What if there is nothing more?
What if there is only emptiness?

>>34732292
>>34732295

I procrastinated the whole day again. I spent the entire day jerking off, lying in my bed and watching youtube videos of some girl showing off her cds collection youtube recommended me. I told myself in the morning I'm going to be productive today but it's the evening and I haven't done shit.

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Here’s just one reason why being “convinced” that all anons being one person is unreasonable.

I need to get some sleep. Don’t call the house phone.

I am 32 and never learned to drive.
I have to change this. I need to become more self-reliant.
But I don't know how to fit lessons into my schedule. I just got a new job and I don't even know next week's schedule for me, I just know I'm working through this weekend, and because I'm in training, the schedule is gonna be wacky and weird until I'm ready to be given full time hours.
And I have to visit another location to take a food safety test (a more advanced one than just a handler's permit) in a couple of weeks. It's a 40 minute drive out so I'm really asking a lot of whichever family member is willing to drive me.
I hate that I've done this to myself. I hate that I let myself get this old without ever learning to drive.
But I also blame my family a little. Not out loud, they'll never hear it from me, but I do. No one tried to pull me out of my cave when I was a teenager. No one made an attempt to help me learn anything. I don't even know what they were prioritizing instead because I was cooped up in my room being an isolated loser. I somehow learned never to ask for anything. I somehow learned to shut up and be content with my situation. I don't know how I learned that. No one beat it into me. No one yelled it into me. I was just kind of left to myself.
The good thing is I'm a very fast learner. At this new job I was expected to take a couple of weeks to learn each station. I'm on week 2 and I've only got one station left to learn because I got them down so quickly.
So I know I can learn to drive, but I'm also a massive pussy and scared I'm going to kill someone or cost myself thousands. I learn fast, but I'm clumsy and have no spatial awareness. I bump into shit just walking.
I don't really know what to do.

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I keep seeing this photo all over twitter, I find him cute.

Food service is the only industry that will hire me and I hate everything about this industry. A job serving food will take over your whole fucking life. Next week is my third week at this new job (I left a much worse food service environment) and I'm already arranged to cover someone else's shift for a day I was scheduled off.
I had high hopes for this place, having half the sales volume compared to my last job while getting higher pay and having more staff sounded amazing, but it's the same shit in a different toilet.
I wanted to maybe become a GM for this franchise but now I just want to gather enough experience to add it to my resume and keep fucking looking for a non-food job. I hate this goddamn industry so fucking much. It's good experience for a short while but don't ever, ever, ever accept a promotion offer above shift lead. Stay at shift lead and look for a new job.

I cant help but feel you took our friendship for granted. A simple update would have been sufficient. I am glad you are okay but I am hurt that I am finding out through others reaching out to me.
Ultimately I am bummed because I think you are more important to me than I am to you.

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I have no friends, I work myself to death, on my off days I do nothing but bed rot and isolate myself. I feel like complete shit most of the time and the hobbies I used to have became so underwhelming, I enjoy absolutely nothing anymore. I go through my phases of everything is awesome and I actually enjoy my life then everything is complete hell again for no reason, and I question myself why should I even continue. I try to be optimistic, I’m working towards that and trying to snap out of it, but it’s hard to do the task entirely alone with no support. My parents are no help either and bring me down constantly for whatever reason, I’ve always tried my best to impress them but it seems no matter what I do they’ll never care. I ended up flunking out of high school due to this, even with the best grades it never even mattered. I became so frustrated I stopped attending and stopped caring and locked myself away for 2 years until I got a stable job. But yeah, thats the way of life I guess.

>>34732218
>>34732327
>>34732328
>>34732334
I can't sleep at night thinking about this.
Why do women and fags pretend to be men on 4chan?
Could you tell me please?

>>34732698
I always thought it was the other way around

>>34732699
I'm a woman who pretends to be a man pretending to be a woman on here

>>34732670
I feel you anon

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trying really hard not to go buy drinks after I leave work

I really want to

I'm...abandoning you!

Scum
Alexander
Alexander Bochan
Bum
Dumb
848
Patient 848
46
Big fat lizard
Orange cat

As well as various number end of April, beginning of May 2026. These are the names that I have used to post here. Along with maybe two or three instances making a single post with an alternative to emphasize a point. I don’t post under any other name tags that post frequently such as blue Valkyrie or cat poster or any name tag that “Mike” uses.

>>34732653
How the fuck do they know who I am?

