i'm so fucked up and paranoid about my girlfriend. i am trying to believe that she's not giving other men attention, forming emotional bonds with them, accepting things she shouldn't accept from them. either my suspicions aren't unfounded, or i'm so used to being insane and anxious that i'm going to ruin every relationship i ever have.

>>34725621
I want to get pissed tonight for the Football, but I've got driving all fucking week.

>>34725623 #
How selfish, and all wrapped up in pretty "I'm doing it for you" wrapping as usual.
You still owe me that fucking apology and I want it asap.

Crazy that there's a chance slightly higher than zero that my Ex might be reading these right now.
:3

I hate how I can pick up on writing styles so fast
Don't know what else to say really except Hi.

>>34725711
Jonathan!?

Ha. Fucking called it. You sleep better the greater my suffering. Now I'm not fucking sleeping at all. What the fuck wdo you care about though, you get to lounge about at home, no screaming needing responsibility you have to force a smile and laughs for when Ll you want to do is fucking die

>>34725714
Oh no, I should have specified my Ex-GF.
That's my fault.
I still mean what I said

>>34725728
It's too late, you're gay now

Urmmmmm BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It's so stupid

Can two schizo people be happy together and comfy among the normies?

The apology I’ve already given will have to do. But not out of some sense of defiance rather I can’t exactly make my feelings clearer than I did. Nothing changed. This is still just how it has to be. You be free

LMAO I knew it
For all the supposed care you still have for me you can't do this one thing I need?

You are a fucking liar then. You promised and reassured over and over that fucking apology would be in person.

Free? You're leaving barbed wire tangled around my fucking heart doing this. Selfish

Can you like, keep this in one post and not spam the thread please?
I'm sick of reading the scrawling of 3 dedicated schizos shitting up this thread.

>>34725746
If you ask me to directly I will. You and I would both know by now the futility of communicating in a non-concrete way.

>>34725754
Saturday, come deliver the apology you owe me.

>>34725754
>>34725775
When you both fuck and make up can you tell us back here please?

You know whyyyy I didn't eat a bullet in those first few months?

Because I didn't want to leave YOU alone. My first thought was YOU feeling abandoned. Not them. You. You never did value the pain I endured, continue to endure, for you. You take it for granted. Demand I hurt more, deeper, because that's fucking love to you.

Love isn't supposed to hurt this way.

>insulted by assuming anons talking about quitting and abandoning are them
>abandons them

I miss talking to you. My birthday is this month, and it makes me sad to know that I won't hear a happy birthday from you. It makes me sad to think that I can't wish you a happy birthday in October.
I really hope we can be friends again in the future, O.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJbsA7wU-5Q

I want to kick my sister's head in quite frankly.
I just have the words in my head, looping
>I know mom got drunk and tried to beat you up when you tried to cook food for yourself
>But YOU are not compatible with us
Basically stuck in a shoebox with no money and realising I have no family.
But she is so full of venom, I just want her to get what she deserves.

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>>34725928

I don’t want to end up killing myself because the police don’t feel like showing up. I have been waiting a a long time.

Feeling particularly Eren today.

>>34725748
>>34725702
The fact you are being so forceful about the in person thing is exactly the kind of thing someone does before murder suicide. I'd stay away at all cost. Do a call, sure, but don't meet in person. That's a mistake.

I don’t want to post the things I post but I don’t know if it’s what I need to do to receive help because the federal agents spying on me exaggerate and misrepresent me.

When a good thing goes bad, it's not the end of the world
It's just the end of a world, that you had with one girl...

>>34725951
Yep. Whores are replaceable.

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Stop gaslighting me.

I don’t know why I’m not being taken seriously.

Right. Because you think you're the only one fucking suffering and in chains. You don't give a shit about me if I'm not serving you in some way, soothing your wounded ego.

I told u I am going to die young if the police don’t hurry up. It’s been 646 days now. Why can’t u do better than that?

Why do you respond like I'm the guy you're talking to when I post shit? We've already established that you're not.

I don’t know how much longer I can remain if u don’t. I’m almost out of hope.

I should've killed myself 3 years ago instead of taking steps to fix my life because guess what it sucks anyways but now we gotta roll with it because you can't turn the lights off when people rely on you, look up to you, love you, depend on you.

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Is it because u want me to stop believing in the son of man before I die? Is that the kind of fucked up that u are? Are u the son of man or son of the devil? If you’re a son of God then why don’t u make peace? I don’t take u seriously as a son of God.

