I have a memory I keep running away from, always keeping my hands or ears busy. I don’t even know if it’s real I was a weird kid. Like weirdly sexual. Idk. My mom is convinced some old guy who used to be in the family assaulted me. I’m 24 and still can’t shake off the wrong feeling. I grew up being weird about sex, which resulted into hypersexual behavior and things I regret or didn’t consent much to. Anyways. Tonight I wasn’t doing well. I never do well in summer. I know was alone with that man during summer when I was 6. It’s such a fucking odd memories bros. Just a finger touching me wrong. No need to draw a picture. But I can’t place it, I don’t know where it’s from or if I’m making it up. Literally just a big ass finger going in my mouth and lower. Can’t fucking pin point where it’s from. Cant tell if it’s that old dude. Last time I let that thought in was also when I didn’t keep myself busy. I called some hot line or whatever and cried like a bitch. Bros how the fuck do you deal with that kind of blurry memory? I want to kill my self I feel so dirty. It’s the exact same thought as last year. In around the same time period. I want to throw up. I can’t fall asleep every night listening to shitty asmr for the rest of my life. But I can’t do anything about it since I’m not sure it happened. I should honestly just die bros
>>34724537anon ur not dirty at all. it’s shitty, but this is crazy common for people that experience CSA. in all seriousness, i would recommend seeking out some form of therapy; if you’re lucky enough to have someone you trust and love that has experienced CSA/SA of any kind, that’s a great place to start. went through similar shit, and it’s the only way. you didn’t deserve that, man. and you don’t deserve to make yourself feel like shit over it. not to be a fag, but you’re not alone. talk to your loved ones, or a therapist.
You should go to brazil
You just daydreamed that up retard.Wasn't even a proper dream.You're so retarded you can't tell real life from a daydream that's pretty rare.
>>34724630Thanks bro. I keep wanting to see a therapist, do EMDR. But at the same time I’m so scared of digging those thoughts up. My brain blue screened for 20 full years, I don’t remember shit. If it forgot, I think there’s a reason. I’m kinda white knuckling my way through
>>34724630and thanks anon. Helped me a lot when I saw that in the middle of the night. Hope you are doing well too with this unfair shit.
>>34724537If you're struggling to remember trauma, then it wasn't real trauma. "Repressed memories" is made up stuff from the movies. Real traumatic experiences are recalled vividly.