I have refused to post in threads other than gioyc in /adv as well ever since I have began using name tags around the second half of 2023. I don’t think I have posted in any other threads in /adv since I have returned from my first hospitalization in 2023.

Y'all just piss on me, shit on me, spit on my grave...

>>34732404
Maybe when my room was searched during my first hospitalization the police noticed that 8 hour video of compiled footage with Alice and baked Alaska. I saved it because someone told her that she reminded him of Custardloaf around the beginning of the video. I have also since then saved just that part of the stream and deleted the rest.

>>34732670
There's no life in your eyes.

>>34732950
Are u implying that I don’t deserve help from police because of an insensitive comment I made? Or are u just trying to fool people into thinking that I acknowledge that as reasonable?

>>34732964
Low level Schizo shit is fucking lacking. Nigga, if that was you, then why didn't you just post with your name?

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Again, here’s my case number I received the second time i submitted pictures and videos to the police April of 2025 and I still need help. 2025-43238

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>>34732968
I thought that the number 898 was a cool spot to leave it at. U have the infinite at each side of the 9 representing indefinite duality.

>>34732831
I know.

>>34732831
>NTA
Are you sure about this? I don't want you to be alone. You deserve happiness. You deserve someone.

>>34732968
U have the number 9 that looks like a person standing upright and 6 that looks like a person upside down. 9 also looks like a g which can also represent God depending which way u interpret it. 8 also translates to “ate” along with the infinite.

Just tell me that u won’t help because u made an assumption about me. Admit it u fucking coward.

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That’s what I thought.

>>34733059
Dude, you literally exhausted all the options.

>>34733065
What are u talking about?

>>34733067
I thought you were talking to me, my mistake.

>>34732981
>coastie
Now its starting to make sense.

I can't stomach the push and pull and cryptic clues and waiting around in the wrong places like a fucking retard, it's making me fucking worse. You don't want to see me, that's fine, but keep it to yourself if you're nearby instead of hinting and getting together. You're causing me too much pain.

>>34733091
If you’re a member of law enforcement then I certainly am talking to u.

NEVER STICK YOUR DICK IN A GIRL YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE YOUR KIDS DEAR GOD THINK WITH YOUR HEAD AND NOT YOUR PENISSSSSSSSSSSS

Dear mariel;
I hope you mentor me sometime

Bell

>>34733065
Regardless of who I was speaking to, what did u mean by this?

>>34733135
I said I could help you, you gave me stipulations.

>>34733138
When did u tell me that u could help? What did u say that u could help me with? What are these “stipulations” that u are talking about?

>>34733095
>NTA
I'll help you find someone. All you have to do is ask.

The more people ask to see my year book or pictures of me as a kid the more I'm glad I literally burned them.

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Struggle with using escorts because It's amoral, but I'm insecure about PE and I want to learn about my body and last longer. Last few times It was embarrassing because I came from foreplay (handjob, followed by blowjob) and don't get to penetrative sex.
It's not too expensive here, at 60€, and I'm making 2000€ a month.

>>34733167
Why though

>>34733167
I burned all my highschool stuff cause i read that the jews did a thing called burn offering lol, i wanted to show God that i gave up my teen years

Like I said. Those who try to misrepresent me can deal with the consequences of that. I don’t care what happens to them.

>>34733138
>>34733153
I’m still waiting for your answer.

>>34733138
Cat got your tongue?

bf says stuff like "i didn't know women did that" "women don't do that" to most human shit ever and it makes me depressed to see how non-human some men see women, it might be my own insecurities that's making me feel that way though, also he might be just saying that, just to say something

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Taking the dna test was the best thing to ever happen in my life

Oh. Haha. Is that what you meant? Did you still think that that's what I wanted? A wallet?

I can't go anywhere. Responsibility naps. Not playing guessing games.

I want to fuck a million women and I have a nice gf

I’ll make time tomorrow. The one day I’m not watched and have to be constantly accounted for.

>>34733207
I meant that I want you to be happy even if it's not with me. I told you, regardless of if it hurts, I want to help you.

And will you be clear on instructions for me, finally? Or will you insist on driving me to madness further.

Is that what the gift is for?

Goodness I'm pathetic
>I'm not going to get roped into this game any longer
>folds immediately
I'm going to fucking kill myself

>>34733245
Should've prefaced my post with
>NTA
So you know it's me and not the one you're having trouble with. Or rather as much trouble with.

It's done and I vomited

>>34733253
Not everyone is strong willed. I sometimes do things that are pointless too.

The toilet is always happy to recieve my cummies

it's over.