>>34725990
Because I don't fucking serve you and do what you want? What do you think this is?

>>34725993
This is what police are paid for. They took an oath to do so.

It's ridiculous
It's been months, for some reason I just -- can't get over us...

>>34726008
Same. I need to get over it asap because she’s with another guy now

Conspiring against me and directing me into prison. Is that what u believe making peace is? Why?

>>34725951
Still think its my favorite album of his hes ever put out, and I go back listening to it when im trying to get over being sad.

>>34726081
I think Scorpion and Nothing Was The Same was better, but that's just my taste.

>>34726084
I didnt care for scorpion. Nwts is up there for me, but I like TC as a whole album. Which is kind of insane to think about with how long it is, but every track is really good to me.

>>34725621
Mau, thanks for being there when even my family wasn't.
On that I definitely wish I appreciated you more.
I'm just a stupid chud

Maria, I'm thankful for you and what you told me. Recognizing I never gave up on you and truly do love you. I'm excited to see you.

I started jacking off a lot as a kid/teenager to cope with being abused and now I'm 30 and trying to stop and it's giving me panic attacks lel. Fuck my retarded life.

>>34726154
Why didn't you tell on your abuser? Haven't you seen a therapist for that

Responding to posts as if they’re for me with no indicator of it being true contributed to my initial diagnosis that I never wanted and it seems like people have been trying to pressure me into continuing to do so ever since.

I told u that I don’t want to do that but u persist.

I told u to address me directly but u want to act like a bitch instead.

>>34726162
A bit once or twice I think, it didn't help much. Maybe I should but it's humiliating to recount all of it. People don't even understand what the worst parts of it were (the mind game torture shit she would do) when I try to explain it and it's emotionally exhausting.

>>34726162
>>34726179
Also I didn't report anything because I fully internalized her conditioning and I thought I was some inherently evil worthless creature whose existence was a burden on my poor suffering mother and therefore I deserved the beatings and screaming etc. I genuinely thought it was normal until a few years after I moved out. She made sure to make us lie for her when DFACS came around and would make us think they wanted to "steal" us and rape us or some shit. Also the state always sides with the mother from what I've seen and my parents were divorced.

Never marry a woman with borderline personality anons, or at least never have kids with her.

>>34726190
>>34726179
I hope you do get help, you have some form of ptsd and not in a good or bad way, I thinks just a form coping mechanism. You deserved a better mom.

>>34726194
Thank you anon, that's very kind.

You nowhere near Basic, but like failing the wall climb, I just can't get over you.

>>34726190
>Never marry a woman with borderline personality anons, or at least never have kids with her.

Fuck, yeah can't imagine going through with that. I dated someone with diagnosed BPD and luckily caught her doing some relationship-ending stuff early on, but the damage it did to my mental was unlike almost anything I've went through prior to that.

I truly feel terrible for those that suffer with the disorder because its something that simply cant be relieved, and people trying to have intimate relationships with them are almost never properly equipped to handle such situations (nor should they be expected to be experts on the issue). Its rough all around.

>>34726205
how do you know if your gf is BPD?

>>34726246
Well you can gaslight her into believing so, like a certain someone here.

>>34726254
who?

>>34726246
It'll become obvious pretty quickly. If the relationship is doing well and you're both happy—and she isn't idolizing you—then she almost certainly, in my layman's understanding, isn't.

I'm only living for the HTH remake.

>>34726246
She was diagnosed and told me early on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1ob1eiB2pI

Not long after my first hospitalization in 2023 I joined an Xbox live party from the post board where they look for team mates. People I’ve never spoken to before and I know it because I had only used the post board for call of duty once, maybe a few times. I joined in, said what’s up and nothing much other than that. After being in the party for about a minute maybe a few this ohgeesy sounding shitter says “yeah I ain’t really fuck with that pedophile shit” and I was booted from the party. So that’s basically when it clicked to me that a lot of people know who I am and how they view me.

How to finally kill hope when you know rationally that, not only is there none, but it is making you deeply unwell?

>>34726533
I know that feel. I joined a heist on gto once way back in the day, and I got booted by a bunch of niggers because I had my character in white underwear and a white ski mask and they mistook it for a race thing.

