1/3img unrelatedI'm a 27 year old male. I've never been in a relationship before. I've never had sex and I've never been with a woman. Since middle school I was bullied so horribly and my parents were so awful and did nothing about it, I shut down and just played games all day. I played games all day from age 17 to 25. I gave up on life essentially, I thought I was a short and undesirable nerd and would die one. I'm 27 now and I've changed my entire life. I moved out of my horrible family and cut contact. I got a great job doing something I love. I'm doing hobbies in real life, and genuinely doing well in them (some are competitive). I've been working out and I lost tons of weight and my upper body is bigger and I look (and am) more fit in general.Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to be married. I always wanted to be with one woman I could love, spend most of my time with, be there for her and she is there for me. But, I always assumed my height (I'm 5'4) meant I would die alone. It's dumb in retrospect because in middle and high school several girls asked me out, but I was so traumatized I didn't even care. I decided it was finally time to try dating. Most of my hobbies were male dominated and I moved to a new state, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to just try dating apps. Within the first hours I got many matches. Maybe 3 per day, sometimes 4 or 5. I was baffled. Now most of these matches did not respond but enough did, maybe one a day. And I matched with this one woman who is my age. I cannot put into words how emotionally annihilated and stirred up I was in this entire time. There's just not enough words to describe. To actually be wanted by women for the first time, it was overwhelming. I matched with her on the 4th day of using these apps.
2/3We texted a lot and we had some stuff, maybe a decent, significant amount of things in common. For 3 hours we were msging nonstop. She is very attentive and quick to respond to me at all times. She is very nerdy like how I used to be (and still am but in the inside). She even likes the same competitive hobby I have, she likes anime and video games. I can tell she really was interested because she always responded fast and always was there. So, I asked her on a date and she said yes. She drove an hour to get to my chosen place.My first date ever. I was confident at first in the date but eventually some topics got personal. She realized this was my first date ever and I was a virgin. The place got too crowded so we sat in my car and talked for HOURS. About our childhoods, and how fucking horrible they were and how bad our parents were. We talked about what we did with our lives up to this point. We talked about our views on sex, religion, politics, abortion. She was aligned or understanding with most of my views. But there's one big problem. She is a divorced woman. She married her first boyfriend young and he ended up getting addicted to twitch streamers and became an unemployed loser. And she ditched him. So I asked her what were the red flags? And she says she doesn't know. And I asked her how does she know she isn't running into another mistake with me? I wanted to hear what she learned. I wanted she is looking for now that she wasn't earlier with him. She said he used to work before they married but he changed completely after they got married. She then said that she knows what she's looking for now but I forgot to have her elaborate on that for some reason, we were talking a lot and I guess the moment passed.Now we're texting very often today. She's just calling me telling me some silly stories. I tell her stuff too, I try to be a good conversationalist.
3/3Anyway, I'm worried things are going too fast? What if I'm making a mistake? What if she is only interested in me for shallow reasons? I see some red flags and I'm scared. But also, what if I'm being too picky? What if she is good enough and I'll be squandering a lifelong relationship opportunity? But I'm so emotional I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I just date her more and analyze her behavior, see if she's a moral and prudent person. See if she's consistent. I need some guidance. I need some perspective.I don't want to make a mistake if I can help it. Please help.
I forgot to add this, I guess this is 3/4She then texts me later, asking me if I watch porn. And many more personal questions. I am overwhelmed. I asked if she thinks we're going too fast, I have no frame of reference. She said maybe, but she's tired of games. She says many man try to sleep with her on the first date or FWB. And she said I'm actually the real deal LTR person and she wants to cut the bullshit. I'm also worried about one thing. I'm super analytical and passionate about reading the message/themes in media. But when she talks about it, she's just like a casual watcher with like no understanding of the authors intent or underlying themes. It bothers me, I wish she could see it "deeply" like me. Or maybe I'm a pretentious prick. I dunno man.Another problem I have is I have a very strict sociosexuality. I do not want to have sex outside of a relationship. And if I do have sex, I need to really trust a woman. I need to know she's really someone I love. I've denied casual sex in the time I lost weight and it was offered. When I was in highschool I was also given fake notes to have sex and I believed it and I said no passionately. I was raised catholic so thats where it started really. To be honest, I told my friends, and I meant it, that if she offered sex on the first date I would dump her immediately. Anyway, I'm worried things are going too fast? What if I'm making a mistake? What if she is only interested in me for shallow reasons? I see some red flags and I'm scared. But also, what if I'm being too picky? What if she is good enough and I'll be squandering a lifelong relationship opportunity? But I'm so emotional I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I just date her more and analyze her behavior, see if she's a moral and prudent person. See if she's consistent.