>>34733105
My penis makes a good argument

>>34733301
>NTA
Did you vomit because of me or...?

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If u say so

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo6fKboqfMs

Not even 24 hours and your voice in my head has already started to fade. I don’t like it; I forgot how quiet it is by myself. I know it wasn’t right to make my move, but I already feel like I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. I hope I see you again, but by the sound of it last night you want me gone so you can move on. I’ll miss you.

I'm just a caring and passionate guy...

IM SCARED

>>34732337
You can have two windows open, Sherlock

>>34733515
This response doesn't even make sense and I don’t know what u are attempting to convey.

>>34733515
Never mind I get what you’re saying.

>>34733529
>nvm
>consistency

Like I said. It looks to me like the police are refusing to fulfill their duty because they made assumptions about me.

>>34732218
Might unironically go to Claude and ask "how do I fix my life".
It feels pathetic but I'm a fucking retard with no family and no friends and I'm clearly struggling, in an absolutely mentally bleak place at the minute and I have no idea why.

I'm scared to go idk if I can do this I need to drink but I can't for a few more hours and I want to take pills but I can't for a few more hours and I'll need them for that day just to get out the fucking door fuck I can't I just want to be empty and nothing

I wish their lies were truth it's easier to run and have things clear I wouldn't be such a fucking mess

I only ever said I was concerned for them. I never said any harm should befall them. I was explicit in that, even when they assured me that I should turn to protect myself. There was one event wherein my hand was forced “not me”, or my rights would’ve been revoked by that bitch.

I kept the faggots off everyone’s back but my own. They didn’t like this, still don’t. I was paranoid today when I saw a car move to park behind me when I parked. Saw that it was a group of kids though, so only followed one time, several weeks ago. Watched often, though rarely now.

Afar is fine if that’s what’s needed. I have time tomorrow, and tomorrow only.

It's all going to go wrong everything does

Then afar? It’s ok if so.

I hold nothing against them.

I didn't know what to do
What do you want me to fo

Be ok. Afar is fine if you’re too scared, not at all is also fine. What do you want?

I don't know

Every path feels like despair in one way or another

There is no route or choice that makes me ok not ok is me my default I'm stuck stuck stuck in not okayness

Why’s that?

Cuddling could be ok.

I’m happy to assist, even if it’s just for them to relax a bit. Nothing needs to be decided until tomorrow anyways.

Can you be less passive please I can't I can't think there's so much fucking noise ein my head I'm frozen stuck in going to freeze

Sounds good. Plan remains in place. They’ll have every opportunity to back out, and I’d like them to know that’s fine.

This picture was left on the dining room table today for some reason. Last time I tried getting pictures from derek he said no. I know there’s something wrong to try digging thru pictures for a better understanding. It looks like there are some more beneath the grandfather clock inside the monopoly table and I’m still waiting for the police to go thru them with a search warrant.

Would it really be fine?
Does it matter so little to you

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>>34733684

Rest soon. Limit alcohol tonight, please.

I need it

It would. My desire is their comfort and safety. I don’t fault them for being weary. It’s my job to protect, not to force.

Do you trust psychiatrist? Should I leave this one.
I've seen you for almost 15 years, reconnected the last 2 for once a month. The past two years my life has spiraled down and i though coming back would help. Instead its been trying new medication and dealing with the side effects. Now youbtell me you dont care or want to hear how much my family affects my depression. That I blame everything on them but you dont know the whole story and cut me off from going into detail. Being told you don't care is really affecting me and I wish I never went to your office all those years ago I dont want to pretend anymore, I hate you. Next appointment i am considering ending this. I don't think you were ever good for my mental health.

Can't help but to hear that you just don't care very much at all I don't know what to trust my mind screams that this isn't like you or that you're checked out and just gathering Intel

No fire, I'm left cold

>cold

Better not cuddle a werewolf in my stead.
Was his tribe from here?

Dude I saw a guy with “GOONER” plastered on his windshield today. Holy fuck I wish I could’ve had someone else witness it. I did a triple take.

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“Second shift” isn’t an excuse to be ignorant when the things I type out in my notes is meant to be documented, especially the information I provide regarding derek and tammy as well as the the information that u apparently feel inclined to retrieve more than once. You’re just playing dumb.

>>34733685
Why does it matter how I feel?

If you’re breaching my privacy, watching my phone screen then u should be fully aware that I have provided a response to every criticism that u have implied regarding my past, repeated myself several times on regarding many instances in hopes that doing so will get u to help but u don’t. There’s nothing more for me to respond to that I haven’t already and u are still stalling.

