I dont know bro. You hear a lot of fags on the internet say stuff about how women will leave you as soon as you show emotion in front of them or whatever. Im sure that happens but it has never been the case in my life. To the contrary. Showing emotion has always felt like something which attracts women. A willingness to emote has long been a quality of the alpha male and only recently did people decide that an alpha male just stands there and clenches his jaw all day.

I would venture to guess that the first girl didnt leave you over this and she was probably already thinking about leaving prior to you telling her. The second girl is more typical. She didnt know what to say. Can you blame her for not knowing what to say? Its in their nature to be much more cautious with words in general. I couldnt blame some random girl for being unequipped to talk about this.

In general with women you need to have "fractionation". A mopey permanent victim is unattractive. A guy who is both a victim but then shows a great deal of strength and confidence at other times. That is the type of character they get off to in their romance books. This complexity or whatever you want to call it is inherently attactive to them.

>>34726587
>It can't just be as simple as bad people exist.
Why not?

>>34726587
people are selfish, unless they're personally invested in you. which is still selfish.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Af-k9sTAYEQ&ra=m

>>34726587
I'm in the same boat. When I tell people about what I endured as a kid, granted it wasn't sex abuse but extreme violence every other week, or the shit I had to do as a small boy to make sure no one in my family was murdering the other, all that crazy stuff, people just don't bat an eye, they either go quiet or they want to skip the topic.

I don't even get emotional when I finally talk about it, I speak plainly as if I'm talking about the weather and people still just give me that weird look and then the silence. I don't even know what I expect from others, I don't want pity or any victim buxx, I just want to know that they can cognitively mentally understand it and that's all.

>tell her I was abused
>leaves me 1 week later
>feels like I have to twist peoples arms to do things for me
>I know I have and do hurt others, but I always have the best intentions
Good for her not wanting to be an easy target

>tell her pretty early on
>get pretty much no response and it's never brought up again
What you should have done from the beginning. Be honest and filter for people who are fine with your problems

>>34727234
>>34726587
>Continued
So my best guess at what's happening psychologically is when you talk about it to others, they can't respond. It's not to hurt you, it's a silent admission that they are forced to acknowledge they can't help you even if they wanted.

When you're from the proverbial underworld, when you're 'that kid' who saw the worst humans were capable of while still in first grade, you become part of a world that not many experienced or understand, the only impression they have of it is from TV shows and documentaries and movies. You're a topic of that but in the flesh, and when people who haven't been to hell encounter you, you will always get met with that big massive social barrier. Some want to cross it to help but don't know how, others sense it and they either feel helpless to connect and leave, or they might even feel afraid even if you never done anything, they just smell the stink of underworld on you and they bounce because idk their mom and dad told them to stay away from the 'bad guy'. Some people worry if they get entangled with you that you will bring them down to hell too. Even though your entire motivation is to just live like a normal person as much as possible. They don't understand it because again, all they know is netflix drama and crime thriller documentary.

Avoid people who were raised by media influence and you can fare better

>>34726587
>It just feels like I have to twist peoples arms to do things for me
>I know I have and do hurt others
So, you're an abusive piece of shit, and she left you because you're an abusive piece of shit. Instead of accepting this and changing the way you behave, you concoct a comfortable fantasy in your mind that the reason she left was not because you're an abusive piece of shit, but because *she* was somehow mistreating *you*.

Seriously: think really hard about what other reasons there might have been for her leaving.

>>34727306
Not OP but get off your fucking soap box and stop being autistic. "Twisting people's arms to do things" is a turn of phrase it isn't literal, it means "Having to negotiate or even plead" with someone to urge them to help you.

OP admitting that he knows he has and does hurt others is an admission of honesty, everyone hurts others, either in temper with their words or from misdirected self anger or conceit. That's just the human condition and if you pretend you don't hurt others, you're the least trustable person on the planet and people will avoid you like the plague.

>>34726618
>A guy who is both a victim but then shows a great deal of strength and confidence at other times. That is the type of character they get off to in their romance books. This complexity or whatever you want to call it is inherently attactive to them.

And that's why women need to stop romanticising men who grew up rough. Because in reality you lose the connection between expressed emotion and your own thoughts, your heart goes dead in order for you to stay sane, you become stone cold but your mind functions and tries to compensate by thinking of doing good and trying to be upstanding. Women ain't gonna the mushy romance from their dark bad boy, it would be almost literally like getting blood out of a stone.

Every girl I dated who tried to 'fix' me had made my life worse because they never got their emotional porn payload from me and they would shame me for it in one way or the other or throw a fit and then either cheat or leave. Women like that are insidious and parasitical, they can get their weird emotion porn from their novels if that's all they care about

>>34727245
>What you should have done from the beginning. Be honest and filter for people who are fine with your problems
Yeah that's fair and I've made progress by doing it early on.
I'm not expecting a certain phrase or anything by telling someone, it just feels like whenever I drop it regardless of how long I've known someone it changes the way they interact with me and they distance themselves from me and I really want that to stop happening
>>34727306
>>34727245
I think both of you misunderstood what I said when I said
>It just feels like I have to twist peoples arms to do things for me
and
>I know I have and do hurt others
Which is fair I probably didn't word those the best.
I meant that I jump through hoops for others and the same is rarely if ever done for me
and I hurt others in the sense that everybody hurts people unintentionally.
Like cancelling plans an hour before or something hurts someone despite not being violent.
I guess I just wanted to come across as self aware and I phrased it poorly.
>>34726618
For what it's worth I don't necessarily care just about dating.
I guess I just want to be able to get out what I put into things and to be understood.
I just feel very disconnected and like the consequences to my actions are randomized.
I appreciate your thoughtful response.
>>34727234
>I don't even get emotional when I finally talk about it, I speak plainly as if I'm talking about the weather and people still just give me that weird look and then the silence.
I do the same thing when I've talked about it in real life.
I think I do that to like distance myself from it, but it still just disconnects me from others regardless

>>34727250
>So my best guess at what's happening psychologically is when you talk about it to others, they can't respond. It's not to hurt you, it's a silent admission that they are forced to acknowledge they can't help you even if they wanted.
I'll try to keep this in mind
I've been in a bad mood for a while and it's been really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt when I should especially if I'd want them to do the same for me.
>Avoid people who were raised by media influence and you can fare better
I'll give this a shot and see if this changes thing
I appreciate your thoughtful and insightful responses

>>34727327
hey i'm manipulative and abusive, i'm sure you're not and ya probably not op too it's just i have the shinigami eyes hahaha but i'm kind of a day walker, if you will !!

i'm repenting so i can see both sides and something you may not yet grok from lack of perspective is that coercion is actually not normal and friendly

sure surprised me, haha, not saying that would surprise you, but maybe it would? it seems like that's the kind of "turn of phrase" you're comfortable with when most people use it to describe the behavior of their own personal despot

haha!

>>34727429
oh, in my attempt to meet you where you are i forgot to address the most important part of my reply--people ("normal" people) who don't naturally feel entitled to other people's attention and life force think that pleading or negotiating (besides payment) for random favors is really rude and intrusive

they hate it!
believe me, i've got lived experience

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296 KB PNG

nigga

>>34727441
ah, fuck, leaked another trip

worth it