>>34725635
Jealousy is for weak men dude really weak men. You need to understand that pussy is never owned it's only borrowed, when ur girl cheats simply downgrade to friends with benefits and keep her on the roster. Period.

You're two different people. You say and do opposing things. One day you love me and are making efforts to change and grow together and support me, next you hate me and tear me apart verbally and demand I obey, submit, that my needs and requests are bullshit and manipulation.
Jekyll & Hyde.
I'm scared of you, of if and how you'll hurt me and bring me down next. I don't feel safe to talk to you, to be myself, be vulnerable, to have the needs i do, to fall ill.
You want to like yourself to a tool, say I use you? But who would want to make use of something that's a coin flip of it being of benefit or causing the user great harm, crippling them? Eventually, you expect the pain every time, and stop reaching for it. Pulse quickens and your hands shake when you see it, all those scars itching and aching.
Gave you my heart and you broke it. "I wish you died." I do too, love. Every day since.

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>>34725861

I wish I had quietly left and let you find someone else. Someone you wanted. Someone you don't hate.

I don't know what that means.
I'm so tired of the cryptic messages. So tired of not knowing or understanding what's happening, even in my own fucking life, my head.

I keep delaying putting myself out there again. We broke up in February and you’ve already moved on, and really, the relationship had been decaying for a couple months prior so it wasn’t too hard to stomach. I’ve asked a friend to help with a photo shoot this weekend after she reached out and I hope she pulls through despite not getting an answer for my suggested day. I’ll see her tomorrow for sure to plan accordingly. Hopefully after that, with a few decent photos to accompany the one’s I’ve already got, I’ll have no more excuses. I’ll supplement the apps by trying to go out more beyond my usual hangout spots. God help me I’ve begun considering posting thirst traps. My nuts are swelling like the freshly punched eye of a boxer. Wish me luck anons.

My bf wants kids, but I don’t. I had a traumatic childhood so the idea of giving my child an upbringing I desperately wanted is despicable to me. I would get so jealous that I would either abuse or straight up neglect them. So I’m choosing to get sterilized and telling him that I suffer from infertility.

I know it's not fair or realistic, but...I wish you were always that person on the bench. At the cabin.

I'm about to turn 29. Tomorrow I'm gonna hand in the notice to quit my first ever full time job out of uni. Spent 4 years there. I've already accepted an offer abroad. I'm finally gonna get the change in life I've been wanting for. Whatever happens, I can deal with it all. I can accept it all. I know I can do it all. <3

>>34726784
Having kids sucks so much fucking dick

Hoe with fat tits talking shit

But you're not. Or, can't be, anymore, I guess. The response to my wound is no longer comfort, but blame. "What did you do to make them do/say that?" What did I do to make you do/say that?
Maybe you're right. And I killed that person on the bench, ruined them. Ruined those before you, too. Pushed them to do as they did.

I still carry trauma from when we were together but how can we talk about it as friends

Ive always been a disappointment and a source of...regret. Frustration. Displeasure. Subject to glares, anger, coldness - deserved, I suppose I can see that. Bad daughter, bad friend, bad colleague, bad sister, bad girlfriend, bad wife, bad mother.

I just wished I meant more to you than what your actions led me to believe
You meant a lot me

>childhood trauma makes you prone to getting into abusive relationships
>if everywhere you go smells like shit, check your own shoes
Which is it then?

>>34726861
I can give you a second chance if you ask nicely

I don't know why exactly, but the emotion I have right now is one to which the pain of using a sharp knife to cut my arms open sounds cathartic.

>>34726944
Scream, hit a pillow or write you feelings down (gay)
What is the problem?

>>34726944
It is. Like slipping into a hot bath when you're cold and sore. The shame and regret comes after though.

>>34726837
By talking through it. But I will first and foremost try to listen.

>>34726827
It’s the truth, it’s facts, not shit. You and I both know she ain’t no hoe. She’s a good girl with standards. You is mad because you can’t face your truth. You’re also projecting.. You’re the fuckboy hoe, hoe!

>>34726949
Eh, a number of things that I feel done thinking about after a shower lol, lest I hurt myself.
>>34726956
I have no plans to do it. Never done it before either.

By the way, is it normal to absolutely despise people seeing you eat? In a public place it's a bit different, because people have their own business to deal with, and when I'm at one, I'm eating with others (like family). In other contexts though, I don't want to appear before anyone, I feel embrassed or disgusted. I also cover my mouth while eating like a woman. I don't want anybody acknowleding my existence while I'm eating, I feel gross if people do. It's actually a stress source for me, to eat without the assurance of solitude, it makes me lose my appetite, makes me tired. What's my problem?

