How do you socialize with people?The only times I've made friends or talked to people was because of proximity, like school, work, or parties I've been invited to due to my connections I've made in the former two, but now that I've been living by myself, all of that has disappeared completely.No more friends either because of a falling out, but that's a different story.I'm going to go to Uni this year at 25 and I was wondering how people go about talking to people without it feeling unnatural?The way I see it, at any given point I have no real reason to talk to people other than for the recursive purpose of socializing, so I don't have any sense of direction or through line that would give me an indication of what to say, when, and how long to go for, though I know that is determined on a case by case basis and failure is unavoidable.If anyone was in a similar situation I'd appreciate some pointers.
>>34732601Why would you want to socialize? You disabled or dumb maybe?
>>34732646Both and as opposed to doing what?Sitting in your room and gooning all day?
>>34732601If you are socializing with someone you already know, ask them about the last thing you remember about them. Example if they told you they were starting a new job ask them how that is going.If you are socializing with someone completely new, the best way is to notice something about them and ask a question about them (even if you already know the answer.) For example one time while waiting in line there was a guy in front of me who had a cross necklace so I asked him what that symbol is (even though I know what a cross is) and he started telling me about his street preaching.Another method is to try and find something in common. For example if you see someone wearing merch of a band you like ask them how they discovered the band/what their favorite song is.Regardles of what you choose, be sure to ask follow up questions and let the other person do most of the talking.
But first before you socialize with people, you need to go out and meet them. Look for fun events around your uni, and maybe look into joining some clubs/groups if you have the time. Take advantage of opportunities where people need to kill time (like waiting in line for something) but if no opportunity poses itself you are going to have to create one.If you are somewhere where food is being served find some one who looks lonely and ask them if you can sit with them, and use advice from >>34733983As for how long to go on for, just socialize until it no longer feels natural. Like if the other person needs to go or looks annoyed that is when you stop.
>>34732601How woman
>>34733983>>34734037>even if you already know the answer.that's kind of what I meant when I said I don't have a reason to talk to people. Why would I waste someone's time with pointless questions for the sole purpose of inserting myself into their lives to plug the hole left by not having social interactions?I've seen people give the same advice when approaching women as well, where you're supposed to keep the conversation flowing even if, from a substantive perspective, is 99% empty space.The only way I can make it make sense in my head is if you have a good sense of humor and know how to make people laugh consistently, but to be able to become good at that you'd need to go out and socialize to get practice.I just don't know how to build a solid foundation on this that's not based on empty platitudes and vague dime-a-dozen self-improvement-guru tier advice.>>34734037>just socialize until it no longer feels natural.What if it doesn't feel natural, ever?
>>34732601>I have no real reason to talk to people other than for the recursive purpose of socializing, soNot recursive but circularYou have no reason to socialise other than to socialise. Then don't socialise, or find an actual reason. It could be as basic as to gather new information about other humans to then potentially apply. It could be to figure out where the bathroom is. It could be to get over your discomfort of other humans. It could be for fomo. It could be because your parents told you to do it. Make up some reasonFor the most part, the reason to socialise is to find a partner to reproduce with. You structurally can't do this without socialising unless your parents arrange a marriage for you or something.
>>34735134>the reason to talk to other people is...>to talk to other peopleI genuinely don't get it, if I want to know where the bathroom is, then that's a 5 sec. conversation tops.If all attempts at socializing are inherently self serving, then what are you supposed to even say? What substance could the conversation possibly have if I'm in it only to hit some arbitrary quota? Why shouldn't the conversation end after x or y has been established?>to find a partner to reproduce withthat's sometimes even more confusing, because you introduce less than pure intent, but are supposed to masquerade it as a normal conversation, like complimenting an article of clothing a woman is wearing, or asking her pointless dead end questions about herself while the subtext will always be that you just want to put your penis in her vagina. How do you even navigate that? Are you supposed to be direct and honest, or indirect and slimy?None of this makes any sense man.
>>34735037>Why would I waste someone's time with pointless questions for the sole purpose of inserting myself into their lives to plug the hole left by not having social interactions?What you described is called small talk. Small talk is literally two strangers interacting with each other to plug the hold left by not having social interactions. Remember: socializing is a human need, so socializing for the sake of socializing is not only normal, it's what we're designed to do. If you want something beyond small talk, you will have to make long-term friends. In fact, since you need a reason to socialize, making friends is a great reason. Once you have friends, you can move on from small talk to having meaningful conversations about deeper subjects. More importantly, you won't need a reason to talk to them since the enjoyment you both get from each other will be enough. >What if it doesn't feel natural, ever?When you say that do you mean:>socializing makes me feel uncomfortableYou have to step out of your comfort zone and socialize with people. That's the only way it will ever feel natural. >I don't know what feels natural for the other personJust talk until either of you need to go, or the other person looks annoyed/uncomfortable. >I don't understand the rules behind socialization.Then the best way to learn is to go out and socialize. Although us Anons can teach you things about socializing, and all of the 'rules' behind it, none of it is as valuable as going out and socializing.