Dude, all if life us trial and error.So us dating.Theres no guarantee you will have a relatinship, there is no guarantee that it will be goid, there is no guarantee tgat or how long it will last. Meeting one person and them being with them forever can happen, but it us unlikely.If you want guarantees , you will get nowhere..Frankly, Id advise you to let go of your childish romanticism and get yozr experiences with women before settling down, but your probably just going to seethe. Worst that happens if you proceed with her is that you have a good time and gain experience.Best case you grow old together. Lacking a crystal ball, there is no way to predict this in advance.This thread will be full of retards telking you otherwise shortly. They are full of shit.
>>34760883Youre a virgin , you know fuck all about your own sexuality. All of this is just your anxiety speaking. She knows your deal and seems okay with it.Just dont sperg and try not to overthink everything so much.
>>34760895By choice though.
Im the same age as you but without the hobbies part, skinnyfat, and I still avoid people outside of work, how do I reach your position first?
>>34760904I went to the trades and later got a controls tech job. I moved to the midwest. The price of everything is lower and the job I got pays good. Then I worked out for years. I cut first then maingained. I'll just be honest, the hobby is trap and sporting clays (hence all the shotguns). I got into a trap shooting rabbit hole and I ended up being really good. I tried bowling and rock climbing earlier and I sucked and gave up. Well climbing was ok but I couldn't afford to shoot and climb. I love guns so trap and clays is good for me. That's what I did.
>>34760900Is it really choice, or just anxiety? Never met a guy like that who wasnt just coping something.
>>34760953It really is a choice. I've denied it before.
Low key this bitch already sounds controlling but good luck
While long and detailed, I find your story to be highly improbable and unlikely. I'm calling you a liar OP, this did not happen.
>>34760852Someone who only wants you for sex does not sit in a car for hours talking. Someone who had a bad time on the date does not text for hours the next day. I'm afraid you are going to have to face the unthinkable - she likes you.
>>34761842I know she likes me, but I wonder if she is someone of sound judgement.
>>34760960Yeah, thats not what I meant. It is the question whether said choice is made from a sound mind, or just being scared and having weird hang ups around sex.>>34762103You seem to be doubting it due to her being divorced.Thats got nothing to do with "sound judgement", but her lacking the ability to foresee the future. Don't you think thats a little bit much to demand? It is not possible to predetermine the future. You cannot force a lifelong relationship.People change, things happen.What you *shoudl* do however, is get to konw her over the course of several years, live together and share a life to find out whether you're compatible long term before you even think about signing any legally binding contracts.Anything else has a high chance of failure as its basicallly just random chance whether you will get along or not. Yes, I know. But no sex before marriage comes from a time where most people would get arrange married at 16 or so. Perhaps consider that not being an ancient israelite subsistence peasnat means you may have to do some things difefrently.
>>34762133You're a fool if you think divorce has nothing to do with bad judgement. Did you know 2nd and 3rd marriages have higher and higher divorce rates than first marriages? It's for a reason. Bad things don't always just befall people randomly. It is equally so that people make poor decisions and lack control on things they should.
>>34762103Groucho Marx SyndromeGroucho once joked that he would never join any club that would accept someone like him as a member.You think so little of yourself that any woman who likes you must have something wrong with her.Why not offer her the compliment of considering the possibility that she knows what she's doing?
>>34762406No that's not necessarily the thing. I could be perfectly normal and functional but she could be the dysfunctional one and choosing me for no real solid reason.
>>34762228>It's for a reasonWhich is unkown, yes. As correlation isn't causation, the reason might as well be that those not divorcing people also tend to live in very conservative communities who will shame and ostracize them upon divorce, so they rather stick around in a shit marriage. We do not know the reason, as the statistic does not give any infortmation on it.It is also almost a given that the people who do not divorce hold strong beliefs about divorce being worse than a bad marriage and thus tend to stick around and cope instead of moving on. >Bad things don't always just befall people randomly.You're basically claiming that people should be able to look decades into the future and be able to read the mind of potential further spouses. This is impossible.