>>34726720
If you are a guy then you are the one who is manipulative and made her mentally ill

>>34727134
I also hate the process of it. I eat certain things and my facial hair gets in the way, which I'd shave but then I don't want to look like even more of a fuck ugly faggot. Kind of gets at another issue too, which is that I find my existence, as I am instantiated, shameful, and embarassing, I often don't want part in it (not as in myself on a deep level to be clear).

https://youtu.be/fWm7BLoY9wI

I wanna be a strong man that lives in servitude of a great woman, I wanna protect, listen to her, embrace her, eat her out, give her all the love she deserves.
But in the real world, I'd get dumped (I did).

>>34727022
Im scared to get hurt more and lose my will and the job i worked hard for

>>34727142
And if I'm not a guy?

>>34727207
I find it hard to believe you got dumped if you did all of that. There's gotta be more to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq21wZMTXh8

>>34727311
Then you have a narc boyfriend who is projecting being manipulative on you. The back and forth is just driving your abandonment sounds. Saying and doing 2 different things means he is lying to you. He only shows love when you do what he wants and doesn't actually love you. He'll disappear if you are too much yourself and act like it's your fault. Demand certain change for him to return. Basically gaslight you. Once you hit the wall he will break up with you because he was using you for your body the entire time. Then you'll be too washed and used up for a decent attractive guy to be into you because you wasted everything on someone who never loved you in the first place.

>>34727356
No bro women are fucked up

>>34727411
Every alpha gets called a narc. Canon event.

>>34727416
Massive ego (considering or describing one's self as "alpha") is a core narcissistic trait, of course lots of them are going to be called narcs.

it's over.

>>34727456
Ask yourself why narcs always have bitches to fuck. It’s not because we’re actual diagnosed NPD folks, it’s because that’s a term alpha widows use for alphas.

>>34727416
Not an alpha or a chad. A pathetic loser narc who is so insecure he thinks saying that makes him better than anyone else

The fact that he relies on this makes him a little beta

Petted a blessed little kitten.
Glory to God for all things.

>>34727478
Projection, what was his name?

>>34727456
And none of the narcs are alphas. Posing chest puffing up wimps.

>>34727471
They don't. You are just saying that because you are insecure and want to make it look that way. You are being a little beta and everyone sees that.

>>34727483
Who knows. I just know that calling yourself a alpha or chad is just a insecure loser who depends on a label to make it seem like he's better. It's always fake shit and easily seen through.

>>34727471
Because they love bomb, manipulate, and their over-inflated sense of entitlement and self importance initially comes across as confidence. Narcs generally don't succeed in long term relationships for a reason.

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>>34727469
I feel like it's not to tell you the truth lol. Chin up!

>>34727469
You keep saying this. Either it is or it isn't. Sign or address with initials

>>34727492
Because y’all can’t keep them. That’s why y’all are stuck on them. Alpha widows coping about it.

>>34727492
Exactly and once you see it you realize what a insecure loser beta they are.

>>34727499
After they’ve clapped your cheeks and you ruined the relationship yeah?

>>34727498
Bro you are the one coping Everytime you act like a insecure little beta saying you are better than anyone else . You are less than in every way and you know it. That's why you are so insist on depending on saying labels without actually having any worth and value as an individual.

>>34727506
Mega projection. I’m just calling out female cope and manipulation tactics. You’re coping heeeeeeavy.

>>34727503
No. You are actually acting like a child and completely a turn off that I would not touch in a million years.

>>34727511
No one is trying to fuck you. Most especially not the alpha you’re crying about anonymously years later. Go marry some beta buxx xD

>>34727510
Narc 'no you' shit. I looked up a narc flash card sheet and you only have about 10 different responses. Literally a posing loser. Not worth my time. Keep coping beta. You are not worth anything as an individual. I'm out of here and you are going to post a shit ton fuming and continue projecting on others. Easily seen through.

>>34727520
You are such a fucking beta coping loser.

>>34727495
it's over.
Anon

>>34727356
She didn't have a positive male figure growing up, shit dad, said she wants a good man, but these girls want men who treat them like shit, because those men make her feel on the edge always, aka a lot of exciting emotions, AS well as protected.
Genuine love doesn't feel right to them.