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i couldn't hold the temptation to tell my mom that if i did kill myself it would be no one's fault but my own to which i got a "i hate it when you are like this".
i just don't care anymore, i've been stockpiling my prescription medication for 3 months now and every single day im fighting the temptation to chug them and fucking die.
failing that i've been researching carbon monoxide poisoning.
i'm much to old to be acting like this, i just don't want to see my family anymore, i don't want to aknowledge my life anymore.
every opportunity i have i mess up.
its a burden of wanting your parent's to know it isn't their fault without alerting them to how depressed you feel everyday.
a weird feeling, like you checked out socially a long time ago but your body just hasn't caught up yet.

>>34733171
sex with someone you don't know isn't enjoyable anyway.
also if you start thinking to much about the life of the woman you are paying to fuck you has / had it can make you feel a piece of shit for seeing escorts.
on the whole, not reccommended, 3 / 10 experience.

I’m not here to talk anons out of suicide. I’m here for myself to receive the help that I deserve.

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Prove what?

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Rough week for me, bros...

The engine on my bike is fucked, needs expensive parts; fuckin sucks.

Gfs former boss has been harassing her off and on the past 2 years, fuckin bitch moved into a house just down and over from us... Fuckin sucks.

My sweet Princess cat likely has a malignant tumor, on her neck right by the jugular and carotid arteries. Surgery is risky af. Really fuckin sucks.

I suspect my dear old dad is dying. Hes of an age and can barely get around, hes been falling down alot, hes always sleeping when i call and the old codger wont call me back or answer my messages.. hes 1000 miles away and i cant do a damn thing about it. Really really fuckin sucks.

Dont have a healthy way to vent, so i guess ill hang in my shed, smoke my smokes and drink my drinks, being pissed off at the world.

>>34732644
Retail n shit aint much better. Like you said, same shit different toilet. Even if you get away and deal with less people, you gotta deal with fuckin office politics. Fuckin sucks. Remember, crew counts alot. You can handle a shitty job if you got a good crew.

>>34732981
Pic related, bitch ass nigga

>>34733105
We have told you, dont stick your dick in crazy! Was she hot at least?

>>34733689
No promises from me, but ill have one for you

>>34733762
if you were wondering why you have no friends >>34732670
its because you are mentally ill and weird.

kms

When I first started lurking /adv I was constantly seeing anons give advice on suicide methods rather than trying to talk them out of it. That’s just how the culture was here. Only time I ever responded to someone was when I told an anon that if they kill themselves over a bitch then they’re likely to masturbate to their obituary and this is especially true if the bitch lurks 4chan. Then suddenly as soon as I show up this stops and all the anons who post like croc are suddenly gone. Why do u think that is?

>>34733769
We’ll see who the bitch ass is

i let all my chances go

And yes I did recommend a slam fire one time. Best advice I care to offer.

>>34733794
After 2023

>>34733771
It just looks like you’re attempting to misrepresent me again in the disguise of providing attention to a stupid notion backed by nothing reasonable to pursue deductive reasoning. Endless deductive reasoning. Have fun dealing with that.

And when the deductive reasoning cycle loops back to repetition it’s pretty fucking obvious that u aren’t using this deductive method for actual reasoning but rather deception, exhaustion and entrapment.

>>34733789
I just don't know what you want...

>>34733818
A woman that is my type. It's really that simple.

And this is their response

>>34733821
Oh, boy...

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>>34733824

>>34733771
I am not orange cat

>I'll listen, im glad you'll call me. thank you and sleep well
Makes me think this wasn't you maria because you'd be one to call me.

Games are for winners, that's why I don't play them....

Im not orange cat. Attempting to frame me is something to you do to decide her Colton.

Oh, cool, my mind is doing the auto-delete memory and thoughts as soon as they start to happen thing again
Seeing you is both not a thing as if we never met but also just any other old Tuesday as if we never parted
Very strange to experience the auto delete even when expending some effort to actually think of things

That's the last time I'm doing that.

>>34733788
A bitch as is you, karen! Go back to your plebbit hugbox with your entitlement shit!

Or should we call you Ranjeet instead? Maybe i should blow my izzat all over your bitch ass face?

I think you should strangle me to death right as I'm about to fall asleep, actually

Is there actually a "new you"
Would they do that for me

Don't answer, just do. Lol

>>34733947
>Maybe i should blow my izzat all over your bitch ass face
Ok?

