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Every time I seek love and affection I get severely hurt. Worst part is I'm a fucking sperg and don't even understand why I'm so desperate for affection. I'm extremely naive when it comes to friends and more. To the point of being an absolute gullible retard about it.

My first relationship was full of lies so insane you wouldn't even believe me that I believed them at the time, so I won't even reiterate them. That one never became physical precisely because all the lies. I got ghosted. Presumably because I wasn't fun anymore to toy with.

My second became physical fairly quickly because I learned from my mistakes. It lasted a few months. Then I got ghosted. No idea why. It doesn't matter.

The third one was long distance across the ocean with a fairly young and broke guy. I was a uni student at the time so neither of us had the money to travel. Got soft ghosted for a year before we ever met up.

I haven't had a "relationship" since, though I tried.

One guy I was interested in lives across the fucking planet and was even more broke than me. That was just unrealistic.

Another guy, the only one not broke, wanted to fly me in. We talked a bit. He saw how broken I was. Deemed me a liability. Didn't wanna fix me. Fair enough if just that. But he soft ghosted me over 6 months and for that, fuck you.

Another guy lived on the same continent for once, but also broke and rejected me because of the distance. Fair enough, at least he was amicable about it. We still talk and share our frustrations about bullshit dating.

The last guy was a Brit. Closer than the one before physically. We were absolutely infatuated with each other. Since I'm spergy I didn't even realize just how much he meant to me until today, 3 days after he "broke up" - 2 weeks after we even met. Said he's too broken, not right for me, can't fix me. But didn't ghost me at least. I cried. I wanna cry again.

I'm broken in so many ways. BPD and more. Am I hopeless? Should I just rope?