>>34727625
Nobody wants to be treated like shit and feel on edge all the time anon, you're reading too much incel/pua angryposting.
What were her reasons for dumping you?

>>34727625
Many such cases bro. Gotta start abusing these women.

>>34727652
What a terrible thing to think.

>>34727625
Wow you are such a retard. No wonder she left you. Yeah she has daddy issues AND needs real love. To be treated right. That's why she broke up with you. You are not a real man to her.

>>34727651
He's a narc projecting his insecurities and trying to act like more than he is by relying on a label that doesn't even fit him. He doesn't understand girls so he relies on making loud noises and screaming like a retard at them until they break up with him.

>>34727662
Hes just a narc trying to get someone else to be shit like him to drive her back but he isn't fooling anyone so he is left alone and she gets with a real man.

someone ate my fucking last donut. i'm so pissed.

>>34727652
usually slapping her in the ass is satisfactory. hard but gentle. rough but soft. smack your dick on her cheeks. they like that.

Men killed romance.

>>34727718
Only in the sense that we are responsible for almost everything in modern civilization

>>34727728
I don't think that's something to take pride in, the way things are these days...

>>34727754
You prefer the pre 1800s mother and infant mortality rates? We have lost very important things but you take so many miraculous improvements for granted that I don't think you realize how grim the past could be.

>>34727718
lol lmao even

What? So it was on purpose? Scared me on purpose trapped me so I wouldn't say no or leave?

Sick, scared, and alone, and so so so fucking tired...need an end, any end

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>I don’t know if he deserves help because I think he killed someone because of the music he listens to.

>>34727837
>I don’t know if he deserves help because I think he might be lying about his tragic circumstances to scam people.

>>34727837
>>34727841
>The things I watch him type in his notepad is only noteworthy to use against him instead of helping.

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>>34727857
My first note. Which was a response to a question regarding Freemasons. After I had some time to reconsider.

i don’t know. but they do. i assume they want you to ascend to be the best you can be as knowledge will attribute to such. however they only want those who deserve it to ascend, therefore they must mix in lies and misleading forks in teachings to truly test you. they want to find the best of the best. always remember yin and yang. their quite familiar with the most complex and dirtiest sides of both ends from what they have witnessed. they must test you to see what you are willing to sacrifice. the ones who lack value of anything external will be delivered directly to the tree of knowledge. remember garden of Eden. those who clearly only want to do good things are preferred to be kept low teir out of appreciative mercy as ignorance is bliss. it’s truly best to not wonder these things. when you wonder you ask. when you ask you will receive a response. when you receive a response you begin feeding into an exhausting experiment that may cost your sanity or life to try and gain what they offer as well as prove yourself.

New beginning, not end. I fought so hard to make it so they couldn’t hurt you. Couldn’t touch you. But it made it so I couldn’t touch you. It’s like never being able to recharge.

>>34727896
However, I think they might bypass lying with clever deception.

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Spelled they’re wrong again

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>if you’re the type of person who mixes up there and their I’m probably not going to like u very much

>>34727948
Sammy, please

Cool

Once you’re targeted like me you’re always watched and the words u type get replaced with different words with zero correlation to what u had typed.

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>>34728022
Like my location in this Twitter profile for instance “blurbing in hell”. I remember typing “burning” instead of “blurbing”. The word your typing starts getting highlighted and once u hit the space bar it changes into something else. This used to happen a lot.

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To help? How the fuck are u trying to help?

>>34727225
I wouldn't risk it anon. Focus on yourself.

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>>34728156
I told him I prefer petite women and he told me “oh so u like loli’s” so I ask “what the fuck is that?” And they tell me that it’s a Japanese term for petite women and I think I ended up telling someone that I liked that one time completely ignorant as to what it actually meant.

>>34728170
Around the end of 2019 I think

>>34728170
If I did then it was to a random on Xbox. I’m sure of that. I think I said “I like the loli bitches” or some shit like that one time.

And then I discovered epic Charlie not long after.

Charlie came off as such a dumb fuck that I didn’t really think he was doing that but was just socially strange online. I don’t know how familiar Frank was with him but I actually admired his response about him on Paultown’s SoundCloud podcast and it helped me develop patience.

>>34728347
Consideration

>>34727835
Blah blah blah. Then stop making narc bpd bullshit threads with with trash tier personality and garbage mentally ill attempts at rewriting history.