>>34733800
>>34733802
Why dont you deduct your way out of life?

I realized that I could just find a doctor to euthanize me but there's something more romantic about you doing it instead

Sigh. Bottom of my bottles.

>>34733825
shaddup

>>34734046
You've had it with me, huh?

I bet you'd like to hit, beat, me. It did cross my mind that you could be luring me there for that lmao.

I've seen lots of beat up people as of late lol
I suppose we'll see if you still consider me even worth raping or not! One day!

Oh babe is this your thread? Is it me???
>>34733718

I wish I had the balls to kill myself in a kinda crazy and public way like setting myself on fire on the main

Okay. Good. Goodnight. *Nikki Freeman voice*

>>34734144
I know it's not you because you don't sleep either

>>34734153
I wasn't saying I want you to kill yourself. I was saying "If that's how you gonna leave it, then okay." And no, I am not him. I am --
>NTA

my weekends are empty waiting for someone to want to hang out with me but i know it will never happen

I think that maybe you would like this me best (though maybe you would also tire of it given the core of her js self harm and self destruction and romanticizing, venerating that) but all the mes you'd like best are terrible for them

It's also kind of the mean bits that come out too like wanting to hurt you and crush you until you beg for me or forgiveness or mercy or idk doesn't matter as long as I'm cold and dark and wrathful and you are meek and clinging

>>34734168
Cool time GETs.

It just doesn't seem fair for you to be so unaffected and nonchalant while I have been violently exploding in every way and feeling

After I eat these Pineapples, I'm going to sleep.

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>>34734171

I selfishly, cruelly, want you to be as utterly fucking broken and self destructive as I am

Tried cutting a bit with a razor blade again and frankly it kinda feels like shit? Scratching my skin with sharp scissors until I bled actually felt better. Maybe I need new and sharper blades?

>>34734188
scalpel blades were my favorite

>>34734196
Alright, Dr House, calm down.

>>34734179
Who's the lucky lady, anon?

>>34734204
No one, I just like Pineapples.

So you're trying to drive me mad?
Though I know the answer still I ask for the dozenth time aha, because you never give me an outright honest answer, you just keep doing whatever happens to be working on a given day

There’s no point in waiting anymore is there? The police will never stop being corrupt will they?

It's because you're manipulative. You like to "win" and be "better than" others. Sometimes being "better than" means more unhinged or unwell or suffering lol

Fine. Play your games, while you can. I'm going to take some pills with the last of my drink and let the fucking nothing take me

Fuck. Even with those I don't stay asleep more than 3hrs

https://www.bitchute.com/video/naL7urXXZLfl

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I should be hot. I'm tall, jacked, handsome, had girls sending me fanart, get complimented pretty often, lost my virginity at 18 to a girl a decade older than me. But I'm unable to see myself as anything but disgusting and unlovable. So a lot of my kinks revolve around girls gladly doing disgusting things. It's easy to self insert as the discussing person/creature/action on screen. Makes me feel loved and accepted. These days I have a hard time finding any sex scene hot if it doesn't involve something like a cute girl kissing a fat and ugly grandpa.

I'm off to sleep.

4chan makes lol so fucking hard. you guys are so stupid funny.

I already know you're going to ask me to do things I can't do.

Hello guys, I tried manifestation before a lot of times but it doesn't work for me anyone have any tips?

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If it fits it sits

i no connection to anyone it is hard to experience time through the day

Nonchalant dread head

i miss my bf.

she doesnt miss me , she doesnt need me anymore

>>34734238
You’re projecting. That person is just a nice and good person. You’re coming from insecurities and an inferiority complex. They’re not challenging nobody. You see it as that because you wish you could elevate. Heal and congratulate, and work on yourself.

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I thought that this is what Izzat was for some reason.

I’m tired

I may have upset her, but I don't think I did anything wrong.

If u think that this is about internet beef then u took the bait and the more u give credibility to that notion the further u are feeding the problem keeping others distracted and fooled.

I don’t give a shit about people on internet I’m just waiting for the police to tell me why there are imposters of “derek and tammy”. Only fucking reason I post here.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore

Every day I don’t receive a response from a police officer as to why there are people posing as “tammy and derek” makes zero fucking sense anymore. I think that the lack of initiative has been senseless for quite some time now.

I feel like such a worthless person. I think I’ve felt that way for a long time. People don’t want me around. I should just be gone.

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That’s what I’m saying.

