>good friends with a girl after she dates an old roommate of mine>have always been platonic but with a pretty staggering amount of sexual tension between us, get along really well, into a lot of the same interests>she lives a 10 hour plane ride away but we keep in touch over the years and always hang out a ton when she's in town>never hook up>she gets boyfriend where she lives>most recent visit we hang out for basically a month straight, couple weekend road trips and doing shit like swimming/rock climbing/drinking together while she's around>last night she's here, hang out at my apartment until like 12:30 just chatting and playing music blah blah blah>big hug when she leaves, says she loves me which I effectively ignore, blows me a kiss when our hug breaks>tell her she should move back, she says she's looking into it>this was about a month ago, we've been texting basically daily still >she sometimes mentions her boyfriend in passing over text but we mostly just text about day to day crapbased on what I've written here, do you think she expected me to make a move? am I basically being an orbiter or whatever fuckin term you wanna use to describe a guy who's friends with a girl he has a crush on but who has a boyfriend?Am I being retarded by keeping in touch with her?
>>34764465I was in a situation very similar to yours, only she lived in the same town. Like you I think she was hoping I would make the first move. She's probably just too shy to do it herself. In my situation I never did anything because I was at the time still fucked up from a shitty upbringing. So I never found out. Based on that I would recommend you weigh your options so you don't have to live with regret. The ultimate question is, are you willing to risk your friendship to find out? And how far exactly do you want to go with her? Just fucking or being in a relationship?
You were her beta bitch for A WHOLE MONTH?!?BAHAHAHAHAHAHAIt doesn't matter what advice people give you, you have no hope if you are this clueless.
Not gonna sugarcoat it. She's keeping you in reserve on the bench in case boyfriend doesn't work out and she starts running out of time. There are probably other dudes on the bench but it sounds like you're first up to bat. Don't bat.If I were the dude I'd have assumed ya fucked her and broken up. That is not normal behavior.
>>34764493I guess that's part of the issue where I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her and I don't have a ton of other friends who are down for last minute roadies and bullshit like that, so losing her would be losing a friendship that I earnestly appreciate. I think I'd date her if she moved back or at the very least have an ongoing thing. Not looking to just fuck her, I know I could've smashed and fucked off by now if I wanted to.>>34764521Thank you for articulating your opinion so well anon>>34764525Kinda what I'm thinking as well. Idk though, at least she's loyal in a relationship? I agree it's not normal behavior. I'm honestly not sure what she's told her boyfriend of our friendship, but I DO know that if I had a girlfriend who hung out with another guy for effectively a whole month while she was in another country I'd be ending it right quick, lmao.
>>34764547Yeah dude you're benched. Meet the guy yourself and try to make friends. If she's innocent she'll be cool with it. If she's got dudes on the bench like guys on /k/ have autism diagnoses she'll shitcan the idea quick. Then you'll know.
>>34764563Can't meet the guy because they live in a country that is a 10 hr plane ride away
>>34764588Pretend to be a woman and catfish him into paying for your plane ticket. Uno reverse this woman.
>>34764599Might be too much effort there buddy
You hung out for a MONTH and didn't make any moves?>I can't believe I have these problems at 30 bro!How are you this naive? You haven't had any experience around women, even socially? Not even some male friends with a life to tell you about the friendzone for a DECADE AND A HALF? There are gen alphas half your age that figured this out.
>>34764465Holy fuck OP, you're 30 years old and still this fucking retarded? In 30 years on this planet you still somehow have not managed to locate your balls.
>>34764465this is painful to read anon
>>34764465Red flag that she's hanging out with you like this while having a boyfriend. Don't be surprised when it happens to you down the road.But sounds like you like each other, so go for it.
>>34764465>a monthEven if you completely struck out every weekend during that time, you would have banged at least one chick for real within that timespan. Wtf are you doing with your life simpanon
>>34764465>she lives a 10 hour plane ride away but we keep in touchThat's nice. You have a pen-pal
>>34764732>>34764789>>34765374Okay so what's the move then you god damn cassanovas?>>34765214I did get laid one of the nights we went out drinking together, just not with her (obviously). It's not as if I'm stopping everything else in my life to dedicate time to her.
>>34764465Yeah, don't go down the high school path.Pursue women who actually live near you, not someone who's 10 hours away. And don't spend every waking moment texting someone you're developing feelings for. It's easy to build an emotional bond with someone who's physically unavailable.Because the most likely outcome is that she never moves back and eventually starts dating someone else, or stays with her current partner. That's a lot of emotional investment for something you have very little control over.
>>34767100So what do you think, is being vulnerable and hitting her with a "this is becomubg weird for me, we gotta stop talking so much" too much? My instinct kinda tells me it is but it might also be the right thing to do because we DO have a genuine friendship and it feels like a dick move to just distance myself. Maybe that's the correct thing to do though? Feels weird to do that to a friend
same thing happened to me kindayou definitely fucked up but you could also ask her something like "is it weird that i didn't hit on you?" this gives her the option to reject you or keeping your hopes upi asked her that and she was like "yeah i was madly in love with you" which just made me look a bigger oblivious pussy
>>34764465>do you think she expected me to make a move?She was alone at your place until past midnight. How fucking dense do you have to be to ask this question?
>>34767337no friend needs to talk every day. Thats a girlfriend. Its appropriate to tell her to fuck off a ton
>>34767337feels weird to do that to a friend because you've already crossed the line to beyond friendship
>>34767337it's reeeeally unfortunate that you lost a close friend over an unregulated escalation like this but its just the way things happen. it's not your fault, and you're not a retard. it's just an inappropriate romance that took a long time to unfold.
just go with the fwb route instead but keep it physical
>>34767100Addendum to my previous reply: there are little to no women near me worth dating, trust. At my age it's all obese or single moms. >>34767465This feels kinda gay to say anon, no offense. After the fact being like "is it weird that I didn't hit on you" kinda comes off bitch made? idk part of me just wants to keep the tension high until next time she's in town>>34767486Yeah fair enough. Felt weird to make a move on her while she has a boyfriend though? Like that could go real south, you know?
>>34770353had to break this up into two due to spam filter>>34767778I don't want to to tell her to fuck off as such though, you know? Like...I'm not pissed at her. >>34767790I agree, it kind of has but also not really? Like....we've remained platonic for so long despite their being obvious chemistry, you know?>>34767819Well I haven't lost a close friend *yet* lol>>34768003not reall an option for me desu, I am 80% sure I will catch feelings even if we just hook up