>>34735748>>34735338>If all attempts at socializing are inherently self servingThat's not entirely true. Think about it like this, OP: socializing is a human need. So when you socialize with someone, you're helping them fulfill one of their needs. Like handing them a bottle of water on a hot day. Additionally, people enjoy talking about themselves and their interests, so when you ask people questions about themselves or their interests, it's like handing them a cake. I think you are over thinking this, OP. Think to the last you talked to someone, Do you think they were worried about any of the stuff you were talking about? I don't think they were, and even if they were thinking about those things they still ignored all of it and talked to you anyway. We can give you advice all day but you still have to go out and socialize with people.
>>34735748>human need, so socializing for the sake of socializing is not only normal, it's what we're designed to do. I understand that, but it's difficult to gauge the what, when, how etc. of any given (potential) interaction if there is no underlying structure other than the unique interpersonal chemistry that is defined by you and the other party, which is inherently abstract and intangible.>When you say that do you mean:I mean all of the above. I don't know how other people do it, but to me it feels like I've been dropped off in some alien jungle with no bearings, no navigation, and no understanding of any of my surroundings.Back when I was around people more, I didn't know what I was doing or saying and just played it by ear, which amounted to the absolute longest conversations with people that I wasn't forced to sit next to for years, lasting about 15mins. maximum.>Then the best way to learn is to go out and socializeI guess that's what it was always going to come down to. I would've just liked some general principles to follow so that I don't immediately burn every bridge I come across.>>34735779>So when you socialize with someone, you're helping them fulfill one of their needs>it's like handing them a cake. Idk man, some random drugged out homeless guy could use the exact same rationale in his head to talk to people, or barrage them with whatever crazy homeless people like to rant about, but I doubt most people would enjoy his company.>Do you think they were worried about any of the stuff you were talking about?How would I know? People in my country tend to be very outwardly polite for the most part, women especially, so you could be verbally torturing them for hours and they would just nod along, especially if they can't leave the area for whatever reason.>We can give you advice all day but you still have to go out and socialize with people.Yeah, I guess. Thanks anyway though.
>>34736443Sorry I wasn't able to help you out much, OP. You seem like a really nice person and you seem to genuinely care about how you impact others. That's a very good quality to have. It will definitely help with your socialization problem. >it feels like I've been dropped off in some alien jungle with no bearings, no navigation, and no understanding of any of my surroundings.Are you autistic by any chance? Loads of autistic people feel this way around the world. It might be a long shot but I'd recommend doing some research into this. > I would've just liked some general principles 1. Always be friendly (which you seem to be), 2. Be a good listener, 3. Always be looking out new opportunities to socialize. I hope you succeed OP.
>>34736465>Are you autistic by any chance?Maybe, you definitely wouldn't be the first person to assume that. I did meet people who were genuinely autistic though and they were extroverted social butterflies, so I don't really know where I stand.>1. Always be friendly (which you seem to be), 2. Be a good listener, 3. Always be looking out new opportunities to socialize. I don't think I wasn't doing any of these things before and like I said, my conversations weren't particularly long or fruitful in the past. I doubt that I'm physically incapable of socializing, I just don't know how to break through or create opportunities that don't feel astroturfed. Like a cheap, superficial excuse to talk to someone. I value authenticity a lot.>I hope you succeed OP.Thanks anon
>>34732667there's an endless horde of niggas on this board who consider themselves superior to "normies" because they sit on the computer all dayanime and its consequences
>>34732601Name??As to answer; there isnt an easy way. Just keep on talking and you will get better at it.
>>34732601holy shitJust use the solid snake method. if not, socialize with alcohol. Im not a big fan of socializing with strangers, but if I do those 2 solutions help a lot
I struggle socializing too but I am the weird type where I like socializing with complete strangers, hate socializing with people I am acquinted with or friends/classmates/etc who I haven't talked to in ages, but also like socializing with proper friends, so it's like, no in between, I hate small talk with people I know but kinda don't mind it with complete strangers? I think there's something to do with my anxiety and the constant nagging in my head of "i have nothing to say, i am uninteresting, i need to keep the convo going even if the other person isn't particularly trying" which makes going on dates a complete bitch because as a man you ARE expectedt o lead a convo and bounce from a topic that's drying out to another interesting one, but in a lot of social situations my brain kinda dries up or goes in circles so I tend to overfocus/overthink about a specific topic and then when either I or the other person doesn't have anything to add I often am blanking for a bit or pull something completely random that doesn't always work.31 with almost no irl friends and three weeks out of a long term relationship, feeling quite isolated irl ngl.
>>34738271solid snake method?
>>34738280method?
>>34738280clever
Source please >>34738288I'm quite the opposite unfortunately. I want a social life but at the same time I hate interact with normies. I'm stuck.