>>34734801
i feel the same

>>34734801
>>34734828
Same desu, thinking of becoming a complete hermit

>>34734828
It feels awful

>>34734831
dont decide to become a hermit it is something that happens when no longer reached out to, others may assume you are happy and fine while you are quietly suffering

What happens when you’ve been quietly suffering for more than a decade

>>34734871
you become me

>>34734871
Alright, I ate a kitten. I shaved it, shot it through the chest with a captive bolt pistol, dissected its flesh, and removed the best cuts I could find then I placed them on my George Foreman grill I bought all the way back in '98.

Very tender, very greasy. I recommend it as a pizza topping.

>>34734831
Do it. Only decent thing I've ever done.

I want to take a walk but people will think I'm a retard for taking a walk in the middle of the day.

thinking over the years everything was a conditional to meet your requirements to be allowed in your life. this isn't how relationships should be and now im damaged but i will try to heal

it is a very separate ways by journey night, i wish things would be different

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when i was around 25-26 it finally sunk in for me that I am aging and I won't get to live forever and i don't think i'll ever fully get over that. it just sucks so much i can't stand the unfairness and indignity of that fact

I have been married for over 10 years and we have kids. About 5 years ago, my wife and I hit a major dead bedroom phase; she just wasn't into it. Feeling disconnected, I casually went on a dating app and met my mistress.

From the start, I was upfront about being married and that I couldn't offer her a real future. Despite that, we hit it off mentally and chatted every single day. When we finally took things to the next level physically, it was incredible.

Her sexual history before me wasn't great. She’d had an ex-boyfriend who was completely inexperienced, but he wanted to try all kinds of different acts he’d seen in porn on her. Because of that, she felt less like an equal partner and more like a subject for his experiments. After they broke up, she had an online crush who called her to a motel at 3 AM just to use her for a few minutes. She constantly felt like an emotionless sex object.

With me, it was different. I took my time, did things she’d never experienced (even simple things like kissing her ears), and she told me she felt like she truly lost her virginity with me.

Our trust grew so deep that I eventually confessed some of my deepest, most secret fetishes to her—things I have never told my wife out of pure shame. To my surprise, she happily indulged them. She loved pleasing me, and she became the most sexually compatible partner I’ve ever had.

Over the years, we met weekly. She always believed my wife and I still had a dead bedroom, because that’s what I told her at the start. However, things actually improved with my wife, and we now have sex about once a month. I never told my mistress this, because I didn't want to lose the incredible sex and fetish play we shared.

my ex had an old man fetish something that i couldn't reasonably provide for many decades yet and was betrayed when she window shopped that indulgence in either fictional or online interactions

i did everything right yet it was still interpreted as wrong and now i am alone

>>34735048
Maybe you didn't do everything right then?

>>34735054
no... i didnt do anything wrong

I have a parasocial obsessed cyberstalker. He ruined so much of my life. Down to giving me PTSD.

This week I nuked my entire online identity just to get rid of him, including disconnecting my email cus the fucker even found that. I got a surge of adrenaline seeing 1 spam mail thinking did he send another one, before realizing he can't, cus I already disconnected it.

I've had this identity for many years. It was connected to both work & hobby. All of my friends knew me under this name. I feel like I just killed myself to get reborn.

>>34732218
There was this cool girl in uni that I simply enjoyed the presence of. I was quite shut in, and she would talk to me. Only after a year I realized how much I liked her as a friend and how the few times we interacted made me feel. Hopefully she is doing well, there's not many ways to reach out to her since she was even more anti social media than I am.

IM SO TIRED OF WAKING EVERY FUCKJ G HKJR I'm doing to. S sick

This feels wrong this is going to be wrong this is fucked
Should I go first or last

im living in the past

if you wanted to you would

sometimes what we want is out of reach and doing is a no win trap set to fail

Is this sacrifice to you or is it still meaningless.???? To you
Has to be only what is sacrifice to yOU

You. Alued little what was actually of sacrificial eto me.......never good emough

Why are we doing this to ourselves and ripping open the wounds again woyldnt it vev better I continue giving up giving in detox withdrawal break the chain

I sometimes ask myself what movie character comes close to what is going on in my head. I believe that I figured it out: Multiple voices talking to each other in nebulous ways like in this dialog: https://youtu.be/OcfbooYUyD8

I hate living with dogs!

i finally stopped crying over you

...what now? Dazed. Exhausted. Confused. Nothing feels real. Is it really happening? Or am I wandering streets and halls looking for ghosts

>>34735750
How?

