to “understand”, but to “defend”>hurr durr “gas lighting”>tell her that if I wasn’t trying to understand, then I wouldn’t even waste my time with this conversation, because I have nothing to defend >*fast forward two days*>she divulges that she’s been unhappy the last couple of months and has been thinking about leaving around three weeks ago (suspiciously aligning with when her birth control script ran out)>says that she can no longer emotionally trust me with her feelings after that argument, and that she thinks it’s time to leave the marriage, because there’s a pattern of behavior that I can never change… allegedly >this is being said during one of the extremely rare instances in which I’m drinking >been curious about the Mead making process, so I bought a bottle, and got a little turnt>the more she talked the more emotionally unraveled I became >drank like half a bottle of the Midori liquor after the bottle of mead >I remember screaming and crying, and I was on the phone with my mother, brother, and sister throughout basically the entire thing >She alleges that I shoved her, later said “pushed” her, but then says there was no bodily harm at all>She packs a lot of her stuff >Leaves with all our cats (I cried and cussed more)>She looks into my sobbing eyes with the most cold and blank expression that I’ve ever seen before leaving
too. much. words.
>>34724095>turns off her location immediately, because she doesn’t “want me cornering her somewhere”>talk to her a bit off and on>two days later to today her and her parents come to our house to help her pack more things >I stayed up all night placing reasons why I want our marriage to work, which I feel like as husband and wife; we should try to make it work before jumping straight to divorce— not my wife’s sentiments at all >she’s basically totally secular so doesn’t value vows, God, tradition, etc. like at all… but moreso in an apathetic consoomer kind of way than a blue haired fem politik way>anyway, more cold conversation, the time spent decorating the house with photos of us and reason why I love her, seemed basically pointless >her mom is crying >I tried to apologize to her and explain my intentions>She says “Yeah, and I’m sorry you hurt her.” >mfw Like not sure what narrative she’s given her parents, but I do know that she totally misrepresented part of the previous argument to paint me like an asshole. So I don’t fucking know. Anyway, tl;dr coming out of a 4 year relationship (including one year and a few months of marriage), making the best money that I’ve ever been, but I have practically no friends, nothing fun nearby, and millionaire in-laws that may or may not hate me; with my name, my wife’s name, and her mom’s name on the deed to our house. My wife says she doesn’t want it, but who knows… what is a man to do?
>>34724095Ignore all that. It’ll blow over. Anything you do will fuck things up. Just do your work and fulfill your responsibilities and fuck all that drama.
>>34724095>>I tried to keep it cool, calm, rational, conversational, etc.I've been with my wife for over 20 years. Some times staying calm just makes it worse. But more importantly, do you try to understand what she's saying? Can you empathize with her point of view? If needs be, could you present and defend her point of view vs yours? (Note that this also applies to the reverse, your wife and your points of view.)Put it another way, never make your arguments into a me-vs-you thing, it's a us-together things. You both need to have common goals and you both need to agree on how to get there.
>>34724144>>34724095>christian man gets married to some stupid bitchFell for it again award. Where's your god now?Also since you live away from civilization, you can minecraft her.
>>34724095>Gets Turbonagged and yelled at by wife daily>just takes it like a bitch>she finally pulls the plug ince she realizes you wont do it no matter how much it sucks>go into simp mode to make sure she loses the last shred of respect she hadBro, consider being a man for once in your life. Get back on your feet, fibd another woman and get in the habit of slapping yourself every time you feel the compulsion to simp.
>>34724095Get a fatter more submissive girlfriendbthat will do the dishes and not be a total bitch. Also stop using scripture to justify being a pussy
>>34724095So, you're an abusive alcoholic, and she left you. Is there anything else we need to know about the situation?
>>34724372She’s more of a whiner or sulker than a yeller.
>>34724095>>34724144Sounds quite similar to my breakup with my gf. She just kept saying the same substanceless bs. criticizing me over basically nothing. And she got more upset the more I tried to stand up for myself. It's a no win situation. It's like they just try to drive you insane with unhinged emotion so they can make you out to be the bad guy and they can justify leaving.Well she left and now she lives in a roach infested shithole with no friends. I don't know what she was trying to achieve. Impulsive people are their own worst enemy.
>>34724095>>34724144Lmao what a pathetic fucking retard. And then you came here posting this shit as if we weren't gonna laugh at you being a pathetic fucking faggot. She's probably doing a dozen dicks right now while you're bawling on 4chan kek what a fag
>>wife becomes a chore Nazi like six months ago and wants to micromanage every aspect of our lives with apps>Get in an ‘argument’ over choresstopped reading right there. this was the point where you shouldve stopped her, take her phone away and tell her that you wont have any of that. in a serious calm and collected manner of course.
>>34724144>>she’s basically totally secular so doesn’t value vows, God, tradition, etc. like at all… but moreso in an apathetic consoomer kind of way than a blue haired fem politik wayYou're an idiot for marrying a girl that doesn't have the same values as you. Of course as a secular person she's just going to pull the plug, marriage is just a piece of paper for her after-all. Anyway, >>34724372 is right, you kind of allowed this to snowball instead of nipping it in the bud day 1. Honestly, again you fucked up the moment you got with a chick with incompatible values. My advice to you is to take some time to self-reflect, get away from this sinking ship of a relationship, join a Church community, get some friends, and only then finding a girl in the future that has your same values.
>>34724095You likely struggle to sit with the impact of your actions. Rationality is not the priority, connection is. You may feel there is an objective truth to reach in discussions. It is more important to hold space for their experience without making the conversation about how you aren't to blame. She gave you many opportunities to connect and you failed to treat them with respect.