>>34732601I don't care about your post, I'm just here to say how much I fucking hate these "I randomly le encountered a wild sexually aggressive goth chick!" short videos.Not only will I likely never have sex with a girl like that (without paying for it), it's a total distortion of real life. These women are absolute cunts in day to day life, the facade they put up in these videos to act like horny quirk chunguses is such a disconnect is makes me enraged. The other half is just their camera guys showing off they have access/proximit to these women, but even if the cameraman gets to fuck them I can guarantee these chicks are living walking problems and those guys are just too spineless to give up some hot trim.
>>34738268>>34738300I believe that's Athenakami
>>34732601women will do this shit online but not irl? its just so weird
>>34739927Damn dude it's just porn
>>34739927>>34739934my favorite goth egirl is ohkaybunny but damn this one got way more cake
>>34740482BBLs are like hair transplants for men at this point. Men go to Turkey, women go to Mexico/South America. Come back in a week and you've transformed the way the opposite sex looks at you>>34740328Part of my frustration is that I both have gone out with and am related to girls that had successful careers selling pics on the internet and I get flashbacks.Imagine someone creating a sexy persona online to the point where all you want to do is fuck them 24/7, but once you do that you find out not only are they terrible lays despite the assets they're also absolute inconsiderate slobs.
>>34740558ah i didnt even realize that was something you can fake i thought her ass was natural. i also didnt know men go to turkey for hair transplants, and I learned something today. hey while we're at it when the FUCK did this style between what this girl and Kay do become known as "goth"?Goth girl meant something very different back in my day.
Test
>>34732601
>>34738280>>34740878
>>34738280>>34740878you got solid snaked
>>34740880I got solid snaked?
>>34740558You have e-thot sisters?
>>34732601I was _very_ bad at talking once.It helps to find other lonely people, or just patient people who will let you stutter or be a little weird speaking.Read _How to Win Friends and Influence People_, or just do what AI does and flatter them, especially their taste in music.
>>34739934>>34739927>every popular e-thot is stacked, physically active, and confident enough to go out in public in slutty nu-alt outfits>most female micro-celebs who don't make many from porn or thirst traps also look like this sans the BBLs>chicks with 60 followers and that mostly shitpost but post selfies once in a blue moon look just as immaculate as the e-thots>random chick I met while gaming that has zero social media presence posted a pic of her at a con and she's just as stacked and upsettingly attractive as the popular e-thotsWHERE ARE THESE WOMEN IN REAL LIFE?Every other chick I see on the web looks like a buxom faux goth e-girl from the celebs to the normal people with 15 followers but I've NEVER seen one of them in person.
>>34746387It's a fake persona to get attention and money on the internet. You'll find just as many internet tough guys in real life as you will e-girls: 0
>>34746412Different Anon, but I want to know where they are too.
>>34746412I'm not talking about the quirky fake personality. I'm asking why I see so many women from different social/economic standings rocking the hourglass e-girl look but I've never seen one in real life? Do I need to move to California or something?
Going to uni solves all the problemssocialization (especially with women) is something only done inside of schools or through people you already know so if you didnt make enough friends in school you are just forced to be celibate and completely silentGoing to uni again is the only solution since you can speak to people whenever you want, it gives you things to talk to them about and has atmosphere where other people are open to being spoken to
>>34746509A lot of it is editing and angles as well as the choice of clothing to be as tight as possible. Also maybe you just live in uggo-ville or only hang out at the library or some shit.
>>34732601Its fun to socialize?
>>34735338The subtext is the point everyone knows that but then acts like they don't this is called "flirting" and it works because there is ambiguity without proper resolution. Remember this. Also remember this: when u are confident you are a mirror and you make them confident. When ur not confident and ur trying to react to say the "right thing" you destroy the conversation because now you are not being fair to the other party because you are putting the burden on them to accommodate your nervousness. The more confident you come off and the more you just have your own opinions and just start spouting off about shit you like and if they don't like it THEY are the weird ones then what you will do is give them permission to be themselves because they don't have to babysit your ego and then they have permission to actually say real shit because you took the risk first. Women do not want to lead you need to lead them they are into agencyAnyways hope that helps somehow lol
>>34746509I see that shit everywhere at my local ymca lol I am so blessed
>>34739934L o n d o nONDON
>>34739927??? First off nobody thinks this shit is realSecond off I've been in influencer circles and like everything else its just kay fabe, most of these rappers are literally fucking like the same eight rotating groupies or getting fleeced every time they want to fuck someone. Think about it if you are future u think a girl is gonna let u fuck for free? Hell fucking no ur gonna have to buy her something. At the very least five figures, a bag or a car. Nothing is what it seems.
>>34746605How do you get this confidence if you're not confident.
>>34746826How do you learn something if you dont know it?How do you gain muscles if you dont have them?How do you do anything?You try over and over again.
>>34746836so i just have to figure it out myself i guess..?
>>34746847Yeah, theres no magic trick or guidebook.
>>34746861that's retarded. I mean for the gym there is. You can't pseud your way out of this one, pal.
>>34746867Perfect I have a course to sell you only 99$ a month.