I miss being a part of your life. I feel guilty being happy not knowing what things are like for you. All I can do is wish you well in a way you won’t be seeing.

...what are you feeling? Thinking? Are you shaking too? Stomach in knots?

I'm scared.

There's something happening in the next few days. I've been practicing for years in anticipation, telling myself it's just for fun, and nobody cares about the outcome, which is great. I've done this before. Objectively, it will not change my life in any way whether I succeed or fail. Yet I don't understand why I'm so scared of it.

Am I unconsciously setting expectations? Am I scared of letting myself down? Even thinking about it makes my hands go cold, and a pit in my stomach makes me want to throw up.

At the end, I'm left feeling like a coward. It's just a loop of self-loathing and suffering.

i don't feel guilty for what i did to you. i expected to, but the feelings just aren't there. i'm not sure what this means. i could always say with words that i loved you, but i think deep down in my heart i hate you, or rather, i really don't care about you.

https://youtu.be/i2tHA8T3DhQ?si=OhCMxM_HJKWoIIMb

https://youtu.be/LRMoiL-mK8M?si=4s98FHBUc81vGgxm

Why do I feel guilty to live life at my own pace? Is it trauma ?

Growing up, my parents always rushed me to do things.

>>34736052
This message is definitely for me, though if you truly didnt care no post would be made

Shit or get off the pot

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>new therapist starts off a really combative relationship with me on the first session even though i'm probably one of the most passive people you could ever know
>second therapist literally says next to nothing during our three sessions. It's like talking to a brick wall, it's me doing 90% of the speaking
>third therapist so far is better yet is seemingly... dim. She says I have a very wide vocabulary in a sort of condesending kind of tone, almost like she wants me to dumb it down a bit.
>Tell her I have schizoid disorder and she first confuses it with schizophrenia (of which is not even vaguely similar) then asks me to explain it to her and how a previous therapist came to this conclusion with me even though it's a fairly well known condition

I swear to god the theraputic practice is at an all time low. Master's degrees everywhere yet the people i'm seeing are dumb as rocks or totally checked out. Others seem to not understand that there are things you never say to patients with certain conditions because it triggers a relapse. How the fuck is this field filled with so many retards it's actually kind of insane

You don't really miss me, you just miss having your own personal therapist/ass wiper/punching bag/jester on call 24/7 for you.

I feel so good when I'm not around you. I feel confident. I have high self esteem. Life is good actually and I'm not depressed. So make me the villain all you want, say that I abandoned you, say that I'm evil for making you want to live just to take it away from you, say that it's fate that you can't have anything good in life. Be the victim in your little story all you want. Fluff it up however, tell everyone maybe I was faking all my patience and compassion and kindness the whole time, maybe I have BPD or am a psychopath to just flip a switch like that and dump you out of my life. Go and tell everyone maybe I just got bored, I don't have loyalty, maybe there was someone else, maybe I just manipulated you into "loving" me knowing I'd leave you. I don't care. I don't go around telling people how you abused me and how our whole relationship was built on me trying to prove my worth to you. I don't want to be the victim unlike you. I'm just happy I'm free. Holy shit I'm free!

Am I wanted? Should I cancel? I imagine the worst with regard to these posts.

this has been giving me panic attacks. god, why is this happening to me? i swear i am not interesting enough to have to deal with this shit.

>>34736185
Don't cancel. Come to me.

More and more posts mistaken as ours I can't handle this

You can't handle anything. That was always your problem.

I know...

You're going to be mean again, aren't you

I'll try not to cry

You can finally release your anger on me

No dear, I won’t be.

i love you so much omar. please come back to me my sweet boy.

>>34736052
yeah I figured as much
No worries though
Live your life and farewell

>>34732631
Nigga looking like Frasier
How could you be THAT young and already balding?

I miss you and Im looking for you in any guy I meet

I miss talking with Olivia. I hope I can catch back up with her before the year is over.

DIABOLICAL POST

Imagine if I couldn’t clarify, holy fooook man

NTA NTA NTA NTA EVIL POSTER LMAO

We will meet again.

>>34736388
How am I evil?

>>34736417
You are and you know exactly how.

>>34736423
I really don't, but okay.

i think he’s going to leave me sometime soon. I want him to be different.