>>34724406>>34726183/threadOP you're lucky you aren't sitting in court mandated domestic violence classes after you openly admit you get physical AND drink when angry.accept the end of this relationship and recognize that you need to honor what you wife is feeling and be her strongest support to meet her needs. anything less than that is a bad husband. if you don't learn this you'll spend forever in the same cycle
>>34724095She just wanted an excuse to leave what you need to do now is tell her to fuck off and thank her for getting out of your life. She's willing to ruin your life gang just to make herself look like she's justified in leaving, shit is over. Its fucked she stole your cats. Its ok bro don't fall for the life script meme you can still fuck 20 year olds
>>34724095>She goes into hysterics, shutting-down, throws tantrums, etc. claiming I’m trying to use ‘lawyer speech'>she thinks it’s time to leave the marriage, because there’s a pattern of behavior that I can never change… allegedlyLol you just lawyer speeched right there. OP get some help man, I used to be an alcoholic who did that same shit as you in my earliest relationships, never physically hurt a woman though, that's because I was a momma's boy who thought women were super princesses or something. Maybe if I was raised worse than I already was I could have been an abusive drunk thankfully I never have time find out. But the lawyering shit and then going into drunken meltdown is something you need to accept is a problem. Figure out where that shit stems from. For me I lawyered and dodged accepting blame or fault because it was a coping mechanism I developed because my belligerent dad would go into fucking abusive tirades or even smash shit around the house if I ever admitted to a mistake as a kid, so I learned how to pull would over his eyes to avoid his wrath and at some point I got stuck like that and it bled into my earliest friendships or relationships. I felt a need to 'win' disputes or disagreements because the back of my head perceived real emotional or psychological danger if I 'lost'. Go to AA and then check with a therapist or at least a counsellor
>>34724406>>34726442Fags
>>34724095>>She looks into my sobbing eyes with the most cold and blank expression that I’ve ever seen before leavingLol. Remember the first time that happened to me when I was like 21. Consider this a valuable learning experience
>>34724144>and millionaire in-laws that may or may not hate me; with my name, my wife’s name, and her mom’s name on the deed to our houseListen to me: Get a lawyer ASAP. Don't care if you have to go into debt to do it. You are about to be absolutely fucked up the ass
Why did you get a house out in the countryside if you're not going to have any friends or sense of community out there? Who made that decision? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but it sounds like you're the breadwinner with a wfh job that got a house in the countryside to attempt some sort of trad lifestyle, only to end up in a half-finished house cooped up around your significant other that you whisked away with you. Throw in some alcohol and you have a typical west virginian love story, minus the employment.
I spent 5 years with my secular gf before it finally ended. We were engaged. I did not want her on birth control knowing it manipulates their minds and health so that was not a concern. But reading your story, I really needed to see it because I am feeling so awful about the loss of who I had 3 years ago (rather than who she is now, which is more of a zoomer, occasionally on recreational weed and alcohol, and generally a worse partner)Anyway the best thing you can do now is just prepare for the impending divorce because it won't come back from there. I'm sorry. Any person who argues you are too fixated on the truth as if that is a bad thing is quite literally dishonest and you should be free of this woman.
You mistaken a diva for a pragmatic woman. Common mistake. You'll find a better woman than her. Do me a favor next time you find a woman. Find one that loves listening to you and being close to you, not one that only likes you because it fits a scene.
>>34724095>the more she talked the more emotionally unraveled I became>drank like half a bottle of the Midori liquor after the bottle of mead>I remember screaming and cryingOkay, so: you made her extremely unhappy, refused to consider how she feels about anything. She tells you she's leaving. You proceed to get blind drunk, get really upset, and shout and scream at her; then you become violent: >She alleges that I shoved her, later said “pushed” her, but then says there was no bodily harm at allPushing her and not injuring her aren't mutually exclusive. You pushed her; you were too drunk to remember.>She looks into my sobbing eyes with the most cold and blank expression that I’ve ever seen before leavingShe was terrified you were going to beat her up or kill her, retard. She was scared and in shock. >>34724144>turns off her location immediately, because she doesn’t “want me cornering her somewhere”Do you seriously not get that this means she was physically frightened of you? >two days later to today her and her parents come to our house to help her pack more thingsHer parents, not her, because she was scared of you.>the time spent decorating the house with photos of us and reason why I love her, seemed basically pointlessIt was. You can't manipulate your way out of a situation like this. >Like not sure what narrative she’s given her parentsThe truth, probably. You're violent and a drunk.(1 / 2)
>>34728572(continued) >what is a man to do?Well, first get a lawyer. When you get drunk and violent with your wife and she has rich parents, it is going to cost you every penny you have if you're not careful.After that, don't date; or if you must, remember that you cannot reason your way past someone's feelings. Emotions are *inherently* irrational sometimes; that doesn't make them invalid. Also, you need to learn to listen: I can tell from the way you write that you're someone who thinks a discussion is about winning and losing. If a woman says to you "we never go out any more" you're the kind of person who would reply "What do you mean? We went out two weeks ago!" and think to yourself "Ha ha, checkmate, bitch! I'm right and you're wrong!" What you should do in that situation is think about what she is telling you about how she *feels*, and instead of point scoring, actually address that. A good reply is not "What do you mean, 'never'?" A good reply is something like "Okay, how about we go out tonight? We could go to that Greek place we went on our anniversary, maybe? Oh, man, do you remember when that poor waiter tripped over that woman's bag and spilled wine all over husband's dress shirt?!" Now you're addressing her emotional needs (she feels neglected, or bored, or overwhelmed by domestic chores and needs a break) and you're making her laugh, and reminiscing about a time when you were happy together, which puts her in a good mood. You "win" by being a happily married couple who are considerate of each other's emotional needs, not by point scoring.(2 / 2)
