My dad was a violent alcoholic which led to my mom to vent to me and depend on me completely since she couldn't deal with the situation due to the fact that she's been going through depression since she was a teen and taking medication for it.This resulted in me being unable to process my emotions and seen as a weirdo by others, being ugly didn't help which led to me getting bullied. I started to idealize serial killers, both in fiction and real life because to my eyes, they were bullied too but they did something about it, they had something I craved: powerThankfully I grew out of it without engaging in any criminal behavior but this feeling of being utterly alone still lingers Is it possible to heal my wounds and find peace?
>>34729913i am not sure. i think you need to be a friend to yourself and find love in everything and pity for those who wronged you. if you slip up even once you'll be right back where you started though.
>>34729913Yes, it's very possible. With the right changes in judgement, you'll even look back at your past and feel a sense of gratitude rather than resentment. Everything you went through should be viewed as the lessons that taught you the value of patience, forgiveness, mercy and compassion. You just have to choose to love those virtues, so much so that you derive comfort and joy from simply being in possession of them. It shouldn't be too hard to convince yourself, because you've already experienced first hand how ugly and wretched people make themselves when they deprive themselves of good qualities. Focus on how much more desirable purity is than impurity, and find solace in making yourself more pure day by day.