>me looking at the guys next in line for my ex
https://youtu.be/6qHoiHtDFCg

At this point I take what I can get.
I don't care about this zoomer. His gf was constantly pushing her ass on my thigh. What am I supposed to do here? I'll enjoy that ass as much as I can, fuck you gon do

Shaking is only getting worse. Feels like everyone is fucking with my mind, playing games

I’m getting nervous now. Sort of like when we first met.

i am so sad

It's been almost a month since that BPD woman blocked me.
I'm better, a lot better, I was having anxiety attacks over this whole thing, her most likely cheating and fucking some other guy 2 days after we "broke up" what we barely started fucked me up.
I keep... repeating the whole thing over and over, I know I did some things wrong, but I keep thinking, what if I didn't do the things that lead to the breakup, what if it could actually work out.
Then I have to watch a video about the abusive things BPDs do, the split, the devaluation, the lies, the purposeful attempts at hitting someone where it hurts the most, the lack of regret, the gaslighting, oh my fucking God it was horrible, the glitched out object constancy.
I was left a broken mess, I apologized for feeling bad when she insult me, she would get mad at me for when I felt bad, the months of negging destroyed myself esteem, the unstable moods made me lose myself, my hobbies, and I feel like I got BPD myself too, feels like I'm crazy.
I've told my story to several people, admitting fault where I felt I was immature and shitty, and I was shitty to her 2 times, she never apologized, the only time she did was by lying about something, everyone I told the story has told me they don't like her, or they hate her, that I should leave her.
In the end, all I wanted was to spend time with someone who said wanted me, but whose actions never matched her words.

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Is this an appropriate thing to show me?

I don’t know what they know or think but evidently whatever they think is fucked up enough. All people just kind of freak me out now. Especially police. It’s not like a police officer’s job to run an investigation on my 4chan posts. Or watch my phone screen. Maybe they say it is but I say that’s nonsense. It already seemed like a lot of people were watching in the first place where police may be included. I was also told that I might have a detective requested. So I hoped that somehow maybe they found my posts from monitoring my Twitter and saw those links to 4plebs one time and maybe my posts would have enough significance. Apparently not.

“Investigating” other 4chan posters regarding me is just a waste of time. I don’t know if that’s their excuse but it isn’t legit. I just need to know what the fuck about derek and tammy but it seems like it’s avoided at any cost.

People freak me the fuck out. Strangers who have targeted me blend together with the other strangers who don’t and everyone freaks me the fuck out.

I don’t know who is withholding important information from me or not and everyone who is contributes to mental deterioration that I’m unwilling to deal with much longer. When strangers smile at me I don’t know which ones are from people who want me dead.

I’m as transparent as I can be for any federal agent spying on me but my pleads for help annd mercy are always met with being spit upon repeatedly.

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Somebody desereve that disease(Cancer) Bec of his tyranny and injustice, sins

I don’t ever remember pleading for mercy but I asked them to take it easy on me one time. I ask for help and won’t receive because I don’t beg or ruin myself for it.

GOD DAMN IT. I never pleaded mercy from any federal agent and especially not whoever controls the “algorithm” which is probably federal agents as well. I said that hopefully the superior court judge grants me mercy. But I never asked these pieces of shit for mercy ever. I tell them I need their help every day but they won’t.

To go or no?

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The fuck do u mean stay in character? Who are u trying to fool?

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>just can’t prove it

WHY are you fucking with me NOW of all times

i fucking hate women so god damn much. hopefully i won't feel the same when im rich.

>>34737048
You'll probably hate them more because you'll attribute any female interest in you as solely being for your money

They didn’t try to build me. I was tortured.

Fucking with me?

Fucking with me??????

I'm dying to talk to you again. I miss being your friend.
I'm over my romantic feelings for you, but the thought that I won't get to keep up with you over the years still makes me very sad.
I would really hate to lose your friendship, and the thought that I might have burnt that bridge by venting about you on this board makes me feel ashamed of myself.

FOODS GONE COLD IM WONDERING WHY

youtu.be/eAjbpa-ECOo

I’m so fucked. It’s so over. Just fucking sick them on me already.

I’m cornered like an animal. Is that what you want? Just tell me you hate me.

I sit, in my desolate room...

I trust you. Even if it costs me everything. I’ll stay put for the night. My arms are open.

My brain screams that this is a trap. It’ll happen again, denied until the end. Haha. I’ve given all I can give.

If they said I ever asked these demons for mercy they lied.

I’m so retarded. My God I need to kms.

I don’t know if I have an audience or if local strangers just follow scripts to make it seem like I do.

Please I can't I'm shaking too much

No no no no no n k k nok no. Please

PLEASE need need need please fuck please no I need you

I'm the problem. This world would be a better place without me.

My arms remain open. I remain here.

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