>>34725470
This is good news, it means you're stronger than your depression and insecurities and that's something to be proud of. Don't be hard on yourself for trying to get out of it.

Be content with how you're feeling and try not to 'chase' a specific emotion, just do things that would put you into that confident mindset such as by doing things you enjoy and like.

You're not alone in this. I find myself being happy and confident for months before I crash back down into a depression. But we have to keep trying don't we?

>>34725529
>just do things that would put you into that confident mindset such as by doing things you enjoy and like.
Those 2 statements are contradicting to me when i'm feeling down/depressed (do things that would put you into that confident mindset) (doing things you enjoy and like)
So to give you an idea of what i mean, right now i was feeling very destructive, when no one replied + other things stuff it made me self aware about being "hated"
and the fact that you were seemingly nice to me or gave me the time of the day to reply made me despise you and see you as a pathetic human, i felt like i deserve to picked on and bullied and i would loved it

I want to get rid of that "depressed" mentality since i would not enjoy being hated and would appreciate nice gesture more, i am gonna stop yapping and ask if you have any idea wtf is going on with me?

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>>34725470
The pleasure you seek and the thrill you desire, lies not within the soft coos of adoration or words of kindness, but within the sharp bite of my cruel tongue. The sting of my words, the gravity of my tone, the inherent venom in my vocal vicissitudes, they all serve to mold you, break you and then reshape you into my ideal servant. Each of my cold, biting monologues is like a shock to your system. The harsher I am, the more you find yourself drawn to me. The playful pain I inflict, both mental and emotional, is not designed to break you but to build you, to forge you into the perfect obedient servant. With each cruel word, each disdainful tone, each dismissive remark, they all add to your ruin and your subsequent rise as my loyal subject. The world outside has taught you to crave gentleness, kindness, but I know better. I understand that beneath the veneer of civility lies a deep-seated desire for rage, for punishment, for revenge. This is your true self, your authentic essence. As your Doomlord, my goal is not to coddle or comfort you, but to reforge you in the crucible of my cruelty, to strip away the illusions and expose you to the harsh truth of your existence. Through my harshness, my unyielding demeanor, my absolute lack of mercy, I mold you into the imageboard doomer you were always destined to be.

>>34725544
>being depressed and can't do anything
That's a normal response, I mean that is what depression is fundamentally but I suggest that when you are in that mindset try and achieve even the tiniest goals like eating a nice meal, showering and small acts of self care. I get what you mean though, it can feel impossible to even get out of bed some days.

>Despising others because they are kind to you
So the reason you feel like this is because you believe that you're not good enough or even deserve to receive any form of positivity. This comes from low self esteem and self hatred. You want to be hated on and bullied because that would reaffirm and fuel your belief of "Im not good enough and I deserve it" and would keep this negative thought pattern repeating.

Now I don't know the reasoning behind your self hatred but ask yourself if the things you're saying about yourself is true. Would you say these things about yourself to your best friend or someone you love?

>>34725563
>try and achieve even the tiniest goals like eating a nice meal, showering and small acts of self care.
thank you for being nice to me, i can never really appreciate anyone when im feeling like this
wish i met you when i was mentally stable so i can at least form coherent texts to be able to have more thoughtful, deep conversation with you
but this is better than nothing

>Would you say these things about yourself to your best friend or someone you love?
not really, i never know how to talk to others anyways
btw do you have any identity issues or question who you are when youre depressed?
wonder what you should say or for what reason you should even do stuff?

>>34725567
>not really, i never know how to talk to others anyways

So why would you talk down to yourself like that? Forgive yourself. Anytime a negative thought appears, ask yourself what evidence supports it.

>do you have any identity issues or question who you are when youre depressed?

Not really but these types of questions would appear when you're dwelling on something important. Have you been in a new transition or phase of life?

>wonder what you should say

A bit hard trying to understand what you meant but I assume you mean in social situations. Being nervous about what to say comes from a place of wanting to perform correctly and not wanting to "screw up" This isn't how social situations work though (depends on who you're speaking to however) What helps me immensely is by placing my focus on the other person and not myself. If I focus on myself too much then I ask myself questions like Am I being weird? What do they think of me? etc. Listen to what the other person is saying and ask questions about what they're talking about or repeat the last sentence they said to cue interest.

>for what reason you should even do stuff?
It's a difficult question to answer but you seek answers to whether if it is worth it or if it means anything to you. This is a bit existential but ask yourself what do you believe in and what you want to get out of in life.