I'm really tired right now.
What's the point of living?
Everything is shit anyway.
Never felt so suicidal before.

>>34727481
<3

I’ll say it every night that I lay awake; I fret about you.

At least I’ll get a hot tub this weekend. That should help, right?

Even if I’m unwanted or hated, I still worry, endlessly. It’s suffering, and all I can think about is wanting to alleviate theirs.

Thrashing around in my own skin, feeling my innards rot. Or just sitting on a couch, a hermit unable to go outside without permission or for fear of judgement.

I think a hot tub will really help. I met some interesting characters there last time.

I just want to hold them and tell them everything will be alright. I will. I will. It’ll be ok.

Im going to save you. You’ll like the new me. Feral.

I love these summer storms. They’re really cool. I like staying up and watching them. My cats aren’t scared, which is nice. One cut my wrist quite badly today when I rescued her (she got up somewhere she really wasn’t supposed to be). I can’t sleep again. There’s still so much I don’t know. I’m so worried. And yet I remain trapped. I want to hold them everyday. I want to be able to drive as I please. I want to be able to actualize my reason for being.

But I was just a sperm donor. I won’t get to have any of it. Ha. My spirit hurts. Feels like pain just begets more pain. Opening up just gets me ignored which makes the initial discomfort worse. Was I like that for you? Haha. Resignation. They’ll do what they want. Drag this out. Keep me here. One day a week designated for chores wherein I don’t have to be treated like a dog and ask permission to go on a walk.

They’re pretty good at the stick part, not the carrot part.

Guess I would be too though, it’s like I have 5 Doakes on me, though in sure unlike him they’re tied up with shit they can actually get blood from, instead of of our stone.

I’ll be rewarded for this, right? Get to lay on your lap. Rest a bit. Be told I did a good job. Be told I’m forgiven. That they know I care. It’ll be a two way street this time, right? You’re not lying?

The ones I’ve dealt with primarily haven’t lied much, only alluded to false things being true. The other one, I caught them in outright lies, and will probably report them after this all goes away given how out of line and threatening they were with me.

I’d like to do what they lied about me doing.

It’s so frustrating to be out of the fight. To be at their mercy. They’ll lash out in the only way they can because I best them. I would, I get it. I just hate it.

I tried my best. I know it’s hard to believe, but I stopped the doomsday scenario and several other bad ones that were likely. Made them promise they wouldn’t do anything to those I love. I want to say so much when this stops. I’m reserving judgement, but it’s hard. I’m so tired. I’m so worried. I wish I could take it all on; that it could all be transferred to me. I could rewrite the letter if things have worsened.

They’re the devil. I hate them. I want to crush them, stamp them out. Help me.

They took away my means of going scorched earth. Makes sense, but sucks. I’m really shackled up right now. Kikes have no urgency in moving things along.

Just kill me. I want to fight I don’t want to rot.

Let me kill and then let me die.

Im still that person. I wouldn’t have thrown myself in front of them to bare the brunt of this after everything if I weren’t. I want to. I just wanted to avoid having to get into this situation. I wanted trust. I’ve read more, I get it. There was always so much to do, always so much going on, I could never rest and learn and apply; or seldom could.

I forgive. I really do. Even after all this. Even if I get disowned again. Haha, I’ll stay and die. That should make them happy. Admit it.

Tired enough to think this is all a bad dream at the moment. Maybe I’ll sleep some tonight haha.

Want them both to sleep on me. One big bed. It’s natural and right. It rips my heart apart to not have it.

I’m fucking retarded man. Legitimately the dumbest fuck.

Rest, please.

I'm so fucking tired and scared. I'm barely sleeping four hours a day. Panic attacks, horrible depression, crying every day. I know some people find there way back and manage to heal their over-reactive nervous system, but it's been so long I'm feeling so hopeless. Now I have health anxiety that all the insomnia and stress will kill me. I worry I'm going to stop breathing in my sleep or have a heart attack. I'm tying not to give up but I don't know if I'll ever be able to heal, I've lost so many years to this constant hell. I wish God was the caring sky parent I was taught about as a child, I feel so lost.

One second apart, ha. Let me save you, give you rest. You need it. I can keep going as long as it’s for that.

If that's what you need and give you yourself rest too.

Please help me destroy them. Let our home be peaceful while I wage my war outside of it.