>>34762606>choosing me for no real solid reason.Hate to tell you, but outside of Autismville people and especially women generally choose their partners based on how they make them feel. Perhaps you should try it, being human is good. What are those "solid reasons" even supposed to be? Your earning potential, expected lifespan and fertility qoutient? Do you expect her to draft up a Business Plan to calculate her expected net profit so she can present it to investors? This simply isn't an autistic balance sheet deal, it has to do with feelings.
>>34762715What if you have "feelings" for an alcoholic felon? Or someone who's been divorced 5 times? This is retarded. >>34762701No, but risk assessments can be made. Past behavior predicts future behavior.
>>34762748>What if you have "feelings" for an alcoholic felon?Then you exert self control because its obviously a bad choice.>Or someone who's been divorced 5 times? then you don't marry her after two beers and a fuck like the last five retards.>Past behavior predicts future behavior.So because you crapped your pants in class when you were 7 means you're a pants shitter for life? Come on now. Be realistic.And in your specific case, it simply means the woman had a relationship taht happened to not work out. This happens in life. Is your ideal really sticking together forever with someone you are not happy with because you signed some paper a decade ago?
>What if she is only interested in me for shallow reasons?Well you talked about all the deep stuff on the first date so I think that unlikely> I'm super analytical and passionate about reading the message/themes in media. But when she talks about it, she's just like a casual watcher with like no understanding of the authors intent or underlying themes.I don't think it's worth it to pass up on a relationship just for that. I have a feeling that this showcases both of your personalities. You think a lot and she seems straight up. I mean just give it a try man, it's not like you have to stay together forever if you really don't like it. But sorry to say your texts sometimes reads as if it was written by an adult toddler "No I don't want this" and the moment you actually have it you come to like it instantly. My point still stands though.
Just be yourself and if it doesn't work out you'll find another girlfriend.
You are feeling rushed and you should set the pace you're comfortable with. Its your first date ever and she is rushing you, no point asking her if you're going too fast because she's fine with it. You need time to think and if she cant slow down with you then you're going to struggle>>It's for a reason - Which is unkown, yes. As correlation isn't causation, the reason might as well be that those not divorcing people also tend to live in very conservative communities who will shame and ostracize them upon divorce, so they rather stick around in a shit marriage. We do not know the reason, as the statistic does not give any infortmation on it. - It is also almost a given that the people who do not divorce hold strong beliefs about divorce being worse than a bad marriage and thus tend to stick around and cope instead of moving on.that's a way too good point, we rlly need to know more abt that. But OP, you should think about that carefully and take your time. Dont overthink the statistic, just breathe and tell her to get off your dick and spend time deciding what to do. You like her but she's going too fast for you. Get to know her at a pace you can handle. Her impatience isnt your problem and she should care about that if she's sane too
Just tell her you need to slow down
>>34765842There's another problem I forgot to mention. Most of her friends are men. All of them have girlfriends but I don't think that really matters. I'm afraid she has fucked or is fucking them. I'm also worried she is just telling me what I want to hear about her past.
>>34766340>Theres a problem>I'm afraid>I'm worriedLook, we're all sympethetic to how you feel like here. But at some point you just have to stop being a neurotic bitch. If you keep going like this and psyching yourself out until you faint when you see her or whatever, you won't have to worry about her at all soon enough.
>>34766932That doesn't address any of the actual problems. These are potential threats I have to deal with.
>>34768263Every person you see on the street could be a murderer out to kill you. These are potential threats you have to deal with and should be paranoid and worried about all the time. Also every car is probably about to veer right into you all the time too, be worried about that as well.
>>34768276No this is retarded. A car in the road may not hit me. But if it's driving erratically, veering left and right violently, and speeding, the driver may be under the influence of something and is much likely to be a threat
>>34760852Get out of your own head.
>>34768288Recognizing your anxieties and fears for what they are is a crucial life skill whichout any relationships will not happen.Your comparison is ridiculous , because you are just picking that poor lady apart for potential reasons to not go ahead because you're shitting your pants over potentially getting hurt. No, a marriage cereomony or "no sex before marriage" and all that does not remove this risk either.The possibility of getting hurt however is an inevitable part of any human relationship. If you want to safely avoid it, I recommend dedicated basement rotting , which is guaranteed to keep your feefees safe.Literally get the fuck over it and be a man for once in your life. Or accept the fact that this "threat" will rightfully start seeing you as a little bitch and remove herself from your life anyways.
