Hello everyone. Recently I think I've been in the worst state I've ever been, which is somewhat confusing when you consider the context. So about a year ago I was a fat NEET with no hope and aspirations for the future; I hated myself everyday and binge-ate to cope. Fast foward to today and it's now the inverse. I'm leaner, work a full time job and can now go outside without feeling embarrassed or disgusted by my appearance. You would think my life quality would increase, and it had, and yet I've never felt so empty and miserable in my life.Growing up, I always wanted to be skinny, I thought that would make me happy, and now that I'm quite close to that goal (not far off, about twenty percent bodyfat) I don't really feel anything about it. I suppose I wanted to impress others, but now that I'm older and out of school, it's kinda like "who am I doing this for?" because I don't have any friends. I am autistic and socially retarded. I don't have a girlfriend, never did and probably never will; it would be nice to have intimacy but I'm just not made for people, I wouldn't be able to love her like she'd deserve. So I think the question now is, what is point of my life? I don't have any friends, I don't have any hobbies because I don't have the time for it. I'm constantly sleep deprived and exhausted, my brain feels switched off all the times and like I'm an idiot. I watch porn almost everyday now and hate myself for it. Losing the weight won't change anything because I'll still be ugly and unsociable afterwards. I work a shit job that's too comfortable to leave but not enough to support me finanically. I don't feel any strong emotions besides anger and disgust, what am I supposed to do with my life? Will I ever be happy, or find fulfillment? Everything just seems to be getting worse now, and time seems faster too, so I'm running out of that. Any advice or comfort bros?-(I'm in my early twenties for context)
>>34726670What you are experiencing is the consequence of being structured through language, it's what lacan calls lack. You were enjoying the fantasy of what your life will be like lean, bitches want to fuck you, it's easy, you mog dudes etc. Now once you approach your goal your fantasy is in danger of collapsing. What if I get lean and nothing changes? What if I get lean and get no bitches, what if I get lean and just sit around malnourished hating myself etc. these are defense mechanisms to keep the Schrodinger's cat alive of (if I get lean girls will fuck me) because you are like me, you cannot act without a guarantee you are too risk averse and the big other's gaze paralyses you. The big other is the fake standard holder we all act like is real and is judging and staring at you. For me that is women. But it's just a illusion born from lack. Lack is a void that can never be filled. Because that's not what it's for. It's to generate desire, lack is a positive force. Lack generates desire. When you cannot accept taking a leap without a guarantee you will enter surplus enjoyment aka neurosis as u desperately try to extend or defend your fantasy against reality. The key to move forward is that you need to accept that the symbolic world we share is an illusion, there is no standard, none of that exists. You must move forward without a guarantee, a gurantee is a fictional concept that can NEVER EVER exist. Even Christianity doesn't contain guarantees. God turned away from his son on the cross in his most fatal moments, in that moment God no longer guaranteed a standard or meaning for christ and he was alone. You must act you must take risk or you will enter neurosis. You must.
>>34726670Also there is no "point" life is meaningless. That's a good thing. Once you realize it's meaningless and there is no standard you grow up because you take responsibility for your actions nobody is watching you nobody cares, identity is also fake, there is no identity.
>>34726670Being happy and finding fulfillment is fake. The way you generate happiness is thus: pick a fantasy that you genuinely think will fulfill you, for me that's to have threesomes with hot bitches and suck fat titties. It doesn't matter what the fantasy is as long as it's something that motivates you and you want it. Now here is the best part. Lacan says do NOT give up on your fantasy. Do NOT give up on fucking hos and loving it. HOWEVER paradoxically you must know that this will not complete you, completion/happiness/fulfillment is a fantasy of cohesion, you can never fully be complete. It is a structural impossibility. There will ALWAYS be something missing. That is lack, it is the insurmountable gap of language. Language cannot fully capture a subject there is always something missing. And we are language. As soon as we are born into permanent symbols you lose immediacy with yourself. You refer to yourself through a third object, a name or a descriptor through language. There is always something lacking.
>>34726758However you DO IT ANYWAYSAnd when you get it you will love it for a bit and then lack will come back.