I’ll take care of you, value you. You were never just a role.

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the worst innovations of the decade are
>social media
>AI slop
>cellphone

the best innovations are
>spandex
>condoms
>sneakers/sport shoes (fuck you, it's comfortable and I'm not even a sneakerhead)

Around October 2024 posted myself frantic and worried seeking the other tammy and derek wondering if these people in my house were Feds who they let inside to investigate me hoping that they would let me know what’s going on. It was so bad that I legitimately believed I was transferred to a different planet briefly based on the other things I was going thru. I posted my social security card, license and eyeballs doing my best to prove my identity. If they lurk here and cared they would have came thru then. Came to realize from pictures provided by derek not long after that a tammy who was around me while I had braces in the 8th grade looks more like the tammy in my house than the tammy from garden corp, the tammy who was there when I put my cat to sleep. Why the fuck do police let this continue?

My wife works for a small business that has recently started grooming the owner's two sons to take over. She told me that when they started working there they were hovering around her and her coworkers office for the first few days that they started working there and never mentioned them again. About a month or so later she starts acting distant with me and is coming home from work more tired than she previously was, one day she comes home and is completely and utterly exhausted, she's acting borderline loopy and gets extremely touchy with me. I'm trying to cook a meal for her because she's so tired and I ask her if she could wait a moment because the food is going to burn and she has a complete breakdown attempting to tell me that I treat her incredibly poorly and do not love her like I used to. I hug her and tell her I love her more than anything else and apologize for all of the things she said but also remind her of the true context of the problems we had a few years ago and about how much progress we've made moving past that and she starts ugly crying like crazy, like I've never seen before. When I ask her if anything has happened that I need to know about her face goes blank, keep in mind on this day she came home late from work. She used to call me every day during her break but during this 1-2 month period she started telling me that work was too busy for her to have a break and only started calling me past 3-4 pm when her direct superior left the office. Saying that work was so busy she did not get a break any single day for that period of time, her browsing history has also been completely deleted for the month of april and the start of may. On top of this we took a trip together to the west coast and I woke up late the day after we landed around 9 am which is 12 pm our time and she was on her phone in the bed hiding it from my face, the moment she noticed I was awake she moved her fingers incredibly fast on the phone and then placed it face down.

>>34728595
I think tammy from garden corp was the crazy bitch who started having panic attacks on the freeway when I was like 7 or 8 years old.

>>34728596
When I asked to look at it she was incredibly defensive and told me that she simply did not want me to see her phone because I had just woken up. Then I found facebook had been downloaded on her phone and her screen time usage function had been turned off, previously she was willing to bring her work laptop home but since the previously named timeframe she has stated that work has been stressing her out and that she hates it so she refuses to have it in the house and uses that as her reason for staying late at the office. Recently we were out walking and she pointed at a man and stated "That's what the owner's son looks like". She also constantly claims to not know the man's name and yesterday she told me that the Owner himself was in the office and while making small talk with her he asked her if she had any plans for the summer and she said no. He told her that her son was planning to bring a boat home and he found it annoying supposedly, two weeks ago my wife signed us up to get our boating certificates. She had a minor spat with a coworker who is the assistant of the Owner's son and that coworker claimed that she insulted her. 2 weeks later that coworker was fired and one night during dinner she said very softly while recounting the incident that she knew that the owner's son didn't want someone like that around. I confronted my wife about all of this once and she lost her mind at me, maybe rightfully so but now I wake up every morning crying at 4 am and have no peace. I have no clue how to resolve this situation. She had also been complaining about the job and once she found a new position that she actually wanted that tried to interview her she cancelled the interview claiming that she needed to stay at the current job for the pto for our upcoming trip.

>>34728596
>>34728600
Feel like im losing my mind and I don't know what to do but this anxiety never calms itself no matter how I try to reassure myself.

I don’t know what the fuck my life is or where people are trying to direct it but I’m clearly set up for bad things to happen and I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen but the police refuse to let things be that way.

I smoke weed. And I drive. And u want to leave me to rot because u think what i do is dangerous because u don’t know fucking anything about what u are talking about. Yeah?

I haven’t drove a car over the limit on alcohol in years but u still want to play this fake hero shit

Fucking loser. Now I have to post about it and leave a bad impression. Good fucking job.

I know what I’m doing, dude. I smoke weed and I drive and it doesn’t actually fucking matter.